Getting a 2 Year Old to Eat?

I don't think you're asking too much that she eat what she is offered. I would offer her what the rest of the family is eating. Don't make a big deal if she doesn't eat it. You don't want it to be a power strugle. If she can tell that it is important to you, she may be using it as control. If it isn't that important, she loses the feeling of control. If she doesn't eat her meal, she shouldn't get any snacks, juice, etc. until the next meal. She will eventually get hungry. If she isn't eating much, it is that much more important to feed her very nutrious food. It may take her a little while, but if you are consistent and avoid direct confrontation you should have success.

Give her a choice...what's wrong with that? Just don't make it too complicated. Ask her, do you want waffles or cereal? Do you want mac and cheese or pbj? And remember, 2 meals really isn't a big deal. When she is hungry she will eat. No child will starve themselves to death.

Perhaps it would benifit you to look into alternative therapies. I work with children and those who come in who have a picky appetite seem to have their taste buds switched off from the signal in the brain. It is part of brain integration. It is the same with water, if a child doen't drink water, I usually find their system isn't hydrating, maybe glands, organs, brain general. It is a simple correction of just switching on the signal. For more info Call Y. Lange- ###-###-#### or www.wellhavengj.com

My youngest is really picky. He eats when he wants too. If he doesn't want to eat what is in front of him, I let it go but I don't let him have anything until hours later. Like, he doesn't like mac and cheese with tuna. Well, sometimes that's all I have so last night, he didn't have an afterscool snack, and guess what? He ate all that I gave him. Kids will eat when they get hungry. I don't mean to starve them but I was told that no kid in middle class America will go hungry. It won't hurt them to miss a meal or two.

It sounds like eating has become a huge power struggle. You are the adult. You are in charge. It won't hurt her and she'll know you won't make her ten things to get her to eat. One or two missed meals and she'll be fine. She'll learn to eat what is in front of her. My kids both did. They are older so I don't have as much trouble as I used to. Good luck!!!!

I agree with you that she needs to eat more than just her favorites. She also needs to eat what is put before her. I love that my daughter came up with "No Thank You bites". That means they have to eat at least 1 bite of what has been put on their plates. What I did was make them try foods that they didn't like before every 6 month. I also let them know that their taste buds change quite often. I also held what they would not eat until the next meal. I just let them know that it would be there until they ate it and I would be happy to heat it up for them. Don't get in the habit of allowing them to eat that in between meals, because then they won't eat dinner when the family eats dinner. I have fed my children at any age if I had to. I do not cater to a child that needs nutrition in their bodies. They will not starve by missing a meal, they eat when they get hungry enough. They need to learn to eat what is on their plate. I too believe in consistent/strong boundaries. I had to one time set the timer & correct my daughter about 3 rounds before she would take the 1 bite of food. She ate it finally & I bawled after it. Because I was consistent and did not give in, she now is 21 and eats and prepares the best of that food ever. Another thing you can do is mix up her favorites with other foods, by that I mean "You can have a bite of this if you eat a bite of this 1st". Don't allow the favorite until the other is swallowed. If that works, then go to two bites, etc. I hope this helps. K

I too have a 3 year old that hardly eats. She generally eats a good breakfast, as she likes breakfast foods (ie, pancakes, waffles, cereal,or oatmeal.) Lunch I let it be her choice, that way I know she will eat it because she picked it.
I do not give her snacks during the day, or very limited snacks. If she snacks, dinner is out, she won't eat. No snacking means a chance of actually eating dinner. I let her pick what veggies she wants for dinner, then if she refuses to eat them, I can gently remminder she chose them. I often let her pick between two meals for dinner too. Do you want Raviolli tonight or Hawaiin Haystacks. She chose haystacks and actually ate them. If she chooses not to eat dinner, or not very much, we tell her that is fine, but she will not get anything else to eat that night. I figure if she eats a good breakfast and lunch, she isn't going to starve over the occasional missed dinner.
I agree that you need to cut back the milk, hard I know, you want to make sure she is getting something in her tummy. It does fill her up though and she isn't hungry for food.
You are right, it is a power struggle. That is why you need to give her some of the power, by offering choices. My daughter also gets to pick the bowl/plate, silverware, and cup she will use that night. The more control I give her over things that don't matter, the more control she allows me over the important things.
She is also getting a little less picky. She even ate spagetti-O's the other day. I had to spend the extra 20 cents for dora, princess, or nemo, but it is more variety in her diet!
Good luck, I feel for you. I am hoping this is a phase and "it too shall pass."
M.

