Help Please Any Advice Would Be Great???

You have told them their behavior is unacceptable, but have you spent time training them on how you DO expect them to behave? Example. If say DD gets up from her spot on the couch then DS goes and sits in her spot and she gets upset and it starts an argument, you could go over the situation and have DD ask DS nicely to move since she was sitting there. Then have DS get up. Also, have DS ask (if he knew she was already sitting there) if she was going to come back or if he can sit there. Have them do it over and over until it becomes a habit.

Since your children seem to be having a hard time adjusting to all day school and all that goes along with that, I think you should consider taking a break from after school activities.

Children this age still need a lot of free play time. School all day, homework each night.. that is enough for them..

Your son being sick for so long would have told me he was worn out.

This is a year of changes for them.. It takes a lot of concentration and control to keep their behaviors together all day, so coming home and picking on each other, misbehaving, is the natural consequences.

They know that at home they can get away with this behaviors, because you cannot send them to the Principals office.

What you can do is separate them. Have them go to their separate rooms and have some quiet time. My mom used to tell us, "if you cannot get along, stay away from each other." Or you could give them each a chore.

Otherwise, I would make sure they get a lot of outside play.
Make a good routine for school pick up and school nights. Stick with it. Maybe when you pick them up, give them a snack in the car.

When they come home, have them do their homework and then they go outside and play until dinner. QUIET dinner, bath, story time and then bed.

Maybe on Fridays they get their snack on the school playground and then they can play thee for an hour or 2 depending on how well they behave.

They need your calmness, your firmness and a schedule that does not change. Until the New Year when they return to school again, they will be adjusting.

You just need to recognize that they need some time to decompress when they get out of school. Try not to schedule them for any extra curricular activities IMMEDIATELY after school. Let them have some time to veg out or run around outside or whatever it is that lets them relax in their own way.

My kids aren't twins, they are 3 years apart. But we have gone through the exact same thing since they were in elementary school. The second they get in the car they go at each other. Why? Because they can. It's "safe". They have been on their "best behavior" and "on" all day at school, and finally they are in a "safe" environment around the people they are the most comfortable. So they let it all out. It isn't intentional. It's just what happens.

Don't make them be nice. Don't make them talk about their day. Don't hit them with 20 questions the second you see them after school. Just let them "be". For at least 15 minutes. Then don't ask about school... ask something benign.. or tell them something they will think is interesting (Hey--I saw a commercial for a new movie coming out! Guess what it is!)

Sometimes with my kids, I simply told them up front that they were "not allowed to talk to" each other, as soon as they got in the car. They would sit in silence for 5 minutes and then I'd say something to one or both of them and a natural NORMAL conversation would flow out of it.

And bring snacks.
Really. Food, and not talking.
It does wonders.

Hi M.,

I have two in 1st grade, also, and when we got stationed overseas and switched schools, they had to start being bussed to school and the day was longer than they had ever experienced. I totally understand where you are coming from and it got chaotic for us, too. Our kids were cranky and tired. It took two months to convince my daughter that I wasn't waking her up in the middle of the night to go to school. They were stressed and overwhelmed. I'll tell you what I have done and changes I have made that have made the biggest difference for us.

1. I scaled back on everything. There are no afterschool activities for the time being. We considered it, but changed our minds because of reason number two.

2. Every child needs free time every day. I firmly believe this. You are right. They ARE kids only once and they will have the rest of their lives to be beholden to other people for the total of their waking hours. After a long day of school and then homework and chore type stuff, they need some time of the day that isn't spoken for. They need to be able to play, or watch TV, or read....or whatever they choose to do with their time. It relieves stress and also provides motivation to do what needs to be done in order to get to the down time. Our schedule goes like this:

4:00 - off the bus and home with snack and decompression ( I look in backpacks ask about their day and they drink juice and eat crackers or whatever)
4:30 - homework - all of us together at the table
5:00 - spelling words (I always make this a game or fun activity, i.e. writing them in shaving cream on a cookie sheet or spelling them with magnet letters.
5:30 - dinner - I try to make something in the crockpot or make it before they get home and reheat it (like chili or spaghetti) so that homework and spelling time in uninterrupted and they get my undivided attention.

