Help with 2 and a Half Year Old That Gets in the Wrong Spots

We were having the same type of problem with my 20 month old niece. As I have 3 teenagers I was sorta ready for this lol. When your daughter hits like that, immediately grab her hands (not real hard, just to stop them) get right to her level, look her in the eye and say "NO, that hurts" or "enough, that hurts"..something along those lines. The main thing, by holding her hands, you have her attention, by getting to her level, you're not talking down to her. At this age, short, quick and to the point is best. Something else we do, is the difference between owie and OW. Owie is playing..OW is that hurts. I hope this helps some :)

Maybe she doesn't quite understand or can't process the verbal message. Two-year olds might need some help learning in other ways. Maybe, when it's during play, say "ow," make a clear sad face, and gently take her hand and apply it somewhere else, like your arm. This kind of imprints it for her. Give her something kind of concrete to work with rather than telling her what not to do. It's hard for kids to do that kind of substitution on their own. When she does it when she's mad, do the same thing: take her hand gently, tell her she may not hit, and tell her that when she's mad, she can hop up and down, or throw an appointed small stuffed animal down on the floor, or whatever substitute behavior you find acceptable.

I think it should be okay to express anger. We all need to express anger healthfully. In disciplining your daughter through the angry moments, don't just force her to be nice. Help her find healthy ways to communicate with you. THis will keep your relationship strong and she will learn that she can go to you with her problems.

I got this from Becky Bailey's Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. Great book; highly recommended!

L.

Time outs are working for me and my 3 yr old. I have been having the same problem.

Hold her hand firmly, look her in the eye, and continue to tell her that's not nice & it hurts...then follow up. Immediately discontinue the activity that precipitated it. Give her a time out (2 min is appropriate for 2 year old) and tell her when it's finished that we're not playing that game anymore - make sure you actually follow through, don't just say you're not playing, pick up the items you're using. If it is deliberate because she's mad, make sure you also distance yourself from her. Let her know that people don't play with little girls who do things that are mean and hurtful (you could let her play with playdough or something similar where she can acceptably act out her physical aggression - after, of course, time out or other punishment).

If it's an accident, it may just be time to put that activity up and do something a little more calm. Or just let her know that you won't play anymore until she calms down a little.

When she does this, you should put her in time out. Make it an unacceptable thing to hit anyone, even if she does it playfully. It sounds like you've told her that it hurts and that she doesn't need to do it anymore. She needs to understand that it is wrong to hit. Good luck!

I second the time-out suggestion. Sometimes I have my daughter (now 3) sit in a chair with nothing around her that she can reach. Make sure she stays in the chair for 2 minutes. If she gets off, just put her right back.

After the 2 minutes, tell her she can get down if she says she's sorry for hurting you.

I'm sorry... but hitting (or getting as you call it) is NEVER ACCEPTABLE. She is learning that it's ok to hit, ok to hurt (b/c you told her it does and she continues), and that she doesn't have to listen or respect what you say. A child like that is not healthy. Personally... the next time she does it, I would get down on her level looking her straight in her eyes and firmly say, "Do not hit me there again. It hurts. The next time you do it, you WILL go to time-out for hurting me and not listening." If she does it again (which she probably will to "test" you)... follow through. Tell her your putting her in time-out because she hurt you and didn't listen to you. Put her in time-out for 2 1/2 minutes and make her apologize to you when it's done. Instead of hitting (getting) why not play where she instead of hitting to get you, she tickles you.