Help - South Amboy,NJ

Who is he, and who is she?

Hi J., I think some of the mamas here were a little confused since you posted your question 3 times in three different ways. Try the "What Happened" option in your original question to add any details instead of posting them as a new question. Hope this helps you get the advice you need. (sorry I can't give you advice on the step daughter issue since it's not something I've ever dealt with so wouldn't be fair but I do wish you luck!)

I need some antecedents. Who are she and he?

I am sorry but your shorthand message is hard to follow. who is he? who is she? how are they related? and, who is visiting?

Oh my goodness Ladies! Give her a break and read her newly posted question.

your question is really unclear...

You need to go a little more in depth into this story. Not sure who you're talking about when you say she and he...

Is he your husband or boyfriend???? Your question is not clear, hard to understand.

It might help if you were more specific. If you mean "she" is the stepdaughter and "he" is your husband, you may have separate issues. What "house rules" would your husband have to follow? If he's not following them, then clearly they are not rules, as adult partners work together to make the rules, and neither is the boss or parent of the other. You don't say what the problems are with the stepdaughter, and you don't give enough info about what's going wrong with your husband or SO to suggest whether counselling is in order, but if you are having problems with your husband/partner, that's a separate issue than having a teen stepdaughter, and I'd address the marital issues to start with. Good luck.

are all of your questions, questions? i see a lot of question marks after every sentence so i'm not sure what you are actually asking...

It's hard to comment without knowing specifics. 14 year old girls are difficult. It's just part of the age. Just be the most loving stepmom you can be, treat her like your own daughter, and know that women almost always do more work than men.

Oh boy, you're in a real difficult situation. I think your husband is having a hard time choosing between you and the older daughter. He has to understand that it's not about choosing. It's about making the right decisions. He's obviously not raising the 14 year old appropriately. She's taking advantage of you and especially your husband. She knows which buttons to press to get him all riled up and the buttons to press to get you angry. You will be have to give him an ultimatum eventually. From what I see he doesn't respect your feelings or the rules of the home. The oldest daughter is pretty insightful and does as she wishes because of your husband. You need to be in agreement with him in order for the children to respect the rules of the home. I would say keep talking to him, tell him how you feel, tell him that rules for a teenager or any child for that matter have to be followed in the home. It's not fair to you that they shouldn't abide by them. My other thing, if you want to win her over and for her to start listening, start treating her gently and talking to her as if she's important. I think her other mom probably doesn't care for her feelings and pays no attention to her needs. Unfortunately you may be the one who will have to get stuck doing this. It's going to take a while. My mother-in-law always believed in communicating a lot with her children. She said show them you care a lot about them by waiting for them when they're out at night, (it'll make them feel more responsible, that they need to get home because someone will be up waiting for them), ask them about their day-to-day events, school stuff etc. Don't get personal about yourself, or anything intimate about your husbands and your life. If things don't change I'm afraid that you'll have to walk out of your husbands life. You don't want your other child to be exposed to that kind of lifestyle.

I wish you luck. It's a hard I'm sure, but keep your sanity in tact.