Frustrated! Vent I Guess

Just to let you know I would not let my mother in law offer $16 a day. You get paid what you are worth and anyone I would trust my kids with is worth atleast ( mind you ATLEAST) 20 a day.

I am sorry, but she is INSANE!!!!! When my son was in day care we were paying $272/week!! I would tell her that you can no longer watch her child for less than $20/day, which is already a hell of a deal.

Dont do it then. That is way to cheap anyway. Let her pay someone 10 per day. I would never do it for that. Babys are a lot of work as you know.

You are willing to work for about $2 / hour. I am not sure who is crazier... You or her:). You don't owe her anything and she has a lot of nerve to even ask you to come down in price. Additionally, what kind of person would trust their newborn with a baby sister they got from Craigslist versus a friend they have known for years. At this point I would be very concerned she would not bother to pay you at the end of the week.
You want help. Just say NO and good luck!

A friend would not ask you to do this. A user would ask you to do this. If you do it for anything less than 20 you are crazy. If she will devalue her and her baby now, what about when things get more inconvient to her? Oh, I just have to shop a bit, I'll be an hour late. Oh, could you wait a week before I pay you? You need to spell everything out. Rate, hours, holidays, late fees, who pays for food, diapers, everything. This girl is trouble with a capital T.
Set the pace or she will run all over you.

This is an easy one. Just say thanks but no thanks and wish her luck. Unless you were really good friends why would you accept nearly 1/2 the amount you thought was already very reasonable in order to perform a JOB for her.

It's a business transaction and you need to work on your business skills. Be direct, decide in advance exactly what you'll expect in terms of pay and EVERYTHING else and write up a contract.

If you are having a hard time settling on the expected pay what do you think is going to happen the first time she is late, cancels on you without advance notice or disagrees with something you do when caring for her baby? Treat it as the business relationship that it is and go from there.

You are nuts! That is my first thought. I say that in the kindest way. Please stick to your $20 a day - that is very reasonable. I actually think you should charge more because any other home daycare would. Please don't give in to her. This will make you resentful over time. Respect yourself and charge what your time is worth. You will be taking time away from your own children and your own life to take care of her baby all day long. If you want to just tell her you are worried that this will come between your friendship and that you think she should ask someone else and not you. Or you can tell her this is just not going to work for you because you don't feel like you can handle a baby at this time in your life...you have your 3 kids you need to put your time and energy into. If you do want to watch her baby tell her you talked to your husband and that you charge $20 a day. That is the final offer. (That is SO CHEAP).

I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't even respond...LOL Just tell her you can't do it, sorry. She's taking advantage of you. If she's really that desperate, then she can cut some things, like eating out, to make room for child care expenses or she can just go to those "cheaper" places. Don't worry about hurting her feelings. She's doing it to herself! Good luck!

I also didn't get through your post because there's no reason to read why you feel you have to justify this bully. $20 is a screaming deal. Where I live $50 - $65 is the going rate per day for an infant.
Real friends do not try and guilt or rant their wishes upon their friends. She's totally looking out for herself and is using anger as a tatic. Simply say 'It's not going to work for MY FAMILY' that's it. Don't say your sorry. Once she holds her baby in her arms she will realize a child is not a logistical equation to find a cheap solution.
She is bullying you. Why else would you feel so anxious about saying no and so guilty.
If this is the start of your arrangement how do you think it will pan out from here? She will always try and bully you. I hate to think how ugly it could get if her child ended up with diaper rash in your care. You need to have mutual respect and open communication when minding people's infants; especially first time mothers. (Mom's of e.g the 3rd child know accidents happen, diaper rash happens, biting happens).
Make the call now and think yourself lucky you ended it now ;-)
It's not your responsibility to sort out her child care

Don't do it at ALL, even for more money. Can't you see the drama, drama, drama this is going to bring into your life? She'll complain about the cost even if she manages to get you to work for less. She'll be late for pickup -- guaranteed! She'll "forget" to bring diapers and expect you to have them (saves her $$ on diapers, right?). She'll "forget" other necessities and say, "Oh, I really do have to run, can you get that today and I'll pay you back?" and she'll "forget" to pay you....On and on. And what about when one of your own kids is sick? Will she say "Fine!" when you call her and tell her you can't keep her kid for a day...two days....a week, when your own child is vomiting or running a fever? I doubt it. She'll dump the baby with you, then blame you when the baby gets sick and say "It's YOUR kid's fault."

