He Wants to Sell Our House :/

i'm a little taken aback by your family being so insistent that you hang onto a house that's draining your finances and causing you such huge stress at a time (new business) that's already stressful.
your house should be your castle, not a millstone around your neck.
however great a deal it was, if you can't afford it comfortably, it's not a great deal NOW.
sell it and go back to enjoying your busy life.
khairete
S.

If you can't afford a house you simply cannot afford to stay there. What is so hard about that to understand. I just don't understand your family's logic. So what if you bought when the market was low, you are selling at this point in time and taking the profits, you are buying another home at current market, it will also increase in value. So when you sell that you take those profits. In general this is revenue neutral.

In other words ignore your family, it doesn't sound like they understand anything about finances or markets.

1) Leave your extended family out of this - unless they're paying your bills it is none of their business. It's one thing to voice a concern one time ("wow that's a great property you'd be leaving") but it's another thing for their opinions to be a driving force in your financial decisions as a couple.

2) I would get a plan in place. Have you looked at Dave Ramsey's program (or something like it?). Maybe if you sat down and really ran the numbers, focused on every single penny coming in and going out every single week and month - you'd be able to clarify the best course of action.

3) I would seriously listen to my husband's concerns. It's very expensive to become a chiropractor. He will have to work hard for a number of years to come. Perhaps by "enjoy life" he'd like to have some money left to LIVE your life vs. WORK all your life.

4) Bottom line - you guys need to be a team and work together.

JMO.

ETA: We stayed in a high end property when my husband talked about selling in 2005, at the top of the market. I resisted wanting to keep stability for my kids and now I regret it. Should have listened to him more.

Look at the long-term. Lay out your savings, you earning potential, etc. If you've really cut everything and are bleeding hundreds to the point where you'll be unable to pay the mortgage in 6 months, then you need to get out of the house. Unless your family is going to pay the difference for you, it's not their call. Temporary can turn into years. You need to see what you can realistically absorb and keep a roof over your family without foreclosure or bankruptcy. You can tell your family, "We've run the numbers and this makes the best financial sense for us. I appreciate your concern, but we're selling the house." They just don't get a say. It's not their home.

Perhaps no, you don't get the same deal in the same type neighborhood. But find something that works for your family. Maybe you'll find that you really like another area or you rent for a while or you rent out your current home for a while. Friends are doing that right now - they are upside down in their mortgage, so they are renting their home in one state while living in another. The rent covers the management fees, HOA and mortgage. They can theoretically go back and sell the house or resume living there at some point. But what wasn't working was drowning in bills. Something had to give.

At the end of the day, it's you and DH who decide what four walls are around your family. Many many people downsize for many different reasons. It's not the size of the house that matters, but the people inside it. It almost sounds like your family is more worried about appearances than mental and financial health. A friend's parents sold the house when they got a new job out of the area. The father's credit card bills were so high that had they not profited from the sale, they would have been bankrupt. Many people live deep in debt and I think that your DH has the right idea to avoid it.

Your husband seems like a very responsible man. Be that responsible wife with him. I am confused as to why your parents even have any say in this decision. This is your household with your husband. You need to turn a deaf ear to your parents and only make this decision with your husband without their input. People try so hard to maintain a facade they can't afford so they can look good to the outside world. In the long run it only hurts them and makes this worse. Your husband is trying to be head of the household and make a sound decision for his family. You're lucky to have that. There are so many irresonsible men out there. You have a good one. I say move and take a breather then once you get back on your feet try again. My dad started his medical practice when I was a little girl. We lived modestly until he got his feet on the ground then upsized. It was all done responsibly. He will be 75 and my parents still live in the same house that is now paid for. You have to do what is best for your family. Do your parents what to help with the mortgage? If no, then they really need to stay out of it and let your husband do what he feels is best.

Since you can't pay your bills by 100s already, something has to give. I'm in favor of selling for a profit if you can.

Don't let anyone talk you into taking a loan against equity. Having another bill to pay will just speed up your financial ruin, and you never want to turn unsecured debt into secured debt. You can end up with nothing. HELOCs have their place, but your scenario isn't one of the smart uses.

You didn't say the actual cost of keeping your home. As a percentage of income, you should keep it under 30% including mortgage, insurance and property taxes. Higher than that starts getting close to being "house poor" meaning, the house is eating all your money.