A.-

Your job as the mother is to make sure that there are nutritious options for her to eat. Like you said, you can't force her to eat, especially on your terms. However, if you make a meal, don't get upset if she won't eat it right then, or only takes a few bites. Also, don't make everything under the sun either. That's unreasonable and will set you up for disaster later on.

She's not going to starve. If she gets hungry, give her what you've prepared. If she won't eat it, wait a little longer. If she tells you, again, that she's hungry, give it to her again. Eventually, she may get so hungry so won't care what you give her. She'll also learn that what you've prepared is what is for dinner.

As far as veggies, make several and give her an option of "which one" she wants so she can feel like she has some say in the matter, but don't cater to her whims. If you made broccoli and carrots and she wants peas, she's out of luck because she can have either broccoli or carrots or both.

Also, there's a great cookbook by Jessica Seinfeld called Deceptively Delicious, which sneaks fruits and veggies into normal "kid food". She has green eggs made with spinach, pink pancakes made with beets, mac and cheese made with cauliflower or squash. Very tasty and full of helpful hints.

I was told by my pediatrician that kids will not starve themselves and if you prepare a meal, even with adult food, and she won't eat you clear the table and put everything away. If she complains later she is hungry then tell her there are plenty of leftovers from dinner. If she argues send her to her quiet place, room, corner whatever until she wants to be nice. After several missed meals she should start to eat. Keep in mind kids try new foods many times before they like them but because they complain once or twice or 5 times that they don't like a food don't give up, keep occasionally offering the food until it tastes good to them.

This is a tough love situation and yes you should be in control of it. A large part of the eating problems for kids theses days is their parents allow them to control the choice of food and they by no means have the knowledge to be doing that. Your husband needs to allow her to be hungry for a day or 2 because I guarantee you if you allow this to go on it only gets worse as they get older. My oldest son was allowed to control the eating and is still a picky eater and is in his 20's. My youngest son is 9 and has been continually introduced from the time he was 2 to new healthy adult foods including every kind of veggie you can think of, at this point his favorite is brussel sprouts, it changes constantly but he eats very healthy meals without much squabbling. I started very young with having him try new things, our saying was 'if you had never tried pizza you would never have known you liked it.' He says that to his friends now when they won't try something new. He loves trying new foods when they have taste tables at the market. Again it takes many times sometimes but don't give in, if you do you are allowing her to think she can control life with food, not a good lesson especially for girls.

I am sure this sounds very harsh but if you look at history it was not until recently that parents started allowing kids to make the food choices, before it was what was served and everyone was happy to have the food. It is only the past couple generations that have had parents that cater to their kids every whim and it is why we end up with spoiled kids. I have 3 boys and have been there and done that and truly do believe we have to use tough love sometimes.

By the way the milk is great with a meal but don't let her substitute it for meals, it will fill her up enough that she won't try anything new.

Also, my youngest son has helped me cook, crack eggs, stir... ever since he was 2 and that also gave him more interest in trying the food that he helped make and it made it all fun instead of punishment.

Good luck and do have fun.
S. M

She sounds like a pretty normal two year old, lol! First of all, she isn't going to starve herself, she will eventually eat something. On the other hand, I don't think it is going to hurt to give in a little. Maybe give her three options for each meal/snack. Like for breakfast she can have 1) cereal, 2) pancakes, or 3) peanut butter toast and instant breakfast. She gets what she picks and can't repick. If she only takes a few bites, fine, but she doesn't get anything else until snack time (just make sure that isn't too far away) then she gets 1) and apple, or 2) string cheese, or 3) graham crackers. (all with milk) Do the same for lunch and dinner and other snacks.
I would give her milk with meals and snacks, but in between only water. She could be filling up on the milk and not be hungry.
I don't believe in actually punishing for not eating, or saying if you don't eat breakfast, you get that for lunch too. I mean, I'm not always so hungry for breakfast that I eat it all, and I'd hate to have it for lunch, lol!
Eating is such a hard issue because you don't want to make it a huge issue. It is amazing how young children, especially girls, can start having eating disorders.
Just try and keep her options healthy and don't worry about the amount that she actually eats.