Take on this job and all these things will come to pass and you will be miserable. It is not worth the money you would earn. Not worth one penny. Money is tight for you but not SO tight that you need her in your face every single day "forgetting" things and complaining about how much you cost her.

Don't do it! And for heaven's sake, why worry about hurting her feelings?! This is business. Do not let her guilt you into it or cry in front of you or say "I need you soooo much." She's not a close friend. Tell her: "I said I could do it but have reconsidered. I have three kids of my own who need looking after and you may not realize it but they will come first always -- if one of them is sick or has a need, you would not be able to bring the baby here. So it would not be fair to your baby. You'll need to find another sitter."

OMG!!! I'm glad she turned down your $16. You'd be taking care of her infant 10 hours a day for $20 and now $16? That's $1.60/hour!!! I'd write back and say how you know how she feels. Ever since kids, things have been really really tight. You know you're not going to be buying a new car or doing anything fun for years. But sorry, $16 is only $1.6 an hour and that's just not enough to alter your day 4 days a week. Am I understanding this right?? It's so low I'm speechless. We pay our nanny more than that for ONE HOUR. I know you're in a lower cost area but I'd go on to say "things are going to be different now. I know you just bought a new car but maybe you sould think of trading it in. And I know you guys like to go out to eat but you're probably going to have to cut back on that. It's tough. I've been there and still am." Let her know you see her expenditures and I'd stay away from her.

ETA: I'm still flabbergasted by this. I know my area is way more expensive but people here pay $16 for a dog walker for 1/2 an hour... Do you remember how much time an infant takes?? For many SAHM's, it's a full time job... What about your other kids and your home duties? Not like you already have a home daycare and the going rate is $40 a day and she's asking you to discount one more kid. This is a life changer every day you have the baby...

Do you really think you are only worth $1.60/hour?? Wow, I can't even pay I pet sitter to check in on my guinea pig and cat for $16/day. Walk away from this situation.

Wait, she wants you to watch her child for 10 hours a day and she won't pay you $2.00 an hour to do it? TWO DOLLARS per hour? Cut her loose - I think she's living in fantasyland or something. Jeez...$2.00 an hour is too much? She's taking advantage of your friendship. Please don't let her. Why should YOU feel guilty because they're living beyond their means. It's not your responsibility to rescue her from her own choices.

Your 'friend" is completely trying to take advantage of you. $20 / day is very very cheap....even for a friend. Actually the only people I know who had sitters that cheap were when they used their friends. Most strangers would want a lot more. I paid 4 x that amount when my son was an infant so I could have someone I trusted...and I even had the sitter in the house with me (I work from home office). Tell her you are sorry but 10-12 an HOUR is a far more common rate than 10-12 per day. Good luck.

Frankly, $20 per day is a really low cost. I have never heard of a price that low. A newborn is a ton of work, and then they turn one and two and three and turn into even more work! Where do you go from here? Your life is going to change big time with a newborn in the house and it isn't worth a $100 per week much less $80 per week. Day care costs $285 per week per infant at a national center. You should be charging half or slightly more. Just tell her: I am sorry for what you are going through and I understand, but I can't turn my life upside down for $1.60 per hour. That is CRAZY

By the time I saw this, you had already called her.

Good for you! She's a user.

She can sell her car and her knife set, eat at home, and so on. She will be paying $10 an HOUR for a sitter for that newborn so they can go out to eat!!

You value yourself, and that's a good thing. I am sure that she'd be the type who would show up late to pick up the baby, ask for extra favors, and probably ask you to pick up diapers and formula!

