Girl with 2 Moms - Would It Bother You?

It would not bother me a bit - what would bother me are all these people's attitudes!

Seriously, they need to get a grip! Who are they to judge? Who is anyone to judge? Why should this girl be ostracized for something that was not her choice, because she happens to be the daughter of a gay couple?

If it comes up again in conversation, I would probably ask something like, "Gee, what makes you say that?" or "Why do you feel that way?" And then if it persisted, I'd probably say something along the lines of, "Well, I am sorry you feel that way - I simply don't agree." and leave it at that.

I think if it was me, I would feel the need to voice to these mothers my concern about my child spending time in the company of people that are so ignorant and tell them I hope they do leave the team because there is no room for that kind of attitude in youth sports.

I would never remove either of my children from a sports team because of this.
I think that kids should be able to learn tolerance and acceptance of other people without fear their differences will somehow tarnish them.
You don't have to accept what other people do, but they are still people, none the less.
Frankly, I'm more creeped out by the mothers who feel the need to discuss someone else being artifcially inseminated, etc.
There are hetero couples who do that in order to be able to have a child. It's really not fodder for snoopy, judgemental women to sit around and discuss behind someone's back. How terribly rude and insensitive.
It reminds me of villagers with pitch forks going after someone because they get themselves worked up in a frenzy over something.
People like that feel tougher in a crowd.

Even if people don't agree with what the two women do in their lives, can't they have some compassion for their daughter? She is an innocent child, after all.
NO child gets to choose who their parents are.
Why punish HER?

That's just my opinion.

To preface: I am a straight woman, married 12 years, with a young child.

I would rather have a committed gay couple have a kid than all this unmarried, baby-daddy BS that goes on. If you're gay and want to have a kid, you have to DECIDE to, WORK on it, and make it happen. Heterosexuals can just f-around and drop a kid and not care.

I would make a specific effort to get to know the family because of the shunning they are experiencing. I get that they might be uncomfortable if they don't have any experience with gay people (THAT THEY KNOW OF - I'm sure they know people who are gay, they just aren't aware of it). But unlike the gay person, these mothers have a CHOICE in how they behave, and they are chosing to act out of fear, misunderstanding, or whatever.

People act like being gay is contagious, learned behaviour, indoctrinated, whatever - it's not. If they bothered to have a conversation with someone who is gay, they would find out that the gay person: knew when they were very young: probably tried NOT to be gay; probably pretended they weren't; went through a lot of soul searching and emotional turmoil trying to understand themselves.

I'll get off my soapbox now (LOL) :)

I too read your question earlier, but had to get going with the day. However I have not been able to think of anything else. When I first read this I became so angry...now I am just so disappointed that people still discriminate. Have we not had enough hate, discrimination, intollerance in this society already?!

Yet here we are at our childens events a place that should embody fun, acceptance, tolerance, good will. Instead we have a bunch of bitches on the sidelines bashing the coach. A coach who has given her time an committment to these children for a healthy activity?! You know gay bashing is gay bashing...next time walk up to her and hand her a basball bat and tell her to take it out on the coach...beacuse words harm much more than a fist and what these women are doing is wrong - and they are teaching their children intollerance!

NO WHERE in your question is there mention of inapproperiate behavior! Now I don't care wether you are gay or straight...if the coach were to do something wrong then make an issue....but there is NO mention of overt lesbaniasm (is that even a word? lol) So to those that say there are folks promoting "the Gay" ...that has not happened.

I am a straight, divorced woman who is a Christian. But MY god teaches me tolerance, love, acceptance and not to judge. All these so called Christians who promote hate scare me. They try to justify their behavior thru religion. I support gay marriage...god knows the "Straights" have made a hash of what was supposed to be sacred. This was going round Facebook and it makes a hard impact:

"So let me get this STRAIGHT - Larry King is getting his 8th divorce, Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for a 9th time, Britney Spears had a 55 hour marriage, Jesse James and Tiger Woods are screwing EVERYTHING. Yet the idea of same-sex marriage is going to destroy the institution of marriage?? Really? REALLY??"

I too would rather a committed couple (wether gay or straight) who have fought for their love, acceptance and even their family have an influence on my 13 year old daughter. What a gift to have in my childs life - what they could teach her is more powerful than a group of women spewing their hate.

You go! Let them know that not everyone thinks the way they do! I would say something to the other mothers and tell them they really needed to think twice before instilling intolerance into their children because their children are growing up in a world where they're going to encounter plenty of gay families and gay people in general. 20-40 years ago (depending on where you live -sadly maybe even today) this could just have easily been a conversation about the girl's parents being an interracial couple. I have two-mommy families in my own family and in my neighborhood, school system, playgroups and as friends. I think others who act in this manner need to know they're offensive -and that it's FINE for them to have their own opinions, but they need to think twice before voicing them in public and REALLY think before teaching their children to discriminate against a child who actually had no say in the matter. They sound like a bunch of really teeny-minded people who focus on all the wrong things.

***And there's no such things as "gay indoctrination" any more than there's "heterosexual indoctrination." Gays don't have some sort of subversive agenda and they cannot and will not TURN your child gay. IF your child is gay -he or she was born that way. If a gay person is coaching soccer, then the gay person is just a soccer coach who is interested in guiding kids to learn soccer skills and play on a team. Do you seriously think that while they're in a huddle or in a dressing room that the coach is going to say, "Hey everybody -come on over here for a meeting. I want to tell you all how wonderful it is to be gay, and why you should try it too." See how silly that is?

This is one of the saddest posts I've read on here in quite some time. I can't believe that not only are they so scared and uneducated that they won't allow their children to be coached in soccer by a lesbian, but they won't allow their children to play with the daughter??? Those that live in glass houses, eh...?

