Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child Experience

Hi L.,
I have that book and wasn't very impressed. The author was my niece's pediatrician when she was younger, and my sister didn't care for his book either! It just offers general suggestions, but if you are looking for an actual plan or routine to establish, I used the Babywise book instead. I don't follow everything in the book (I pick and choose what I feel is appropriate for my daughter), but it made a huge difference in her sleep/feed habits. She started sleeping through the night by 10weeks (8hrs straight!)I know it's overwhelming when you get so much advice, some conflicting and quite opinionated at times, but what I've learned so far is the gut instinct is always right! Good Luck!

Maybe she's waking because of the reflux. Have you tried letting her sleep in her carseat so her head is elevated?

11 weeks old, or 4 1/2 months old, is too young to make a baby 'cry it out'. The 'cry it out' method only nurtures insecurity and feels wrong because it goes against our natural instincts. We were given instincts for a reason--listen to them. In fact, you will never need to make her 'cry it out' in order for you all to get a good night's sleep if you invest time now, for not more than a few months, so that you never have to again in her infancy and eventual childhood. Let her sleep in bed with you. That is the oldest and most popular practice worldwide and it has allowed us to transition our two children into toddler beds in their own room by age 16 & 22 months. I'm not recommending to cosleep until age 16 & 22 months, but when they start learning to walk, let them sleep in a toddler bed in your room or where they know you are always accessible and can maybe even hold your hand as they fall asleep. Trying to force a baby to be independent is an American phenomenon. My children NEVER have trouble falling to sleep on their own and we ALWAYS get good sleep in this house because everybody is feeling safe and secure. Follow the safety guidelines for co-sleeping and unless you have serious health issues like obesity, seizure disorder, or drug&/or alcohol dependency, you will be able to co-sleep with your infant. The more secure she is now, the better she will sleep in the near future as long as you continue to respond to her when she cries by giving her what every baby needs--warmth and closeness with her parent(s). This is how babies learn to self-soothe. They learn from being soothed. And I really think it is something when a person demands that their baby be forced to 'cry it out'; if you were in a nursing home and heard one of the residents sobbing uncontrollably alone in their room, would people not come to check on her and see if they can comfort her in order to make the crying stop? Even YOU would probably drop in to see if you could help that person. How amazing that anyone expects more independence from a baby. They're babies! If you want them to learn to self-soothe, make life nice every night for everybody and do it the gentle way rather than the cold, scary way, which is called "crying it out". I suggest you teach your child from the start that you care enough to respond when she needs you. For a baby, a 'need' and a 'want' are one in the same. Babies are pure emotion; respond in kind and listen to your instincts, because they will tell you to be gentle with your baby who needs you so much. I wish you much peaceful sleep in the future!!

I have been there! Both our children were both early one 4 wks and the second 8 wks and they also had acid reflux. Our children also sleep with us for the first 2 mos and we gradually transitioned them to they own room. Our children could not stay asleep if they lied flat on their back. We had them sleep in a infant seat (Fisher Price infant seat that turned into a rocker). We kept the seat in the crib and buckled them in every nap and night time. We were not parents who could let a child cry it out. We now have a happy 4 yr old and a 15 mos old who put them selves to sleep without a problem. I would talk with your doc about the possiblity of sleeping in a infant seat; there is a concern about there head placement and possible flating of the back of their head because they seem to lay in one spot. We did try to move them to be back sleepers once they rolled around a lot and both of them now are tummy sleepers on a whole. Good luck and enjoy those precious times to just hold your little one while they are sleeping; too soon she is going to be running all over the house and you will have new worries! ;)

Lindsey, Sorry you are having a tough time right now, but don't worry this to shall pass.... I have never had luck "putting" my 4 children in a routine...it seems they naturally adapt to ours. I have always breastfed on demand not by the clock. Babies can't tell you when they are hungry and a clock doesn't tell you if they are having a growth spurt or what is going on. That being said, you are doing a great job with the routine. She will start to know what bed time is, "crying it out" to me means 2 different things...there is letting them fuss...or there is letting them scream. You can tell, are they going to settle down or not..A one year old can be expected to calm themselves with training, but it may be a bit young for a not quite 4 month old.Belly sleeping has really helped 2 of my 4 children (the ones who had reflux). There they can find their hands to soothe themselves a lot easier. There is a certain level of risk, but also risk from stressed over tired parents and babies. When my babies are young they fell asleep nursing, then they gradully have worked out of that ( not falling asleep with each feeding) that's when we started letting them fuss for a bit (a couple of minutes...if they are overly upset at that point, they may not be "ready" for sleep yet and need you for some more cuddles ) My ped had recommended the book mentioned at one point, but I'm not sure I read it. Things will work out, babies usually tend to figure this out on their own...sooner or later. :)

We used Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child when our first (now 9 years old) was about 4 months old. It worked like a dream! He/we had very similar sleeping and feeding habits to yours--minus the pacifier. The first night we put him to bed totally on his own, in his crib, and he cried for a total of 6 minutes. From then on, it went like clock-work. We used his sleep cues (rubbing his eyes, whining a bit), and made sure he had a full belly, and he was off to sleep. I think it took less than a month to establish a really workable sleep schedule for him. He didn't sleep through the night until he was about 10 months old, as I did nurse him when he cried longer than a few minutes after waking through the night. He was a thumb-sucker, so it was really easy to rely on him self-soothing.

We loved this method with our first child, and I would recommend it for sure. However, with our second child (I can't believe she's 7 already), it just didn't work. She just had too much persistence in her! We'd let her cry for an excruciating hour, and she wouldn't come close to falling asleep, so we gave up after only a few tries. She eventually became a good little sleeper, but it took a little more ingenuity on our part. My point is that you should try Healthy Sleep Habits..., but just know that each child is different, and it may not work right away or in just way you'd hoped. Either way, you're a great mom and your little Charlotte is lucky to have parents so concerned for her sleep health. Best of luck to you!