DR.Christine Wood has a web site called www.kidseatgreat.com You might find some info here very helpful. Good luck!

Nutritionals you can trust www.jerrbiz.usana.com

I have 5 kids, so I know what it's like to have a finiky eater, as well as a head strong child... I have talked to my pediatrician about the problems I was having and she gave me some really good advice.
She told me first of all, that I needed to realize that my child would eat until they were full... that she needed a lot smaller portions that I was giving her, and that as long as she was healthy, she would eat when he body told her to.
She also told me that eating can be where a lot of head strong children can pick their battles, and suggested the following...
She said that I make her dinner, and that if she wouldn't eat it, then to not let her eat, but to put the dish aside. When she came to me saying that she was hungy, I pulled back out the same meal (I suggest for the first few days, making something that can be reheated easily) and gave her that to eat. At first this was a HUGE struggle, and she would throw a big fit when I kept pulling out the same food for her to eat, but eventually her hunger won out and she tried it. (in my opinion, this showed me that it was much more of a power struggle for her than it was a matter of what she was eating). Now she knows that at she can eat what I make for dinner, or she can go hungry. I also try to make something she really likes for dessert so that after she does eat her dinner, she gets a reward.
There was once or twice she chose not to eat, and she had to watch the rest of the family enjoy a good desert (root beer floats or doughnuts)... which she also threw a fit about, and it was hard to stick to my guns, but I didn't let her have any unless she ate her dinner, and one time she even decided to go ahead and eat her dinner just so she could get the treat that everyone else was eating.

This is behavior that needs to be taken care of, especially if you plan on more children... I let it go for a long time, and at one time when I had 3 kids, I was making 3 different things for dinner every night because none of them would eat the same things... that is when I finally decided that something had to be done.

I hope this helps, good luck!!

I had the same problem with my son and he is still quite fussy, he's six now. He drank a lot of milk and hardly ate a thing. I would ask him to at least eat 2 bites of something new (because he was two) and leave it at that. If he refused his evening meal he would have to go straight to bed, which I only ended up doing once, he didn't like that at all! Just remember your daughter won't starve herself, she will eat when her body needs it and eventually she will eat more. My son is still fussy at six but he does eat a reasonable variety of things now, even vegetables! Good Luck!

First of all, I know how frustrating this can be. I have a daughter the same age and it can bae a challenge at times to get her to eat. Here are some things that have worked for me.

My daughter loves to cook with me. She sits of the counter and does little things like putting cut up veggies in the pot...etc. The whole while I tell her all about the food I'm making and it gets her excited about eating and she'll usually at least try what I made.

Make dinner time family time. Even if she doesn't eat her food, we have a rule that we all have to sit together until dinner is over. Also, don't worry too much if she doesn't eat a ton at dinner. That is where kids eat the least. Make sure she is getting good meals at breakfast and lunch. A website with good ideas is www.wholesometoddlerfood.com

Try to make the food fun. Shape it into happy faces or let her pick up her food with a toothpick. Be a good role model in eating healthy foods. You're right..don't get into a power struggle with her. Try to make eating and food as fun and positive as possible. Also, a book my daughter likes is "How do dinosaurs eat their food". I recite the book to her sometimes to get her to try "just one bite". Just be patient. I'm sure your doing a great job.

One more thing...I would probably cut back on the milk. She might be filling up on it and not as hungry at meals, which may make her less likely to try new things. I know that is what was happening with my daughter for a while. Good luck!! Hope this helps!

Sorry to hear you are going through this...it definitely is a struggle. Not that I feel I am qualified to give advice, but, I know for my youngest daughter and my neice, we had to cut back on milk a bit. It is so filling, that she wouldn't eat anything. I'd give her water with meals, and after she ate, I'd give her milk. Oh, I think I gave her milk with her favorite foods, since I knew she'd eat and drink both!
Good luck.

