My son went to spend a few days at a lake house with a friend. I sent money with my son just in case they went out to eat or did some other activity. Today when my son called me he told me that he went to an adventure park and that his friends parent paid his way. I asked my son if the parent knew that he had his own money and my son said yes. Even though my son said the parent knew he had his own money - What if my son didn't tell him and the parent thought he had to pay my son's way vs just paying because he wanted to. I would feel so embarrassed if the parent thought I didn't send money with my son and that I expected him to pay his way.
What should I say to the parent, should I just thank him or offer to pay back for any expenses?
I think when I was a kid, my parents gave money to my friend's parents (or they offered and were refused). At this point, send a thank you note, and then invite the friend for a reciprocal trip to the ballpark or something.
When they get back just say "X told me you took him to the park, how much did he take you for, he can eat a ton of food, let me get you some cash." or something like that. That way you have made the offer and they'll most likely say no thanks. But just in case have some money on hand.
Well, in my opinion, when someone invites a kid to go for a few days, they expect to cover the costs.
I always send money with my kid, but the parents don't take it.
In fact, my son is camping with friends right now and they took more than enough food, tents, etc knowing they would have an extra child along.
After your son gets home, I think he should send a nice thank you note and you can jot a note as well.
I have taken kids plenty of places and unless I told the parents up front I needed money for admission or something, I paid. If their kid wanted to pay for a trinket or something, they could use their money on that, but other than that, I paid for the kids I took.
I wouldn't be too worried.
You can sort it out when they get home, but I doubt they expected your son to pay or they would have told you ahead of time.
Just my opinion.
****My son just got back from camping. The parents wouldn't take any money from him as I knew they wouldn't. But, they stopped at a place that made T-shirts and my son bought himself and his friend one. Money well and thoughtfully spent.....
If they took your son with them they had already planned on paying. I always assume I am paying when we take a kid. Unless it is a kid planned activity. (my son says hey will you give us a ride to the movies) then they all pay their own way. have your son write a thank you note for the visit and the trip to the park.
That's a tough one for me...
If I invited your son to a vacation with me? I would expect to pay his way - I INVITED HIM....I wouldn't buy gifts, but I would pay for food, lodging, etc. if I invited him....
I would write a thank you note....give them a gift certificate to a nice restaurant and tell them you will watch the kids when they decide to go!
GOOD LUCK!!
You sound very considerate! I would tell the parents thanks for the trip and that you understand they did this and that and offer to pay them back. If they say no, make sure to take their kiddo off their hands for a night as a nice return gesture.
I would call and thank them, make sure they knew your son had money, which they probably did. I would pay for my kids' friends if I was the one inviting them on a trip with us. I would let them use money for spending money on arcade games or some extras. But food and regular outings, no. Make sure he writes a thank you, and make sure you reciprocate. Even if you can't do financially the same thing you could always have their kid over for a weekend with your family and do something nice.
I always tell the other parent that my kids have money before they go.
When you pick up your child you can say "Oh how much was Busch Gardens? (or wherever they went)" then extend some cash. But if they are any thing like us we would refuse it and know that at some other time one of the families who take our kids places will pay for them to go somewhere too.
You do not have to feel embarrassed. If they couldn't afford to take your child they wouldn't have gone.
I was going to say exactly what Margie M. said. Acknowledge that they took your son in a gesture that also offers to pay the cost. If they refuse the cash, no big deal, you'll cover something for their child or another child in the future.
You can trust that your son told his host that you had given him spending money.
I'm sure you already know this, but your son does need to write a thank-you note to his host.
How old is your son? If he's relatively young (10-15) I probably would have given the money to the parents before the trip, or at least I would have told them he is bringing money with him to be used for activities.
However, if we invite a child to go somewhere with us, we pay (dinner, movies, etc.) I have taken the child home with his money, even though the parents told me he had money or even if they gave me the money--I usually insist "No need--our treat--we invited him!"
IF your son comes home with the money he took, I would probably (since this wasn't just a movie or a meal) send them a nice thank you card with a gift card for dinner out or something like that.
I'm always an "it's my treat" kind of mom if it's a vacation, dinner or out to ice cream. That was very nice of you to send it though.
If they invited him and didn't say he needed money then they already planned on paying for him.
I would talk to the parent. Just say "Johnny said he had a blast at the park today. Thank you for including him in your trip but please don't feel that you have to pay for everything for him, I did send money with him".
Then, if they choose to still pay, you know they really wanted to.
Just thank them. If they invited your son to the lake, they likely intended to pay for his time with them. Just a thought, here, but if your son withheld info from them he certainly wouldn't have shared it with you!
My guess is that they paid for his ticket and his lunch at the park.
Make sure that he writes them a nice thank you note for the entire trip within a week of returning. I'm sure that they liked having company for their son!
I have taken my kids friends on trips and such. We pay for everything, we expect to pay for everything. Yes, we knew the kids parents had sent money with them but we had already budgeted for paying everything so we didn't want that money. There was usually some place where the kids could spend the money and of course I let them. They usually bought stuff for their families which I thought was pretty cool. I guess I figure some kids would just pocket their parents cash and say they used it for the trip. I don't know, maybe I am just strange.
Thing is most of us were the same way. My daughter's friends took her for a week in Chicago at the Four Seasons. She got in room massages, mani/pedis, you name it. They wouldn't take a penny from her. If I could afford such a trip I wouldn't either.
We are adults ya know? If we want money out of the kids we use our words and ask. As it is a lot of people don't want the money, it is more fun to watch your kids play with their friends without worries like money.
Come to think of it my daughter had a girls weekend for six of her friends. We had the parents pay part of the food budget. We asked up front. We said how much we anticipate them needing so the parents knew.
You can ask how much do I owe you. They are either going to give you an amount or say don't worry about it. We were of the latter group.
Yeah, I would thank him...maybe a thank you note with the money in it? If you offer to pay it back, he might feel inclined to tell you not to worry about it out of politeness (it seems like a lot of people do the "oh, don't worry about it" thing when in reality they don't really mean that...except some of the time!). But if you give it to him without him asking for it, then if he really doesn't want to be paid back, he can return the money to you or something.