I agree with you up to a point when you said "I'm all about live and let live" but where the disconnect comes in is that you asked if you should keep your mouth shut. I am appalled that all of the other parents were in agreement over this. Do they have the same feelings on inter-racial relationships as well? Somehow I'm almost certain they do.

Anyway, this situation is out & out bigotry and should never be tolerated in any circumstance. I will be surprised if these supposed 'concerned parents' get their way in the long run. God forbid any of their own children grow up and are gay, they certainly won't feel comfortable having an open an honest conversation with their own parents!

WOW! They are sad that this child was SO loved and wanted that two loving parents went though artificial insemination (fetility treatment basically) to have her? AND they volunteer to help their community? Hmm, maybe they can move and be my neighbors.

These people are infuriating!

I know you were caught off guard but I would definitely have said or would say something and (from experience) if it is delivered calmly rationally but firmly it usually has a better impact. Following this crowd would not be worth it and I wouldn't care what they thought and wouldn't want to teach my daughter to go along with hatred and prejudice. Will you and your daughter be ostricized? Possibly, but not forever and I imagine there are people who feel the same as you do and will be emboldened if you take a stand.

It amazes me how women will stand by when their girlfriends have pre marital sex, abortions, marry, divorce, re-marry (which is a sin by the way) shack up with boyfriends and the list goes on. But heaven forbid two women love each other. By coincidence my 3 year old has two best friends and both of them have 2 mummies. I would keep ur daughter on the team and use this as a teachable moment for her. What a great way to teach about compassion and non judgement. And of course you should politely say something. Or maybe ask them specifically what do they have a problem with? Be prepared for possible back lash, but why would you want to be friends with these women anyway. Eventually they will be hushing somethIng about you as well. Not a good group of women/girls for your daughter to be around! I would ask how many of them are divorced or had premarital sex? And I am straight by the way!

Honestly, I would not wait until the conversation came again. I would actually approach these ladies the next time I saw them and say something along the lines of "You know, I thought about what you had to say about so and so...and I think you should know I don't agree with what you had to say. I respect your right to an opinion, but I want you to know that how you project it is not an ideal way to support the children and families in our community.We are all here to support each other, so I would appreciate it if you would not tear other families down in my presence or the in the childrens presence. Please save that for a private time that is yours, not a public one that I have to share with you."

I have been using this spiel for years. I heard it from an old lady at the bus stop once. We were standing next to some young men that were throwing the N word around. This teeny tiny little old lady said to them "Now I know ya'll throw that word around nowadays like it is nothing...and I respect your right to say what you please. But I am going to ask you to respect what I have been through in my life over that word. You can say that word all you want in your private time, but in your public time that I have to share with you, I ask that you refrain from saying that word in my presence." The young men were actually shamed by this woman, and told her "Yes maam."

The observation really sunk in with me that day. One voice really can make a difference. I have modified that spiel to fit whatever cause I fight on any particular day over the years of my life, with a lot of success. I know that sometimes people just roll their eyes, but I do feel that I can send an equally strong message that bigotry and perpetuating hate are not acceptable.

So no, don't keep your mouth shut. By giving your silence, you are giving the impression you agree to their actions.

You didn't mention your daughter's age but It is not an everyday occurence that your child meets children of same sex parents. I'm with you-live and let live. My kids know about the gay couple thing-I voted against prop 8 so I had to explain what prop 8 was to them. If it comes up tonight just be really honest and tell the other moms that it doesn't bother you and leave it at that. The world has changed from 20 yrs ago and it is still evolving. If this was 50 yrs ago and a little black girl was on the team they'd be having the same conversation. So don't get sucked into their vortex of fear and intolerence. Stand up for what you think is right.

It astounds me that in 2011 people are still having *hushed* conversations about the appropriateness of gay couples having children. This is not a new phenomenon! And besides that, two loving committed parents that participate in their daughter's activities is more than a lot of kids have. These women sound like catty bitches that just need something or someone to gossip about. Usually with these type of cliques, there are one or two "leaders" and it is very possible, like another poster pointed out, that some of them may not feel the same way but are too timid to stand up and say something. I think you should definitely say something, but in a polite and matter of fact way. And don't go out of your way to socialize with the other moms if they can't deal with your difference in opinion. You might do the complete opposite and strike up a friendship with the gay mom, she sounds like she could use a friend like you. I wouldn't pull my daughter off the team, just be sure to reinforce the beliefs you raised her with, and she'll do just fine.

I feel sad for BOTH your daughters, and for any who are mortified by their mother's unpardonable behavior... to be on a team full of BIGOTS.

Here's a thought: Whaddaya say we pull our kids off of teams with black/jewish/hispanic parents? I mean, how AWFUL! Lynching really needs to be brought back. And cross burning. And concentration camps. All non-WASPS (straight ones) should be put to death or run out of town.

Seriously, though, people sit around in highschool & college campuses saying how could awful things like concentration camps happen, they would NEVER do such a thing or stand by and allow them to happen... this is how... via bigotry by pestilent pustules of human beings and the fear of good people.