The best advice I can give you overall is this - don't discuss finances or related plans with your family. Make your plans and decisions without their input. They can find out after the fact when it is too late to meddle.

Hi A.,

I am a financial planner so I work with these types of scenerios daily.
A few items:
You don't mention savings. Do you have any?
Can you cut costs of child care? Sometimes we are able to make major changes there.
Are there other ways - do you have an "extra" car you can sell, can you and your husband work opposite shifts so that you can eliminate or greatly reduce need for child care, can husband pick up an extra job nights/ weekends until business is more profitable? Can you pick up extra shifts (a weekend day)?
If the answers to all of these are no, then your husband may be right. Also, take a look at your mortgage and see if you need to refinance? I would not suggest taking the equity in a home equity loan but if you are at 5% or above, you MAY be able to refinance into a lower mortgage payment.
Also, what is your husband's plan for living after selling the house? Is he content to rent and will that be cheaper than your house costs? This is major because with a new business you may not be able to get a new mortgage - many banks won't lend until a business has been proven for 2-3 years!!!!

After you work through the above, if you will run through savings in 6 months, you do need to come up with either a way to reduce costs or increase income.
I would be happy to answer questions if you have them.

Cheers, C.

You are obviously over your head in this house, no matter how great your deal was when you got in.

Your husband is trying to look out for his family and his reputation as a Dr. since trying to establish a practice to eliminate as much debt as possible and provide for his family.

If you are hundreds behind each month and you keep the same path, you will lose your house because those hundreds a month you are short will continue to increase and you will continue to find other ways to pay bills by other means which could be credit card debt, bowing out on student loans, etc. You are already on a slippery slope and you don't want it to get worse which will lead to bankruptcy. That will not be a fun experience.

At this point, you should already have a savings account, at least 1 retirement account well on its way and some college savings for your children. Please, talk to a financial counselor who can guide you through this process. I understand you are trying to weigh pros and cons.

Lastly, you are married and in a partnership with your husband. You are not married to your family and they have no business knowing your financial business. How can you listen to them and respect their opinion if they are pressuring you to continue on a path that will lead to financial ruin for your family. You do not OWE your family any explanations of anything.... you are a grown married wife and mother.

My vote is to sell, get out of debt, save money and somewhere down the road long term, upgrade housing IF you can financially afford it. There will be other great neighborhoods and homes in the future.

Think delayed gratification!

Personally, I think you should listen to your husband. Your family doesn't know your budget like he does and it's none of their business, quite frankly. The only ones who get a day are your husband and you, and if I were your husband, I would not appreciate the inlaws getting into my business.

It mighty be a great house, but honestly.... You cannot afford it.

Kids only get more expensive... Cars breakdown..... Accidents happen. Sounds like you will have no money for these things should they happen.

Living on a tight budget continually is very stressful.

Mortgages can be adjusted. However property taxes, school fees, bussing fees, water fees, etc. cannot and will probably only go up.

As you start looking for housing keep these in mind.

Being fiscally responsible means living "with in" your means not outside of them.

I would thank family for input and then keep them out of it. Your financial business is not their financial business. Teach your children how to be fiscally responsible, not people pleasers.

Good luck!

I think your husband is right.

It doesn't matter how great a neighborhood it is, or how great the deal was....if you can't afford the house you need to move into one that you can afford.

Imagine what it will feel like to have money to spare. To be able to save again. To not worry about which bills you can wait to pay and which you can't.

Moving into a home you can afford is absolutely worth the peace of mind.

I haven't been in your position but I think you need to put on your big girl panties and stop discussing your finances with your family, period. If they ask, just say that your finances are between you and your husband. I just can't imagine even sharing this kind of info with my family or thinking that their opinion holds any water. Are they finance or real estate professionals? Unless they are, stop bouncing ideas off of them.

As to what to do...run the numbers. If you and your husband aren't really numbers people or only one of you is (sounds like he is or at least thinks he is) and the other doesn't really trust that person's assessment, then talk to a finance professional. Could be someone you pay a fee to, or someone else you trust (perhaps whoever runs the books for his chiropractic practice if you can trust that person with your personal finances, or ask around - your friends, not your family LOL - for a recommendation). The numbers will tell the story. Either you have enough in reserves to weather this storm or you don't.

Based on just what you wrote, I would be inclined to side with your husband. Living paycheck to paycheck with no safety net or savings is stressful and miserable. If you have more house than you need and could comfortably move to something smaller and save enough in your mortgage payment to be able to not wipe out your savings and be able to pay your bills every month, then that makes sense to me. Living in a house you can't afford just to maintain appearance and please your family sounds foolish.

