Having a Daily Routine

I had the same problem until my daughter started pre-school. Once we had set pickup and drop off times a more predictable routine started to form around those times. Just start with those times and then build other activities around them, but don't worry about having everything scheduled. Flexibility is good too.

I am not an organized person by any standard, but with three kids(6, 4, 1), a routine really helps. Routine is not the same as a schedule. A schedule is doing things at the same time daily (pretty rigid), whereas a routine is just doing things in the same order. Getting a routine really helped when my oldest started kindergarten. It totally helps with bedtime and getting out the door. The best thing that has come along to help me (and I completely recommend to anyone who needs organization help for real life) www.flylady.net

One, you are not a horrible mother. Two, know the difference between a schedule and a routine. A schedule is by the clock and a routine is a pattern. Children benefit from a routine because they feel safe knowing what to expect. A schedule, as you're finding, is difficult to maintain. It's difficult to maintain because you are dealing with children who have no concept of time. So, cut yourself some slack. Plus, it can be stressful for all involved. I am a teacher by profession and a mother of 2 boys. Here is an example of our routine... wake up in morning and have breakfast. Play time/scheduled activity. 10-ish have snack and a morning nap if needed or more play time/scheduled activity. Noon-ish have lunch. If no morning nap, have nap after lunch. If had morning nap, have play time/scheduled activity. 3-ish have snack. If had morning nap, and afternoon nap is in order. Otherwise play time/scheduled activity. Have dinner 5-ish or 6-ish. Quiet activity after dinner. 7-ish or 8-ish start bedtime routine. Bath. Lotion. Diapers. PJs. Book. Soothing music. Bed. I schedule a lot of activities because I personally can't entertain my kids 24-7. On Mondays we go to a friend's house where the kids play and the moms do yoga. Tuesdays we go to the library for story hour and to gymnastics. Wednesdays is dance. Preschool is Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Before my son was old enough for preschool we scheduled play dates or baby sitting trades. Other scheduled activities we've done are soccer, tee ball, swim lessons, etc. But don't over schedule. Kids need down time to just play. And moms need a break, too. When your schedule or routine falls apart --- don't worry (That's life.). Your kids will be fine. It's good for your kids (and yourself) to learn to be flexible. Another word I wanted to mention is structure. The opposite of structure is just letting your kids do whatever they want. That's good sometimes. An example of structure is facilitating play. Sometimes kids need someone to model how to play. For example, get out the play-doh for the kids to play with. When they've lost interest in that, get out the legos. When they've lost interest in that, get out the lincoln logs. So on and so forth. Now, I also think it's ok to use the computer and tv in moderation (1 show - 1 movie max)--- so mom can have a break. Some educational shows --- Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer, Diego, Blues Clues, Little Einsteins, Word Girl, Leapfrog series, etc. Some educational websites --- PBS kids, Noggin, etc. Requires interaction, age appropriateness, and no commercials. Anyways... that is what works for me. Pick what fits your personality (and your children's personalities). As long as you're loving and supportive, your children will do well in school and in life.

There is no doubt that routine is good for children (all of us really). But there is no need to be so hard on yourself. There is no need to have every minute of every day be absolutely routine or scheduled - nor is it realistic. As you pointed out, things happen all the time to throw us off. If you are a person who likes routine and/or wants routine for your kids, the most important things to keep routine are nap and eating schedules. It can be great to have more routine than that, but it's not necessary. (None of it is absolutely necessary - just helpful.) Even the fact that you have a nighttime routine is great. Your children understand that there is a certain time of day that certain things always happen. That is enough for most kids to do just fine in preschool. So go easy on yourself. There's something to be said for variety. Maybe you could try just to stick to naps & meals at roughly the same times & see if your kids benefit. If you don't see much of a difference, it's probably not worth the stress. Good luck!

A routine can't be too strict, especially with such little girls. The most important things canhave a specific time (lunch, nap, bed) but everything else canjust go with the flow.

