Have to Keep Husband and Best Friend Apart; Now What? - Beverly Hills,CA

If Hubby can be lured away - who needs him?
If you can't trust him - why stay married to him?
If he's not on his knees begging to be with you - toss him out.
You need to realize that you are a great wife/mother/partner in life - and if he doesn't realize that and takes it for granted - kick him to the curb.
Also - your best friend does not appear to be your friend at all - she's history and you should be DONE with her - period!

Ok, so no more drama - the best friend is gone and you inform Hubby that the ONLY way he's going to keep this marriage going is you and he are going to start marriage counseling immediately.

I wish someone could explain this new type of bullying in terms I can understand. This whole it doesn't matter if nothing you did should have hurt my feelings, if I say you hurt my feelings you are bullies and must do everything I say to make me happy. This idea that if my response is more over the top than the other that makes me the one and only true victim therefore only my feelings matter.

Although your husband and friend were probably too close the normal reaction is to simply say you guys are awful chummy and allow them to explain. You ralled on them and then complain that they don't care about your feelings when you didn't even give them a chance to explain their feelings.

The issues are yours and I would suggest some type of therapy so you can learn to understand what is driving your feelings and how to better communicate.

I agree that they appeared to be too chummy. I also agree that if you'd said something at the beginning this had a chance of not progressing. I wonder how you talked with them when you finally did talk. I suggest you let your anger fester and you accused them rather that setting up a way to discuss this. Of course they're going to be defensive and be more focused on their pain than yours. Sounds like you also did not care about how either of them felt.

Having lots of experience with relationships in the past 50 years, i've seen similar scenes play out. I've seen all three people comfortable with it. I've seen wives at the beginning say "cut that out you too." And they stopped. I've known of times when the wife talks with her husband in private.

When the wife said, i'm not comfortable with this. Seeing it hurts me. Or even I'm angry watching this, they have a respectful conversation later during which both people say how they feel about this situation.

Sounds like you accused them of not respecting your boundaries; boundaries that you allowed them to cross without saying anything. When you allow behavior to continue, you're giving them tacit approval to continue. They don't know you don't like this. You may have shown an attitude they may or may not have noticed as being related to what they're doing.

Based on your description of your work situation, I suggest you let things happen, don't discuss them with someone who could help while your anger builds. You described your angry treatment of your husband when you were really angry at your job. This visit started with you already feeling out of sorts. I wonder why you allowed her to visit when you were tense, unhappy, and not getting along with your husband.

I see you as part of the problem. No one is totally right or totally wrong. You dI'd not allow for a conversation about why this was happening and how to move forward. You still think your husband and girlfriend were too intimate but you don't know what their intent was. You didn't acknowledge the possibility you were over reacting. You were not concerned with how they might feel when you verbally attacked them. You are angry that they weren't concerned about your feelings and didn't apologize. The situation became focused on anger. The reason for the anger got lost in your attack and their defensive response.

I suggest your problem is now your relationship with your husband. Thinking about how to treat your girlfriend keeps you from thinking about why this happened and how do I make up with my husband.

I suggest that counseling could improve your ability to know and state your boundaries in a calm way without anger and accusations. I suggest that if you don't understand how this situation came to be, you'll continue taking out your anger on your husband. You'll have more situations that won't be resolved, more reasons to be angry. An unhappy life, for sure.

You and your husband must be pretty young.

You both have a lot of learning and growing to do. Hopefully your marriage will endure this growth. His behavior with her was entirely inappropriate, and you cannot keep him away from her. That is not the solution to this problem.

Ultimately, you cannot micromanage your husband into appropriate behavior. He has to do it because he believes it's the right thing to do. The only thing I can suggest is marriage counseling.

I remember doing a bunch of dumb things in my twenties and my husbands/boyfriends doing dumb things. Three decades later, we are all a lot wiser, and wouldn't dream of doing such things.

Good luck, you have a long road ahead of you.

Sounds like you have been under a lot of stress. People are not always their best under stress.

I think it is best that you get your own internal boundaries (insecurities, self-esteem, ability to be assertive) set before putting your feelings on others.

A therapist can help you with this so you gain back control of your life and don't feel like you are under the constant pressure of others (work, husband, friend).

Please put yourself first and take care of yourself, then deal with the rest.

Your issue isn't about keeping two adults apart, it is about having a frenemy and being married to a man who would cheat if given the opportunity.

Keep it honest, keep it real. You're being gaslighted by the both of them. They want you to think that you're the wrong, crazy person. They place the blame on the only innocent party of the trio.

Your marriage is broken. The woman is not your friend. Accept those two truths and move forward in whatever way you need to proceed.

It was not your job to say something sooner. Were they going to just keep doing more and more and more and more until you finally said something?

You stormed off for 4 hours leaving them alone? And she was crying?

You all sound super young.

They stuck to their story that you were wrong?

They both sound like jerks.

Lose the friend. No good girlfriend does this with a friend's husband. EVER.

The husband also has no idea how to act for whatever that's worth. Have his parents and a few friends explain it to him and see if it sinks in more...and maybe therapy.