Hello L. - I can totally relate and I am happy to say that today - at 6 mo. old - our son is a fantastic sleeper and sleeps on his own every night. This has been our progression: From birth to about 3 months - he slept on us every night. It was exhausting for everyone, but I just couldn't bare to set him down. After total exhaustion set in we realized we needed to do something but he didn't seem to like his crib. We were still swaddling him and we would put him in a bassinet in our room - for hours we would play the pacifier game and pick him up when he cried until he fell asleep then we would lay him down again - where he would promptly wake up and we would do it all over again. But we were getting more sleep than when he was sleeping on us. Then he started to escape from his swaddle and would get very angry and stay angry when we tried to swaddle him. That was at about 3.5 to 4 months. So without the swaddle, every time we laid him down his feet would stay up until he relaxed enough to lower them... then he would startle awake when they hit the mattress. So we finally decided to put his bouncy chair in his crib because it kind of cradled him. Nighttime routine from start to sleep would sometimes take us an hour and a half. We would feed him, then lay him down in his bouncy seat and put the pacifier in - and sit there and hold it in. Sometimes he would fall right asleep and sometimes he would flail around and cry for what would seem like forever. When he fell asleep I would lay down on the floor next to his crib with my blanket and sleep until he woke up for his nighttime feeding - then I would wake up my husband who would change him, feed him and then HE would lay down on the floor in his room until morning. We were getting better sleep but how ridiculous is that - we were embarrassed to tell our friends - not to mention how awful it was on our relationship.
Then baby started getting too big for the bouncy chair and we were full of anxiety over what we were going to do next. Friends of our that have a boy 2 months younger than us had just started the CIO method. We were so against that because we tried it once and it took us about 4 hours to calm him down... but that was because we picked him up AND we didn't really know the method - we thought it was literally just letting them cry until they fell asleep - WRONG. Our friends were over one night and held our hands through the first night. We did our little routine (which I believe is VERY important - sounds like you already have a good one) and I would hold him for the duration of one lullaby. Then I would put our white noise CD on and kiss him, tell him how much I love him and then lay him down. He cried - oh he cried. After 5 minutes, I went in and kissed his tears and rubbed his tummy until he calmed down - about a minute or two - said good night and I love you and then left the room. I went back in around 7 minutes - same thing - then 10 minutes - which ended up being the most I could wait the first night. So every 10 minutes for an hour I went in to calm him. After an hour he fell asleep - and he slept VERY well. He woke up around 2:30 for a bottle then fell right back asleep in his crib! We were amazed. I have to say it was not as hard as I thought it would be. I did not cry at all - which surprised me because before I would just cry thinking about it! I am an older first time mom and we have been trying for this baby for several years - anything that makes my baby cry tears me up inside and I would move mountains to make things better. But this HAS made things better. He no longer takes the pacifer - and he can get himself to sleep. It is a beautiful thing.

It's not perfect every night - we have had some nights were he has taken 2 hours to fall asleep. He has learned to roll from tummy to back and then back to tummy now so he covers about 7 miles while rolling around in his crib - this ends up tiring him out though and he eventually falls asleep on his own. Most of the time he is asleep within 5 minutes of me laying him down. And he ALWAYS wakes up with a smile.

As far as your other concerns - our friends started this when their son was 2.5 months old. They were concerned that he might be too young too, but it has worked beautifully for them as well. And as far as physical discomfort... There have been times when he was crying that I was certain something was wrong or he was in pain - one night I couldn't take it so I went in to pick him up - as soon as I did, he gave me a huge smile and thought is was playtime. What a charmer. I put him back down and he cried for a little while then fell asleep. So it would be the same as it is for the method you are doing now. But if you do make the decision to do this - you HAVE to stick by it. Unless your baby is sick or teething you must make sure not to pick him up. If you do, then you have put the baby and yourself through a difficult time for no reason. Once you get the baby used to falling asleep on his own there are times - when baby is sick or teething - that they need some extra comfort - and holding/cuddling them is then okay. Once they are better, they can go back to the routine. We use the same method for naps and/or if they wake up in the middle of the night. My baby still has a nighttime bottle but he goes right back to sleep afterwards.

For us, it took about a week and a half to really get to where he went right to sleep. Again, there are times he is just overtired and has a hard time. Sometimes I will just go in an rub his bottom until he is just about out - then he moves around to get comfy and falls asleep. I am such a believer in this method that I would have done it sooner if I had only known how good it was. Now baby is asleep by 8pm and we KNOW he is going to stay asleep, so we have uninterruped adult time. Much better for the relationship - better for EVERYONE.

Sorry this is so long winded - if you would like to chat more about it please contact me at ____@____.com luck!!!!

Hi L.,

I have read Dr. Weissbluth's book and really liked it. I have 3 children, ages 7, 4 and 6 months, so I have re-read sections several times as they become relevant to me. I have chosen to nurse my daughter (the youngest)to sleep, then put her down (I did the same with the boys). When she was younger, she seemed to stay asleep longer if I had warmed her bed with a heating pad (I always took it out before I put her in). This made it less of a shock when I put her down. Having older children, I can say that it really does help to establish good sleep habits when they are younger than one year. It did not go quite as smoothly for me as the book examples. My babies always got an ear infection or a cold and then we had to deprogram them from being comforted all the time- I know what you mean with not ignoring your babe when she is uncomfortable!

Once she gets a bit older, she will be able to find the paci herself. We usually put several in the crib so she can find them herself. That really helped my boys - they were not having to look so hard for comfort! I also learned to wait a little to see if the sound I heard was more than a whimper or isolated squawk. As you keep going, you will find the same thing.

Finding that quiet-alert time is tricky, but you get better with practice. Sticking with the nap schedule (once you have one) is also worth its weight in gold.

With the reflux, are you using a danny sling or elevating the head of the bed a bit? That can help...Also Barnes myofascial release (performed by a PT, OT or massage therapist) can help this stop.

It also seems that once babies weigh more than 12 pounds they can sleep 6 hours at a time. Knowing that made me feel better that my babes did not need to be awake to eat; they were just learning self-soothing. It IS hard to listen to the crying, but it gets easier as you see your baby becoming more content and sleeping longer. It will also help you to feel more "normal." Six hours of continuous sleep is remarkable!

My boys are both good sleepers now. My daughter is still working on it, doing better with each day. She is almost 12 pounds (very small, I know, but healthy) and almost ready to sleep through the night. I liked this approach because it really seemed to work without being too hard for either of us. Good luck and sweet dreams!

Hi L. :)

I think you are doing a great job by trying to establish a routine for your baby girl. That is something that helped alot with my 5 month old daughter. She isn't sleeping well lately because of tummy issues, but before her upset stomach got out of control she was an excellent sleeper, and the routine was the main thing that helped.

If you do choose to let her cry it out, I feel that she is still too young. But I know that some people think as long as the baby is 3 months old or older, it's ok. And I would suggest waiting until her reflux passes so you can be sure that she's not in physical pain. Here is my opinion on letting babies cry it out. I am completely against it. The more research I have done on the issue, the more against it I become. Studies have been done to show that leaving a baby to cry it out is harmful to their brain and it brings their heart rate up to dangerous levels. Another study was done where half the babies were left to cry it out and the other half had their cries lovingly responded to. The results of this study were that the babies that were left to cry it out cried harder the next time they needed something. The ones who were responded to cried 70% LESS than the cry it out babies! They also didn't cry as hard because they knew they were being heard. Conclusion: Babies who were responded to learned to cry "smarter" - Babies who were left to cry it out learned to cry "harder". You can find these studies in books by Dr. William Sears. I've also come across another study which showed that babies who were left to cry it out acted out more as toddlers and were LESS independent than those who had their cries responded to.