Hello, I feel for you to a degree. My son is the same age, and can also be picky at times. I have fount that if I let him 'drink' all of his calories in the form of milk or juice, that will satisfy him for the most part...I think this is what is happening with your daughter. What I would recommend is that you limit her liquids, then be sure to offer her a choice of two things to eat - say breakfast is waffles or toast and yogurt. I always give a choice of two things (no more or it gets too confusing) because this puts them in charge (kind of). Reinforce that fact - it's your choice, this, this or nothing. If she chooses nothing, give he only water for a drink. Next time she's hungry, offer her snack or lunch 'chices'. Eventually she will be hungry and eat. It will be very difficult for a few days, but stick it out and it will be well worth the effort and tantrums. Remember, you are in charge, also she will not starve!!!!! Good luck, S.

I have been told not to worry too much about how much a toddler is eating. I have searched online and have been surpised to see that alot of mothers are searching for the amount of calories their toddler should intake and so forth. I think as long as you are offering her quality healthy food she'll be fine, BECAUSE, she is a human being who's body will tell her what she needs. My 2 1/2 year old daughter might take one bite of her meal and is done and that is fine with me(she is healthy). I give her a children's vitamin anyway. When its meal time we sit down at the table and turn all other disctractions off and enjoy each other's company (usually she just plays with her food). You are the mom, set the routine with meals and she will eat when she is hungry.

I totally agree with Amanda B. My daughter who is also two was starting to do the same things, but we started to just let her eat when she was ready. 2 yr olds will eat when they are hungry and sometimes that is maybe a quarter of a sandwich and thats it. Other times its a full meal. It just depends. Like Amanda said, if it is a power struggle, you are in charge and you make the food. You can still give her the choice of if she will eat or not to let her feel like she is in charge of part of the situation, but you decide what she will eat. She will eat what you make, just keep offering her the same thing. Good luck!

Hi A., I am kind of new to this site but I can relate entirely with your daughter. My kids are now 12 and 14 and my daughter (the 14 year old) was the same way. Our pediatrician at one appointment just finally told me that I was the boss and she doesn't live at Burger King. He told me that if she refuses to eat dinner, no snacks for the evening and give her the same plate of food for breakfast. If she still won't eat it, give it to her for lunch - etc. until she eats it. I only had to give my daughter her dinner for breakfast twice and it sunk in (she was about 3.5). My general rule was they had to take at least 2 bites of everything on their plate. If there are things they absolutely can't stand I try not to make them (saves on the throwing it up). There were times they cried through the 2 bites but they have learned to get it done and it never killed them to do. I guess it depends mostly if it is an attitude issue with the little one - it was with my daughter; she was (or thought she was) in control and I had to remind her otherwise. Hope this helps some.

I don't have a ton of advice, because my two year old little guy is a pretty good eater...but I thought I'd give you a few thoughts. I personally wouldn't fix a variety of things for my child to eat at dinner either. He eats what we eat...although if we have a "weird adult meal" or something that might be too hard for him to eat (ex: pork chops), i might give him a simple option (left overs or pb&j or something)...we do always give him the option of trying everything we have, even if we're not sure he'll like it.

Overall, I think kids around this age (toddler) are kinda picky and not always hungry. We have some days where my son eats like a horse and some days where he barely picks at his food. We just try not to let him snack too much before a meal...and the doctor actually told us to watch how much milk he drinks (he loves milk) because that can fill him up and keep him from being hungry (and doesn't give him as many nutrients as food). Snacking many times throughout the day is also typical of toddlers though. Our dr said overall not to worry as long as he is healthy. :o)

One side story...I have a nephew who is a very picky eater...he's nearly 13 now...and has always been catered to - mom, grandma, dad, etc fixing whatever he wanted, special meals, etc...and he is still like that! We go to family dinners where people cook all day for 10 people and he gets a special meal cooked for him...just doesn't seem right to me. And it's not a variety of things he likes either (chicken fingers, noodles, pototoes are some of the only things) - no fruits, no veggies. It seems hard to back out of that once you begin going down that path with kids.

They will eat when they are hungry - especially toddlers.

I thought I was reading about my own 3 year old daughter. She is very picky about what she eats as well. My husband and I have started, in the past few weeks, to require our kids to eat what they are given. Like you, we don't serve them weird things, but we want to broaden their tastes beyond nuggets and pizza. This is what seems to be helping us............We give the kids about 20-30 minutes to eat what they are given. If they don't eat it, we set the timer for 5 more minutes and tell them that if they don't finish, they will go to bed. When they don't eat, their night ends early. They cried the first few times, but they are fighting us on eating what they're given anymore. It's really helped us out a lot. Hope this helps. (It also helps that my husband and I are on the same page about this).

