I have noticed that on the internet that when a guy (particularly young) talks about being a father, he is congratulated for "being a man" but women are not congratulated for "being a woman." I think this comes from the stereotype that most young guys just walk out when THEY DONT!!! Why dont I get congratulated for going to work, for taking care of my kids??? Am I a woman???
I dont know, but I dont feel like I need to be congratulated, I am doing what I'm supposed to.
I also was kinda picky about who I laid down and got pregnant by.
For the same reason your husband babysits.
Double standards, aren't they great? I see that in passing on talk shows..."If I'm the father, I'm going to do the right thing and support my child." Well...duh. Do you ever hear a mother say that? "Gee, after I pass this child out through my vagina, if it's mine, I'm going to do the right thing!" Ridiculous.
And Jo's answer is hilarious. I find myself saying, "I need you to watch the kids so I can...(whatever.)" I try not to say babysit, but still...amounts to the same thing. :) hee hee.
Because man or woman, when one brings kids into this world, one is suppose to take care of them. Congratulations for just doing right by your children is over rated.
E.,
Let it go. I think it is great for us to support the dads who come online. On this site, I see plenty of other women receiving support from each other.
I did have a moment of this sort of frustration not long after I had my son, however, I've let it go. No one can take anything away from me that I don't allow them to take, know what I mean? As long as you are square with yourself and comfortable with your contribution, who gives a flying squirrel what anyone else thinks? If you aren't appreciated by your family--well, that's a whole other kettle of fish. However, as we have an epidemic in our country of men who do leave their families, I think giving a shout-out to any concerned parent of any gender should be a good thing.
Let me ask you this: you want support. Is this question supportive or divisive?
And as the daughter of a once-young man who walked out--utterly abandoning me-- I would have to disagree with you in your statement that most young guys do stick around. Yes, some do-- but too many don't.
Because sadly, it's more rare that men fully assume the responsibilities for their offspring.
Statistically, most children of single parents (about 50% now?) are raised by the mothers. Not that all of those men have "walked out," but most of them are less involved with their kids, nevertheless.
Sorry, but I disagree with you. I've seen too many kids with absentee fathers.
I never thought about it -- but you are right.
I'm not sure exactly where on the internet you're talking about, but no one has ever said that to my husband, as far as I know. He's got five brothers and they're all great, responsible dads, and again, I've never heard anyone say, to any of them "congratulations for being a man."
Maybe you're looking on sites where a man taking care of his kids is not the norm (?)
It's our culture. Ever notice when a guy makes the kids lunch or takes his plate to the sink he's immediately elevated to sainthood? I have an amazing husband, who is a good father, even still anything I do as a mom is expected (and I love it and am happy to do it) anything he does as a dad is celebrated (i.e., pick up groceries or take my daughter to school one morning) and my family wants to throw him a ticker tape parade! Personally, I think it's funny.
You are a woman! Welcome to the world of inequality - but there are many ways around it :) I do think it's getting better with every generation.
