Help with My One Year Old

IGNORE HER when she does that!!! Just walk away and act like you don't even see her doing it. My son did the same thing and he just did it for attention.

You need to LEAVE THE ROOM when she does this. To a child that young, ANY attention IS attention. So, whether it's discplining or not, when it comes to a tantrum, to them they are only looking for some form of attention.

When she does that, just stand up and leave. Don't even say anything to her. If she follows you and does it in the room you're in, get up and leave again. Believe me, she'll learn that it's not worth the effort. One thing to keep in mind is that it will probably get worse before it gets better. Since you ignoring her is new behavior, she'll do as much as she can to get you to pay the same attention you used to pay to her. So, hang in there and ignore the tantrum behavior. Once that's over and she is done throwing the tantrum, you can immediately start talking to her again. That way she'll relate the bad behavior with mom ignoring her and will eventually give up the behavior altogether.

This is a temper tantrum... when she does this you do NOT talk to her or try to sooth her... and whatever you do DO NOT GIVE IN to quit her even in your are in the middle of a store. Each time you do she will see that it worked weather to get what she wants or just to get some attention from you. Each time with get worse and worse. When she falls out just make sure she is out of a walk way and theres nothing around that could seriously hurt her.

Dear Beth,
When I was younger, so young I dont remember my mother told me that I used to throw a tantrum by going 2 or 3 steps up on the stairs and diving head first on the floor. The dr told her to let me throw my tantrum because I knew what I was doing and I wouldnt let me hurt myself. (that didnt come out the way i wanted it too) and to ignore it. Well 27 yrs later I dont think nothing is wrong with me and well I got over the stairwell dives thank goodness. Every person is different and handles things different. Hope any of this might help.
D.

My sister had a similar problem with her daughter (who is now 2). My sister even went to parenting classes and didnt know what to do. She would throw herself on the floor kick hit, scream, flop like a fish, bang her head and so on. They told her to just ignore her. Because the more you react, the more she does cuz she knows its working. (they do say to keep an eye on her.. like out the corner of your eye to assure that she is not bleeding and so on) It did take a few months to take affect, however, slowly, it became less and less of an issue. She does it very rarely now. I dont think she has done it in a few months. Patience, and ignoring is our experience. good luck to you!

I have read in several different articles that head-banging is usually a child's way of calming down when they're frustrated, so you may try to introduce her to other methods of calming herself when she's not having a tantrum. When she is having a tantrum just ignore it to let her know that she isn't going to get any kind of attention from that kind of behavior.

Hey there, mom of three under three here, and a little about me--my children are "homeproofed" but my home is not "childproof" (with the exception of basic safety precautions)--go to NGJ.org and look up articles on training (a method used on children under three that is not punishment or discipline-as those assume a moral perspective or retribution on incapable young minds--but rather, training their hearts before the action comes out of it, and teaching them to be self-less instead of self-ish.) I started when my 3 yr old was 13 mo, and started my twins at 7 months. As soon as they protest a "no" --it's time. My three yr old is an absoulte lady-she's obedient, and a delight to my soul.

Hi! I have the same problem with my son!

He is 2 1/2 now and it has gotten SO better than it was. I was finally able to put my finger on what set him off and was able to avoid the situation. For example, if he had another ear infection, if it was painful, he would bang his head to try and deflect the pain. Another time is if he was past tired or hungry, so I try not to let that happen either. One thing that worked for me is to give him a big hug, of course, it's LOTS better since he can verbalize what's going on.

It hurt me so to watch him bang his head, so I know where you are coming from. I even asked his pediatrician about it, he told me that it comes from frustration over not being able to explain what they are angry over. He also said that it was VERY rare for a child to hit their head so hard that it inflicted injury.

Good luck, try not to worry too much, she'll grown out of it soon. Let me know how it goes!

Hi B.,

I wanted to introduce you to a program that I work with called Baby Signs. You've probably heard of it or seen others signing with their babies, but if you haven't heard of it or tried it then it may help your situation. Baby Signs is the world's leading sign language program for hearing babies.

I have a 20 month old daughter that is very head strong and demanding. I imagine that I would be having similar problems with her if we weren't able to communicate so well as we do. We have been working with signs since she was 10 months and she now has a repetoire of more than 30 signs. Some of the more important signs are: hurt, hungry, eat, drink, more, sleep, stop and no. We use these signs more than you would probably imagine and it enables my daughter to communicate her needs. This has had a tremendous impact on her frustration level. Instead of crying, thowing a fit or banging her head on the floor in your case - she just signs to me and then I am better able to meet her needs or explain to her why she can't have or do something. I swear by this program and I'm very passionate about it....so much so that I have become an instructor. Classes, parent workshops and materials are available via the Baby Signs website at www.babysigns.com
I teach workshops and classes on the west side of Indianapolis but there are instructors state wide working with babies and their families. You can get the book Baby Signs at your local library also if you would like to learn more.
My name is L. Verbik and I can be reached at ###-###-#### if I can provide you with any additional information or support.