They think it's sad? All this self righteous motherly concern for the girl because of the situation? The worst this girl is going to get is happeneing to her right now - at thier hands! I would not be able to speak for being shocked and pissed all at the same time. I probably would've gotten in my car and boiled for hours thinking about what I should've said! I would not take my daughter off the team. You risk ostercising the object of thier gossip even further. This is a teachable moment, a chance to show your girl how you handle other peoples ignorance and stand up for what's right. I think maybe once you've gathered your thoughts you can remind these broads that they are discriminating against a child.

i think 'lucky' is way out of line and obviously has not met any children of gay couples. i know a LOT of them and 'those poor children' have it every bit as good (and bad of course) as kids of dual-gender parents do. the ratio is probably skewed a little in favor of kids of gay parents because they are generally VERY wanted, and the poor parents (why on earth would 'mothers' be in quotations marks? for your info, miss lucky, they are no more putative 'mothers' than you are) are aware of the scrutiny from intolerant boxheads and work hard to counter it.
what is the organization? what are their rules about such things? i would probably go over these parents' heads and see if it could dealt with on a national level, if applicable. if it's a local group whose charter allows them to discriminate i would voice my displeasure and find another team for my child.
either way i'd let the moms know so they can either wade in to the fray, withdraw their daughter or boost up their work with her on dealing with close-minded asshats. unfortunately that is something that kids of gay parents do need to be prepared for.
even with that, i think they are way 'luckier' than children of people who are so mired in fear and intolerance that they can't see the very real, warm, vital people right here in their communities whom they are hurting.
khairete
S.

I'm sure you've gotten alot of amazing answers. just my 2 cents:

What these moms are saying is akin to Polish gentile women during the holocaust not allowing or wanting their child to play with the Jewish child.
It's akin to some southern women in the 60s not allowing/wanting their child to play with a child that had parents of mixed race.
We are going through a similar situation with equality in this country right now. In 50 years everyone will be APPALLED that people openly talked like this. It's just flat wrong.

What these women are saying is disgusting. I think you should tell them these comparisons and ask them how they feeling being labeled as bigots... because that's what they are.

Oh my gosh...I read your message one time..but was too busy to respond. I realized, as I was doing other things, that I had a lump in my throat, just thinking about how insanely ignorant those other moms are. That is putrid and disgusting! WHO CARES if someone is gay? I care about their heart and soul. I care about kindness. Obviously, by participating as a coach, that is one mom really participating in her daughters life. Awesome! It reminds me of a situation in my neighborhood a few years back. A neighboring mom called me, with shock in her voice. She said...did you hear?? About the people moving in down the street....they're BLACK! I was flabergasted! I said...wow..I thought you were going to say there was a child molester moving in. I was so stunned I didn't retort further, but I wish I had. It made me ill to think her beautiful children were being brought up to be racist. Please, please say something to those moms. Tactfully, and from a place of love...but please stand up for what is right. I would also suggest maybe getting together with the other daughter and her moms. It will possibly get back to them...the hatred being spoken...and it would be awesome to offer friendship to both the moms and daughter at this time. I would be thrilled for a lesbian coach for my daughter. I want my kids to see that there are all types of families out there. I am proud of you and your fair thinking!
A. :)

I would not pull my daughter off the team. I would support the moms and stand up for them.
If they are loving, wonderful, great moms, who cares what they do and how they are doing it. They are human beings just like the rest of us. It is too bad the other moms/dads/kids are missing out on possibly having very wonderful people in their lives.
Just keep teaching your daughter right from wrong and to stand up for what she believes in. Maybe she can help open the eyes and minds of those who live in a box.

Though I am a conservative married straight Catholic, I would NOT pull my kids from a soccer team because a kid with 2 moms had one who was generous enough to donate her time to help coach! Of course this is providing that the mom is NOT using the coaching/team forum as a soapbox for gay rights. I understand that this would require a conversation with my kiddo about the situation because I am sure questions would arise about the 2 moms or 2 dads situation.

We have a best friend who is gay (man), his sister is gay and has a child with her partner -- I think pulling your kid from the team (as those other moms appear to be thinking about) is doing nothing but ostracizing the poor child who didn't do a damn thing to deserve it.

Everyone knows gay people. It's just that not all gay people are comfortable letting everyone else know. How sad for these soccer Moms.

If the ONLY reason anyone has an issue with this girls' parents is that they are gay, then... I'd get to know the "2 Moms". THEN I could say something like "Well, we had dinner with them last week. It was very nice" (and walk away).

I don't have a daughter. I have sons. One of my oldest greatly enjoyed visiting my friends Dan and Dan (a couple for nearly 20 years now) and playing with their little dog. The last time I sponsored a new membership event at our church, one of the couples who joined were 2 men (a couple for nearly 30 years now). One of my fave co-workers has parties- at his house with his partner (for nearly 20 years now) - and we have gone.

I am not concerned about my sons around ANY of these men. Now, we have an adult female family member who gives me the creeps about...many things. While I believe the boys are relativley safe around her NOW, I fear they won't be as teens, and I don't leave them alone with her.

People have some odd ideas about what it is to be gay, but for most people....life is pretty much the same as it is for the rest of us - just with an extra dose of judgment.

Edit to add:
I am tired of people using Christianity to justify bigotry. It's not new. And it's not Christian. Plucking things out of the Old Testament can be used to justify MANY things most of us feel are wrong (slavery, polygamy, segregation, etc.). If anyone is looking for a Christian Church that is truly welcoming & which stands for civil rights for ALL people, check us out:
http://www.ucc.org/lgbt/statements.html

How awful these other mothers are!!! No, I would not pull my daughter or son off a team where there were gay coaches. You are right, what does that teach our children, let's treat people different and that' s okay because my parents do...

I would speak up to them and let them know how judgmental they were being, maybe if someone would point it out, they would have to deal with it. This makes me sick too, look how they are treating this little girl. Wow, what evil people live in our society, on our kids soccer teams...