I had to chuckle when I read this, for the simple reason it brought back memories of my own daughter at the same age! (She is 17 now, still a picky eater, but at least attempts a variety now!) When Heather (my daughter) was little, all she would eat is Cheerios (no milk, just dry) and/or Macaroni and Cheese. That is ALL, day in, day out. When I mentioned it to the doctor, all he said was ''do you realize how many vitamins are in both of those?'' Okay, that wasn't all he said, he did tell me to chill out, and given time she'd broaden her horizon and eat other things. He was right of course! By the time she was 3 she'd trade in the cheerios for mashed potatoes and the mac and cheese for carrots! She was never big on meats if it wasn't a hamburger, but she eventually discovered even meat wasn't so bad! (She loved vegetables by the way.) Guess my advice would be, keep offering her different foods, she one day will surprise you and actually EAT them! Good luck.

your job is to put out a healthy meal and snacks. your job is not to make her eat. I have the same problem with my 2 girls (5 and 3). my 5 yo is a naturally skinny child but she only weighs 33 lbs, my 3yo follows her example and she weighs in at 29 lbs. I'm always trying to find new things that both adults and kids love. I put out a balanced meal and about mid-way between meals I give them a snack. I don't give them milk except for meals and they drink water during the day. I try not to pull out my hair when they don't eat anything all day, knowing that they will eat what they need eventually.
Gl
J.

Hello, my daughter will be 3 in July. Your daughter sounds just like mine. we have few conflicts and we do have food problems. What we do, is she has a naughty spot. We she refuses to eat any of what is fixed, and starts to have fit, she has to sit in her spot until she is ready to eat a bite. She can't leave until she is ready. Once she decides she is ready and takes her bite, it's up to her to either continue or go without until her milk before bedtime. Sometimes she keeps eating. Or, I sometimes resort to bribes. My daughter is a sucker for M and M's. I'll bribe her with those. Not my ideal, but whatever gets food in her mouth. Have you ever heard of Love and Logic parenting. That is what we are loosely trying. Good luck

Of course there is no really good answer that works for everyone. It is sad when a child can't enjoy all kinds of foods. What I might do is, first put great things in that milk smoothee....like berries, apricots, grapes, peaches, even cooked carrots you can mix it with the berries or apricots and you will be surprised how great it tastes and looks. Milk is a great food and a good mixer. Then eat normally and just MMmmmm and use small portions for yourself and then get more, and a little more. Show her you like what you eat....never express dislike for any food in front of her. She is young. She learns what she sees. There is lots of hope she will someday be a gourmet cook and love everything. She could even help you cook it and then praise her food at the table. A daughter as a cook is a great addition to your life when you are older. Have a long range perspective. Good luck....Kids are totally worth it. I had 8 babies then adopted 2 more kids and then added 7 step children. We all learn at our own rates but you can lead and hope they pick up on your leads. Sincerely, Marie

Hello A., She won't starve. And, I agree with you in that it sounds like a power struggle. If you find reading supportive, I recommend "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk," by Faber and Mazlish and/or "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy" by Naomi Aldort. Enjoy! ~T.

The best book I have found for children and issues with eating is called Child of Mine:Feeding with Love and Good Sense. I have 2 boys (4 and 9 months). I have relied on this book many times. The author is Ellyn Sater and it has answered all my feeding questions so far.
From the questions you are asking I think you will find this book so helpful, avoiding power struggles, what your responsibilities are and what responsibilities are the childs. Give it a look.

Go to http://parentcenter.babycenter.com
In the search engine on that site type in:
"No more food fights: 8 finicky eaters and how to win them over"
or
"Pleasing a picky eater (ages 2 to 4)"

Hopefully this will give you some suggestions to try. Best of luck to you. I am fortunate enough that my oldest LOVES just about anything I put in her plate and always has. Luckily she has also always been willing to try at least one bite of something new.
Hope it helps you some.
Another suggestion would be to give your daughter something healthy to drink other than milk like the PediSure or something because milk can tend to be very filling and that could be part of it too.

