Girls Are So Mean......

I have a 15 yr old and I have witnessed a lot of mean girls from K-current 9th grade. We have not had many incidents because my daughter began martial arts training when she was around 7. Along with learning self defense and achieving a black belt, her self esteem is high.

My daughter watched some of the movies "Mean Girls",
Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" and understood how some girls make life miserable for others.

Another thing we've always done, daughter has several groups of friends, not just 1. For instance, she has her martial arts school friends, cheer leader friends, orchestra (violin) friends, etc. you get the gist. We just make sure she has friends from all types of groups.

Good luck....as a substitute teacher...I also see a lot of this in the schools.

I hear you on this one. My daughter's nine and we've already experience "mean girls" at the earliest was kindergarten which I was disgusted by. Who is teaching these girls to be this way? I just try to encourage my daughter to not be like them, to have compassion and caring. There will always be mean girls. But she is NOT going to be one of them...and that's something to be proud of right there. As for groups...a good one would be Girl Scouts, they really work on the girls's self esteem and making new friends. Good luck!

I would recommend the girls scouts also. Not only will it be a huge confidence builder, but she will learn a lot and find something that she can really get into. My best friends 10 year old daughter is going through the same thing... she also got into an after school fitness and well being class at school, that teaches these sensitive kids ways to deal with the stress of everyday, how to get healthy, both mentally and physically, and MANNERS. It's definately taught her daughter how to deal better. Also, make sure she talks about her problems, and doesn't keep it in. If she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you (who wants to talk to their parents? lol...) find someone she really looks up to who may be willing to help her troubleshoot her daily problems. Good luck! I know this is just as tough on you, but remember... she will grow out of being over sensitive, and come out a tougher, more kind hearted person because of this :)

I don't have girls but my oldest son is 11. We go to Kensington Community Church and they have GREAT programs for middle school and high school. (they have their own service, small groups and get togethers with hundreds of kids and fun activities) I've been so happy that he's had the opportunity to connect here. When things are difficult at school he's got all kinds of friends through his church activities and it makes it easier. http://www.kensingtonchurch.org/

Sure, Girl Scouts were my life-savers through elementary, and 4-H is EXCELLENT. 4-H actually has programs for all sorts of activities that you might not expect. AND... they have scholarships for college when she's older. Call your local County Extention agent.

Get her involved in Church Youth activities, and help her gather the girls from school that are her friends for activities together like movie dates, trips to the mall, pedi/manicures...etc. Making time for the school friends is really important because, even having friends at church, scouts, 4-H won't fix the feeling of isolation if she doesn't have a friend at school to "hang" with".

Also, I teach. I've taught 11 years of ages 10-12. Girls often come crying to me that "so and so" were mean to me (Yes, pre-teen girls can be NASTY to each other!!)... So, I intervene... then, the next week they are BEST BEST BEST friends. Go Figure! There's an ebb and flow to how they deal with each other. Stay in tune, but make slow careful interventions. Often they work it out.

If it continues, contact the teacher or counselor. They can set up a time for the girls to talk, practice friendship skills...etc. Your daughter will have to deal with these types of issues and people all her life (we as adults know that), So,let her know that it's up to her to decide if she's going to let it bother her or let it go. Can you room-mom for her class? Sometimes the *coolest* kid is the one whose mom is involved. If you can bust up the little kitties and have them spend some time one on one with your daughter, they might decide they LIKE her.

Something to keep in mind: Parents are role models no matter what the age is. It sounds like your daughter is fine and has some great teachings at home. I would continue to add to this that not everyone is fair and not to judge everyone as it leads to a vicious cycle. (AS you can see.).

EFT (emotional freedom technique) is an easy tapping method that can also help to get her though this. I am reviewing a book right now on this for highly sensitive people. I am planning to teach this to my son - who's super sensitive, as I am. It's easy and it's basically just driving positive affirmations home into the subconscious~ and any age can do it. It would be suitable after an encounter with a "mean girl" or anything that upsets her.

Unfortunately, even in later life, she may not escape this. I'm involved in a PTA at school and after a 'run-in' as someone pushed me too far (I'm home with a sick little boy, so I'm stressed over him.), basically I told her to grow up and get over her power trip and to knock it off. Now she's avoiding me~ and she's a board member. I find that to be a sad example as I am over it and all she had to do was honor my request to let me get back to her. (and not be so rude to me and push me with guilt trips, as I just don't respond that way when under stress.).

Good luck and I hope your young one can understand that some kids out there are just that way - they haven't had someone in their life to teach them better.