Gift Bags. Why?

I do special events and more and more parents have been agreeing no to "goodie Bags".. . Now If I could get the Brides and their mothers to quit giving stuff to Wedding guests, I would really be happy..

It is just junk none of us wants or needs..

My thoughts exactly! Same goes for elaborate parties for a baby who doesn't even know what is going on. If mom and dad want to throw a party have an adult party.

I agree. I think the best party favors are when there is a craft of something at the party and the guests get to take it home (like kids planting seeds in paper cups, or decorating a bookmark or whatever).

Oh man do I agree with you....I would love to find the first mom that did these stupid things and pummel her into oblivion. I've done them only as an afterthought and didn't even bother with them the last two birthdays for my oldest son. And, amazingly, all the little kids survived just fine without them.

Good Question. I totally agree. I don't like to spend the money giving them out, nor do I like when my kids bring that junk home. Most of the time it is a bag full of candy to wash down the cake and ice cream and soda they just consumed. Agreed, moms everywhere . . . Save Your Money!

Totally agree.....
always hated them, parties are stressful enough, right?

I agree 100%. Have nothing to add!

I am having a party for my hubby and know there will be leftover cookies, so ordered some biodegradable bags for guests to take home cookies in.

I hate bringing home little plastic crappy things from parties my son attends. They break or take up my drawer space and get thrown away in a week or less.

I do succumb to pressure though, but always send home cookies (homemade) or seeds for kiddos to plant in compostable or biodegradable bags.

I'm sure you will get push back on your post, but I agree totally!

I totally agree with you! Reading some of the other answers has been very enlightening though. To me, it is just another version of "keeping up with the Jones'". I have seen fewer and fewer kids having birthday parties with friends an a large part is due to the cost. Our parties are always at home with cake and icecream and playing in the backyard, but even then, I am amazed at what I spend. If I factor in $5 gift bags per child, I am just raising the cost and adding to the stress for me. My way around it the last few years is to do a pinata as an activity. The goodie bag then is what is in the pinata. Yes, it is still junk, but it is a part of the party, not something extra to get. (Yes, I hate the pinata idea, teaching that hitting with sticks is ok, but 10 year old boys, just don't get into pulling the strings:) )

I was quite surprised to have no goodie bag at the latest birthday party one of my sons attended. The party was at a restaurant like a Chuck E Cheese so the kids all got a set of game tokens (well, its all on cards now) because that's part of the party package. This time we were handed an envelope. It contained a printed note thanking us for attending and, enclosed, was a $2 gift certificate at a Baskin Robbin's ice cream store. To me, it was a welcome change to little useless trinkets or candy.

It was a welcome change from the "norm".

Honestly, its lame. The toys are garbage because they are so cheap and TOTAL choking hazards for littler ones. So yes, its all trash, and a total waste of money.

I didn't read all the responses, so I hope I'm not re-hashing what someone already said =)
I think the reason parents give goody bags is to keep all the other kids happy, since the birthday kid gets presents and they don't. I understand, but I think it's wrong =) Instead of trying to make our kids happy at all costs, why not just teach them that everyone has a special day when they get presents and we are there to celebrate that with them and be happy for them, and then when it's their birthday, they will get presents, too. We shouldn't give in to our kids' every whim and tantrum! Teaching our kids that every time someone else gets something, you deserve something too, that's just setting them up for disaster later on in life. That's not how life works, and the sooner kids learn that, the better. Yes, it takes more time and a lot more effort to teach our kids rather than keep them happy...but isn't that our job as parents? To prepare them for adult life?

I agree when it comes to the junk BUT for the most part the past 10-15 parties my daughter has attended the past year and half or so they haven't done those. They did really nice things or gave cookies or brownies the child helped make. My daughter has gotten really nice things before like friendship bracelets, a stuffed animal, a slinky, $5 Toys R Us Card, Free ice cream to McDonalds etc. So things are always trinky

Don't know who started this but if I could find her, I would love to talk to her!!! Sooo glad my kids are out of that age!! The last few years, I had a craft that each kid did at the party (usually a picture frame or foam door thingy). I also started printing a digital photo to put in the frame of the group. I knew these things would not be trashed. Then I spent a little extra money and got "good" candy-at least it would not be wasted. For teens, I also included an unusual pen.
Personally, kids should know that this is someone else's "special" day and they should not expect/feel bad cause they don't get to open anything. What happened to don't covet thy neighbor's??
But I was also the mean mom that sent out notes after talking with my daughter that we/she did not want gifts!! I had several people tell me they were going to send them anyway so I gave up. As a society, we have spoiled our children.
Side note-for Scout Christmas, it had to be homemade and baked goods counted as homemade. Just goes with the thought of being over commercialized.
Good luck and I hope you can change it before my grandkids start having parties.