If you lose her as a friend, it's not a loss!

Wow, she's asking a lot. She must figure that since you are at home your time is worth nothing. Think of the impact having a newborn in the house is going to have on your life and your three year old. You will have to bring a newborn with you everywhere you go. You'll have less time to spend one on one with your own little guy. You'll be stuck at home while baby naps. Newborn babies are a lot of work, and certainly worth more than $20 a day. Tell her you can't take anything less than $20. Do not let her take advantage of you.

ETA: Soooo glad to read your SWH, you did the right thing, and I totally agree with you if she cannot afford daycare maybe it's better for her to stay home. hopefully she will find out a solution for her family that doesn't involve taking advantage of someone else.
God bless you and your family.

DO NOT agree to this, she is completely taking advantage of you, please don't do this to yourself and your kids.
A newborn is a LOT of work and you will end up exhausted to even care for your own kids just for 10-12 dollars a day. That's a insult to be quite honest.

I stopped reading after you said (she said) $20 a day was "too much" (you realize that's only $2 an hour, right?)
She needs a serious wake up call.
You don't need to be the one to give it to her, just say, you know, I've decided that I really don't want to watch another child in addition to my own after all. I hope you find someone soon, good luck!
Leave it at that.
If she gets nasty about it, don't return her calls :(

Wow....just wow! This is her BABY and she's trying to find the CHEAPEST possible care? What about the BEST?? As someone else pointed out....at $20 per day for 10 hours per day, that's $2 per hour. That is robbery. Friend or not, that is a slap in the face and I would wish her good luck and not even entertain the conversation any further. She has some serious issues, or she is just trying to take advantage of you. Either way, you need to make it none of your business and move on.

On another note, yay for your family for paying things off! Debt free living is so freeing! Good luck to you.

She wants you to work for one dollar an hour? Ummmm no. I think not.

I would tell her that you felt like you were pushing your limit at 16 and that you will not go any lower. Let her try and find someone else, then when they all laugh at her, she will know the truth. Sorry, but 50 bucks a week is a joke.

Retract your prior offers. It's $20 a day (or whatever you want to charge - I might go a bit higher), no less, end of story. Don't back down. I believe when I had my oldest daughter in day care (not in-home) I was paying $35 a day.

Stick to your guns! $16 per day is $80 per week and approx $350 per month. For all day care for a newborn, that is crazy cheap!! I think she is trying to take advantage of your "friendship". I am sure you can find a way to word this nicer than what I am about to, but I would say "I think $16 is very reasonable, and in fact is lower than I really wanted to offer. I certainly understand tight budgets and money struggles because with 3 kids we struggle every day too. Caring for a newborn is a lot of work and because of our relationship I am offering you a better price than I would offer to anyone else. If you would prefer to look for cheaper care with a stranger, that is fine and I wish you luck". And leave it at that. She will be back around, she is just trying to get the best deal she can.

with that said, I would caution you that once you start watching her baby, your relationship will be more employer/employee like than before, so if she already acts superior sometimes, that will likely get worse.

Also, you should protect yourself by having an agreement written up and signed by both parties that indicates hours, cost, who provides what supplies, how to handle sick days (you or them) and advanced notice requirements for terminations, late pickups, vacations, etc.

PS - Around here the going rate in a center for an infant is $1500 per month.

Please stand up for yourself! You are worth so much MORE than this....and not even money wise. It is great for you to offer at all. Tell her no you won't reconsider and. Once you have the baby for a while you will start feeling regretful for so little. I think $20 is something she should be thankful for.

She is NOT your friend. If she was she would not take advantage of you like this. Stand up for yourself.

I don't think you should do this at all. If you so and she agrees to $20 she will find other ways to take advantage of you...late picking up....running errands while you are with baby...the ways she could screw you are endless...including not paying you.

If I were you I would Run away from this fast!

