Help Keep My Family Together

Hi, this sounds just like me, I have a 2 yr. old, and I stay at home with him all day, and when my husband comes home from work, I go to work cleaning offices at night, when I come home all I want to do is eat and rest, sex is the last thing on my mind, I think we have sex like once a month, and I know its getting to him for he has gone on the internet in the past if you know what I mean, sorry Im no help, but do know you are not the only mom who feels this way!

I am mother of 5. I know what you're going through. I was told that the "drive" is naturally stalled for 3 years after the birth of a child. God's way of spacing the children out to make it easier on you. It does come back. Check w/ your ob/gyn this day and age there is probably something they can prescribe to help. Good luck.

you are not alone. i have a 4 year old and before i had him i could have been intimate every day and now i dont care if i never have sex again. my doctor said it could be hormone related so talk with your doctor and see if your problem could be too.

I know how you feel, and have been there and am still there sometimes. I have found that having a child makes it difficult, because I am usually too tired at night when she is in bed and when I would like to in the morning she is banging on the door-not exactly setting the mood. so we have had to make adjustments. Before children we would sometimes have sex 2 times a day, and then when I got pregnant I was really sick and it slowed way down. and it has been hard to get back into that place. I have found that sitting down and talking about it is really helpful. To be open to each other and not judge. find out what would help the other person, and if you would like to spice things up talk about what you would like to do. Maybe a weekend away just the two of you in a romatic place would be a good start. my husband and I will send our daughter to a family member's home maybe every 2-3 months for a night. We go out to dinner and stay up late, and don't have to lock our door, it is wonderful to just spend that time together with no worries. I wish you the best. If it continues to be a big problem, it could be a medication you are taking, or even birth control pills, and you should talk to you doctor they might be able to make some changes that will help you.

Be creative ...in the bedroom that is ! Go to Zane.com ..u can look this up on google she gives ideas . Try to be romantic and find out what turns not only u on but also him ! If that doesnt work explain to ur doctor how u r feeling ..it is normal we all feel like tht sometime and it could be stress or something else ..i hope i have been some help

J.,
As I'm reading below several have responded to this, and to repeat the same thing over, you are not alone! I've had it suggested that sex changes because we think of ourselves as Mom not woman anymore. This will get better. one thing that helped my hubby and I was talking. We talked about the fact that I literally had no desire to have sex, and tried to figure out why together. this helped a bit. We also talked about why he wanted sex so much and what it was that changed my desire or lack there of. He was very understanding. Romance is most definitely lost when there is a youngin around. I think the talking about our fantasies really was a big help. You don't have to act on it, but details do it right. Another thing I did because I felt bad about "neglecting" him was to hop in the shower with him. It pepped things up a little. I think that spontaneity is an aspect that might get lost when you have kids. a little bit brought back might help. If ya need to talk, I can be reached at ____@____.com big thing is not to stress about it, stress definitely doesn't help.
S.

You and your fiance' need to set a side a night that you both are free find a babysitter and just be with each other. I have been with my boyfriend for 20 years and we have 2 boys 8 and 18 and even now we still take one night a week for us or even one night every other week. It helps and you really begin to look forward to that time. It kind of refreshes you to go on. And it really gives you all a chance to know how the other feels about all the changes in your life as the little ones grow it gets more demanding and stressful but in the end if you feel good your other with also feel good and then the children are happier.

Well all I can say is I am in the same boat. Mine isnt as old though. Mine is still an infant. Um... Did you breastfeed? That is a factor in losing libido. I have none what so ever. Well when I want to help him out I will ask for a full body massage. It will get you a little hot as him. Then I guess try moving into forplay but only if you feel up to it. If the massage gets you a little to teh point then try forplay. You can also go to barnes and noble and get some sex books and see if they help you. Ive been told they will. I hope this helps. Its helped me when I know he wants it. Oh and trust me men are more understanding than you think. and just explain

Sweetie, I know what you are talking about my husband and I have had sex like three times in the past year. nothing wrong with him at all. it is me. but i have been through alot and i quit smoking and have gained alot of weight so i don't feel to good about myself and my weight is causing me to not feel to good. so what i am tring to say is. you have the reasons you don't want to and the main thing is to communicate. make sure you let him know you still love him and your not really understanding what is going on yourself and let your doctor know what is going on im sure he will have some good advice for you... but make sure you are also honest with your doctor. you fiance loves you and will understand and will wait until things get better for you. so be patient and just let things happen but make sure you communicate your feelings with each other. i hope this was helpful to you

You just need to spend more alone time together and go out and have drinks sometimes. Try being spontaneous or try doing things youve never done before. I had the same problem for a while. I wasnt really that interested in having sex with my husband. I love him very much, but we were not spending hardly anytime together, because he was always so busy. I think that made me resent him and I was never in the mood. Now we spend plenty of time together, we cant even be in the same room without touching each other. I have also found that toys are wonderful and it spices the relationship up.

I understand what you are going through. I think the problem is intimacy is not a priority. I have a 3 year old little girl and after I take care of her needs, my husbands' needs, my business(www.candizdelights.com) and the household needs, I barely have time for myself let alone sex. Try scheduling in romance time not sex that way you and your husband can connect on an intimate level, letting each other know that they are still important. And if it is the sex then you can try a few things - lotions, toys, games and books. You body changes after a baby, maybe you just have to relearn what turns you on and how to work around the stresses of everyday "family" life. If you need someone to talk to who has been there email me at ____@____.com

You very well could be dealing with hormonal issues which greatly affects libido. I nearly suffered a year and a half before finding help (my symptoms were mental and physical).

It just depends on whether you are fatigued or just tired from work and children, whether you (as you said) bored or just not able to find time to go out together, or maybe the both of you are in such a routine with work, kids, etc. that communication has dropped; life has gotten in the way and you just need a couples weekend to reconnect.

If there is tension between the two of you I would suggest help with communication and reorganizing everyday mundane activities to help with your relationship that has not even turned into marriage yet.

Please email me if you need anything. ____@____.com