I am on your band wagon. Even my son is on your band wagon! He left a birthday party on Saturday without his bag and he said, "I don't want that junk. You'll throw away the toys and it'll take me forever to eat all the candy." It was a surreal moment. I did receive and give goodie bags as a child. If you are going to reward the children for coming to a party give them a gift that they'll actually use.

Junk to me? Yes. Thrown away after a period of time? Always. Does any mom really like small plastic toys? No. But it's not about the Moms, it's about the kids. My girls have just loved picking out a few small trinkets and helping put together goodie bags for their friends when they were younger. It's exciting for THEM. Maybe the kids receiving them get excited for only about 10 minutes, just to see what's in them, but who cares? That's 10 minutes of joy to a child. It's never been stressful to me, we actually have fun with it, and we've never spent a ton of money on it. Now, my kids do understand that everyone celebrates differently, and no one owes them a "goodie bag" after a party, or even has a birthday party. Some have them, some don't, that's OK. And of course it's bad manners to ask for or expect to be receiving anything. Kids just need to be taught that, and that favor are optional, not a "must do"

I think of it like the Asian custom. In Asian society if you receive a gift then you have to give a gift back. I also think it's to take away the "sting" little children feel when they've gone to a party and watched their friend get a whole bunch of gifts. Yes, they got to have fun at the party but kids like THINGS.

I do agree that most of them are so silly! Plastic trinkets like yo-yos, candy that they don't need since they just got pumped full of candy at the party and ugly jewelry.

We have gotten some good stuff at the most recent parties though. At one my SD got a coloring book and crayons. At another she got cute little hair bands. And yet another she got a pencil with a cute eraser. Stuff she can USE!!!

I'm indifferent to them. I'm not about to stress over them for a party, but if I do give them then I would make them something useful.

I love them. Hands down. I loved getting them as a child... and I love watching my son think about and pick out "cool stuff" to give his friends. I don't even care if other people think they're junk, because they're gifts from my son to his friends. Things he wants to give to share joy and happiness. Other people may label them junk, but they're gifts from his heart. He would give his friends gifts every day if he could. He has to settle for twice a year.

Our gift bags from the past couple of years:

- Glow sticks, super bounce ball, & bubbles (age 5)
- Nasa Mission Badges (the fabric kind), glow sticks, Astronaut Icecream (yuck), and a chocolate chip cookie to make up for the ice cream. (age 6)
- Pinata (aka empty gift bags + pinata) filled with balls, chapsticks, glowsticks -theme much?-, erasers, stickers. (age 7)
- ?????? (this year, age 8)

LOL i hate them too! I think it's just a bribe to get the kids to leave your house in a timely manner (or wherever the party is). Parents have been getting creative lately..putting the thankyou's in with the party favor bags With a "thank you for coming to my party and making it an extra special time" Other parents are giving away "free scoop" cards to the local ice cream parlor in leiu of all the junk...i think it's pure genius a thank you note and a free scoop of ice cream..probably much cheaper than all the other stuff usually found in goodie bags...but there are still people who go over the top and even give the parents goodie bags! That was a little excessive, but a very nice gesture for the parents who had to hanh out during the party...LOL

To me, it's a thank you for helping us celebrate her party. BUT, I also hate the stupid stuff that so many people put in theres. I usually do a package of teddy grams or cheese-its and maybe some nice stickers along with a note thanking them for making the party extra special.

I am so with you. I haven't thrown any birthday parties since my little girl grew up, but have watched with amazement as this trend has established itself in recent years.

I think it may be connected to the "swag bags" celebrities get simply for showing up somewhere. But those bags are filled with classy products that are intended to promote the gifter's public recognition, and ultimately, sales, so they are not given out of the goodness of the gifter's heart. But it becomes "custom." And customs spread. And then we lose track of when or why they started.

Probably some "moms of means" started the trend for birthday parties – it must surely give you points if you can give gift bags that impress your guests, or the parents of your guests, if you have social connections to maintain. But average moms putting together a dozen bags don't have the means to fill them with impressive gifts. The answer? Trinkets and junque. At least you're keeping up with expectations.

