Help! My Husband Got Caught Shoplifting While with Our Kids!

Dear G.,
I do agree with the other moms, so I wont' repeat what has already been said. What I do want to say is that what has happened is just a small symptom of something that is much greater than you could possible help and/or comprehend to assist your husband with. He has to be solely and clearly responsible for his own actions. Your key here is to just protect and care for your children and yourself. I actually think that might have been mentioned before and trust me, this suggestion is worth the repetition. Your children's health and yours is of your care -- your husband, well he is his own man and he must own up to his own actions. If he truelly wants to be sorry and he truelly wants to proove to his children that he is a great father and husband he will do what is right and seek counselor and fix what really is ailing him.
My prayers are with you and your family. I pray for healing for all of you.
M. N.

I used to work in security and seen this alot. You are doing the right thing by talking to them and explain to them there is no excuse for what he did and that he will have to suffer the consequences of this.
Your husband needs counseling. This could be a desease. He could have had the children taken from your care since this is a crime. It is called child endangerment.
Let the kids klnow that adults make choices that can be harmful explain that drugs, stealing lying, and these are what not what you expect them to follow. They will also need some counseling, have you considered the church for advice? They may do you some real true good when it comes to explaining these things. Tell DAD he is leading by example and you are a product of your raising. How does he what his children to say he raised them? I would tell him the same get help or leave until you do. God bless.

I think you did exactly right.

Counseling is absolutely in order for your husband. And marriage counseling might not be idea, either. Shoplifting can be its own addiction, so you two might be well served by going to a marriage counselor to get some tools on how to cope with this as a couple. Not to mention that he needs to hear from a neutral third-party that your ultimatum--do it again and you leave--it completely reasonable and realistic.

He's damn lucky he's got you and you're lucky he got caught while you were still in the store. If he'd been caught while you weren't there, DFS would have been called...

G.,
I'm so sorry...I know you must be feeling so disappointed. Larceny in the state of Missouri is taken very seriously, tell him to get a lawyer. The operative word is HIM. He is responsible for this mess and NOT you. Make Him do the legwork. My advise would be to be honest and open with the kids, don't sugarcoat. Let them know that he made a poor choice and that there will be consequences from that choice that he'll have to deal with. There is something deeper going on here. He needs counseling to figure that out. My advice is for you to seek counseling with the kids as well. It is not your job to insist that he goes too. At this point, you are responsible for you and the kids. You can't control what he chooses to do, but you can control yourself and your reactions. I feel confident that if you seek out and find a good therapist, you will see things with a clarity that will bring you strength and peace. Good luck and God Bless.

My dear, do you and your husband belong to a church? I think your husband does need counseling, but if you want your marriage to survive, I suggest if you belong to a church that you both go to your pastor, priest, whatever and get spiritual counseling. Your husband's behaviour sounds compulsive to me. He needs to find out why he feels compelled to steal, that is the root of it. As for your children, I would advise that you not lie for your husband or cover, but rather sit your children down, explain what happened and if they ask you why, simply tell them you don't know why daddy is doing what he is doing, because you don't, he probably doesn't know why he is doing it either. Children are very smart, they see, hear and understand way more than adults like to think they do. So just be honest with them, and explain to them that daddy is going to get help and that you all need to support daddy. Let your husband know that you are telling them the truth. I have learned over the years, that men have a tendency to want to change for their children, much more than they do for their wives, maybe because they always want to be a hero in their children's lives, but try these things and pray!! Ask God for help. Then see how things go. If over a certain period of time, you dont see a genuine desire from your husband to change, then pray that God helps you make a decision about what to do.

It looks like you are already doing the right thing. You've put your foot down and have declared zero tolorence for this behavior. Demand that he go to counseling, if he wants to remain a part of this family. There probably is some psychologica reason for this and if it's not dealt with now, things could get worse.

The good news here is, your husband is not defending his actions or justifying them. He knows what he did was wrong and admitted to it completely, so that is very positive and he does deserve credit for that. A lot of men would lie about it, blame someone else or twist the facts so that he was a victim in all this. Clearly, he recognizes he did something wrong and stupid, and apparently has a problem controlling this behavior. He also should be commended for talking to the kids about it and apologizing - that's really hard for a guy to do, and obviously, he wants his kids to grow up honest.

So, as his wife, it's not your job to be his therapist, but it is your job to love him and accept that he made a horrible judgement. As bad as shoplifting is, it's not in the realm of cheating on you, abusing you or your kids, getting drunk or stoned, etc. But, if your family is not starving or too poor to buy the necessities, his shoplifting is a psychological issue that needs to be resolved, and it is your place to make sure he gets help.

I wish you luck. I've been through very bad times where my husband behaved in a deplorable way with my children watching. It's a sinking feeling when one of your children's best role models screws up and you have to tell them not to behave like their father. It's awful.

It seems like your husband feels badly about it. I think counseling is a good idea. This could be a very real impulse control disorders, like cleptomania. I think it is VERY TREATABLE though, with counseling from someone who knows what they are doing.