I'm with Page. It's your silence that empowers bigots. And that's exactly what they're being. Substitute the word "African American" or "Asian" or "Mexican" for the word "gay" and would you keep quiet then? This girl is being raised in a loving, supportive family - who has a right to judge that?

Honestly, this wouldn't bother me one bit. IMHO, those moms need to "pull the stick out" and get over it. Its really none of their business and its not like they'll be "making out" on the soccer field. While I don't personally agree with same-sex relationships, I'm still a very open-minded person and feel like everyone should be allowed to choose their own path. It is highly commendable for two loving mothers to be involved with their child's life and activities. Much better in my opinion that a child being born to a man and woman and only having one of those parents be loving and involved. Those women whould really think about how their actions are reflected onto their own children and in turn what that other child is getting because of it all. Its not her fault. She didn't choose to be born to a same-sex couple, just like an orphan didn't choose to be born to crack-head parents and be abandoned.

Silence implies assent. Next time they start with their homophobic b-s, speak up. If it were me, I would even go so far as to tell one of the lesbian moms, in earshot of the 'phobes, "You and your wife have such a lovely family."

Honestly, I would probably make a point of befriending the moms and encouraging my daughter to be friendly to the girl. However, one of my closest friends is a lesbian so I am not exactly unbiased. My friend has a wonderful wife and they have a beautiful little girl. They are a stable and loving Christian family. (For anyone who claims that they cannot be gay and Christians, all I have to say is that I respectfully disagree.)

The part of this that makes me most angry is that the mothers would direct their hatred and bigotry toward an innocent child. Whatever anyone thinks about the mom's life and relationship is their opinion, but the child should not be treated differently than any other child on the team. I definitely think you should speak up. Good luck.

Good for the two moms. And yes, I would say something if one of the bigoted moms said something else. Because, if I don't speak up for them, who will someday speak up for me? And if my daughter liked or wanted to get to know the girl, of course I would ask her over to my house.

Well, seeing as I am a little older mom (late 30's) I would probably, in all honesty, have a slight (2 seconds or so) shock, then I would get over it and carry on. As a christian, you have to love everyone, no matter what their persuasions, or habits, they could be drug addicts, or HIV positive, but they are still people.
If the mom is a good coach, I think you should speak up for her, as a coach and a mom, not as a lesbian, that is by the by.

Wow.... I would never pull my child from a this team. The other parents are awful to do this. I am the type that would give my tow cents. Its all up to you. My children know there are all types of loving families. Don;t they have anything better to do than make people feel bad.

I agree with you. Those other mom are awful :(

I personally don't agree with gay couples, but that is my own opinion. I don't care what other people do with their lives! I don't see many gay couples around here, so I'm sure being around them might be weird. But I would not want to make them feel uncomfortable or anything.

I think it's sad that those other moms are willing & ready to punish the girl for something she can't control. Pulling their daughters off the team or not allowing this girl to play is only hurting the girl, not her parents. I think I would mention that to them if they bring it up with you again. I wouldn't want to keep hearing their gossip about it, so I would certainly calmly & politely let them know my opinion about the situation & that I do not agree with theirs.

Unless the moms are trying to teach the girls that they should be gay too... then what harm are they doing?? What is really going to happen?

It makes me sick to hear about the prejudice people still hold against people. How can they take their daughters off a team because of the parents of one poor girl? They don't even think about what that girl feels, she didn't ask to come into the world with two moms nor did she ask to be shunned because of that. I don't understand why people even think she's different.If your daughters go to any friend's house where they have two "normal" parents, do you think they're having sex and kissing in front of the girls? Of course not, so why are they so worried that they might see these two women doing that? Why would it be so weird to have two women in the house? My uncle has been with the same partner for over 20 years and they're both as normal as they come. I've never seen them kiss or do anything to make anyone uncomfortable but it makes me mad to think that they have to hide themselves because they know how people can be.

My advice is to be the one parent who DOES support this girl and show her that she can have friends regardless of who her parents are or who they love. Show her that it's not wrong to be in her situation and that her family is just as fine as your own.

Gay is not going away. They're just now coming to realize they have nothing to be ashamed of. Hopefully is a few years we wont be discussing pro or against gay marriage as it should become a reality soon.
I hope you say something to those moms. I don't think I would have not said anything.

I can't believe that keeping your mouth shut is even an option!!!!! I'd give those other parents a piece of my mind! If they are so concerned they should have volunteered to coach they didn't so unless they are giving their daughter more playtime or being unfair to the other girls they need to shut the hell up!

Wait, it's the year 2011 and we're still talking about this, as if having two parents of the same gender is somehow harmful to a child? What matters is that children have loving, caring parents, instead of shitty ones, regardless of gender. Not only would I befriend those parents to show them my support and admiration - after all, it's a huge act of love to have a child the way they did - and actually ensure that my daughter be friends with theirs, as to teach my daughter tolerance, compassion and openmindedness.

You parents responding to this by attacking the "lifestyle" instead of figuring out what to teach your kids about compassion and love should be ashamed of yourself. Regardless of how you feel about it, what your kids need are examples of love and acceptance of another human being. Whether you may like the parents or not (and if you don't, you're a bigot), the young child did nothing wrong except having been born to gay parents, and should be treated like a human being instead of being felt sorry for.

If they're financially stable enough to make a baby a non-traditional way, and if they love each other enough to want to have a baby, and if they love the child enough to show up to the game, they're good parents and good human beings, and shame on anyone for judging them as anything but.

Being gay is not a choice. One does not become gay because they see a gay couple. It is as if straight people think that "going gay" will look so tempting, that they MUST shield their kids from it- and as IF having a child who is gay is just the worst thing to ever happen. I would hope this day and age people weren't so ignorant. It is pure ignorance. But, it is to be expected, I guess.