Make a schedule with pleanty of room for new things that might come up, but stick to it. Be realistic! Don't take on more than you HAVE TO. I can't stress this, and always follow through with fun activities with your girls. Make it a priority because they won't be little for much longer. I just have a few must do's like breakfast8am, sesame street 10am, playtime until noon followed by a snack(fruit) and a nap. When she wakes up we have lunch and are free until about five when we go to the park or the gym followed by dinner and then we're free until bath time.

Get a notebook and write down all of the things that you need to do for the day...do it the evening before if possible. Then label each item according to priority. A's are of the utmost importance, B's are next on the list, and then C's and D's. Then plan out your day by the hour marking the A's and B's on the time chart. During the other time slots, try to fit in one of the C's or D's. Also, only do something for half an hour. If you feel you can devote a little more time, then do an additional half an hour. If ALL the dishes don't get done it's not a big deal...they'll go on to the next day's list. At the end of each day write down what you DID accomplish and how it made you feel. Then write down 1 way in which you could improve for the next day. I had to do this for a class in college. It took me two months before I finally felt comfortable with how to prioritize and schedule.

Good Luck

I have two boys, 2 and 4 years and have found that a schedule is necessary! They've been on the same schedule practically since they were babies. They always know when to expect meals and snacks, and they know that after lunch is nap time no matter what. We run errands or go to playdates, or whatever in the mornings, and are always home by lunch time. They nap from about 1 pm until they are ready to wake up on their own. The only time we vary from this schedule is if family is in town and we're doing some kind of all day fun outing, or if someone is sick. So, more or less, our schedule is
breakfast
play
snack
errand/outing
lunch
nap
snack
play
dinner
play
bath
tv
bed

I too am fairly unorganized and have trouble keeping to a schedule. So I'll tell you what has worked for me, and I hope it helps. You're already doing great with a regular bedtime - I think sleep is our most important physical need. Now I would recommend thinking about what is the next most important thing, according to you. Regular mealtimes? Would a weekly meal plan help you (chicken on Monday, a hamburger casserole on Tuesday, etc.)? My current project is getting everyone (including me) to pick up their stuff every night, so we don't get overwhelmed by the mess.
Now, I've said all that assuming that you really do want to be more scheduled for your own sake, or because of some concrete goal like better nutrition. I'm not convinced that kids need a routine as much as "everyone" says. I suspect that some kids do and some don't, and which things need to be quite regular will vary with every kid. Good luck with it!

When my husband went back to school for his masters a few years ago we began waking our girls up (they were ages 1 year and 3 years old at the time) in the morning because it was the only time they would be able to see him. (Consequently bedtime began earlier.) I loved it! I know lots of moms who let their kids sleep in until whenever but waking our kids up was the best thing for us. It gave us family time, made the mornings go smoother because we were getting a better, more consistent start and truly helped me solidify my morning routine and our bedtime routine. I got my personal time without the kids in the evening instead of the morning and my kids actually seemed to go to be better earlier than when we put them down late and let them sleep until whenever.

Now, having said that, I think it is normal for routines to go through various stages depending on what is happening in the family. So don't kick yourself for having a transition period in your family routine. And know that the whole day doesn't always have to be in routine but parts of it should. FlyLady has many good ideas. I got some great ideas in community classes I took a few years ago on home organization too. You may find community classes helpful too. Many of those resources say that the two most important routines are morning and night. I agree and suggest that you start by choosing the 3 most important things for your household to function in the morning and the 3 most important things at night. Write them down, post them where you and everyone else can see them and just focus each morning and each night on those three things. Usually more than 3 things becomes overwhelming. For example my 3 morning things are: Make beds, Unload dishwasher, feed pets. My 3 night things are: Start dishwasher, sweep floor, and get mail. As simple as that. I take responsibility for them but we all do them together. When you've got that down so you can function without your three things each morning and night you'll be ready to focus on more. Good luck!