As mothers, we are biologically wired to respond to our baby's cry and I think we were given this extreme urge for a reason. I like to follow my intuition and the signals my body is giving me, which is why I choose to not let my baby cry it out. I try to make bedtime a safe, soothing and peaceful experience for my baby which is why I rock her, hold her, sing to her, etc, to help her fall asleep. I know that it takes much longer and that the results aren't as quick as the cry it out methods. But I feel that taking care of my baby is so much more than just making sure her physical needs are met. This is a little person who needs to feel love and security just as much as any adult. I feel that any cry it out method forgets this and chooses to only focus on the physical needs while ignoring the emotional needs that our tender babies have.

If you decide to look into ways to teach your baby to self soothe without letting her cry, I would recommend the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I have many friends who have used that book and it worked very well for all of them. My sister used "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg and she highly recommends that book. She absolutely loved it. Dr. Sears has alot of great advice as well if you want to go to his website or get some of his books. I was lucky and didn't have to use any books for my baby girl. Just following a routine was enough for her. I'm hoping it goes back to that once I get her tummy figured out and fixed. Trust me, I know how hard the lack of sleep can be. My baby is currently waking up every hour! It's complete torture!

Hang in there. You're doing a great job as a first time mom. Good for you for asking questions and for trying to get other opinions! I hope you find something that works for you :)

4-5 months is too little to "soothe herself" regardless of what you are trying to accomplish. You are right - letting an infant cry it out is dangerous emotionally - children who have this done to them wind up with life-long abandonment issues.

Remember, cognitively a child under the age of three years old does not understand that when you leave the room you are still close by. They do not have the ability to picture you or anything else in another "place". The only place they understand is the place they see, which is why abandonment is such a huge issue in our culture - parents just don't get this.

Once she is 12 months you can start a routine of rocking in a chair next to her crib until she falls asleep - maybe sooner if she really understands what you are doing and doesn't cry... and then, only if she can see you through the bars while she falls asleep.

Crying means "I feel alone, scared, and need help." Parents should always respond to this with the same kindness they themselves would require with such a need. After all - she is less a child that needs to be trained than a person who needs to be loved and comforted.

Get the book "On Being Babywise" It will help out a TON when it comes to sleep habits and self soothing.
I used this books methodologies with my daughter. We had rather rare circumstances though. I was diagnosed with a rare cancer when she was 3 1/2 months old. I was scheduled for surgery two months later, in Boston. We live in the twin cities.. so I was going to be away from her for a month at least for surgery. She was going to live with my mom and dad while I was in Boston, and I knew she wouldn't be able to sleep with them, nor would they be able to be up all night with her. We put the suggestions in the book to work and within a week she was taking regular naps, and going to bed and sleeping through the night IN HER CRIB, and not in our bed. I had been sleeping with her in our bed up until I had to go to Boston for a pre surgery work up. So the week we were gone, she was in "baby boot camp" Getting her on the schedule, and keeping her on it. That was 2 years ago and I am happy to say, not only am I cancer free, but my daughter is STILL a great sleeper and takes regular naps too. She (usually) goes to bed without a fuss and rarely wakes up at night. There are times though.. :) No kid is perfect ALL te time!
Good luck.

Same problems we had. Our baby too had reflux. We used the Good Night, Sleep Tight book by Kim West very simliar to your book. They even mention your book in ours. But my cousin used the book your talking about and it worked wonders. Our book too worked after only three night of the methods. I would suggest reading on of them and then sticking to the method you choose. Our book offered a gentle no cry solution. Of course there were some tears but it we didn't have to leave her in her room to just cry it out. Give it a try and you won't be sorry. And it is good to start now or it will get worse as she gets older. Good luck.

Our son had acid reflux and the only way to get him to sleep was in his carseat and I would put it at the end of the bed between our feet. We had a footboard. We started this at 7 weeks because he couldn't sleep and didn't like to be on his back flat, and the Dr. recommended it. He started sleeping through the night the first night! I would put the clasps on the outside of the carseat and put a blanket in under him to make it more comfortable. We did this till he was 8 months old and then slowly just put the carseat back a little more (so he was laying back farther) and soon he was sleeping in his own bed. They say try the phone book under the crib mattress and stuff like that but they only end up rolling to the other end of the bed and getting stuck in the rails. My cousin has done the same thing with her 6 month old boy and it has worked wonderfully for them too. Good luck!

I have 2 boys, 5 and 3. They both go to bed at 7:30 and sleep 12 hours!

Hi L.-
I commend you trying to teach your baby self soothing techniques now because it will only get worse or better....depending on what habits you start. I don;t know if I;ll be much help because I had a real passive first little one but here goes. I used the babywise method...it is a book you can get at the library. There is a lot of controversy to scheduling your baby but I delieve that if you pay attention to your baby and do what is logical and not always go by the book, there is no danger to your child whatsoever! It has to do with a eat, wake, sleep schedule which has proved to be AWESOME!!! My little ons is 22 months and still on it (of course it tapers off to 11 hours at night and a 3-4 hour nap dring the day) and people still comment on how happy she always is!
anyway, I do think that it is ok to start letting you little one cry a bit to sleep, set a timer for yourself though because 2 minutes feels like 10 very easily!!! Start letting her cry a bit longer in between the times you go in to give her a paci. You are doing the right thing by checking to be sure that she is ok (pain, hunger, blankets etc). For many babies, crying is the slef soother they use to fall asleep and the times will get shorter and shorter.
I do remember though, starting the schedule etc around the age your little one is now but it is normal for them to still ned to eat up to every 3 hours so keep that in mind.
Hope some of that helps and good luck :)
Jennie

Hi L.,

First, rather than go by age, go by weight to determine if your baby is ready to go all night without feedings. My midwife told me that when babies are 12 pounds they can go without night feedings. My first was only 5 pounds full term and took a loooooong time to hit 12 pounds. I was sooo ready for her to sleep through the night, but she was very used to her getting up routine and I didn't want to just let her cry it out. Here is what we found that worked:

We found a videotape at the library called Your Baby Can Sleep Too. The idea is that babies need to learn to put themselves to sleep like we do, rather than being rocked, fed, etc. til they are asleep and then put in their cribs. The basics are:
1. Put them to bed awake after whatever getting ready for bed ritual you want to create. (we didn't create a routine - we would just give her a ten minute, five minute, one minute bedtime alert - so we were free to bathe, read stories, or whatever without being tied to HAVING to do anything before bedtime)
2. The first night you go back in at 2 minutes to comfort them and let them know you are still there but it is bedtime. Whatever you want to say is fine, but you are not supposed to pick them up. (the video says no touching, but we would lay our hands on our daughter to comfort her and this technique still worked for us)
3. Then, as long as they are awake and crying, you keep going back in, but doubling the time in between i.e. next at 4 minutes, then at 8 minutes, then at 16 minutes, etc.
4. The next night you do the same thing except you don't go in the first time til 3 minutes. (then 6, 12, 24, etc) Each night you do this, increase the initial time by one minute. (3rd night - 4min, 4th night - 5 min, etc.) You shouldn't have to do this more than a week according to the video.