Do not let this woman take advantage of you. If she calls you back and accepts your offer of $16, tell her you've changed your mind and need to go back to $20.00 per day. Even that is peanuts! If she gets mad, wish her the best of luck and hang up the phone!

oh my gosh do not do it!! You will make yourself crazy about it!! Send her packing and then she will realize what she gave up. And you will still get to keep your sanity. Mark my words, if you say yes, you will regret it. She will find all kinds of things to pick at you about, and she probably won't end up paying anyway.

OMG. Please tell this person NO. Not doing it period. She has NO idea what a good deal she has at 20 a day and to go down to 16???? Thats nuts. Here in California, we routinely pay babysitters 16-25/hour. I think you are really,really, really selling yourself short. Don't do it for that--Don't do it at all. It will ruin your friendship and she is taking advantage of you.

Good for you for realizing she is a user and she wouldn't pay you when the time came. I wouldn't even do it for $20 a day, that's cheap. I could panhandle for 2 hours and make way more than $20 in 10 hours.

Wow, she needs a lession in money. $20 a day is $100 a week.. that is NOTHING for daycare.

I pay $400 a week for my two kids. one is only part time 25 hrs, the other is full time. If she tried she would not find it that cheap anwhere. She can not afford $80 a week. really. Will you work for me .. I will pay you $20 a day each kid. J/k.

Buy her the suzie orman book or that one guy, (whos name is eluding me at this point). She clearly needs a lesson in finances. also, what is she doing having a kid if she could not afford daycare.. did she think it though?

Are you interested in running an in-home day care? If so, then get licensed and charge the going rate for your services. A friend that expects you to take care of her child all day for slave wages isn't a friend. If she can't afford to pay the going rate, then she probably isn't really making enough to make it worth her while to be working outside the home. You might want to be a real friend and buy her a copy of Dave Ramsey's book Total Money Make-Over. It might help them get out of their mess.

I would just tell her that she can find someone else. If she still wants you to babysit, then tell her yes, that's fine, you'll do it, but the price is $20 firm. You've done your research and $20 is a great price compared to what others are charging. $20 is completely reasonable for all the work that infants are. She's an idiot.

You know your worth....stick to it and don't feel bad about it whatsover. Either she will go with it or she will move on.
If you take her child and sacrifice yourself...you will resent it every single moment. Don't do it. Its not worth it.
Tell her what your price is and the rest is up to her. End of story.:)

What is the going rate where you live? Here it is SSOOO much more than that. Let her shop around and see. And I agree with everyone suggesting she will skip paying you on weeks when she feels money is tight, she will nickel and dime you expecting a discount if she picks up baby early but not willing to pay extra if she picks up late etc etc

I remember reading your prior post on this. Please do yourself a favor and tell this woman to pack sand. 10-12 dollars a day?! No. Even $20 was a very generous offer on your part. Do not offer again. Just say no and be done with it.

If you do need the extra money, I'll bet that if you advertise child care at $30 a day you'll still get plenty of interest from people who are smart enough to know a bargain when they see one.

Wish her luck and drop it. She is probably hoping you will say you'll do it for free. In my area, the only people (in home) that will even do it for $20 a day are family or close friends. We are paying our sitter $50 a day and it is not as long as you would be caring for the baby--and that is cheap. Plus, my daughter goes to preschool 4 days a week for 3 hours, and we pay whether she watches them or not.
The child care centers near me charge $160 a week for 2-5 yrs old and $180-$200 a week for newborn to 2, if they take them.

$20.00 a day is an AMAZING rate as is. She should be lucky that A) she knows you and can trust you with her CHILD and B) that you are providing a more than fair rate.

Trust me, with my two children, I haven't paid that before. I have paid much more.

It's sad she's putting little care into who she chooses to raise her child.

Don't get mad, feel empathy. Feel sorry that this new mother doesn't quite yet understand all the sacrifices she's going to have to make while raising that baby.

I wouldn't get mean. I would just text back and say that you are sorry, but you simply cannot do it for less than $18/day and just leave it at that.