Good Luck!

Our oldest son, now 11, used to beat his head against the wall. We were so scared but our Ped. said to ignore it and it worked. He stopped about two weeks after we started to ignore him, just kept a watchful eye to make sure he wasn't hurting himself. Also, it's not a good idea to use the bed for punishment because the baby will start to associate the crib/bed as a punishment and not go to sleep as easily. I wish you luck, I know that can be scary. She will grow out of it with your love and support.

Just wanted to second the idea of sign language. I have been signing to my daughter since she was 4 months old and she started signing back at 10 months. If you do any research on it you'll find out that it's great for communicating when babies can't talk and cuts down on tantrums and biting and frustration. You can buy sign language books and videos at Target, Discovery Toys has a great set or the babysigns.com

It's probably just a phase...my sister's little boy did that for several months before (we think) maybe he just realized that it hurts him more than the object he's hitting it on!

two ideas:

Walk away into another where she can't see you, but can hear your obvious disregard for her behavior. (I used to walk in the kitchen and work on dishes or cooking, or into my bedroom to work on laundry.) If she follows to see why you aren't responding to her, she may even continue her tantrum in the kitchen where you are. Just discontinue whatever you're doing, making sure to step over her, and go into another room.

The above is fairly common that seems to work with most children. The point, obviously, is the child is not to disrupt your life and they need to know that.

The thing that worked and continues to work with my son is making him sit in an unpleasant place with nothing around (no tv, no toys, etc), making him intertwine his fingers together and keep them that way until he regain his self control and is willing to apologize. We started about 15 or 16 months, and used the crib. It took about 30 minutes when we first started (and there was much crying involved). We'd place him in the crib, tell him he had to stay there until he could gain self control, then leave with the door closed - no toys, no pacifier...every time he'd stop wailing long enough to breathe, we'd go in and say, "are you ready to gain self control yet?" and continue this until he was ready. By the time he was 2 it wook about 10 minutes. Now, at five it takes him about 30 seconds to (genuinely) apologize for his transgression and ask for forgiveness.

briefly: Do make sure first there's not a medical reason for her behavior.

Ignore it. Unless she is seriously putting herself in danger of injury, she is probably just doing it for the attention and if you ignore it she may stop. Good luck!

Don't cover your daughter with attention for banging her head. She doesn't get her way, she flails- you run to her. I know it is hard, just make sure she is safe (not going to seriously hurt herself) and let her pitch her fit. When it registers that she is not getting anything from this behavior she will stop. If she is on a very hard surface when she does it simply pick her up and move her to a carpeted area and then let her resume her attitude. You will find the method of letting them work it out on their own will come in handy at many ages. ~Fill your world with love~

My son used to do this too but he just wanted attention, as soon as he realized that I was ignoring the temper tantrum (keeping an eye on him to stay safe without him seeing me) & instead snuggling with him once he's calmed down then he quit doing it

I'd walk away from her. By reacting to her, that is what she wants. I know she is young but kids learn at an early age on what gets a reaction.

My daughter does this too and it frustrates me to no end! I stopped picking her up finally. Now I just keep an eye on her and let her have her temper tantrum. As hard as it is to sit and watch her and wonder if she's hurt, I have notice that she doesn't do that as often now that I'm not running to her and picking her up. I usually just let her have her tantrum till she's ready to get up. It's hard at first, but you'll see results, I promise. Just always keep an eye on her during and after.

B.,
Looks like you have lots of good advice. I second the idea that limited language at this age could be the source of frustration. Signing is a good idea, however, I STRONGLY encourage you to use language at the same time to give her the words. I worked until this fall as a school social worker and I worked closely with speech therapists who suggest this because if you do not encourage speech, children will sometimes continue to rely on the signing even after they are capable of speech, leading to speech/ language delays.

Obviously, ruling out a medical cause is essential. Try to do the signing and using your words to give her words for what may be frustrating her. If she continues, move her to a safe place and walk away, ie. the time outs you have been using. You may be surprised how much they are working if you stick with it. Keep up the good work!
Good Luck!
P.

I know that it may seem disturbing to see your daughter doing this, but it's really pretty normal. My daughter did this around the same age. I asked her pediatrician about it and she reassured me that she was just having a tantrum. Your daughter is probably frustrated because she is becoming more independant and she thinks that you don't understand her communication. Just tell her that she can come and see you when she is done having her tantrum. I promise that she will stop and come to you once she realizes that she isn't going to get any attention by having a tantrum.

Good luck!