Do not give her lots of milk. A two year old needs maybe 1000 to 1200 calories a day. A glass of milk three times a day with Instant Breakfast gets her close to that number. Then she won't be hungry for anything else. Put the food in front of her, let her eat what she wants, then put everything away until snack time. Don't make a big deal about what she does or does not eat. If she is hungry before snack time, tell her it is not time to eat yet. Then, at snack time, offer her whatever you have planned for snack. Eventually, she will get in the habit of eating at set times and eating what you put out (with some exceptions depending on her tastes). BTW, Ellyn Satter (ellynsatter.com) has some great stuff about helping children become competent at eating.

Hi A.,

You have received plenty of good advice here but I just wanted to offer one more thing that has helped me out tremendously. My daughter turned 3 in February and is the exact same way. Our doctor told me that, as you know, eating is one of the only things that they can control. The only thing we can do as parents is offer good, nutrious food and it's her choice how much of it she eats. She referred us to a great book called "How To Get Your Kid To Eat...But Not Too Much" by Ellyn Satter. What I learned was that the more of an issue I made of it, the more my daughter resisted. Basically, you need to let it go. Let her eat how much she wants to (even if it's seemingly next to nothing... this was the hardest thing for me). Babies and kids' bodies know exactly what they need and it's not always the amount WE think they need. My daughter is very petite and not a big eater, but she's very active and we no longer fight during meals anymore, which makes things much more pleasant! Anyway, I really recommend this book as it gave me new ways to think about the whole eating issue.

P.S. my husband liked to be a "short-order cook" too but now we're united and we offer my daughter a variety on her plate and if she doesn't want any of it, then she'll have to wait until the next meal. Your daughter will learn that YOU have the control of what kinds of foods she eats but she'll ALWAYS have the control on how much she eats. That's what I had to accept and it's made things much easier since I've relaxed and don't harp and nag as much ;) She's even more willing to try new foods too.

Hope this helps. Best wishes!!

Boy do I know the feeling. My son is just a little bit older than your daughter and we went (and are still going) through the same thing. I don't know if this will help you but it had worked to an extent with me. Try the bites X years rule. Both of my children have responded to it. Your daughter is two years old so she has to eat 2 bites of her food and then she can be done. Don't force her to eat. At this age they will eat when they get hungry. If she won't eat at dinner time, don't get upset with her and gently tell her that if she doesn't eat her dinner (or what ever meal you are on) she won't get anything else to eat until the next meal or until the next morning. Then take her food and put it in the fridge so that it stays fresh. When she asks for something else pull out her food and tell her she needs to take her two bites. If she still doesn't eat do it again. It will take some time but soon she will learn that she has to do what you ask her to do. When she does finally eat her two bites make it a party. Make sure she knows how proud of her you are and make it a huge deal. She'll love the attention and it will help her know that food really isn't so bad. She might even decide she likes different food. Also remember that kids will eat when they are hungry, some of it could just be that she's not hungry at meal times. That happens sometimes too. Just don't give it and she will learn that she has to listen to you.

I hope this helps, good luck to you!

I don't have too much advice, but wanted you to know you are not alone! My 22-month old is the exact same way, but won't even try pizza or eat mac and cheese sometimes. We stopped the assembly line short-order cooking- meaning we used to keep offering different foods until she ate something. But we realized she was just holding out for something better and it made her even pickier. So now we just offer a nutritious meal, and if she won't try anything- tough love. It's awfully hard, but working a little. Also, the doctor told us only 16 oz of milk a day. He seemed to think she was filling up on milk, so had less of an appetite for solid food. That has helped a little too.

Good luck!

I have dealt with the same issue with my daughter. She is now three almost four and goes through times of eating and times of not eating. I have found that it is a power struggle and so I don't fight about it. She will eat when she gets hungry enough. Meanwhile I don't allow her to eat her favorite things. She has the option of eating what I fix or there is nothing but water until the next meal. I think this might be a little too strict for a two year old, but you could try a version of it. Offer your daughter dinner, let her eat what she is going to. If she chooses not to eat, don't fix her pancakes and milk. Then in a while offer her a couple foodsother than her favorites that are healthy that she might eat. Give her the choice. If she chooses not to eat, then no snacks or treats until she makes the choice to eat something healthy, just water. Just something to think about. Hope it helps.