Also remind her to be extremely careful about hiring for this important task from Craigslist. Given the number of people who are robbed, etc., when they try to buy/sell from a Craigslist ad, I certainly would not trust that site to pick my infant child's daycare provider!

Personally, I would have stuck to $20 - that's only $80 per week/$320 per month. I paid that for daycare when my daughter was little and she's now 32 years old! When GD was younger, I paid $50 per week for after school care which was only a max of 3 hours per day!)

I haven't read your answers yet, but my answer to her would be something like - the lowest I'm willing to go for giving up 10 hours of my day by watching your baby would be $20. If you feel that's too much, then I won't feel badly if you want to try to find someone else to watch the baby for less. Good luck.

As others have said, stick to $20 a day. She is trying to use you, if you allow her to do that now, why would she stop? You have to make it worth your while too.

Be blunt and say your crazy and good luck. You're mad at yourself for even agreeing to $16...you'll be resentful in the long run if you let her push you into something you're not comfortable with. Better to hold your ground!

$20/day isn't enough. I suggest asking for $40/day (still way cheap) or saying you've thought about it and your hands are too full to help her out.

20$ a day is nothing.i wouldve said more... obviously she doesnt get it..tell her to look around n see what an actual daycare costs, maybe it will change her mind.. id tell her 20 or u cant do it

I wouldn't bring it up to her, but if she asks you again, I would calmly tell her that since you've done further research, you can't do it for less than $20 a day and that she must pay before she leaves the baby with you. If she doesn't pay first, then she will need to take the baby with her.

I see that you've already filled out the "what happened" commentary. I think that was the best thing you could do. That kind of person always feels like you're taking them for a ride instead of helping them out - probably would have felt that way unless you paid HER! ;)
And lets be honest, watching a baby (even on the cheap for a friend) is worth more than $2 an hour. Especially if you also have to deal with her attitude!

You tell her what you expect and then let her decide. Think of this as a business arrangement. It should have nothing to do with friendship. She won't find anyone willing to accept less and will probably come back to you.

Do not say anything about your frustrations. Those are yours to deal with; not hers. How she spends her money is her business only. Definitely do not say anything about it. If you vent with her or suggest that she's not being reasonable she will be less likely to have you sit and will not be a friend any longer.

I understand your frustration. She's not being reasonable but as you said this is her first time to deal with this. She'll understand without you doing something to make her angry.

$20 a day?! For 10 hours worth of work?! With a newborn?! I'm sorry to say but I think that your friend is nuts!

I work as a part-time nanny. I currently have 2 jobs. I bring my 2 year old son with me to both jobs.

The first job, I care for a 5 year old girl (Plus my 2 year old). Every Tuesday and Thursday for 10 hours a day at $100 a week. That's about $5 an hour, and is pretty cheap.

The second job, I care for a 3 year old girl and a 1 year old girl (Plus my 2 year old) every Monday and alternating Wednesdays/Fridays (Plus some weekends) from the time the mother leaves until the father gets home (Which ranges anywhere from 1 hour to 8 hours depending on the day and how much overtime the father has to work that day) at $10 an hour.

I've been a part-time nanny for several different families for about 3 years now. Here is what I have learned:

Daycare's/Nanny's always charge more for children who are still in diapers than children who are potty trained

And

Daycare's/Nanny's always charge more for children who are more dependent on them than those are are less dependent on them (Meaning a newborn, who is completely helpless and relies on the caregiver for EVERYTHING, is going to cost more daycare-wise than a 5 year old)

I always let my employers set the amount they wish to pay me, but I would NEVER work for less than $5 an hour.

Sit your friend down and have the following conversation with her:

How much do you get paid per hour? Now, if it meant that you could work at home, would consider only getting paid $2 an hour (Which is what you would be getting at $20 for 10 hours)? (Assuming her answer is 'no way') Then why do you expect me to be willing to get paid that little? I'm doing you a HUGE favor by agreeing to watch your newborn for $2 an hour. If you think that I'm asking too much, then I wish you luck finding someone else who will do it for less.