My daughter took to this like a duck to water. The first night I did this when putting her back to bed after her 2am feeding. I had to go back in at the 16 minute interval, but she was asleep before the 32 minute check in. The second night we put her to bed at 7pm. I had to go in for the 12 minute but that was the last time. That night I heard her wake up at 2am on the monitor, but she never cried and was back asleep in minutes. We didn't have to do it anymore after that. She just went to sleep within the first few minutes being put to bed.

I hope this helps. Grace and peace be with you!

L.,
I am a mom of 2 1/2 year old triplets. The sleep routine was hard and 2 of them had reflux. Here are some suggestions:

She needs to be elevated when she sleeps. If you can put folded blankets underneath the bassinet mattress so it is at a 45 degree angle.

Have you tried swaddling her? That worked for one of ours.

The other thing we did, and this sounds weird, but we watched it on a parenting DVD is that you gently push the bassinet back and forth while shushing in their ear. That apparently gives them a womb like feeling.

We then just had to let them cry it out. The longest it took was 50 minutes and that was the longest and within 4 days. They were sleeping until their next feeding which was every four hours.

You may want to try reading the Contented Baby.

Those are just some things that worked for us. I will say we have noticed by setting up boundries from the get go really helps as they get older.

Good Luck

I had a heck of a time in the beginning, as a first time mom. Our son (now 19 mos.) was born screaming and didn't stop for the first 3 mos. of his life! He had a terrible case of GERD (acid reflux) and mutliple skin conditions (primarily eczema). Sooooo...

Because Gordi was so unhappy and wouldn't sleep flat on his back due to the reflux, we had him sleep in his infant car seat by the side of the bed, tightly swaddled (including arms...see the book "Happiest Baby on the Block"...I swear by it!). Once he hit about 3-4 mos. I would rock/feed him in his room and then lay him in his crib (again...swaddled tightly). He started sleeping through the night almost immediately (as long as he was swaddled!). Now at 19 mos. he LOVES his room, crib and taking naps/going down for the night. Never cries and seems to enjoy the downtime while he "sings" and plays. Gordi is an extremely "BUSY" guy who can't seem to wind down any other way. Who would have thought???

Bedtime is always a hot topic and you have gotten a lot of responses from both sides. My first child was born 10/6/07, so we are in similar situations. But my husband and I did not read any books or take advise from others to establish our bedtime routine. At 6 weeks we moved her from the bassinet in out room to her crib. If she woke we plugged in her paci, took her out for a feeding, or brought her into bed with us. This went on for weeks, and got to the point that she was eating 6-8 ounces the entire day, and was waking 4-5 times throughout the night to eat. It was exhausting and we were ready to let her cry it out (she was around 3 months). We took baby steps at first and when we put her down, we would let her cry for 15 minutes, plug in the paci, and leave her room. Sometimes that was all she needed. Sometimes she would cry again for 15 minutes, we would go in to give her her paci, and walk out. It never took longer than an hour and this went on for about 2 weeks. Once she was going to bed on her own, we let her cry it out when she woke up during the night. A friend told us to try it for a couple of nights, and what do you know?? That's all it took. It was two nights of her waking for a feeding, my husband and I turning on the t.v. to ignore her at 1, 2, 3am, and after two nights of that, she started sleeping 8-10 hours throughout the night and eating 12-16 ounces throughout the day. Our little girl has not had acid reflux or any other health concern (she has been seeing a chiropractor since she was 6 days old) so I can imagine how you worry about her being in pain or discomfort. But as long as you know that she is clean, warm (not too hot or too cold), fed, safe and you can hold yourself back when she is crying....I don't see the harm in letting her cry it out. We still have family bed time in the mornings when we can all snuggle and play in the bed together. But we are all now getting a good night sleep! Good luck.

I used the book with my second, who was waking up all night long, and I was starting to lose it. It was a huge success for us. Within a month or two he went from inconsistent naps and waking up all night (sometimes every hour or two), to taking a 2 1/2 hour nap in the morning, another 2 1/2 hour nap in the afternoon, and then sleeping through the night.

I did have to do some crying it out, but not a lot. The main thing was getting the naps straight -- I would put him down for his morning nap 2 hours after he woke up. So if he woke at 6, his morning was 8. Getting the morning nap down first, then the afternoon nap, made all the difference. He started getting enough sleep during the day to be "organized for sleep" in the evening.

For the next year or so when I put him down in his crib at bedtime, he wouldn't cry, and then we'd hear him on the baby monitor happily cooing and "talking" and he would fall asleep entirely on his own.

Swaddle her! My daughter at that age had colic and acid reflux. Our doctor recommended that we read "The Happiest Baby on the Block" (I forgot the name of the doctor who wrote it), and she even lent us a copy. The biggest thing I got out of it was to swaddle my baby. It had really good illustrations of how to do it. And if she wriggles out too easily, don't hesitate to use duct tape to keep it closed. I also found swaddle blankets (at USA Baby & Babies R Us) that worked really well. We kept her swaddled for sometimes 20 hours a day at first. Despite the colic and reflux, she began napping really well and she began sleeping through the night much earlier than unswaddled babies.

Hi L.,

I remember those nights and how difficult they were, I feel for you. We started a good nighttime routine, it sounds like you are doing the same, and put my son in his crib when he was only one month. It seemed to work with him. I really think that between the bedtime routine and a music toy I swear by that's what got him. The music toy is one that attaches to the crib (ours is the Fisher Price birds), it plays music and puts a little light show up ion the ceiling. I think it's the greatest thing. It always gave him something to look at until he fell asleep. He's 2 now and i still turn it on every time he's going to sleep. It even travels with us. I think it also served as the constant for him. If he always had something familiar, he would feel safer. Just my thinking.
Don't get me wrong, there were still times when we had to let him cry it out. I figured that if he cried for more than 10 minutes (not screaming, just fussy crying) then I would go get him. Otherwise he was on his own.
Also, is your daughter rolling around yet? My son didn't have reflux, but I've heard that elevating babies' heads helps with being uncomfortable. I know they sell things that put the baby on an incline. Maybe try that? Just a thought.
Good luck and hang in there!