I see three things that stand out in your post...
1. Pick your battles. Fighting over food is counterproductive: she will always win! Its the one area kids figure out pretty quick, they have control over their own bodies, as they should.
2. Fighting over food leads to food issues, as you are now aware. There is enough for kids to worry about without having to worry about body image. If you make an issue over what/where and how she eats it will lead to more issues on eating. IE sneaking food, demanding only food she will eat. Thats not where you want to be. You want her to eat good stuff and be healthy.
3. Cut out the milk. Kids need 16 oz of milk a day, tops. If they drink more than that they won't be looking for calories anywhere else.

Remember, she won't starve, and its her belly. If she says she's not hungry, who are you to argue? If she says it, it must be so and treat it that way.

My advice is to make eating fun and stress free. Drool over your own food (mmm, you can't have my salad its so yummy I'm going to eat it all!!) Put the meal out, if she refuses, tell her thats OK, I'm sure the next meal will be yummy, you can eat then and take her current meal away. Don't give snacks or anything to 'tide her over'. After a couple days, she'll get the point. She needs to eat the meal thats in front of her, or she doesn't eat. No yelling, no cajoling, to anything. Its just matter of fact, heres your plate, eat or don't. And, little one, you do whats on mommys plate, because mom only eats yummy stuff :-)

Sometimes you can look at a child's menu over a week's time, rather than a day, to see if the diet is well balanced. I choose not to make food an issue. The menu I plan has something in it that everyone will enjoy. Trying a bite is a good idea, before moving on to things they like, but this doesn't work for every child.

How about ruling out a health issue first--my youngest is a "resistant eater" which is different than being picky, and needed feeding therapy from a Speech Language Pathologist. You could ask your doctor is a referral is warranted, or call an SLP directly and get their opinion if you need a screening for your child. Had I to start over with my kids, I would have done this with my first child, now 13, who would have greatly benefited. I didn't know there was help available. Good luck!

Hi A.,
We have the same problem! Our little boy will be 3 in June as well and I hate meal times because they are always a fight! Sometimes he would just rather play, sometimes he wants something else or 'doesn't like it' even if it is his favorite meal. We have decided though that he needs to eat with us. He is not able to leave the table until he has eaten at least a few bites or at least tasted the food. This has seemed to work a bit- even though it still takes a lot of follow-through and occasionally he will put up a lot of fight. Sometimes at dinner he has the choice of eating or going straight to bed. I feel that he understands enough now, and needs to know that he cannot always get his way or do what he wants. Sometimes you need to eat things that are not what you wanted. It is amazing to watch though, once he is done fighting and has surrendered to eating, he eats usually eats well- so it makes me think it is a control issue and not lack of hunger. I will be interested in reading the rest of the responses for more tips. I just feel that if he always gets his way now, we will be in for more difficult problems later.

I have a 2 1/2 year old who tends to be a bit picky. However, I refuse to be a short order cook, and it is important to me that we eat a healthy, balanced diet. I won't give in to the demands for less nutritious foods. My kids know (yes, even at 2!) that they will only be served the food that is on their plate. If they choose not to eat it, it will be available to them until the next meal. If they are starving two hours after lunch, they can eat their lunch or wait until dinner. If I have served something they really don't like, but they really made an effort to try it, I will let them have a healthy between-meal snack like fruit, yogurt, or whole wheat toast.

This may seem cruel, but every mom in my neighborhood asks me how I get my kids to eat so well. I don't keep unhealthy alternatives in the house (except for special occasions). And I don't fight or power struggle with my kids. It is THEIR choice. If they choose not to eat, I don't make a big deal of it. Most of the time, they will eat when they are hungry, no matter what the choice is. No kid is going to choose to starve to death. If they get hungry, they will eat! The point is to teach them that they can't manipulate the situation. You are the parent, you know what is healthy and balanced. I've seen shows where "experts" come help families with picky eaters, and it can take two or three days of being a bit hungry. But the kids eventually realize that their parents aren't going to give in, and they start eating with the rest of the family. You just have to power through the first few days until she realizes you are in charge, but she can still choose. Good luck!

