Help Fixing This Situation

Rarely can I say that is a mistake by letting a father into a son's life. My son is 6 adn I am a single mom. Dad is a truck driver and gone 95% of the time. Some months we see him weekly and then others can pass and not see him at all. I may not agree with everything my ex does around our son, but I do know that he will not intentionally let anything happen to him. We have an unusually good relationship and that is a positive thing for my son. Kids pick up on things like white lint on a black jacket- try to never let him see or hear you talk badly about dad-in the long run, it could come back and bite you in the butt.

Don't view it as a mistake as your son may pick up on that and transfer that meaning to him being the mistake whether is conscious/unconscious. Let him know that you love him no matter what. and that sometimes it's hard for people to show their feelings. And because of that it can make you feel sad sometimes. And someday that may be different, but for now it is what it is. Don't persecute dad for it or you'll push him further away, thus hurting your son more. if anything try being super gracious. (w/o dwelling on it)

Without knowing the particulars, what I can say as a single mother is that it is our responsibility to protect our children as much as we possibly can. Sometimes that includes protecting them from the biological father, biological grandparents, etc.

If the father has already hurt him somehow with thoughtless words, perhaps you can explain to your son his motivation or intentions in a kind and loving way. Try to engender in your son the qualities that his father has never connected with or has lost contact with. I think children have a greater capacity for compassion and this is a perfect opportunity to use, what most likely is confusing and hurtful, as a means to develop a very valuable quality. If this behavior continues, do what you can to distance him from his biological father.

I know it is very difficult as we always want the best for our children and part of that is the ideal family. But the reality is that sometimes the very best family doesn't necessarily include all the biological elements.

I wish you the best and my heart goes out to you.

S.

P.S. I just read the second part. Pursuing child support is a decision that each single parent has to make when faced with a parent who does not want to own responsiblity. It is his choice if he chooses not to be a part of your child's life, unconscious decision though I think it is, but it is his legal obligation to pay child support. As long as he is no threat to you and your son, your son is entitled to the best life he can have and any financial support will ease your financial burden. Do not be discouraged as your son is by far the greatest gift you have been given. He will love and admire you all the more for being the strong woman that you are.

God bless you T., because you're already half way to fixing the mistake by recognizing that it may not be in your son's best interest.

If this man is SAFE to assume his role as father (and there is a VERY good SAFE Project in Laramie where you can just talk to someone very discretely and informally about that). Then perhaps you can use the services of WyCAN, a non profit organization in Wyoming that helps mediate the heartaches and issues of parenting children separately and with respect. It's a great start and it's so much better than trying to use "legal remedies".

You'll never regret doing it. Both of you will appreciate the program for years to come. And you will regret avoiding the horrible consequences of trying to prevent your son from knowing his "real" dad. My two 20 something daughters are living proof of that.

The pain of rejection CAN be replaced over time, and sometimes it helps just knowing that people's first reactions to overwhelming circumstances are rarely their finest hour.
With prayers,
V.