Expectations are a social drug. Just say no!

I am a mom who likes to give a "gift" to the party comers... I don't want my children to feel entitled - but to be giving to their friends.

I don't like to give or recieve a bunch of "useless things" - I try to find something theme related - and a good deal.

For example:

One year my daughter had a "Camp Rock" themed pool party - I was able to find "Camp Rock" beach towels on clearance for $3 - so that was great!

I have had several tea party themed parties - and one year found GORGEOUS Pink satin and tulle FANCY dresses from a popular children's clothing store for .99 cents!!! I bought them for all the girls to wear at the party and they got to keep them - bargain for me - but such a nice treat!!

So I look for something useful and/or special - without breaking my budget but to make the party special.

Do I think it is necessary? NO - do I like to do it? Yes...

I'm right there with you. I've been quite the non-conformist on this. Sometimes I have felt guilty. But I also hate to give things that kids just throw away. Just have a fun party and be thankful to all the guests who helped make it a fun celebration. Maybe you should make a "group" on FaceBook... "Mom's united against giving goodie bags" You'd probably get lots of members. Ha! ;)

I so agree with many of the moms here...the gift bags shouldn't be necessary. Children do need to learn that it isn't their special day. It ends up being costly, when you know that parents will go home and just throw away most of it... I know I do it when my kids come home with their goodie bags.

I think it's nice to give a "thank you for coming to my party gift". I don't see any problem with the idea of giving a little something to the party goers as a thank you. The kids love getting them and I do remember getting them as a kid so I don't think the idea of goody bags is new.

It's up to the person throwing the party to choose what goes into the goody bag. If it's all "junk" then they made a bad choice, and so what?? I've been to many parties where the gift was very nice. My daughter received a full size puzzle for the goody bag at the last party she attended. They've received kick boards at swimming parties, a birdhouse to paint at home as well as many other crafts to do at home. I agree that many people could be more creative with what goes into the goody bag instead of just going with the little trinkets, but I think the idea of a goody bag is nice.

Even though I might think some of the stuff in the goody bag is "cheap junk" my kids have had hours of fun from some of the junk!

I for one will continue to give goody bags, but I will also continue to be thoughtful of what goes into them and try to make them special!

ADDED: I guess if my child was saying things like "where is my gift" or made it known that he/she was only interested in the goody bag I might be concerned but this has never happened. I guess by your logic, why should we share the cake and ice cream with the guests, shouldn't it just be for the birthday girl? Shouldn't the birthday boy be the only one to play in the bounce house since it's HIS day?

I don't have strong feelings either way. I have given gift bags at my son's parties, but he is only 4, and to date, all our parties have only been family and close friends, meaning no more than 7 or 8 kids.

I will qualify this by saying that I do REFUSE to give junk in the bags. I hate the packs of stupid plastic junk they sell at party stores, etc. to put in gift bags or pinatas. I feel if you are going to put money and effort into giving gift bags, you could use a ounce of creativity and give something useful, and there are just a bizillion inexpensive things out there.

That said, we would certainly not be put out if we went to a party and didn't receive a gift bag. It's really to each his own, and not a big deal either way.

Interesting to skim through the customs from other parts of the country. I guess we're lucky in that in my childrens' circle of friends, more often than not, the children themselves elect to tell their guests, "Instead of bringing a gift, we suggest donating to ____ charity", or, we're collecting supplies for the local shelter, or we're helping our friend _____ raise money for Juvenile Diabetes (kids have brought pennies from the piggy banks), or, we're spending the day volunteering at the local therapeutic horse riding ranch.......you get the idea. The kids have loved it.......they love helping people. Of course, there are always parents who will bring a wrapped gift anyways.........and they are usually the ones who continue to give gift bags at their own parties. Hey, whatever rocks your boat, right?

I agree on the junk ones- and even that way about the non-sense gifts given at Christmas just to say the kids got a gift. There have been a few parties where they were a juice box and a few pieces of candy which compared to what we normally get, is much better.

they do it so that no kid feels left out.
they're too young to understand it's someone else's day.
that said, i do not do gift bags nor do i accept gifts for my children. i just want all kids to have a great time.
ps i hate that junk too

I don't see anything wrong with giving a small token of appreciation to guests, and kids do love it. I hate the junky stuff too (although my 5 year old would disagree). I try to think of something different. The best one we gave was for my daughter's 4th birthday beach-themed party. We burned CDs of the music we had played during the party. I made labels for them with her name and party date. It was time consuming but not too expensive. Over a year later I know that some of the kids who came still listen to their CD (including my daughter). I do it because I enjoy it and I love planning parties, etc. For me it's not stressful.