Once dinner is over it's free time until 7:30 is free time
7:30 - shower, brush teeth, jammies
7:45 - read before bed
8:00 - bedtime

3. Fun stuff happens on the weekend so that I can give them time, their dad can give them time, and we don't have anything else to do.

The biggest benefit of all this is that we ARE NOT STRESSED. Every day kind of looks the same but during the week they NEED that kind of structure. They need to be able to count on my time and attention. They need me not to be stressed out trying to fit 7 hours of stuff into 4 hours worth of evening. They know what's going to happen and they know they are going to get to play. We don't argue or squabble because we have this routine that works for everyone. When they do have time to play they don't fight. The schedule gets them to bed in time to get a full 10 hours sleep which is the amount of time they need at this age. They are not overly tired, they are not overly stressed, the don't have to seek attention in negative ways, and they aren't bickering constantly with me or each other.

Hope this helps.

Mel, you're trying too hard. You want to give your kids the best, but they can't deal and you are all getting the brunt of it.

Just stop. Pick ONE extracurricular. Make it be their favorite.

You need to establish an 8:00 bedtime - lights out. No exceptions. You get them up in the morning to classical music. NO TV in the morning. Have the table set and all school items ready the night before. Make morning activities quiet and gentle. No running around. NO YELLING.

They will test you for a while. No matter. You keep this schedule. If they mess around and won't dress in the morning and threaten to make you late, give them their baths at night and put the next day's clothes on them to sleep in instead of pj's. When they fuss, tell them that until they learn to dress quickly in the morning, this is the way it is. Make them stick to it at least 3 nights before giving them a chance. If you do it to one twin, the other will learn the lesson, too.

When they get home from school, wash hands, eat snack, sit for 20 minutes with them and READ. NO TV. This is mom/children time together. Pull out homework and watch them get it done. Then they have a privilege of an hour of TV while you prepare dinner.

If there is fighting, turn off the TV and separate them to their rooms for a half hour. Only then can they come out. If you separate them EVERY TIME they fight and send them to separate rooms, they will stop fighting. It will take weeks of you sticking to your guns with 100% consistency. If you stop yelling and start doing this, your household will work so much better.

Along with this new strictness in your house, you have to just say "No fever - you're going to school" and put him in the car. Tell him when you walk him to his classroom that you will have the afternoon with him when school is done. Without having to go to all these afterschool activities, he will be able to actually tell that he has time with mommy.

Time to stop what you're doing because it's not working. Time to stick to the new plan with no variance. You cannot let your son stay home just because he is missing mommy. The world won't let him do that. You have to give him the tools to mature into a big boy. It's your job to do that.

My kids are older. I still do not allow them to do 100 activities. School is MUCH more demanding today than it was 10 yrs ago. So, schoolwork is done without me being a taxi !

They use to do religion 1 night a week (A must) and 1 other activity during the week. That was it ! A bedtime routine was always a must because lack of sleep makes for a miserable child !

To me, parents run the kids around to too many activities because they think the kids "need" all these activities. I never ran them around over the summers, either. We enjoyed swimming in the nearby lake !!!

If you are in tears, then, maybe it's time to have them cut back on activities almost every night. Maybe they want time (love) with you to build legos, bake in your kitchen, etc...

Your kids sound normal, but you need to really try hard to refrain from yelling. Just figure out a consequence or two that will have meaning to them, and then be very CONSISTENT in reinforcing the consequence.

I really liked what both Laurie A and Isn'tThisFun suggested. They made some very good points.

We chose not to put Kiddo into an extracurricular this season because it was his first go-round doing full-day school. (He attended half-day kindergarten last year.) I am very glad that we chose this route. School gets out at three, we walk home, may linger at the playground or walk with a friend, home around 3:30ish. I have a checklist for my six year old son that he is able to follow independently, so I can just keep referring him "oh, go see what's next on your list" and he's been remembering more and more of those simple tasks (empty backpack, give folder to mom, unpack lunchbox. etc.)