Well the fact that you could seriously loose your house in 6 months. That would be a red flag to me. Sell your house. Your husband is doing the best he can.

If you are several hundred dollars a month short I assume that means you are using credit cards to pay your bills? NOT good. Your family must be clueless when it comes to money. It sounds like you're just getting deeper in the hole every month and your husband wants that to stop. I would too!
If you want some objective advice talk to a financial advisor or credit counselor. But really what matters is NOT what your family thinks, but what you and your husband decide together. Unless your family is somehow financially involved they really shouldn't have an opinion, their role should be a supportive one, not a judgemental one.

Two choices: Continue to live beyond your means and possibly lose your house. Or, downsize, live within your budget, and keep your credit in good standing.

Sounds like a no-brainer! Your sister/parents don't get a say in this one!

See a professional financial adviser immediately before you make ANY big decisions! If you think you can't afford one, you can -- your bank will provide these services to you free as a customer. Schedule it and be sure both you and your husband go, and the kids are with the relatives or a sitter, so you can focus 100 percent on a plan. See if you can keep your home. This should have been part of his planning for his own business, to be honest, and if he did not get business advice at that time, he needs to now - though for the business side he may need help beyond what a personal banker can provide.

You do have to think ahead about (1) your kids, schooling and saving for college) and (2) your own retirements and (3) a cushion in case of disaster, huge damage to the house, etc. It sounds as if maybe those things were not factored in to the business decision. The location for the house sounds very good, and $60,000 will vanish pretty quickly if you get it in hand but then have to use it up to pay monthly bills. I'd really work fast to get some professional advice and see if you can create a plan to pay the bills and keep the house. Can you renegotiate your monthly mortgage payments?

One red flag is waving hard here, to me. You write that your husband wants to sell the house and have money, now, before his business is profitable, so you can "enjoy life" today. That is not a useful attitude for a new business owner who is having trouble making basic monthly bills. What does he mean when he says "enjoy life"? Does he want cable back; want to go out to eat more; want to have more to spend...on what, precisely? I would talk with him in detail (and again --no kids around, at a time and place when he and you are calm and not rushing off somewhere). I really would question the "enjoy life" idea. What does he want to do with the money he'd get? Has he thought through the fact that if you move, you could end up in a place for far longer than a few years if his business is slow to pick up? Does he realize the impact on schooling? Does whatever "enjoy life" entails mean more than those things? I could see someone saying "I need that money to put into the business" or something like that - but that is not what he's saying, is it? Red flag that maybe he values the things you've cut out to meet your bills. That isn't the thinking of a business owner.

Do not mention your family's opinions to him. Do not ask them what to do. That is opening your marriage up to too much interference. That's another reason to bring in a professional here. Your husband might dig in his heels and not want to do what his in-laws want, but he may listen with respect to an outside third party. Don't involve your family or even inform them; say, "We'll keep you posted when and if any decision is made." Nothing more.

Will your extended family be there to help support your family financially (unconditionally) if you choose to keep the house, but go further and further into debt until your husband can make his practice more profitable? I doubt it. Your husband is more than reasonable in his thinking. It's better to sell the house and live within your means and enjoy your life every once in a while with your children than to go into debt, possibly lose your house, and possibly file for bankruptcy. Be practical.

Well, I would say sell the house. But before I do that, I would have a plan that in x years you will have a your bills paid down and off if possible. You will have the retirement funds, rainy day fund, college fund, vacation fund. You will have enough money back in the bank to buy a new home and move.

Some doctors starting out are not in the dream home, they work up to that. Having the needed home can be anywhere not just the exclusive neighborhood of xyz. Besides when it comes time to move, you may not want to live in that neighborhood as it has changed. Go small and plan to work big. Remember baby steps to start and continue to the big steps and running.

If you two don't do something you will be in foreclosure or bankruptcy and that is not where a doctor wants to be starting out in a practice. Look at it from a professional point -- who would come to your office if you are having financial problems? No one.

Keep your family out of your marriage business. They are not your partners who share your ups and downs and your deepest secrets anymore your husband is. I have a son who is married and I do not know is financial health and I don't want to know as it will do me no good in my household.

Good luck. Maybe you guys need Dave Ramsey as well as a financial planner to help you out and put you on the right path.

the other S.