Hi,
I am also a first time mom. My son was born on Oct. 20th 07 and I don't know if I can help but I can tell you what we did. We to did a bedside sleeper for about 1 month, then we moved him to his room. He had some breathing/congestion problems so be put him in a bouncer or swing for almost 2 months. We do a night time routine with him and stay consistant with it. At 8:30pm every night we do what we call downtime. We turn off the tv and lights in the livingroom and lay him down on the floor on a blanket. Some nights he will cry for awhile but at 9pm every night we put him in his room. At first he would cry for what felt like forever (15-30 min) but eventually he would go to sleep.
At three months he started sleeping in his crib and was sleeping through the night. This was so exciting! Now our son is used to the routine and almost immediately falls asleep when we put him down every night. I hope this helps you and you all can rest peacefully.
I know how hard it can be trying to put your baby down for the night and hear them cry, but I agree with you about the self-soothing. The biggest thing to remember is stay consistant no matter how much you want to stay up and play with them or run into the room after they begin crying. Trust me after a few weeks maybe a month night time will be a lot less stressful with a lot more sleep for everyone. Plus you and your husband can enjoy some time alone together. Take care CG

Hello-

I feel for you. We had a similar situation, minus the paci. Our little one has always sucked her thumb. She is now 2 and is a fabulous sleeper! I did use Healthy Sleep habits, happy child, and thought it worked wonders. Avery was about 6 months when we started, and I was just fed up with it taking 2 hours to get her to sleep. I think it's great that you have a night time routine, that really helped us in the end, but we did let her cry herself to sleep, and it really only did take three nights. They were tough, but in the end it was so worth it. The first night she cried for 45 minutes, the next night 30 minutes, and the last night 15 minutes. I never went into her room during that time, and remember thinking I would only do so if she cried for over two hours, which is what I thought would happen. I couldn't stand to listen to her cry so I took a shower and did some over things so I wouldn't have to hear her. She still woke up frequently during the night to feed, and I think between 9 months and 1 year we stopped going to her during the night and letting her cry herself back to sleep, unless she was sick or her cry sounded urgent. Now we have no problems and haven't for a long time. She loves her crib, sleeps between 10 and 12 hours a night and wakes up happy and talking. I think the advice in the book is great, and hope something works for you.

Chiropractic care may help your little one sleep easy - I took my girl at 6 weeks and she was a whole new baby! She takes 3 hour naps (yep - plural = naps!) during the day and sleeps for at least 5 hours on her own at night. Her spitting up/tummy aches were even soothed, so maybe your Charlotte wouldn't even need medication anymore!

Good luck to you!

Hey L.! My little girl Ava is 8 months old and we did a little of the techniques that you are talking about. She has been sleeping through the nite since about 3 months old or so. What we did is a soothing routine like what you already do. And we tried to make is very similar each nite so she could learn to expect what would come next. Then we would lay her down (we take turns putting her to sleep at nite now, but at that time I was still nursing so I always did it) when she was drowsy, but very sleepy. She would usually look up at me, smile and take her thumb. She didn't always go right to sleep (and still doesn't) but we walked out of the room to "see what would happen". In our experience she just "talked" to herself and then fell asleep. When she was still waking at nite we made the mistake (at least in our case it was) of rushing to get her as soon as we heard a peep, thinking that we would fix whatever she needed before she got herself really riled up. We found that if we gave her a few minutes to see if she really needed us our "getting up" at nite was greatly reduced. If she was upset, you know that screaming "I need something NOW" cry then we would immediately go and get her. But 90% of the time she would just whimper and fuss for a few moments and then go back to sleep.

My husband was all for letting her cry it out, but I didn't really want to do that. So we developed a compromise of sorts. If she was really angry we would go and get her, just kinda angry and we would take a wait and see approach.

I also started putting her down very drowsy at an early age, maybe 6-8 weeks...not all the time, but every once in a while so that she would learn to fall asleep with out needing to be held.

Good luck, I hope you are back to getting a full nite's sleep soon!

I used the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" (sent to me in the mail by a friend at JUST the right time) and would highly, highly recommend it. I used it for both of my boys (now 4 and 2 1/2 years old). Both have different temperments, but both responded successfully to the "sleep training". Your scenario sounds similar to what we went through with my 2nd son. Constantly going to put in his paci that I just couldn't take it anymore. I started both my boys "sleep training" at around 4 1/2 months. I kept a short account of how each day went so I could look back and see it was working and not get discouraged. It took a good week or 2 to get everyone adjusted, so stay strong and don't let yourself or husband "backslide". The book explains that teaching your child to sleep is like teaching them any other "skill". Just like you teach them eating, sharing, etc., you also teach them how to sleep.
Our kids do go to bed early- usually around 6:30 pm, but it really did help them become good sleepers and I found the infant sleep tips in the book to be SO helpful. At the time I read it, my 1st boy (who was only a few months old) was only sleeping 1 or 2 very short naps during the day and so hard to soothe. Turns out he was just overtired all the time from lack of sleep! Once I started following the tips in the book for getting him enough sleep and recognizing when he was tired, things were so much better and I actually started to get a little rest as well.
Take time to read through the book and see if it fits into your way of thinking. I also found it helpful to mark pages and underline stuff so I could go back and read it again as I was figuring it all out.
I hope this helps -

Hi, I am a mom of two boys 5 1/2 and 2 1/2. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to do this. We are a very co sleeping household. By that, I mean for the first six months for sure they were in our beds,it was easier to nurse that way,then he didn't nurse as much at night, but I still kept him in our room. After that, my older son stayed in our room at night for a year, but he would nap in his own room. As he got older, I let him fall asleep in my bed. My first one was also vey into a blankie and paci. At almost six now, he still enjoys sleeping in our room occasionaly-sometimes with us, but mostly he likes to "camp out" on our floor.
My second one was a different story. He would take no paci, or bottle, however he went to sleep easier. While still in our room for the first year, he didn't sleep with us as much because he was a lighter sleeper. His transition into his own room was easier. He now also enjoys falling asleep in our bed and then I move him into his own, but we didn't start doing that till after a year.
My other thought is that she is just not ready for bed yet. My kids never went to bed when they were that little until 8:30 or 9, sometimes ten, but they are also very good nappers.
I don't know if anyone has ever told you about gas drops, but, when all else fails and she uset or wakes up when you don't think she sould try them. they don't hurt them and it calms their tummies, worked often for me-my first one had reflux, but I never put him on any meds for it.
One more idea, and this one worked for us, almost right away, she probably enjoys your warmth and smell-so we would hold our kids with their blanky, so that it would be warm when we put them down and they would feel so detached. I know they recomend nothing in bed with little ones, but they like that security, I just use a 30 in square of a really soft blanket and snuggle it by their cheek.
Anyway, snuggle and cuddle as much as you can, she will grow up way to fast, and don't think you are "spoiling" her, when she gets closer to that 6-9 month mark, it will be easier for her to sooth herself to sleep.
Oh, one more thing, this worked better with my second one-do you have a noise machine in her room-sounds like waves or raindrops turned on very softly could help. We have the ocean wonders aquarium attached to the crib and used the waves or rain-not the music. Good luck-and just enjoy her!

I'd definitely recommend that book. We co-slept with our first two, but we were determined to do something different with #3. Fortunately she really took to sleeping in her crib and actually didn't like falling asleep anywhere else. I couldn't carry her around in a sling and expect her to fall asleep. But, we did sleep with her some until she was around 4 months old...by then she started taking regular naps and sleeping well at night. Healthy sleep habits, happy child is definitely the most helpful book I've found if you want your child to sleep well on her own, and it's not harsh or inconsiderate of the baby. Expect change to happen gradually as she matures and gets more used to her new environment.

