I have been a very bitter, nasty divorce and custody battle for over a 1 1/2 years. It was an abusive and controlling relationship...and he still continues to threaten, terrorize me every chance he gets. We went before a judge for the first time 2 days ago and the hearing is not over...still going but waiting on the next court date. About 2 months we agreed to "socalled" temporary orders just through attorneys awaiting the court date. I have 2 children 11 and 5. The sheriff's dept has been called and really unable to do anything until he actually does something to me. We are not suppose to have overnights with the opposite sex but I have had a man stay with us recently that I've been seeing for a year now out of pure fear and needing sleep. My children are unaware since he's only here during late hours and stays downstairs while we are upstairs. We stay a lot with my sisters family too. I'm sure I'll be held in contempt of court...I heard he hired a PI and I'm scared of that now too. He has consumed alcohol in front of the children and we are not suppose to do that withint 12 hours of having them also. He is a pathological liar and has the need to be in total control....he always seems to win. He'll terrorize me for the rest of my life. I need advice on the contempt of court deal.....
If a court order says no men in the house, I wouldn't have ANY man in the house. Judges DON'T like to be disobeyed. I might get a gun though and regularly practice at a shooting range. Seriously. Let his PI report that back.
Do you have a PFA against him? That might be a wise thing to do.
Then if you even see him near your house, you can call the police.
This is so hard, I'm sure. I can't help but think though that the male friend (however innocent the overnight visit might be) might be enough to enrage him into doing something stupid?
What does your attorney say?
my advice is don't do it again & if brought up in court plead with the judge for mercy, but lets face it it sounds like a good reason/excuse to have your boyfriend over so this won't look good for you......... get a dog, get flood lights,get security cameras, get a security system BUT don't put yourself & your kids in jeopardy with the court system, no man is worth that even if he is sleeping downstairs
S.:
I'm sorry you are going through this.
I would get a restraining order against him.
I would talk to my lawyer to find out what you can do to be pre-emptive with this...if he doesn't know about him - keep your mouth shut.
Ask the police to put out extra patrols in your neighborhood as you fear for your life from your soon to be ex husband..
I would also find some way to video tape him drinking in front of the children and any other violations he is seen doing...if he can hire a PI - maybe you should too...I am truly sorry you are going through this!!!
Call a domestic violence hotline and see if they can give you some tips and an agency in your area. I worked with that type of an agency in my area and they had a lot of services including legal advocates who know the court system well and can go to court with you for a restraining order if you need one. They also had counseling.
I don't know much about where you live, but I know in our area there are shelters for women in your situation. I'm not saying you have to go stay at one, but these people are experts in dealing with what you are dealing with and maybe they know of ways to protect you. You could call one and tell them what you have shared here and ask them what you can do. Surely they will have some ideas. Get an advocate and let them help you.
Keep it squeaky clean on your end of things and follow the rules. If you are afraid to stay home alone go to family, but follow the rules about someone sleeping over.
Keep calling the police anytime you are worried. It's a paper trail that you might need even if it doesn't seem to be helping now.
Stay safe and do keep us posted.
God bless.
I have no good advice, but I did want to sympathize. A friend of mine is in a similar situation and it is so hard to even watch, nevermind be at the center of like you are. He always seems to win because he knows no boundaries like the rest of us and is willing to do anything to get what he wants and because the court system has not yet found a way to deal with these sociopaths. I hope you can afford a good therapist to support you and your kids. My heart goes out to you.
Like others have said, you need to be VERY well behaved and follow the judge's orders. Don't give your ex any ammo against you or you may be handing your kids over to him permanently one day. If you feel the need to have someone stay over, ask a family member. Get the flood lights for your home that have motion sensors and install an alarm system. Alarm systems can be expensive but well worth it if he is threatening you.
You need to follow the judges orders to a T. Do not have your boyfriend staying over, even as a guard. If you have a male family member willing to do that, that would be a better bet. Otherwise, post the boyfriend outside in his car to watch the house. If he's hiring investigators, he'll find things to use against you, but you'll only have your word to use against him, and you will likely lose. Do not put the custody and safety of your children at risk by having your boyfriend stay over.
my suggestion: If you are that scared for you and your children behave yourself and don't' do anything that would put your case at risk.....
i know nothing about court system but dont have a man in your house you will be wrong nomatter what ask a relative to stay or get an alarm system good luck