PS There is a thing call "Delayed Gratification" which could be 5 to 10 years down the road not NOW as in instant gratification. Got to get a game plan or you won't make it.

I am trying to understand why you and your husband didn't run the numbers before he opened his own practice.

Run the numbers, take into account you will have to pay some of that $60,000 to a real estate agent and your moving costs. While I'm wouldn't be opposed to the selling of the house, you and your husband need to get your financial "house" in order first.

This is a decision between you and your husband. Stop involving your parents and sister. This is none of their business. I'm just curious, could you really afford the house to begin with? Its not a deal if you can't afford it. Good luck!!

Is your family going to pay your bills? If not, at the end of the day you have to do what's right for your immediate family. I know it sounds harsh, and it probably is, but it's also your reality right now.

I think before you make any definite decisions, talk to a realtor about realistic expectations for the sale of your house, your mortgage company for the pay off amount and a bank to see what you qualify for as far as a new mortgage.

It sounds to me that you may need to downsize if the numbers suggest it. However, you really need to go over the true numbers and find out if downsizing will really help you out that much.

Ask your parents if they will cover the shortfall each month bc if they don't, in 6 months you will have gone through your savings and not be able to pay your bills. If they will tide you over, great. If not, ask them what else you're supposed to do then? Go into credit card debt? The last is a rhetorical question... Of course you're not supposed to do that. And 6 months does not give you all that long to get a house sold and closed. Of course you need to move. I can't imagine staying in a house that we can't cover monthly... Things likely will get better but then you should restart saving before you move back into the bigger house. I applaud your husband for being sensible. Stinks but you gotta do it. I have a friend who was in a similar situation. They moved and she's SO glad. For one, she likes the smaller house better and it's a more fun neighborhood but she said the lifting of that stress made a world of difference in their lives.

We were in a similar situation a few years ago, but we were underwater in our home after the housing crash, so we couldn't sell and make a dime. We stayed. It is working out, but not for lack of stress and hard work. If I were you, I'd take a look around at some smaller properties and see what is out there and see what you qualify for with your husband's business. It's much harder to get a loan when you own your own business, even when it's profitable. The idea of less stress always appeals to me. If you are like us though, you'll make either scenario work no matter what. We lived lean for several years and it has become such a great habit that we will be better off down the line. When the kids are young, it's easier to stay close to home and not spend much.

If you are seriously going to loose your house in 6 months I don't think you have a choice, you must sell while you can still get something out of the house. It may not be as much as you think however. You must consider any repairs you will have to make to your existing house, Realtor commission fees, transfer taxes etc.

My husband started his own business 6 years ago and I am a SAHM. He went for over a year making $0. We accumulated 6 figures of debt (actually we borrowed against our house because we had a lot of equity) Things were really tight but we hung on and I am so glad we did. My husband has always been our best investment and we knew it was a short term problem. He ended up landing a huge contract and we got rid of our debt.

Only you and your husband can answer this question and you don't owe an explanation to any family members.

One last thought though, is there any way you could refinance at a cheaper rate?

Best of luck!! I understand your stress.

It's always easy to look on from the outside. They don't see the struggle, they being your family. So unless they want to help pay the bills, I think your husband is right.

There is something about being house poor that doesn't sit well. Life will be better when you can breathe financially. Unless there is some way to make it work, I tihnk your husband has the right idea.

ON ANOTHER NOTE: I'll be in Simpsonville this weekend...assuming your weather isn't too bad. Is it okay? The roads okay? My sister lives in Fountain Inn...Thanks!!!

I am trying to understand why you are feeling in the middle. You are on the other side of a decision, not in the middle. Did they all pay for your house? Why does your 'other' family have a factor in this. You and your husband are family. You and he. You don't need to explain this to anyone if they are not paying your bills. A house is a house.It is a roof over your head, a haven for you when you have moments together and a place where you establish your own traditions and love.And that can be in a tiny apartment or a motor home or an apartment. I have owned a couple of them. It is a home with the one you love. It is never a foolish decision if it is based on what your in your marriage for: a life time of love and commitment.

Is the constant stress and financial worry worth staying in your current home and appeasing your extended family?

Would it be better for your family (you, hubby and kids) if you sold now?

Is your "well-meaning" family going to help you keep your current home?

I often think about downsizing....we just haven't because we haven't needed to yet. But I think that quality of life (which includes stress level) is worth far more than what your address is.