Who CARES if you don't "agree" with it. It isn't debatable. They are born to be attracted to the same sex. That's a FACT, not a topic of whether or not you agree. Just like most people were born to be attracted to the opposite sex. The thing is, WE don't have to worry whether anyone "agrees"- and neither should they.

-Coming from a straight, mostly conservative christian who believes ALL people should be treated equally- and I DO NOT think being gay or "acting on it" is a sin.

By not speaking up, they will assume you agree with them, and continue to say horrible things behind this child's back. If no one speaks up, how will anything change? Please, say something to them about how you respect their feelings, but you do not share them, then walk away. I would most certainly NOT pull my child off this team. Your child is watching how you react to this situation, and learning from it...you may say everyone is equal in your eyes, but if you do nothing to defend that view at a critical moment, your child will assume you don't practice what you preach.

It is sad there is still so much hate out there. How awful of these women to treat this little girl this way and to encourage their children to treat this little girl this way. If it were me I would say something. They are being awful people and I would point it out to them. They should be focusing on their lives and their shoes they are walking in and not someone else's.

Good for you for walking away and not allowing yourself to get caught up in their gossip.I wouldn't pull my child out of the team,the classroom,music or anything else just because there is a gay or lesbian.Speak your mind when it is time to speak

While I don't really support gay marriage, I feel like it's none of my business. It's not my life, so it doesn't affect me in the slightest if that's what they want to do. I would not have any problem with this girl or her moms at all. How judgemental for these ladies to be having a problem with it. That "poor girl" is only the "poor girl" because of the way people judge her and her family dynamic.
I would embrace this couple and their daughter and ignore what the other moms say. Take the high road.

Anne U, I agree with you 100%. I have said exactly the same thing to my sister during arguments on this subject. I cannot WAIT until we look back on this time with disbelief at the prejudice that was allowed to take place.

Even though I am married to a man, I see gay rights as important as women's rights. We were all an "underclass." I asked my sister if she was so in love with her "traditional values [her definition of bigotry]," why didn't she sign her home over to her husband, hand him her whole paycheck, and let him vote for her??? Ha!

Don't ever keep your mouth shut about bigotry. Speak up.

Hi Mum
Please don't keep your mouth shut. If you don't agree with these Mums then you need to say it.
Saying nothing gives them an indication that you agree with them.
Good luck and wishing you strength ,
B.

I would remind everyone that your children are there to play soccer, not to talk about what goes on in people's bedrooms. Since soccer has nothing to do with what happens in the bedroom why does it matter who coaches the team. Teaching good sportsmanship in a game is a way for these girls to learn how to have good sportsmanship in life. These prejudice parents aren't teaching their children that by threatening to pull their children off the team. They are teaching their children to run and hide anytime they come across anyone who is different from them. It is only going to become more common for same sex couples to have children so better to teach love rather than hate, acceptance rather than rejection, so these children grow up understanding how to live in a diverse society.

Sounds like bullying to me and that a little compassion is in order
for this little girl. We're all human; none perfect.
I'm guessing their child has never been the target of such negativity.

No, I certainly would not! I am fine with the situation and couldn't care less what their living arrangement is. If the child is health and happy, then what's the problem? The director of my children's school is in that same type of relationship. Her & her partner have had two children by AI. I don't know the partner well, but the director is well liked and respected by everyone in our school. I personally admire her and she has inspired me greatly in so many aspects of my life. My children are friends of many children from gay/lesbian partnerships and I've seen nothing "different" in those children or in their homes. Their great uncle is in a gay relationship and he didn't even come out until he was in his fifties. He's a wonderful sweet old man and all of my children enjoy visiting their uncles.

To "feel sorry" for these children is completely asinine. Especially since the many gay & lesbian friends I have are some of the most awesome people. They're very caring, thoughtful, intelligent people and it has nothing to do with whom they share their bed with. I feel sorry for those children & mothers not willing to reach out to someone different. They're missing out on some wonderful friends.

I thing it is important to not let it slide but I wouldn't know how to bring it up nicely since I just don't hang out with the type of people this lifestyle upsets. The last time I was in this situation I told my husbands aunt & her family off for their attitudes. They're extreme right wing religious people. It's so bad they won't even do charity work for people not of their faith! I'm very left wing, a Unitarian, etc. So you can see what a mess the reunion was that year. Hah!

What an absolutely horrible group of people. If it were me, I would say something, but then again I have always had the mindset that if you see something happening and don't stop it, you're part of the problem.

Forget about the 2 moms... what about that poor teenager who is being ostracized over something that has nothing to do with her... or her moms' ability to coach the team.

I would not pull my child off of the team and would probably invite the family over for dinner. Seriously- then again some of our closest friends are gay and have babysat for my son numerous times. He LOVES them and it would NEVER cross my mind that it would be "inappropriate".

Sorry, this whole situation is making me angry- not you, but the fact that grown women would behave this way.

Good grief, *really*?? Okay to Answer the question, I Would personally think nothing of this "situation" other than to reiterate the fact that all families are different...single mom/dad, raised by grandparents, foster/adoptive parents, step parents, married or unmarried, two dads or 2 moms...am I missing something?

I would say that regardless of how anyone feels about the lifestyle of the parents this little girl is not blame and needs friends too. As long as they are not into public displays of affection, I see no reason that it would be any different than a "straight" couple's child.

I feel sorry for those kids that have parents that are so mean and judgemental. I would never pull my kid from the team because of this situation. Is she a good person? Is she a good mom? Is she a good coach? Who cares if she is love with another woman. Why are people so scared and judgemental? Maybe it was a pack mentality where one mom said something so they all thought they had to agree??