First, congrats on kids after infertility! Okay. There's one thing you said that I completely disagree with: She IS old enough to reason with. I have a daughter that's a year older than yours (also the oldest) who has the exact same problem...STILL. My solution to my own daughter's picky eating problems was to let her eat whatever she wanted for breakfast and lunch, but at dinner time, she has to eat what we're eating. If she doesn't eat anything, she doesn't get anything until morning. Sometimes, she goes to bed without having had anything since lunch. But a lot of the time, she'll at least eat a few bites of whatever we're having for dinner. I also try to make something with dinner that I know she'll eat. Like peas. My daughter loves peas. She hates mashed potatoes, any kind of meat, or anything that has been mixed together, but at least she'll eat the peas with dinner. There are a few other things like that she'll eat. But mostly, she just likes the snack food like fruit snacks, granola bars, graham crackers, milk, etc.

Also, I wouldn't give her the instant breakfast. Even if she's not eating much else. At that age, even if it seems like she's not eating much, she probably is getting all that she needs with regular milk, and whatever food she does manage to get down. I've been told that by my daughter's doctor, as well as many other moms who have had the same experience. The instant breakfast in the milk is probably hindering your efforts to get her to eat "real food." She'll feel more full and satisfied by it, and will have even less interest in eating anything sustainable.

Another thing, try to get your husband to understand that giving her 10 different options until she actually does eat something is not helping. I don't think it's "off base" or unreasonable to expect your daughter to eat what you make instead of catering to her. Maybe compromise on some meals by giving her what she wants to eat, but on others, let her know that she has to eat what is provided. Maybe let her choose her lunch or snack, but let her know she has no choice when it comes to dinner (unless you want to ask her opinion on what to make for dinner. This might also help with her eating. If she feels involved in the process of making the meals, she may feel more inclined to eat what she helped make.)

Another thing that helped my daughter was a sticker chart (which we started at 2 1/2 - a little younger than your daughter). The chart was for many things, which included eating. She knew that when she filled all the spots on the chart with stickers, she would be able to choose a special toy or movie or whatever from the store. It helped for a while, but when she completed the chart, she reverted back (though not as far) to the disinterest in eating. I think we probably should have started a new one after that.

Well, I hope my response helped. My daughter's problem with eating stuff she doesn't want or like isn't completely solved, but she definitely eats a TON more than she used to. And a lot more variety now. Just know that your daughter probably understands a lot more than you would think she does. And if her behavior continues, it may start rubbing off on her younger brother. He'll see that if he begs and pleads and bargains, he'll get whatever he wants to eat too. Then you'll have TWO children with the same problem! Hopefully it won't come to that. Good luck!

She will come to you when she is hungry. Don't worry if she doesn't eat. When she wants to eat, offer her as healthy options as possible. Oatmeal, whole grain cereals, fruits, and vegetables, and healthy meats. Stay away from processed foods. Children can get hooked on certain foods-especially processed. Remember, you are shaping her eating for the rest of her life. If she is hungry, good! Maybe when you feed her your healthier options, she will eat them much better. Just get rid of any food you don't want her to eat and she won't have a choice. You are the Mom!
Good luck!!

First rule is never give her just what she will eat. She WILL NOT starve herself. She is doing a power struggle with you. You cook whatever you do for the rest of the family, serve it and if she refuses to eat, then put it in the fridge. If she comes back hungry reintroduce what you served. Period, no snacks, nothing else. Do not give in no matter how hard it is. Instead of Instant breakfast, try Pediasure to ensure she is getting the vitamins she needs daily, however continue to introduce new things. My kids have a rule they have to try a bite of everything on their plates for every age they are. If they do not eat their dinner they are not to ask for anything else. I am not an advocate of having kids completely clean their plates but I serve very reasonable portions to my children per what I know is okay for their age and they are to finish their dinner and drink all their milk if they are to get anything else the rest of the night.
Kids know and have a built in instinct not to starve, do not give in to her at all. Put away her favorites until she is willing to broaden her scope of what she will eat and then offer to serve it after she has eaten a few bites of what else is served.
If you break these habits now the it will make life a lot easier for you down the rowad. If kids are allowed to be picky young it sets it up for a long haul in it continuing.
I would start with she has to take two bites of everyting on her plate, then work up from there. If she refuses be matter of fact and ask her to get down from the table if she isn't going to eat and say "okay if you are hungry this will be waiting on you, just let me know"...and let it go. You cannot get it stressful but you cannot cave either!
She will not starve!