You and your husband are the two people who are going to make this decision. Unless your family can help in some financial way, I'd stop talking with them about this topic. People are going to have their opinions, but no one can decide except you and your hubby. What if you decided to listen to your parents and then you lost your house in 6 months? Talk with your husband and make a plan. Share the plan with the rest of the family once you've decided together.

Sounds like downsizing would be a good choice for your family. There is no shame in downsizing. In fact if you can downsize and manage to get into a 15 year vs. 30 year mortgage you will do so much better financially. It will save you a ton of stress. You'll have some wiggle room and you can upgrade if and when things are going better.

how is your credit? are you missing payments on anything? late on anything? if the goal is truly to stay there, and the likelihood of your husband's practice becoming profitable enough to sustain in a couple years(maybe have a CPA look at it?), why not look into a home equity loan? if you are currently buried in credit card debt and such, that's not gonna be a feasible option - but if you're current and not otherwise in debt and you are VERY sure this will turn around, that may get you through...

ETA: Here's something I just saw - don't know if it will help, but it's a thought...

http://www.dailyfinance.com/2014/02/12/2-jobs-no-sleep-de...

Original:
Nothing your friends and family say can help with this decision. You need to be talking to a tax accountant. Usually the mortgage deduction is the one single thing that makes a big difference in your taxes. What you don't want is to find out that you really wouldn't be saving anything because you lost your mortgage deduction.

THAT'S the biggest issue, A.. Get REAL numbers, not opinions.

Some people swap houses every few years - it works for them.
They enjoy moving - and it certainly helps keep the closets cleaned out and keeps the clutter from accumulating.
It doesn't work for me.
I like setting down roots, planting trees, gardens, lilacs, etc - that's hard to do if you move every few years.
If Hubby's practice will be better in a few years (and you really love the house/yard/neighborhood/schools, etc) then stick it out where you are.
What ever you and your Hubby decide - don't discuss it with your family until after you do it.
You don't ask for their opinions or advice - you inform them after the fact what you have done.
Whether they like it or not is irrelevant.
If they say
"I would not have done that"
then you say
"Well, I'm not you and this is what works for me".

We had a lot of debt, job security was uncertain, paying high private school fees, a higher mortgage. There was too much stress. We downsized, paid off our debt, bought a cheaper, smaller, but lovely house just around the corner from the local free public school. Best decision ever. We are enjoying life, the children are doing well, our little house is gorgeous, and apart from our mortgage we have no debt. So much better!

Updated

We had a lot of debt, job security was uncertain, paying high private school fees, a higher mortgage. There was too much stress. We downsized, paid off our debt, bought a cheaper, smaller, but lovely house just around the corner from the local free public school. Best decision ever. We are enjoying life, the children are doing well, our little house is gorgeous, and apart from our mortgage we have no debt. So much better!

There is too much missing from your post to make a decision. This is all about numbers. You need to ask yourselves some questions:

How much is your husband making now? How much does he project he'll increase that in the next six months? Around here nurses make a good living, how close to living on just your salary are you? What percent of your income are you paying in mortgage each month? Did you overbuy or is this just a temporary struggle?

You will not realize a 60K profit from the sale of your house even if you sell for the price you want. Moving and buying another house costs a lot of money and you likely won't realize the profit you think you will. Have you had an appraisal? Checked RECENT nearby comps? What's the market look like in your area, is it stagnant, going up, going down?

Personally, selling a house for (hopefully) a 50-60K profit seems very short sighted to me. How much of a reduction in mortgage will you get by moving? How much of that 50K will you have to put down? How long can you live comfortably with that extra cushion assuming there is any? What will you do when it's gone?

There are so many questions you need to answer. You need to honestly and precisely figure out where you stand and then make a plan based on that information.

Finally, lots of people here are saying not to listen to your family. I would always seriously consider my parents advice in these matters, especially my Dad. If you trust him and he has your best interests in mind why in the world wouldn't you consider his opinion? I can't believe how many posters say ignore your parents, life experience is a very valuable trait.

Honestly, IF you're truly confident that your husband's practice will pick up, and that you'll be on better financial footing in a few years, it might make sense to think about a home equity loan. But only if you're really confident on that.

