Grieving the Loss of a Grandparent

My condolences for your loss.
You might need a grief support group to help you through this.

My FIL died suddenly from a heart attack.
He'd just got back from touring New Zealand and no one expected it.
There was no warning and no one had time to prepare or be anywhere.
It threw our whole family and it took awhile to get over the shock.

My godfather died suddenly - also from a heart attack.
He'd gone out to do some shopping for Christmas presents on a day off from work.
He was stopped at a stop light and when the light turned green - his car didn't move.
Finally someone came up to see what was going on and he was slumped over the steering wheel already dead.
If anything can be said to be fortunate about it was - at least he didn't crash into anyone.

There's really no best way to go.
Long sickness, expected vs suddenly, unexpected - it's still a tremendous shock and makes such a hole in your life.
There is no set time table for grieving - it will take as long as it takes.
Eventually you will be able to remember the good times without crying.

I think it is so very important to remember that death hits everyone in a very unique way. You lost your grandmother, and it is absolutely ok to be devastated. It is ok to be sad and angry and hurt and completely lost. It is ok. So maybe you start by giving yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling.

Many of us take time off from work when someone close to us dies. So if you need to take a few days of, go right ahead and take a few days off.

I don't know what your faith background is or even if you believe in God. I do believe in God, and I honestly believe that your grandmother is in heaven. While I miss my grandparents and others who have passed away, knowing (because I believe that I do "know" this for a fact) that they are in heaven brings me comfort. They are happy. They are at peace. It doesn't mean I miss them any less! But it does bring me comfort.

If you do belong to a church (or synagogue or some time of faith community), talk to your minister. That is someone who should be able to talk to you and help guide you a bit.

If not, call a nearby hospital. They have support groups, and they probably have groups for those greiving the loss of a loved one.

It's ok to not be ok for awhile. Give yourself some time. Saying goodbye to a loved one isn't easy for anyone.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

It is very difficult when we lose a loved one. There is no right or wrong way to grieve so don't let what anyone says to you get to you.

My husband died at home in 2015 from a sudden heart attack. Completely unexpected. We were just going about our normal Saturday morning stuff.

It's very hard and you never get over it, you learn to adjust. Some days hit a lot harder than others.

A grief support group might be beneficial to you. I know it helped me and my daughter in the first year.

Best wishes.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Plan to be near those who are also in mourning (your mom, other family members, etc.) so that you can share memories of your grandma. Grieve and let it out. Have a place where you can celebrate her - photos, special objects, treasures, etc. and share special memories with your children.

Best to you and hope you find peace and comfort in the days to come

I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s very hard to move on from a loved one.

My father passed away suddenly last year. I was just calling home as usual and no one picked up. With in an hour my brother called to say dad is no more. I have still not gotten over it. Just like you I am so angry at myself that I wasn’t there to hold his hand and say goodbye. I was suggested therapy or counseling as it has effected my health.one advice that stuck with me is that I am not being fair to my kids. All they have seen me is cry and grieve. I have promised my dad that I will be a better person now. Please please do take care of yourself and kids. Kids need you more than anyone else. I was told to mark my calendar for 6 months if after that I was still miserable then I needed counseling. I really hope you do find some peace in life. I still listen to my dad’s voicemail and breakdown. Best wishes.

i'm so glad you spent christmas with her. i'm so glad she got to hear your voice on the phone.

i know it's so hard when you can't be there at the end. i planned to priestess my little mumsie across, but she decided to go when i wasn't on duty. you just can't unring that bell, but it sure is hard.

i think you're doing what you need to do for yourself. calling off work and spending the day immersed in your grandma's presence was what you needed to do for yourself. feeling lost, angry, guilty and crying are not *bad* responses. you can't work through the morass of messy emotions if you don't give yourself permission to feel them.

it's hard to say how it's going to go, because it's so individual. some days i needed to go to work and stay busy. some days i needed to be alone and howl. sometimes i wanted to talk about her endlessly with others who knew her. sometimes i couldn't stand to have her name brought up.

be gentle with yourself.

i'm very sorry.
khairete
S.