I am 27-years-old. I grew up in a small, backwoods city. Two of my classmates were raised by 2 mothers. They both turned out perfectly normal. And none of us, their peers, thought anything of the fact that these boys had 2 moms.

There is actually a Times article on the topic. Here is the link:

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,###-###-##...

No I wouldnt pull my daughter off of the team. Removing yourself from the presence of something uncomefortable doesn't make it go away, and she will encounter it in the future.
I think its great though, that you teach your children tolerance. I get sick of the judgements of people that believe the know how to "correctly" live your life. And you know what? I dont think the little girl with the two moms is really missing out, I mean...she has never known any different.
Some people...sheeesh!

There is a lot going on here.

I do not like the judgemental nature of the other moms. I would probably call them out on that.

I do see their point of view: I do not 'condone' the 'alternate' lifestyle. I see it as a choice, and one I do not choose. HOWEVER I am not the one to judge them; that's GOD'S job!

I have had two sets of "two mom" families as friends, and in both families one of the moms was the birth mother. They are loving parents. They do the best they can - just like heterosexual couples - to rear healthy, happy children. So to answer the the last question, no, I would not pull my child off the team. That's ridiculous. Homosexuality isn't contageous!

I would be out of my mind angry and would let them know.
There are things I have learned to take the high road and mind my own business, but these are hateful things I can't be quiet about, EVER.....
If people stay quiet about it...they tolerated...we can only change things, if we speak up....
Talk with your daughter about it and yes I would pull my daughter of the team...that is how we teach our children not to tolerate this kind of behavior.
Good luck

No, I wouldn't pull them off the team. If they are good coaches and the girls feel comfortable, why ??? I don't care what anyone does in their own bedroom or home. What matters to me is teaching about good sportsmanship, good dicipline etc. I would keep my child on the team.

M

I am surprised that a soccer team is so involved with the coach's love life.. hmmm. seem petty to me. Are the mom's making out in front of the kids/parents or are they just being typical parents? I would speak up, really you aren't going to want your kid hanging at the house of the moms/girls who are so judgmental anyway.

I would transfer and not expect a 13 year old to be the only one left on the team. If she decides to stand with the girl and take the consequences socially, that is HER decision. I don't expect my daughter to fight social injustice as she is a child.

I had to talk to the moms in our former scout troop when 2 moms joined.
I told them scouts is for the girls and not about the moms and we are not discussing sex here so we should ignore it. Then the moms began being all overly affectionate during meetings and feield trips. It was gross(as it would be if they were heterosexual). They are coming out and don't care that their own kids are not done dealing with the divorces and having a mom become gay. They are in our face. Many left the troop. It is not that they are gay, it is that they are promoting it.

Nah, I'd be fine with it. My parents taught me God doesnt make mistakes. You are who you were ment to be. Both my parents always had gay friends since my early childhood. I had lesbian couple as baby sitters and they never did anything wrong to me. I live on the out skirts of wilton manners and I would trust my nice down to earth gay male BF WAY before the party animal straight girl friends I have with my 15 mo old son.

I say stand up for yourself, and for others. Why is this such an issue?? I would rather my daughter be friends with a girl that has 2 Moms who are in a loving committed relationship and that show her love than be friends with a girl whose Mom and Dad have a toxic relationship that she witnesses and has knowledge of all the drama. These mothers are obviously stuck up goodie-too-shoes who think their s*@t don't stink. Be prepared for them to talk about you behind YOUR back though just as they do these ladies, and be prepared for them to alienate your daughter from theirs... which is something to consider. What a stupid thing to cause drama over.

That is all hogwash! Amazing how ignorance still creeps up on us and imagine the values they are setting for their own girls! Good for you for having your own opinion. That aside, if you are looking for bonding relationships with team members, note that you may not achieve this. Some people talk but don't actually act upon what they say. If there is prejudice and you are uncomfortable or it affects your daughter's relationship with other team members, I would look for another team. Give it some time. Voice your opinion and see what they have to say but try not to be too brutal. Admit you are ok with the situation and it is wonderful that this girl has two nurturing roles in her life and what a woman she can become! My other concern is potential teasing or bullying from the other team members towards this girl with two moms. Especially when the other moms have a negative attitude towards the situation, kids pick up on that.
Continue observations and remind them, we are all humans with hearts and feelings and you are together for love of the game and team bonding.

Let us know how it goes.

I just read all the responses and then saw that you're in Miami!!! One of the largest metropolitan cities in the US. It's repulsive to think that there are still people out there with so much intolerance and hatred.
I have so much to say but so many others said similarly. If gay was learned behavior then why are most children of gay parents straight? How do straight parents then have gay children? That rationale is ridiculous.

I would befriend the gay couple, and find a way to tell the fools that they sound like Hitler. Maybe you can teach them nicely, we all have lessons in life to learn, the perhaps could 'see the light'?

It's a sad world that is continuing to teach intolerance and hatred. You are seeing now how to stop that cycle. Teach your daughter right and wrong, teach your daughter the only types of people are good and bad.

Hi, I think that you should 100% voice your opinion to these obviously ignorant parents...& I mean that in the nicest way possible!!;-) I feel as u do!! & also feel like what they ARE instilling is that if people are different from "US" their wrong!! & if you ask me;-) that might just be why there's SO MUCH HATE IN THIS WORLD!!! CALL ME CRAZY but why not try teaching EVERYONE IS EQUAL AND DESERVES THE SAME RESPECT AND LETS SEE HOW THAT WORKS OUT!!!