Either way, though, it's just not a great idea to have expensive enjoyment habits. If enjoying life means having cable and eating out regularly, that's not only expensive, it also cuts you off from all kinds of avenues for fun. Your kids will have much more wonderful, creative childhoods if you don't put a lot of money toward electronic entertainment. And you can cook amazing, delicious, very reasonable meals based on affordable produce from farmers' markets -- but you have to discipline yourselves to fall in love with your kitchen. It's a transition. But it's wonderful if you can make it work.

Just went through this. I wanted to sell, husband didn't and fought me on it the whole way. It was just crippling us. Best thing we ever did. Sold it and are building a new one and paying for it with the equity we put in the house. Husband now THRILLED at picking out new things instead of fighting a broken house. We will never again have the beautiful location we had or the property but the effort and money it takes to maintain it wasn't manageable. Your family means well but it's not their decision. It's between you two. I can tell you this. Just not having a mortgage anymore has helped ease our stress immensely!! Best of luck!!

I do not know your parents' situation. Would they be willing to give you a loan at no interest? Could they be available to babysit to reduce daycare cost? Could you put the girls in one room and have a relative/friend rent a room for a bit?

Sounds like you are weighing all your pro's and con's. Down sizing your home could make the most sense. I bought when the interest rate were really low and notice they have gone up a bit in the last 2 years. Check to make sure that the payments on a cheaper house still have cheaper monthly mortgage rates.

edit: could you rent out this current house for more than what you pay? I noticed another post with this idea. It could make sense to rent it out and get extra money and then rent a small apt or home. This too is stressful incase the renter leaves and you go months without a renter.

You side with your husband. Doesn't really matter what it's about. You always side with your husband (at least in public).

Curious: So have you opened your accounting books to your family? If not, don't ask for their opinions cause they are only giving one not based in reality.

Here's what I think. Housing costs right now are down. I agree that it's scary the longer you wait. But if your house doesn't sell for a couple of months then you'll have to come down and won't get any profit at all.

My sister sold her house last spring and they asked less than they paid for it and had only been in it a few years. They ended up having to borrow money to pay it off with the sale. They had some equity in it too. But the buyers know people who are putting their houses up for sale are having a hard time getting what they want. So they wait it out and then they get that house for thousands and thousands less.

And you're right, you may not be able to get back in this neighborhood for years if at all. What if tomorrow houses start selling better and for higher prices. Say your house sold for $400k today but tomorrow it was worth $500K and you found yourself looking at fix it ups for $500K and couldn't get a loan to buy it since you didn't make any money on the house you sold.

It's an iffy market. The only thing you can do is decide. I wouldn't do anything until talking to a Realtor, have one come in and do an evaluation to see what they think they can sell the house for. Then take off 10-15%. that's a good estimate of what you might get. Find out what you can qualify for. Then go look around to see what is available for that price.

Then see what sort of conditions you might have to live in, see what neighborhoods those houses are in, how far he'd have to drive, etc...

If you're house poor you're house poor and you can't keep that up. You bought a house that you can't afford. If you can afford it but need more income then perhaps hubby can get a second job in the evenings and on weekends to make some more money.

You 2 have to do the whole thing, find out how much your house could sell for but don't expect that much, then find out what is available for the money you might have once it's all said and done. Then see if it's better to make more sacrifices to keep your current home or if there is no way you can afford the house you bought. Then it's time to let it go and move on. Even if it means living in the poor side of town for a few years.

Updated

Here's what I think. Housing costs right now are down. I agree that it's scary the longer you wait. But if your house doesn't sell for a couple of months then you'll have to come down and won't get any profit at all.

My sister sold her house last spring and they asked less than they paid for it and had only been in it a few years. They ended up having to borrow money to pay it off with the sale. They had some equity in it too. But the buyers know people who are putting their houses up for sale are having a hard time getting what they want. So they wait it out and then they get that house for thousands and thousands less.

And you're right, you may not be able to get back in this neighborhood for years if at all. What if tomorrow houses start selling better and for higher prices. Say your house sold for $400k today but tomorrow it was worth $500K and you found yourself looking at fix it ups for $500K and couldn't get a loan to buy it since you didn't make any money on the house you sold.

It's an iffy market. The only thing you can do is decide. I wouldn't do anything until talking to a Realtor, have one come in and do an evaluation to see what they think they can sell the house for. Then take off 10-15%. that's a good estimate of what you might get. Find out what you can qualify for. Then go look around to see what is available for that price.

Then see what sort of conditions you might have to live in, see what neighborhoods those houses are in, how far he'd have to drive, etc...