Ok, chill out, call down, and don't worry so much. I have a 6 yr. old and a 3 yr. old, and I used to worry about how I was going to get everything done and still create a routine for the kids (and myself). I soon realized that it really doesn't matter as much as we women types think it does. You should know that I am opposed to preschool because I think the longer you have your children home, the better. They can learn everything they need to know before Kindergarten from you. It just takes effort and time. So, when my son started Kindergarten he was put in the afternoon class. In Idaho they only do half days of Kindergarten. He doesn't go to school until 12:30, so most days I let him hang out in his PJs until time to get ready for school. He builds things with legos, reads books, colors, plays with his sister, etc. I think letting our kids be kids is a GREAT thing. In this day, there are too many schedules and programs to revolve our lives around. So, the routines of family time are far more important that those you seem to be stressing about. Also, the more your children see you freaking about routines, the more you will notice they will react to that. The less stress we create in our kids' lives at such an early age, the better off they will be in the long run. My husband's work schedule changes every 4 months. He works days for 4 months, then nights for 4 months. Therefore our schedule as a family changes. From this experience for the last 6 years with kids has shown me that kids tend to deal with change easier when everything isn't dictated from hour to hour. So, in my opinion you should just relax and take life as it comes. I personally enjoy hanging with my kids in PJs until it is absolutely necessary to get ready for the day. Life is more fun that way.

Once your older daughter starts preschool the routine will establish itself. Be thankful for the freedom you have now, because as they get older and start school and activities a lot of your time is scheduled. As long as you get them to bed and naps and do miles around the same time, that's not a bad "schedule". Take advantage of it now, because it goes away soon!

You are not a horrible mom. Just busy like the rest of us. Good for you to have a good evening routine. I still don't have that down every night. Letting your kids (especially at 4 and 2) is a healthy thing. If they are waking themselves up, then they are getting enough sleep. Good job!

Start with small goals, This week we will have breakfst together. Or this week we will play a game together each day. Once you do that then expand it. You don't have to be a super mom to be a great mom. At this age you should focus on creating memories and tradtions with your kids. Who cares if the dishes are in the sink or you put off shampooing the dog. Wink!

If you are the type that likes a schedule... do like supernanny. Write it out and post it where everyone can see it. If you get off track, it will be easy to jump back in.

Always remember the word NO. You don't have to do everything all the time. Just remember to enjoy motherhood. It passes too quickly.

I don't know what you are planning for the day, but maybe when you make your plans you are overbooking. I found that the only schedule that worked or that I needed was to have meal, bath time, and nap/bedtimes regular every day. I frequently had at least one child in a class so that added to the schedule. Otherwise, I would have a tentative list of activities to do if they worked out and we would do them, if they didn't work out I didn't stress out about it.

Hi M.,

It sounds like you a a very good mom, you should not be too concerned about keeping a schedule, because your kids are so small. What they need you are already giving them "your time".
Alot of moms and dads make the mistake of planning too much of their children's lives, and that sometime involves being apart from them throughout their lives.

What I do when I feel like I need to, is to make a list the night before of things I need to do. As I accomplish those things I cross them off the list. It gives me a sense that I have actually done something.
As far as your kids are concerned, my grandsons are the same age. They help their mom do simple things like get a diaper and wipes, pick up toys in the evening...(A game to see who can put the most toys in the basket)...As for morning activities, they can put their plates in the sink etc.

I am blessed in knowing that when I put God first to start each day, that He gets me through it.

Consistency is the key to making a habit.
Hope this helps you out.

Blessings,
C.

You are not a bad mom at all. You just need to figure out what is important. If a schedule is important (which I personally feel is huge to have one) then do it. It doesn't have to be rigid, but you shouldn't let kids sleep until they wake up really, I can say 9:30pm is late for a 2 and 4 year old. When do you and your husband have anytime together??? Also your 4 year old will be going to school before too long and it will help her to be used to routine and going to bed earlier.

Try starting by getting them to bed no later then 8:00, then they will probably be up aroun 7am. Have breakfast, get them dressed and have some play time. I usually throw a load of laundry in and get my daughter to school. I come back clean up the kitchen while my son plays with one of the boys I babysit, then just get some stuff done around here. About 10:00 they want a snack, then around noon I make lunch, get my son to school. Then I get some downtime and then it is time to get everyone from school.

It isn't rigid, it isn't the same way every day, but meals, sleep and the preparation for school is the same every day. It runs things smoother and everyone is a lot more secure and happy. You can create whatever type schedule works for you.

