Getting Toddler to Sleep on His Own Question to 'No Cry' Moms

My sister and I are both No Cry Moms. I love that you coined that term to get specific answers because without it, you surely would have received lots of "tough" love responses. We have found that time is the best way to find healthy sleep patterns for our children. That is, we have always gone in and comforted our children back to sleep, whatever that means, and now (my girls are 2 and 4) they have matured into great sleepers. They still need occasional comforting, which this Mama will always be happy to give. They know that no matter what, if they wake up and need me, I will come and instead of turning them into spoiled children who call me to manipulate, they are happy and secure and feel safe in their beds. They know I am just around the corner and willing to give comfort when they need it. Their little brains seem to go through periods where night waking is more frequent (maybe due to growth spurts or processing new information) and then they sleep great again for a while and then have a period of more wakenings.
And of course, my kids both have night lights and "lovies" that they sleep with. Good luck. :)

I don't know... but to me, it is really not a big deal... that a child, this age, this young... still gets 'lonely' at night for their parents.

I say that because, when I was that age and older and younger... I was like that. I had my own room... but at night I would simply get scared/lonely/miss my parents. And so, I would, late at night and in the dark, wake up, and although I was scared... I would get up and creep down our LONG dark hallway, go to my parents room, and squeeze in between them. They let me. I grew out of it. It was no biggie.

I guess to me, it is the way I grew up and my frame of reference and my own sense of what bedtime & parents are, at bedtime.
So, for me, I see no 'wrong' with it.
A child does grow out of it.
At this young age... I do not see it as an anomaly... but rather as a basic intrinsic aspect of young childhood.

They do outgrow it.
Perhaps, you could have a floor mattress in your room... for him to sleep on. As a compromise. That way he is not IN your bed.... but in the same room. If need be, he can do that.
That is what we do with our kids. We never have bedtime battles. Going to bed for my kids are just comfy.
I am not a cry it out Mom.

all the best,
Susan

I have a 2 1/2 year old who has a bed in our room and we co-sleep with our 8 month old. Nights are tough for my older son. More nights than not, he ends up in our bed or my hubby ends up in his.

I have found that it is a balance between him being tired enough to sleep well and not being overly tired either. Somewhere in between means a good nights rest for him.

He has lots of dreams and some night terrors too, so inevitably he wakes frequently.

I think you got some good advice. I do truly believe that kids will mature into better sleepers as they age and will learn to self soothe. I don't believe in crying it out. I think that will teach children that you aren't there and aren't reliable and they just don't have the emotional tools to handle things like that on their own.

My son knows we are there for him, sometimes it's my husband and not "mama" whom he really wants. But that's okay, he still gets his needs met and comforted at night. I know he will go back and forth between sleeping well and not so much depending on what he's working on physically and emotionally.

I don't have much advice. Just the usual. Have a reliable, soothing bedtime routine. Provide them with the comfort they want (you, a blankie, a night light, etc) and their little subconsciouses will eventually realize you are there and they will wake less and less.

Good luck.

Okay, so this is not so much advise as something that made me smile! I read a quote the other day about a parent telling their son that 'big boy's' sleep alone in their own bed. 'Don't you want to be a big boy?' The son's response: "But Daddy's a Big Boy and he doesn't sleep alone!"
Best of luck figuring out which way is best for your family!

Establish a routine for getting him to sleep and keep that same routine when he wakes in the night. Also, read him fairy tales (and fairy tales specifically). Let him know what you are doing so that eventually he'll do the routine on his own and that's how he'll learn to put himself to sleep.

Believe it or not, as adults we usually have some sort of "routine" we do to get to sleep!

For example, put him on his back (or side) and tell him to get in the "sleeping position." Straighten the covers.

If he has a lovey, give him the lovey to cuddle with. Say "here is your lovey (or whatever he calls it)."

Dim the lights. Play soothing music quietly or read fairy tales, but with the light just low enough for you to see. Your little boy should fall asleep.

Should he wake in the night, repeat the routine, naming the steps as you go. What you're doing is teaching him the steps he needs to do to put himself to sleep. You're not making him cry himself to sleep and you're not doing it for him so he relies on you. Going to sleep is like learning to eat or learning to put on clothes. Through repetition and feeling secure he'll learn to do it on his own.

I'm sure one day you'll miss the bedtime routine! When I spent the night at my parents the day before my wedding (after living away from home for years) my mom came into my room and sat on my bed just like she used to. Some things never grow old!

We are also a no cry family. One of the thoughts we had when switching to a big kid bed, was that it would be so much easier when our daughter could finally just come to us in the middle of the night. I don't mind if she does and usually I will cuddle with her for a while and then take her back to her own room, since our bed is too small to co-sleep.
Occasionally she will wake and just stay in her bed crying and I will either tuck her in or lay down with her for a bit.

I don't think "sleeping on his own" is something that you teach. Kids go through phases in which they will sleep better and other when they have trouble sleeping, just like adults. My sister has 5 children aged 14 - 2.5 at home and occasionally each one had phases of poor sleep quality. Often they are associated with growth spurts, exciting events happening in their lives or illness.

Some of the other strategies that I have heard people take that you may try are a "reverse" baby monitor, night light, picture of you next to his bed.

I work full time, so I need my sleep and for us the strategy that has worked best is to do whatever results in the least upset/crying. I would rather respond immediately and avoid a long drawn out battle "teaching" her to stay in her bed, since that means that no one in my house gets any sleep.
Good luck!

Our routine is, every night we come upstairs and read a story, pray, and cover. She lies down to sleep and I sit at my desk where we can see each other. I stay there until she is asleep before I go down to pick up the mess below. It doesn't last, every morning we wake up and she is in our bed cuddled between us. But the rule is, she must start out in her own bed.

It is hard, I let mine come in my room! My oldest 3,6 sleep in their beds all night!
My son just turned 2- he gets ups and comes in my room and I am ok with that! I put him in his bed and then he gets up around 2 and joins us!

M.
Sorry no advice!

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How do you get him to fall asleep?
Is he still in a crib, or in a toddler bed?

Ugh. You should be sleeping with your husband.

If the kid wakes up in the night, send him back to his own bed.

I repeat, sleep with your spouse.