If you're house poor you're house poor and you can't keep that up. You bought a house that you can't afford. If you can afford it but need more income then perhaps hubby can get a second job in the evenings and on weekends to make some more money.

You 2 have to do the whole thing, find out how much your house could sell for but don't expect that much, then find out what is available for the money you might have once it's all said and done. Then see if it's better to make more sacrifices to keep your current home or if there is no way you can afford the house you bought. Then it's time to let it go and move on. Even if it means living in the poor side of town for a few years.

Couple things to consider: on one hand, you said that he wants to sell so that during the next few years while his practice is growing, you would have less bills and could still "enjoy life". Based on that, I wouldn't sell something you describe as a great house, great neighborhood, great schools which you might not get back into.

But, you said later that you are short several hundred dollars each month and you may lose the house in 6 months. And you can't save much more by cutting bills. If that is the case, I would ABSOLUTLEY sell the house of you can and either move in with family or get a dirt cheap house and save as much money as possible over next few years to pay down debt so that after the next few hard years, you can afford to live easily and even pay a bit more to get back into the great neighborhood.

Finally, I second the thought that your family's opinions that you should stay there, which seems kind of a like a roll of the dice to me, are not a basis for a sound decision. They don't know all the ins and outs of your situation, so I would not worry about their thoughts. You have to think of your 3 girls and their future, regardless what others think. Good luck to you!

Moving is expensive! Even a local move with run you a few grand. Put that money toward bills and stay put!

A few ideas: can one of your parents (or any other family member) watch your chid/ren (who are not school-aged) during the day, so you can get rid of the cost of daycare? Or, can they help out with paying for daycare (and you will pay them back in a year or two)?

Refinance! If you don't already have a 30 year mortgage, get one! That will reduce your monthly mortgage payments. And in a few years when your financial situation is better, you can always refinance again to a 15 or 20 year mortgage.

Also - can any family member on either side loan you some money for the next year or so?

Regarding downsizing - my husband always says that it's not the house that puts you back financially - it's everything else - food, gas, utilities, student loans, car payments, etc. Unless you were to buy a house that is at least $100,000 less than your current house, I do not think moving and downsizing will be worth it. And even at $100,000 less, I'm still not sure it will be worth it. You would have to do the math.

Your mother is right - your financial situation is temporary, and as your sister said, you got a great deal on your house - so I would stay put. Unless - since you got such a great deal, and since the housing market is so good right now (at least it is where I live in Texas), perhaps it would make sense to move if you could make a LOT of money on your house, as well as buy a house that is at least $100,000 less. Then, perhaps it would be worth it...

So, I might be changing my mind in my advice to you - only if you could make a lot of money on your house and buy another house for a significant amount less. However, if buying a much cheaper house means sacrificing the quality of education for your kids, then FORGET IT! Since you said you are zoned for great schools, you want to make sure you are always zoned for great schools, so if your much cheaper house would still be zoned for great schools, then you might want to go for it and move, making sure you do the math!

Also, if you do decide to move, now is the perfect time to put your house on the market - March or April is the beginning of the prime real estate season! Also, if you decide to sell your house, do NOT use a realtor! You will save thousands of dollars by not using a realtor. The buyer's realtor will become your realtor (so only one realtor will get a commission, as opposed to two). All you need to do is pay a small fee to have your house listed on the MLS. Message me if you need more info on that! Good luck!

As soon as you said, "My family says..." I cringed and sucked air through my teeth. Keep your family and their opinions out of it. This has to be between you and your husband and a financial counselor. Go to the bank and talk to one of their financial counselors. And apologize to your husband for airing your dirty laundry to your parents and siblings. What you did amounts to ganging up on him rather than trying to work on a solution together.

Do you have any other options, such as refinancing that you could look into. I know your cutting back but is there anything else you could do to increase income for a little bit?
What would the new home and location be like? Would you still be in a neighborhood you like with good schools?
If you feel like your family is normally not intrusive, you should consider what they are saying even though you and your husband have to make this decision.

I agree with other posters - unless your family is helping to pay your bills, they don't get an opinion. This is between you and your husband. Sounds like you need to downsize. If you were to loose your house in the next 6 months because you can't afford it, then you'll be leaving the "great neighborhood" anyway. Who cares if it will be hard to get back into the neighborhood. I'd choose being able to pay my bills and sleep at night over living in a better neighborhood any day. Good luck.