You've gotten a lot of advice already, but I wanted to throw in my two cents! :) Each day (and night) seems to take an eternity right now, but the time really does go so fast and your daughter's nighttime needs will change as she grows. When our daughter was a baby, she slept with us for many months and we spent several more rocking her to sleep before putting her into her crib, and then going back in the middle of the night to feed her as needed. We gradually added other things to the routine, like a bedtime story and prayer and playing the same lullaby CD while she drifted off. As she got bigger we switched from rocking to just rubbing her back and then just sitting with her, and she outgrew the nighttime feeding need all on her own and had an easy transition to her big-girl bed. Anyway, fast-forward a little bit, she's 4 1/2 now and we're still using the story, prayer, and CD, but most nights after the prayer she tells us that she's asleep and we can turn on her music and go. All of that is to say, just because your daughter needs your help now in going to sleep, and needs middle-of-the-night feedings, doesn't mean that it's going to go on that way forever! It's hard to imagine your child any way other than they are right now, but they change quickly. The days drag on, but the months and years fly by.

Also, a word of caution about Babywise and some of the other scheduling books. I have friends who have used it and loved it, but many babies have been diagnosed with failure to thrive because they just physiologically need to eat more often than every 3 hours. Especially since your daughter was a little early, you might want to at least give her some more time to really get feeding well-established (particularly if you're breastfeeding) before you try to put her on a schedule. If she's waking up a couple of hours after going to sleep, she may indeed be hungry again, especially if she's going through a growth spurt.
Anyway, like I said, that's my two cents. This is your baby and your family, so ultimately you need to make the decision that will work best for you. Trust your instincts, and make sure that you're finding ways to get enough rest and nurture yourself while you nurture your baby.

All the books being recommended sound good although I've never read any of them. My favorite book for sleeping and eating habits training is Babywise. It worked great for our seven and numerous foster and daycare babies.

One thing we did was put our babies in their crib from birth at bedtime. Naps were everywhere especially with subsequent babies who've had to learn to nap around the older kids' schedules. When they went into the crib, they knew it was time to sleep. Babies are so smart. Whatever you choose to do, stick with it for a while before switching. Babies thrive on routines.

Hi L.! Wow!! Thats sounds like a ton of work to get to get her to sleep. By the time she's out you must be exhausted! Have you ever taken her to a chiropractor? I am a massage therapist and I work at a chiropractic office and our doctors help infants all of the time with things such as acid reflux, ear infections, sleeping problems, and even infants you spit up everything they eat. Its a holistic approach and you won't have to give your child medications. I strongly suggest that you and your husband take her into a chiropractor -find someone that you can talk with before hand so they can explain what they can do for her and answer any questions and concerns you may have. You won't be disappointed.

As far as getting her into her bedroom sleeping... I think it is alright to let her cry for a short time. She is used to you being "right there" when she cries and the longer you let it go on, the harder it will be to break the habit. Start by letting her cry in the bassinet in your room and then when she is comfortable with the move her into her own room. Hope some of this will help you out.

S.

There is a great book called Sleep Sense that you buy on-line and download to your computer. I've recommended this to many people as it was an easy read and laid out very nicely. It seems to have a mix of many sleep programs and it just made a lot of sense to us.

Good luck,
K.

I would really recomend you read the book called On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo. It is all about getting you baby on a eat, wake, sleep schedule and how to get them to self soothe so you do not have to be at your baby's beckon call. It was worked great with both of my girls (2 yrs and 4.5 mo.) It does take a little bit of work and you have to be up for a little bit of crying but it is sooo worth it in the end! (by the way it says in the book, crying does not hurt babies, in fact that's how some babies relieve stress or energy before they are able to fall asleep)

Hi L.,

I too have a Charlotte. She is 5 months old with severe reflux. She is my third child though. She has been a difficult sleeper as well. For quite a while the reflux seemed to wake her all night long which made me hesitant to let her cry. However, now we just lay her down and let her go to sleep. After a few weeks she rarely cries at all to fall asleep. I also quit sticking the pluggy in her mouth all the time. Since then she has found her thumb which is great for self soothing. If you can handle a week or two of stress, I would just start putting her in her crib and letting her figure it out. The sooner you make the transition, the easier it will be. I have been following healthy sleep, happy child for nap routines and it is working great for her. She is sleeping a lot better at night too. Getting her down for naps before she is exhausted is the key for my Charlotte. Now we are working on not feeding at night anymore.

Your Charlotte will not be damaged by a little crying and in fact it will probably help her in the long run to be able to self regulate herself a little better. I cannot stand to let my Charlotte cry for too long so I will go in and just pat her tummy and tell her I hear her but it is time to sleep. Then she at least knows we are around. I really think our babies understand a lot more than we give them credit for so talking to them about what is happening cannot hurt. Besides - if they don't understand what you are saying at least they hear our voices! :-) Hope this helps! Hang in there and things will get better.

L.,
You seem to be on the right track to "routine" good for you! Keep doing what you are doing. It is best to keep her on a persistant routine. Babies do not have routines unless the parents set them for them and it stays that way with very little interuptions for the first year. Since I have been reading alot about different concerns that new parent have on here I basically have notice that many seem to forget that thier new born is a "infant" and many new parents do not see them that way. Babies are made to be "cuddled" "soothed" "loved" "touched" "masssage"
"caressed" held with the warmth of another human being and sang too. All these positive things that are a "basic" but valital NEED for development and to survive. Babies whom are attended too on every need and cry, by all these basic needs said above. THRIVE on a much higher level than those whom are not attented and are bascially left alone. So although its seems you feel shes neeeding to much, just kindly remind yourself that Charlotte is only 4 months old and babies at this age in their life NEED you and YOU only. So basically you are doing a good thing with routine BUT incorporate the human touch and holding her on your chest so Charlotte has the connection with hearing your heart beat. Babies at this age need sense of bonding and security, for in the future bonding and feeling secure wont be that easy to establish for proper development. Good luck wish you well! KM

I have two children now, a 2 year old and a 7 week old. Mine both had(ve) colic and reflux. My older, a girl, slept in bed with me until 13 months and all of a sudden decided she wanted to be in her crib. She nursed off and on all night, and a lot of time would just touch my face to go back to sleep. We are doing the same with my son. They are only little for a short time in their lives. Don't rush it. If you need some good attachment parenting advice go to www.askdrsears.com
Good luck!

You've titled your question Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child Experience, does that indicate that you have read the book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby"? (I think I mostly have the title right) That book is tough to get ahold of through libraries because it is so good and nearly always checked out! Since you are a first time mom, it may be worth it just to buy the book. It is full of great stuff regarding sleep habits in babies.
Isn't it true husbands are always ready first on this? What a great balance they provide to moms who would probably sleep with their child until the high school years if we could.
Three of my four children (now ages 13,11,6&5)all had significant sleep issues. We used (successfully) the Ferber (spelling?) method for our son, but it was not recommended for babies under three months of age. That was really hard for me, there were times when my husband had to guard the door, but I am convinced that he never would have figured out how to soothe himself to sleep otherwise (my baby, that is). I still got up in the night to feed him of course. He didn't sleep through the night until nine months of age. Who are these people with sound sleepers and babies who lay down at bedtime and go to sleep so easily? Anyway, if you haven't read the book, I really suggest it. I don't remember if it talked about the Ferber method or not, we learned that online. But the information and other stuff in the book is gold.