Just as a pretend.

Kids out of bed 7am.
Get breakfast, wake up
8am get everyone dressed
8:30-9:00 let the girls play while you clean up
9:00, go to the park, library, playgroups, (whatever you do)
10:30 snack
whatever you need to do to fill this space, errands, cleaning up the house, playing with the girls
noon-lunch
after lunch, naps (if they still take them) naps are perfect down time for moms to relax, clean up , check email, read or nap yourself
2pm get everyone up, give snacks and have some fun play time
and figure out dinner ideas.
5pm dinner
6:30 baths and jammies,
no later the 8pm bedtime
then you and your hubby have a relaxing loving evening together!!!!

Try a routine one day a week to start. Try to get everyone up, fed, dressed, and out of the house at the same time every week on that day. Go someplace like the park, libarary, zoo, museum, picnic, grocery store, mall or some other kid friendly place. It will be good practice for getting your 4-year-old out the door and to school on time. Routines are nice so everyone knows what to expect.
Don't feel bad about not being overly scheduled. That will come soon enough when your kids have school and then dance or sports or music lessons. It is good to have those days when you just have downtime or do 'nothing'.

We've never had a routine. They tell me when they're hungry, they nap when they're tired. We go whenever and get back whenever. Most of the time I have no idea what time it is. I home school, so there's no danger of the kids getting jolted when they go to school. They have great patience and attention spans, and they quickly get over disappointments and understand rescheduling. They are 5 and 3. Things that are routine are either minute (this is what you do when you need to brush your teeth) or encompassing( Every Tuesday you go to Granny's for a while. )

Well, the wisest thing for you to do is put a routine on a chart.
You know what needs to be done during the day, so put it down.
And yes all children need a routine, your up to greet the day by 7am or 8am, you get breakfast over with and clean up the kitchen, you make the beds and do what laundry needs to be done.
Then it is play time or whatever.
Then it is lunch and down for a nap.
When you wake up it is time to plan dinner, and time with Daddy.
My children were in bed and asleep by 8pm every night. That way my husband and I had the alone time we needed for each other.
Especially when they were 4 and 2.
But whatever is comfortable for you and your life style.
Just chart it out and follow it no matter what, and before you know it, it will be your routine.
Morning and evening is the best time to start making a routine for yourself and your girls, because during the day there are way too many variables. LOL
Good luck

We need to be flexable .Don't try to be too rigid its too hard on the nerves.

I have to laugh a bit at the responses you've gotten about your girls going to bed too late. I've been told the same thing as long as I've been a mom. When my first son was born, he thought 3 am was the best time to go to bed. I slowly worked him down until 10 pm, and suddenly I could live with that. And it stayed that way because Daddy was a college student and didn't get home from school until 9 or 9:30. If he'd gone to bed at 8, he'd never see his own dad.
It was also nice because we could go on "dates" with him (no money for baby sitters) and we could stay out until 10. It was perfect for us.
Everyone (well, the morning people, anyway) said that I'd better get him on a better schedule, because he was going to have a hard time getting up for kindergarten. They were saying this about a 14 month old! Hello, I had 4 years to worry about that. I still have over a year to get that worked out, although bedtime was changed to 9 pm when baby brother came along.
I also don't agree that you should wake up your kids. My kids still hit growth spurts when they absolutely need more sleep. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, they sleep in until 9 for a day or two. Otherwise, they're up at 7:30.
Another issue for me is that I have fibromyalgia. I can't get up at 6:30 so I can be up and dressed to wake up my kids at 7. It really has to be what works for your family.
We don't have much of a schedule at our house, except for lunch, naptime for the baby, dinner, and bedtime. I hate schedules and inflexibility. But I do recognize that my kids need a little more structure and more planned activities in their day. We're going to start going to story time at the library for starters.