By the time we are done with a snack and his small homework, it's usually about 4:30. The afternoon flies by for us. He usually has time to help set the table and do something he enjoys for about an hour before we're rolling into dinner. It makes me sort of sad that he only has one hour out of a day to do what pleases him, nurtures him.

I am a person who thrives on routine, so our days feel relatively predictable, which helps him.

If it were me, I'd pare down on the extracurricular activities. Let them each choose ONE that they really, really want to attend. Being under instruction all day is something that some kids might thrive on, but your kids aren't expressing that.

I like the idea that Isn'tThisFun suggested of no talking for a while. Sometimes, when my son gets on a whiny jag, I just tell him "I think it's time to be quiet for a bit. Maybe you want to think about how to (solve that problem/what you could do next time)." and even without siblings, six is a notorious age for being ungrateful, selfish and wanting 'more' and answering back. Yes, it is horribly unpleasant and we are also dealing with this as it comes. It's disappointing and often very ugly sometimes, but I am firm about "you may stay in your room until I call you out. Why? Because you are so unpleasant to be around, you need to go take a break!" (It's a sanity saver!)

Also, be sure the kids are getting enough sleep and down time. We do a seven o'clock story time (pajamas on, teeth brushed beforehand), followed by a 'stay up privilege' of 30-60 minutes of quiet play or reading, depending on if he has school the next day. We forget, once they start school, to make sure they have some quiet time each day to play alone. This is time my son will use to read or draw or play with his Legos.... he needs this to wind down. His actual bedtime is 8 on weeknights and 8:30 other days. He usually sleeps until 7 if you let him. Sleep is so important.

I do get where you are coming from and how draining it is. Hang in there. Use the advice here which works for you. Good luck!

I have the kids in stuff every day after school. We are usually home shortly after 5:30 each day except one day where I work. The kids go to every class they are enrolled in regardless. If they don't want to go, they go. If they're grounded they still go to their classes...they go.

The reason they go is the activities they are enrolled in are not for fun, not for goofing off and having fun. The classes are work, gymnastics, dance, piano, etc...they work and these classes help their bones and bodies grow well and healthy.

These classes are my choice to some degree. My granddaughter talked to me the other day about dropping a class. I listened then asked her to think about the class this way.

I asked her how many of the big kids that had graduated went to college, this is a pretty big deal when they get scholarships because they fill out paperwork for a lot. When they get notice letters of scholarships they let everyone know.

So I asked her how many of the big kids get college offers and she said all of them. I asked her did she know that most of those kids getting full scholarships to college don't all go for dance or tumbling/cheer. She didn't know that.

I told her how s couple of the big kids got scholarships to be on the college cheer squads but studied different things like Veterinary medicine, to be a teacher, and more.

I tried to let her know that if she worked hard and stayed with these classes she could get college money when she graduated from high school. This is important so she can have enough money to get an education.

She said she had never thought of it like that before and understood why I didn't want her to quite her classes yet. She doesn't understand the long term effects from taking these classes. SO I make the choice for her to go, she can fine tune it a bit for instance if she wants to drop tap but keep ballet.

Cut down on the after school activities. They have plenty of time for soccer etc. right now just adjusting to school is enough.

The transition to kindergarten is huge, so I would cut back on the extra curricular activities until they're more settled into school. It sounds like they're already over-tired from a day at school and need down time at home, with each other and the rest of the family, but they're not getting that. They have to be "on" all day long and they don't get to turn "off' after school because they have more more more to do.

The extra curriculars can wait a year or two when they're more mature. Test it out next year and see if they're able to handle ONE EACH next year. For now maybe you can try doing just one weekend extra curricular.

If you feel you MUST have them do something this year then consider scouting. Meetings are typically only once a week or every other week for one or two hours per meeting with occasional field trips and extra activities. Many of those activities involve the entire family or one of the parents. It's not too much, it's family oriented, and it's not constant. Plus the children can start to learn leadership skills and organizational skills and how important it is to do community service.

Right now you're all doing way too much and it's stressing all of you out. No one is enjoying any of it. That means it's not worth it. So yes, extra curriculars are a privilege and when they become stressful and aren't fun? They're an anchor around your neck not to mention a waste of money.