I think a lot of us have stepped away from the goodie bag and gone different routes. I have never been one for goodie bags so I used to do like fruit snacks, teddy grahams and maybe some bubbles.
My 11 year old birthday party a couple of months ago I didn't get anything. I figure 11 years old, they are too old for that.

It would be great to not have to stress over them. I certainly did when my son had his birthday. As very children, it's difficult for them to understand why one child gets lots of gifts and he doesn't get any. I went to one party that didn't have any and to be honest, my feathers got a little ruffled. I think you can get very creative and not spend a lot of money and let the child leave with something. I ended up having to get my son a little something at the store following the party that did not have any.

The best and wisest one we got as a little bag with candy in it and a hot wheels car. Nothing elaborate with fancy junk. I thought about how much easier and cheaper it was for the mom to do that goody bag and was really jealous I didn't get a little more resourceful.

It really comes down to the age of the child. When they are really young, it's just the right thing to do. When they are older and have a total understanding, I think it could be okay to bypass because of teaching them the art of giving.

I don't like spending the money on a bunch of junk that is going to get thrown away, so instead of goody bags, I usually give each party-goer one nicer thing to take home. At my daughter's birthday party last weekend, I gave each kid a medium-sized ball ($1 each from Wal-Mart) and a bottle of bubbles. At my son's recent party, since there were only three guests, each kid got a Star Wars play-figure. At my other daughter's Hannah Montana party last fall, each kid went home with an echo microphone. Other party favors that I've seen are kites, bubble bath, gigantic bubble wands, and a movie-sized box of candy with a movie theater gift card taped on.

Wow! I look at it like this - if I am asking someone to give up one of their weekend days in a world where most people work M-F than the least that I can do to show my appreciation. I don't buy the silly junk that seems hazardous to most small children. I buy something that goes with the theme that I would give to my own child. It's respect to the parent and child for taking time out of their busy lives to celebrate my son's special day. And for those who think it's crazy to throw a big party for a baby or toddler - the photo's will live on forever.

I agree with you totally about the need for goodie bags. When did goodie bags start anyway right? We didn't have them growing up! lol Anyway this year I plan to do small goodie bags in recycled paper bags with thing people can use like gummy fruit snack and pretzel snack, new toothbrush and maybe stickers. I plan to keep it real simple. I know costco sells these snacks in bulk and what is left over I can use for my son's school lunches. Society puts a lot pressure on gift giving period especially for the holidays! I feel like we are all in this rut together but haven't found the right time and place to put an end to the madness. :)

eh?...they don't really bother me. Sometimes we do them sometimes we don't. I don't stress over them. My daughter was just at a party and got a thing of glitter hairspray, some clip on earings and a bracelet from Justice. All three she loved. I thought the glitter hairspray was so cool....in fact I tried to find some to buy for my niece for her birthday.
I think a small goody bag is just a way for the hostess to say thanks for coming to the party. If you throw them away, whatever, we use ours over here.

Great question. I've always hated them and couldn't understand why they were so popular. I never thought of it as keeping up with the Joneses, more like what has become normal etiquette. However, I would try to put useful items in them, like pencils, fancy erasers, stickers, hair scrunchies, bubbles, note pads/books. One year I gave the girls diaries with fancy pens, another year large beach balls. I've also made crafts at parties and what you made was your "goodie bag", however, I did have 2 girls at the party come up to me and ask for their bag.

I'm also very concerned about the environment and not a big fan of junk bags. But, a party deserves something special, so I try to spend $2 per child and give something neat they use at the party as well. We just had a movie party and I gave every child a flashlight and my children have used them constantly for weeks now! For my 3 year old I had ceramic mugs that all the kids got to paint and then they are able to use them. I think there's no harm done if you give out nothing, but it's hard for me to not get swept up in the party spirit.

I give them when my daughter opens her presents, so that the kids at her party have something to open too. It can be hard for a little one to sit through some other kid getting to open cool things without anything for themselves. I always put a little toy, crayons and a little coloring book so they can be occupied.