I used to have the same problem with scheduling. I think most mothers do. I started to snap out of it before my child went to preschool, but it wasn't until she was in school that I really got into the habit of getting my day planned and sticking to it. I agree with the other mother who said that you should be getting them up. I think that if they aren't up by 8 you should wake them up. After they are awake don't just lounge around (something I had so much trouble with) get them dressed and fed first thing. Then while they play or watch a cartoon on tv you can clean up. I also agree with planning things like a playgroup or the library once or twice a week. This will make such a difference in all of your lives. You won't feel cooped up in the house, they kids will love it, and it also gives you a reason to get yourself ready before the kids go down for naps. A couple more points and then I am done. 9:30 is pretty late for bedtime. I would have them in bed, lights out, no later than 8:30. I didn't realize until my second child came along that bedtime was for me and my husband, not my children. Your kids might not show signs of being tired until later, but like the other mother said, there will be no time for you and your husband to connect during the day. You need that time to be with each other, doing something both of you enjoy before it is time for you to sleep. At the end of it all, I can give you tips and pointers about scheduling and what you should do, but it all comes down will power. You need to make the decision to not get put off track when it comes to you schedule. Fortunately, as we get older I think life tends to make sure that we gain the will power to do things needed for our families. Unfortunately, that means the days of sleeping in until ten have to go by the wayside, and so do the 2 AM nights. But the memories that you make with your family is worth the sacrifice of a leisurely day. Good luck!

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you have a loving and stable home. I have 5 kids, and sometimes routines go out the window too. Instead of trying to schedule everything I try to have blocks of time, or days when we do something particular. Our mornings are pretty routine. After I get the older ones off to school, I clean the kitchen, get a load of laundry in, take care of some clutter, and the girls play in one of the bedrooms. They like to help with the laundry, sweeping, and wiping counters. Sometimes I let them watch a little TV,or play with playdough, color, etc. A lot of times we do baths in the morning. Fridays we like to bake. Wednesdays I try to do a craft. (We made a construction paper flower garden for the kitchen window.) The older kids have activities in the evenings, and it is easier for us to do it in the morning. If we have some errands we do that in the morning. We eat lunch around noon, and then go for a walk if the weather is nice. My 18 month old goes down for a nap around 1:30. We read books and I sing to her before I lay her down. Then I put the 3 year old down. We read a few books and sing songs. They usually sleep for about 2 hours. When they get up we have a snack, and go outside again if the weather is nice, or they play again. Our evenings get hectic with the older kids. They do lots of sports, so we are at practices and games. One of the weekend nights we do board games with the kids, or have a movie night. I try to keep a loose routine. A few things we do the same everyday, so they know what to expect. With so many kids things pop up last minute a lot, and we just roll with it.

I have 7 kids and a routine is very important especially in the evening, that is the only area were my routine is rock solid, other then that my days have a routine it is just more flexible, Things pop up that are beyond my control and there has to be some flexibility so don't feel bad because life has other plans, I would say start with the night routine and throw in a morning wake up timee, for example if your DD has to be up for school by 6:30 start waking her up at 7:30 an hour later then needed for school, practice getting dressed eating breakfast, brushing teeth and hair ect,. it won't be perfect in the beginning, and then about a month before school starts start waking her up 15 minutes earlier until you have her up for school, this is hoe I get mine ready and it really works, it also hepls train the mommy so that when it is time for school I don't feel so flustered, even to this day my older teens have a evening and morning routine, bed by nine and up at six except on weekends then I let them sleep till nine, I rarely have to tell them they just do it. so start know they will thank-you later. Good luck!

If your child is getting ready for pre-school, then getting up at a set time is going to be key to seting a schedule. If they go in the morning then sleeping until whenever isn't going to work. You have a time frame, by this time we have to be finished dressing, by this time we need to be finished eating, etc. and we have to leave by this time or we won't be on time for school. This gives them the flexability to go about getting ready in their own way, but knowing that the tasks at hand have to be done by a certain time. It can teach them time management, the beginnings of telling time, and this is the same thing they'll be doing in school (we have only 5 minutes to clean up, put our things away and be in line to go outside.. you get the idea)
This will probably help you also. It's the same thing you're doing in your nightly routine. So, it's not set in stone, but it gives you guidelines to follow to make the daily routine go easier.
Hope that helps. J.K.