Help with My 13 Year Old Daughter

Hi. I used to be a middle school sub. And a pretty good one- I was asked for by name alot.
I would give you this advice. Check out this other girl first. Is she a bad student? Do her parents care? Is she into drugs or other bad things? And don't go on just appearance. Those are deceiving. I've seen many students that look mean as a tornado- but were as harmless as lambs. If she doesn't check out- talk to teachers and principle about separating the two. And keep your daughter away. If she just looks tough, then look at your own daughter. She may just be trying on a new personality for a minute. This is the age when kids experiment with their boundaries and their mentalities. But you know your daughter- if she is in trouble- trust your instincts and get creative. Have her write essays to explain her actions. Dont just take away the TV and phone and expect it to be ok. You will need to make her Think as well as keep her busy. And ALWAYS make yourself available.. good luck, and God Bless.

Maybe try letting your daughter bring her friend over to your house, and have them hang out where you can supervise them. Discreatly listen to the things they talk about. It could be that this girl is just a little misunderstood. I would try talking to her parents and see if they are on the same page you are. Perhaps, like your daughter, she used to be an A-B student as well. Middle school is a hard time for kids. It could just be that they are both trying to see how far they can take things. Good luck.

my advice would be to start having mom and daughter outings... to the mall, to the movie or just go out riding to look at christmas lights. i have a 16year old and have been very fortunate that she minds me pretty good. but i take interest in what ever she is doing...try spending one on one time with her that is all you can do. you can raise your child to the best of your knowledge but this day and time there is so much peer pressure from other kids about sex, drugs, skipping school, etc. kids are doing all these things at 11, 12, 13...i hope everything works out because just like i tell my daughter this is just a stepping ground for the rest of your life. if you mess up now you may not be able to do what you want to do with the rest of your life...

I hate to tell you this but you are the mom and it is u to you to set the rules around your house I had the same pronlem with my now 18 yr old, I have to remind him whos house he lives in and that he is an example to his younger brothers. I know it is hard to do especially with all the other things going on I have been there. You ust have to make her understand that you are her mother not her best friend and that you are looking out for her safety and wellbeing. Just keep reminding her that you love her but she may hate you for a while well hate is a strong word but that is what it is going to feel like. she may pop out of this little phase by the time she is about oh 30 hahaha

when I started having problems with my son, I went to the school and enlisted the help of teachers that I could trust..that my son liked. We kept in touch by e-mail and by phone--when something went on I knew about it right away and then I asked him about it when he got home..he realized I had a lot of folks looking out for me and him so he got away from the "bad crowd" slowly..it didnt happen over night. I talked to him EVERYDAY about what went on that day. I reminded him that I loved him, and tried to explain why I felt the way I did. Not preaching to him, really tried talking to him on an adult level (because at 13 they think they are anyway). I didnt give in and let him get away with anything he wouldnt have before, we still had rules he had to follow, but talking to him instead of yelling an telling him what I wanted seemed to get through to him and make him realize maybe these kids werent the best to hang with. I tried to listen to why he wanted to hang with this group, why he liked them. Come to find out in time he really didnt. Its not an over night solution, raising kids of course is a life time commitment, which of coursse being a mom you already know. Good luck!

My advice? Take back control. I realize at 13 she is opinionated and you hate argueing, but this isn't good behavior and the fact she acts out and is failing because you say no to something isn't cool. Can you keep her from seeing the girl at school? No. But you can force her to go into school for help to pass her classes. She's still just a child and right now no matter how hard or fustrating it is you have to stand strong and not back down or she'll learn she can always push you down and get what she wants. MAKE her go in for after school tutoring to help her pass, get more involved in her school to make sure she is attending classes, talk to her teachers and see if you can get emails of all homeowrk assignments so she can't lie to you and say she doesn't have any. Does she have any classes with this girl? If she does, see if any of those teachers can make sure they sit seperately. And yea, it'll piss her off, but take away all privalages until her grades are up. Once you show her you are the parent and she is the child, she'll figure it out.

ANd you don't just have to be the strict 'mean' mom. DO take her out for mother daughter outings, see what she's into, take a major interest in her.

Hope all works out.

hey A.
My daughter is 14 and we have been going through the same thing
The only way I have been able to deal with anything is get to be her mom not her friend. I am a single mom and we have been alone for almost 7 yrs and she has always been a great kid then within the last year she has gone wild So what i had to do was get a program for the computor to shut it off after an hour. and just not let her talk to whom ever she wants Though I cant stop her at school I can control her at hope(hopfully)
This has been the hardest thing for me to do but As long as I have been sticking to it she is getting better I also have started to choose her after school activities which she is not happy about either there have been lots of fights but you know what I just let her rant and rave and I keep doing what I need to do lots of ppl have told me about Tough Love its a lot harder then I thought But like you I Love my daughter more then anything and I want the best so I will keep thinking of you and through it all you will find the wonderful daughter u know Really!!!!!!!

My son is 13 so I understand. He is like a different person this year. The only thing that works for me with grades is taking things away. If he keeps average grades (C) or above, he gets alot of freedom. But if he doesn't, he is secluded to our home without phone use or t.v./video games. Right now he is grounded during the week and he gets freedom on the weekend as long as he has done all of his homework and hasn't had too much attitude. His grades are close to failing in all subjects. I stay in close contact through email with his teachers to stay on top of things. It's alot of work but it's worth it. Stick to your guns and don't give in because it is the easier thing to do. Good luck and remember, it's not just your child, they are all crazy at this age. Only five more years of puberty before we can send them off to college, hopefully. J.

well,i know i was once like that.I am going on 26 yrs old now and i do regret every acting like that with my mom.When i was that age,i wanted everything my way,and i wanted to hang out with whoever i wanted.but my mom put a stop to that.so then i figured i could go behind her back and do it.well she then found out and i lost everything i had.(phone,radio,tv)(everything teens need).Well as i got 18 i became pregnant.I then realized life wasnt so easy.i did graduate and i moved out on my own.these days teens think that they cant be told anything so really you have to let them live and learn from their mistakes.as much as a parent hates to hear that,its the truth.because what u try to stop,they will only go behind your back and do.i learned from personal experiences.take things from them u know they need the most,or want the most.make them stay in there room.