Hi L. -

I have a three month old who we has transitioned to her crib - and we struggled with it as well. We started with her sleeping with us because, as a first time mom, I wanted her with me ALL THE TIME! Eventually we moved to the basinett and now she is in her crib. She has horrible gas pains nightly, so we are up with her quite a bit after 3 am. At the beginning of putting her in her crib, we let her cry...but for no longer than 10 minutes at a shot. My doctor told us that 10 minutes won't harm the baby at all. After a few nights of that, she actually enjoys her crib. We do end up putting her paci in sometimes...but usually that is when she isn't completely tired. We make sure she is at least partially awake when we lie her down and then she soothes herself with her paci. She has a 'taggie', which is a soft blanket about the size of a washcloth - and we put that in her arms...so if her paci comes out, she has learned to either suck on the taggie or use the taggie to push the paci back in her mouth.

On another note - this weekend my husband (who had been out of town all week) put her to bed with us both Fri and Sat nights, and we had a heck of a time getting her to sleep tonight - it took about an hour and a half. So beware of moving backwards. Good luck!

I have a 5 year old and a 2.5 year old. With both I used the book, "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer". It was my bible! My daughter was sleeping all night by 7 weeks. My son had a touch of reflux and was also on medication for it. He took more time...almost 6 months to sleep all night, but now they both go to bed by themselves at 7 - 7:30 and sleep in their own rooms for 12 hours! It is so important to establish the routines and discuss your feelings and plans before you go to bed so you are not making decisions in the middle of the night when you are half asleep. The sleep habits you set now will have long term effects. I am a second grade teacher and truly feel that lack of sleep has major effects on, at the very least, school performance. The "baby whisperer" says, "start as you mean to go on..." which, essentially means, any habit you start now you better be prepared to carry on for the next four years! Children are creatures of habit and need to know what to expect from their routine and what to expect from you. Try the baby whisperer, I loved it!

Thanks for the question, my daughter is now 2 months old-she sleeps in a bassinet in our room and we always give her pacifier to her right away when she starts crying. I had this question on my mind about how to start getting her to sleep better without us always comforting her with her pacifier. :-) It looks like I'll be making a trip to the library/bookstore soon!!

This is my favorite "how to" book. Have you read it? It is all about a 24-hour sleep cycle. It is NOT about "letting your baby cry it out". It is about being aware of when your child is ready to sleep, and respecting his/her need for sleep. This book saved our marriage and allowed my husband to consider having more than one child. This book is a good guide for many situations, and it will inform you just what is appropriate at each age and stage. Dr. Weissbluth repeatedly states, "Perfect timing produces no crying." At 11 weeks, your baby should still be taking multiple naps throughout the day. I try to give this book to all new mothers, and even 2nd-timers. Understanding your child's need for sleep is essential for both her and you. Another title could add the words, "Happy Parents". I highly recommend it. But READ it and apply the whole concepts, don't assume you know what it says and means. Each chapter has a summary and is organized by age for easy reference.

This is on the opposite spectrum of most of the advice you have been given, but I thought I should weigh in here as well:

I'm not sure that babies SHOULD be trained to self-soothe. I know that they CAN, but I don't necessarily think that they should. There is a lot of advice out there, in our culture, from people who urge babies to sleep on their own from very early on. We seem very focused on making our babies as independent as possible. Emotionally and developmentally, I'm not sure that this is the best choice.

Why? Babies need their mamas and daddies. They need that solid and ever-present caregiver to help them regulate themselves. They need to be cuddled, loved, rocked, and snuggled to sleep. Babies' sleeping patterns are different than that of an adult: they go in and out of deep sleep more frequently, and it takes them longer to settle down. It makes sense that they would need to re-connect with their caregiver during these potentially very scary times (finding themselves alone). Babies cannot self-regulate. They need their parents to provide assurance of safety and love, not to mention fill their little tummies when they are hungry. This is an ALL DAY job and an ALL NIGHT job as well.

So, all in all - while I'm not going to tell you what to do, I think it is important to consider the larger picture: which is, that there are other options than training your child to sleep by herself and/or worst of all, letting her cry it out [not saying that you are].

A great book to reference is 'The Discipline Book' by Sears & Sears - they have an entire chapter devoted to Sleep Discipline, which I found to be very helpful.

I have a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old, so I'm right in there with you. Good luck with your sweet Charlotte. This first year is so precious! Snuggle her as much as you can; it will pass quickly.

Hi L.,
I'm not a fan of letting a baby cry it out, but you'll find others who think it's fine. I have a 2 1/2 yo daughter who slept in bed with me until she was about 6 months old when I transitioned her into her crib (without ever letting her cry it out). I did wean her from her pacifier before this, so it wouldn't be an issue of needing to constantly put it back in her mouth. It was a quick and smooth transition for us, and I think in part it was because she was secure knowing that when she cried mommy or daddy would be there for her.
I recommend checking out the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It will give you some options to try if you want to try something besides letting your baby cry. It sounds like you guys are doing a really great job of transitioning your daughter little by little to sleeping on her own. It will come.
I have 3 week old baby boy now and I forgot how much "fun" figuring out this sleeping stuff is.
Good luck!

hi, i am probably not the best advise as i had a pretty easy baby when it came to sleeping. he's almost 3 yrs now & now has more issues with monsters & such...but what i do know a little about is the acid reflux. you can buy these foam wedgies which elevate you baby's upper body to help with the acid reflux. it also makes the baby feel more comfortable as it probably doesnt feel as wide open of a space when he/she is sleeping in/on the wedgie, remember in your womb everything was pretty closeknit..& it sounds like she likes that since she's comforted by being held while sleeping. so it may be just trying to create less of a wide open space feeling?? also, my son was hungry every 2 hours for a long time...at 4 1/2 months maybe introducing cereal would help keep her tummy full? check with your dr as i'm not sure with premies when it's safe to introduce cereal if you havent already...babies tend to sleep longer once they start eating solids...hopefully this was helpful.
good luck.

the book Secrets of the Baby Whisperer was a lifesaver for us. Our first son was a very bad sleeper (he was also a reflux baby), but once I read that and started using her EASY method (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time) it was like I had a whole different child! Before the book he would take maybe 20 minute naps and woke up at least every 2 hours. He was between 4 and 5 months when we started using it. It took maybe a week or two before he was sleeping better and he still is a pretty good sleeper although he is starting to outgrow naps now. With our second son we sort of used it (from what I remembered 2 years later LOL) and had some success, but once I re-read it and remembered the core concepts, he started sleeping like a champ too. I highly recommend it. The thing that was the best for us was that it doesn't involve leaving a screaming child which I just couldn't handle and our first son didn't respond to anyway. (He would scream until he threw up) So I never felt like I was abandoning my baby. Good Luck! Sleep deprivation is a horrible thing! : )