No, I would not pull my daughter off the team. Your daughter is playing soccer not learning about adult relationships. Sad that people are punishing this girl when she has no choice in the matter who her parents are and shame on the parents for pulling their children out.

No, I definately wouldn't pull your daughter from the team. And I agree - that your silence might convey that you are in agreement. My sister is living an "alternative" lifestyle, and has adopted 3 children from China (2 girls, 1 boy). Of all of the children that I have met, they are the most well adjusted, smart, talented, funny, athletic and SWEET children. Your daughter is at an age now where she will start noticing and understanding differences in people and lifestyles. Do you want her learning and forming opinions about differences from someone like the mothers that were "whispering"? Good luck......sounds like an uncomfortable bunch of idgits to be around!

I am very proud of you. Take your daughter into consideration before making any statements to the other Mom's. Is she good friends with any of their daughters. As you know they already do not like this other girl because of who her parents are. Do you want them to turn against your daughter as well. No, it is not fair to the other girl that has two women for parents. Gay couples do not take into consideration of the childs welfare when they insist on bringing a child into their relationship as most people will not accept this. It is the child that is hurt in the end. Talk it over with your daughter and see what she wants to do. I know if it were my daughter she would end up becoming good friends with the girl and tell the parents off herself. She has always taken up for the underdog even if it meant getting herself into trouble at times. I have always been proud of her for this. Still today some of her very best friends are gay and I love them all. They have been very good friends to my daughter and have been there for her when no one else was. She would become friends with the girls that no one else would be friends with. I never interfered. Like I said, talk it over with your daughter and let her decide. After all it is her life that it will effect. But if it were me I would leave her on the team and if my daughter agreed I would tell the other Mom's what I thought of their attitudes.

S.,
Kudos to you for looking at what the real priorty is. I wouldn't pull her off the team, if , she's comfortable and wants to be part of it. This woman could be an awesome coach and your daughter will be a better person and player for the experience. I would keep my mouth closed for so long and then I'd have to speak up about what the real deal is,...... shame on the parents for condenming this poor girl who doesn't have a say so in how her adult household chooses to live their lives, she has no control . She also , very possibly be a better person than those that are SHALLOW and Judgemental . It's not their place to judge or criticize anyone. That's for the "man upstairs" to deal with. As far as going to their house for extra activities for the girls , what is the big deal, people see Homosexuals be affectionate on the street , school, etc, it is a part of our reality . Hopefully the 2 moms wouldn't want to make anyone feel awkward by going overboard with the outward affection to the point of inappropriate, (which can happen with hetero couples ,too mind you,,,). Stand your ground,...

C. S.

Updated

S.,
Kudos to you for looking at what the real priorty is. I wouldn't pull her off the team, if , she's comfortable and wants to be part of it. This woman could be an awesome coach and your daughter will be a better person and player for the experience. I would keep my mouth closed for so long and then I'd have to speak up about what the real deal is,...... shame on the parents for condenming this poor girl who doesn't have a say so in how her adult household chooses to live their lives, she has no control . She also , very possibly be a better person than those that are SHALLOW and Judgemental . It's not their place to judge or criticize anyone. That's for the "man upstairs" to deal with. As far as going to their house for extra activities for the girls , what is the big deal, people see Homosexuals be affectionate on the street , school, etc, it is a part of our reality . Hopefully the 2 moms wouldn't want to make anyone feel awkward by going overboard with the outward affection to the point of inappropriate, (which can happen with hetero couples ,too mind you,,,). Stand your ground,...

C. S.

You know I would not judge the child for the parents first of all. I'm the live and let live kind of person. But I think my concern would be these other moms. I've dealt with that type before. Gossipy, picking on the weaker. I would be more worried that they would or their kids would choose my kid next to separate from the crowd and then your child will suffer. These types gossipy people are never happy with just attacking one person.

Don't let peer pressure influence your original thought. I would not pull my daughter off of the team. If that was the case, then it would be same if the reason was there's minorities, divorced parents, single parents. Everyone is different and we should embrace them, not be jerkoffs like the rest of the parents that are teaching their kids ignorance and discrimination.

No way. Keep your daughter on the team. I have some great women friends who are a couple...they also got artificially inseminated and they have a beautiful baby girl. There is nothing weird or wrong about their family.

Are you sure that it is ONLY that they are gay and not something else going on? Could it have been that the parents made inappropriate comments about hetro couples or something? I know many gay people and some I would never let my kids over to their house while others would be allowed to spend weekends there. It has more to do with *who* they are than sexuality.

Two things, I don't see why you shouldn't express your opinion (in a kind way) since they were all expressing theirs.
Yes, I would have a problem with girl's "mom" being a coach. I would pull my daughter off the team and find another one for her. However, when it comes to the girl I would allow them to be friends for sure (although never go over to her house) and never say that she shouldn't be on the team. Its not her fault who her "parents" are.

I don't agree with this lifstyle but I wouldn't keep my kids from being on the team UNLESS there is any type of PDA or any overtly open talk about their lifestyle (which would be strange if they did). Heck if you cannot say a prayer on public fields you sure shouldn't be broadcasting your sexual preference. And I am not prejudice or a bigot.

It bothers me more that people throw around the 'bigot or prejudice' word anytime the topic of gays are brought up.

And who cares if parents are instilling their values onto their own children, duh that's what parents do. My values are not going to be the same as everyone else's but that's not anyone else's business. I don't agree with parents giving their children soda or co-sleeping or breastfeeding till a kid is 3, but that's my opinion & I just keep my mouth shut and talk to people who share similar values as me. We are all different & we should all except.