Oh my-your post was REALLY hard to get through. I sit in amazement at your friend AND you. Of course your friend is taking total advantage of you and is not a friend at all I hate to tell you. I am also amazed at how much you have put up with and the concessions that you continued to make for her. Sticking to your guns and sticking up for yourself does NOT mean you are not nice, you need to understand that. So here is what you do: right now jump on your email and tell her that you are so sorry but you cannot do this with her. If she says ok-I will do it for $20-you STILL don't do it with her. She has proven her true colors and honestly I think you would have one heck of a time getting paid by her.

There are plenty of people that you can start out from the place of a business relationship and not a 'friendship' that you can find to babysi their children during the day. Esp if you are willing to do it at that price. I think you should do at least $35. EVen that is slave labor wages. Watching kids is hard work-esp all day every day. You should reall be compensated as such.

So glad you turned her down. Your and your time are worth more than $50 a week, and her child is worth more than $50 a week for care. I don't know Boise, but childcare for a newborn in Dallas would run well over $1,000 a month. Even a 4-5 year old childcare runs in the $1,000 range...some places a little less and some places are more. Your offer of $20 a day was a bargain.

I would insist on 25 per day, not one penny less. I really would.

Say no. No matter what she offers to (not) pay at this point, this experience will not be worth it.

NO, NO, NO! "I've changed my mind. I will be unable to watch your newborn baby at any price." No explanation needed. If she hates you, well, she doesn't seem worth keeping around anyway.

She is not a close friend and you are already having a hard time sticking up for yourself. How will you be able to cut her off when you realize it's a huge mistake? By then she will pull the "baby has no where to go; you're throwing us out" speech.

Look, it's none of your business where they get or spend their money but it's also none of your business that they chose to have a child. Her emergency is not your fault or problem. I'm all for helping someone out, but not for being bullied or taken advantage of in the process.

If you truly need this money, take the position at a rate you want. (By the way, $20/day is WAY low for a newborn). If it would just be nice to have, find another part time job or work at home gig that makes as much. You have three other children who need your attention. Of course, if this was your own 4th child, it would be different, but this is someone else's, someone dead set on using you, that will make this a nightmare experience.

$20 a day is super super cheap! Stick to your guns! We have some friends that pay 4,000 something a year for 2 days a week for a 2 year old! I really would not go below 20/day, like you said she is not a good friend, and I feel like she is taking advantage of you!

She should be paying you $20 a day. Do not let her talk you down to less than that, and do not worry if she gets mad at you. I allowed a friend of mine, or at least I thought was a friend, to make me feel bad and lower my price and then she started using me. To the point that if she didn't get exactly what she wanted she would throw a fit. Well, this time I had to change things around for my daughter, and she got so mad that she went somewhere else, and I am happier than I thought I would be.

I am just wondering if you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. It sounds like you could use the money but you want more because you think they can afford it.

Maybe they can but are they willing.

I guess I am saying you may want to put your feelings aside for a moment and figure out how much you need money. Even at ten an hour you are talking 2,600 a year, so take that off her salary, she drives to work, take that off her salary, you say her husband makes good money so she is being taxed at his rate so take those taxes off her salary plus any of his salary that may be gained back if her income is bumping them up into another bracket.

What I am saying is if she is a low earner, like perhaps you were, it doesn't take much to push you across that it just ain't worth it threshold. In that case she will say fine and stay home with the baby herself. Then you will make no money, ya know?

I am not saying she is right or wrong, or that you are right or wrong, what I am putting out here is the numbers you may not be considering. I don't know, I just wanted to give you something to think about. If you need the money but highball her you won't get the job.

I would tell her to find someone else. $20 per day is very cheap. All the sitters I've tried want $10 per hour. My sister pays $40 per day. It doesn't sound to me like your friend is struggling at all. Who goes and buys a new car when your going to lose your house soon. Thats not your problem.