What's wrong with holding her longer, keeping her in your room until she is older and nurturing that contact as long as possible? Our babies stayed in our room in a bassinette until they were too big for it. Our youngest (adopted at four months) was in our room until he was over a year, because he needed that contact and has asthma, so I wanted to be able to hear him and check on him often. When he transitioned to another room, it was with a sibling for company. I didn't always rock mine to sleep, but did feed and comfort them, then lay them down when they were drowsy, with a pacifier, and put on soothing classical or instrumental music. We did the same things everyone does, pat/rub the back, reinsert the paci, etc. and eventually they learned to sleep. Every child is different, but ultimately, but the time they are about 1 1/2-2 years old, they should be able to understand when you say it's bedtime, and with a little snuggling, let you put them to bed. My five year old (also adopted, at 19 mos.) has times when he needs me to lay with him briefly, and when I leave, if he balks, I kiss him and tell him he'll be fine. He might cry a bit, but it passes because he's old enough to know I'll be there in the morning. A wee one, just a few months old, and a premie, too, needs extra nurturing. They don't know that you will be back - you have to develop that understanding in them, by returning often, lengthening the times away in tiny increments as they grow. It takes a ton of patience and perseverence, but the relationship you are building for the future will benefit tremendously. Lose a little sleep/privacy now, have a well adjusted child who trusts you later - it's worth it!

SAHM of seven, all well adjusted and happy

I was a, let the little one fall asleep in my arms and lay them down. Then, lay them down when you know they're tired, you've coudled, the eyes are drooping, she's almost there, then lay her down. every 5 min. we would replace the pacifier if needed, checking the diaper every 15 min. If she wakes up after 2 hrs. she may be hungry. I'm and adult and I get hungry every 2 hrs. My 4yr. old and 16mo. old still eat every 2 hrs. but if you think you're beginning to encourage her to wake up out of habit for food, I wouldn't worry. it's ok to take bed time a little less seriously at this age. If she is crying, she needs something, that may include a little more cuddle time. You CANNOT spoil a child under the age of 6months. Just ask your doctor.

Your situation sounds very simaliar to what we went through. Our son has reflux and we didn't start the techniques in the book till he was about 4 months old. The first thing was to do the bed time routine and to get her going to sleep the same time every night. We started with an 8:00 bed time and now he goes to sleep every night between 6:30-7:00. My other suggestion is to put her in her own room, then she won't hear you and you will also sleep better because you won't hear every noise she makes. We got a sound machine with white noise, black out blind for his room and also elevated him in his bouncy seat and that seemed to help. I wasn't until about 5 months were I felt I could let him cry it out, my doctor said that he was big enough to go through the night with out eating and so we started by waiting at least 3-4 hours between feeding if he woke up and I won't go in till it was time to eat, sometimes he would go back to sleep and sometimes he would cry that whole time, but I would let him cry till it was time for the next feeding. (I'm still nursing him) It wasn't till the last few weeks that we are now going from about 7p.m till 10 for his last feeding and then we don't hear from him again till 7 a.m. So it did take some time to get the techniques worked out but he is doing it now! Just give it some time and she will get it figured out. Stick with it and you'll have a great sleeper!

our now 7 month old was 5 months old when we went straight from the bed in our arms to his crib in his room. We put him to bed with a full tummy @ 7pm, the first 3 or 4 nights we would put him in his crib almost asleep (if possible) and put his paci in, then I would hold his hand to let him know we were there. The next night I just sat in the room with him till he fell asleep. By the 3rd I tried leaving the room. If he woke up I would let him cry for about 5 min (seems like much more) then return to the room to settle him. I make a habit of carefully changing his diaper @ 10 and he will sleep til about 5 to feed him to sleep for a few more hours of sleep. I am then able to get up in the morning and get myself going b/4 he is ready to eat again. I am now wheening him from the 5am bottle (solids will slow feeding down). If she wake b/4 she needs a feeding just change her, rub her back, and lay her down (our son will fuss a little but goes back to sleep. Once she knows you are there when you need her this will happen less frequently. Good Luck! It will be great for your family to take this step if it is what you want.

I used healthy sleep habits, happy child book. Some techniques worked, for a bit then as stages changed, I had to change methods. I was also using The baby whisperer books, so I was alternating techniques.

I guess I don't reall which book or if it was both, but from what I've read, it's been said not let them cry it out before 6 months.

the baby whisperer books has a shush pat method that might work. Basically its a cross between crying it out and tendign to your childs every cry need. You probably want to read the specifics from the book, but basically. When your baby cries, pick her up, do the shhhhh thing, pat her to help calm her, ect. As soon as she is calm, set her back down (she'll probably cry again), then when she cries, pick her up again and when she's calm (right away, don't wait). Put her back.

This is suppoesed to help teach the self soothing, while also letting them know you'll be there for them. The first night or so will take the longest, but each night should get better. She's young enough that she should adapt pretty quickly.

In case you want to read the specifics, the book is called"The baby Whisperer:how to calm, connect and communicate with your baby" by Tracy Hogg with Melinda Blau

I really liked her books.

It used to take my son a long time to get to sleep too. Then he'd wake up several times a night to be comforted or to eat. It sure makes you tired and worn out! I came across the book "Babywise" by Gary Ezzo. If you have time, I'd suggest you read it. But who has time?! It basically suggests you establish a sleep-eat-play cycle for your baby. There's something about doing it in that order that helps baby sleep. I was skeptical at how simple it sounded, but it worked! I think that'll help your baby settle down faster, and it'll help her adjust to sleeping in her own room. Good luck!

There is so much conflicting advice in our culture, getting in the way of our natural instincts. I would never leave my children to cry alone at night, either for emotional distress or physical distress. For a baby, they are one in the same.

My guess is that the same folks who shut their hearts to their babies at night are the same ones who find it "necessary" to resort to manipulative disciplinary measures (spanking, consequences, etc.,) just a short time down the road. My girls are 3 and 5 years old, had never been left to cry alone as babies and have never needed (nor received) a "spanking" or even a time-out - in their whole lives so far. They are generous and tender with each other, with their elders, and with their friends, just as their needs were generously and tenderly cared for when they were small and helpless and feeling needs for closeness and comfort. They don't perceive monsters in their closet either.

There are three books I can recommend:
1) Night-time Parenting by Dr. William Sears
2) Parenting From the Heart by Jan Hunt
3) The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley (sp?)

I hope you find a solution that works for everyone in your family, and that makes the most of each night and leaves you all free to trust and enjoy each other during the day.

Peace,
Angie