If it's harming you or your daughter then speak up. Or if these woman are trying to suck you into their non sense then say something. Otherwise walk away if it doesn't pertain to you. That's what I teach my kids at least.

I wouldn't change a thing. If it's a good, supportive team with good values and good coaches, why change? It would be a great opportunity to teach your child that everyone is different, and emphasized the values you would judge a person based on--it matters if they a good coaches, not what they do in private.

BTW, I know some great families with great kids who have two moms!

In a word - NO. I would not pull my daughter off the team.
J.

Whatever my personal opinions are, I wouldn't take my daughter off the team or associate with those moms who were gossiping. That could be so hurtful to the little girl on the team whose moms are partners. Everyone is entitled to live their life the way they want whether I agree with their decisions or not. It is no one's business. I'm not sure I'd confront the gossipy moms because I wouldn't want to cause a scene and embarass my daughter. Just my thoughts on the subject.

Heres' the thing while I personally do not agree with the gay lifestyle that is incredibly hurtful to that poor child and her "mothers." What I feel uncomfortable about is not my kids being on a team with a gay coach or the daughter but wanting to be sure the coach focuses on the game and is a coach for soccer and not a teacher of gay indoctrination.

If one of the gay mother's is the coach and is serious about the game and knows healthy and appropriate boundaries so what if they are gay???....If you daughter is friends with the woman's daughter so be it! Depending on your view point if your daughter sees these differences and wants to know about the two mommies be honest with her and go about your business.

Completely shunning or avoiding someone based on that is mean and rude. As long as there are appropriate boundaries no problem keep her on the team.

On a Christian level, I know it's wrong in God's eyes the way they're choosing to live their life.

On a motherly level, I feel very sorry for the girl of the two moms. My heart aches for the isolation and shunning she's going to feel and experience her whole entire life. As one other mom here said, she didn't ask to come into this world in the familial situation she's in. HOWEVER, she IS here and she probably feels love and joy in the only family life she knows. Outside of the home, that's where she'll feel hatred, loneliness, neglect.

If you're a Christian woman, feel for the girl, befriend the girl, you and your daughter can help her find solace and fun where others are not. You yourself may become great friends with the ladies who are her mother, and that's okay. We can be friends with people but not agree with their lifestyle.

None of us are without sin. When you pray for forgiveness for yourself, also pray for those who are not sorry for their own sins.

If anything this girl needs a friend who is open minded because too many people are still narrow minded. I understand we are grown with certain ways of thinking and to each thier own but it does not mean you get to be rude or mean spirited about it.

First of all, good for you for teaching your daughter tolerance and acceptance. My skin crawls when I read about people like these women. "The situation"? Seriously? So if this teammate of your daughter's was in a home with a man and a woman and they constantly fought or mistreated each other, would that be a "situation" too or just normal heterosexual behavior? Disgusting... as if coming from a loving home with two involved moms is a bad thing.

Regardless, I would not pull my daughter off the team. This is a wonderful chance for you to teach your daughter that we can learn from MANY different types of people in our lives, no matter their color, sexual orientation, political opinions, etc. If this mom is a great coach and your daughter enjoys the team and the other kids, the answer is clear to me. I would tell my daughter in this scenario that I honestly pity the women who feel they need to take their kids off the team for such a ridiculous reason. Honestly... these are the type of women who would say Ellen DeGeneres is not funny because she is gay... you are better off without them around! If the opportunity came up for you to express your opinion, I would absolutely ask them what their home life has to do with coaching skill? And whay does it even matter? Good luck to you; too bad you have to be exposed to this!

How much more peaceful the world would be if everyone would mind their own business.

You did the right thing! Way to go mom

I would not pull my child off the team. I don't believe in "partners" but I don't believe the child should be "punished" by taking her off the team. Teach your child your own beliefs regarding "partners" but let her have fun too.
She can have her "sports" friends and her "school" friends and her "go to their house" friends.

I think it's fine, so long as it isn't being indoctrinated on my children. Though I don't know how I would feel about letting my kids over to their house... but I say that for a lot of straight couples too, it really depends on who they are as people. Really, it's absurd they feel the girl shouldn't be on the team.

I doubt it would bother me cause if the home is filled with love and both parents are doing what they should do to make sure their children have what they have and need then why does it matter if it's two mom's or two dad's. It's sad to see some adults being closed minded. If two adults love each other it shouldn't matter whom they are with.

I do not agree with this lifestyle. Homosexuality is a sin just like many other things, no better and NO WORSE. That being said, I would not pull my child off the team at 13 years old. Like I said, its not worse than other sins so I feel like if I were to take that route I should also be looking to pull them off every team where the coach ever lied or did any number of other things. I would teach my child that is sin, like so many other things, and while we don't accept sin as being OK we should never judge or shun a person because of it (hate the sin, love the sinner).

This world is full of gay coaches! From what i remember. Who cares anyway, coaching is not about sex, sexuality, or anything of the like. Its soccer!

some people i swear!

I haven't read all the other replies but definitely I would not pull my daughter off the team. That is ridiculous, in my opinion. This is a great chance for you to show your daughter that you really back up your values of Everyone is Equal with your actions. I do feel bad for all the other impressionable young women learning about discrimination like this from their parents. How terrible. On the bright side, if all the other girls leave the team at least your daughter will get plenty of play time on the field.

No, having a lesbian mom/coach around my kids would not bother me. At all. I would be terribly "bothered" (an understatement to say the least) by the other mother's reactions.

To me, being raised in a home with two stable, loving mothers is not "sad". Having two involved, invested parents is a blessing.

Here's a study that shows that children of lesbian parents may actually be more well adjusted:

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,###-###-##...