When Moms Bring Extra Kids to Parties That Charge per head...do You Ask For $?

If one of my kids has a party like that I always put on the invite something like,pizza and tokens will be provided for the child on the invite,or "john" will be paid for...the rest of the family is welcome to come the cost is $5,or "suzy" and "sally's bowling is included in the part if anyone else wants to bowl it will be $6...
So no I do not think it's inappropriate at all.I have only had a problem one time and that was my Husband's fault.He was told to meet the guests at the door with their tickets (it was cheaper for me to add everyone to the party and have them pay me.) Only problem was he didn't collect the money from them,he just gave them their tickets.So I have never again added anyone to my party,they have to pay at the door if they want to participate!

I would do exactly as the hostess did. Bite my tongue, eat the cost. And definitely NOT invite them again. That was so not nice of them not to offer admission money for their extra non-invited kids, wow. If I were the hostess, I likely would not have accepted the money, but I would definitely think it bad manners for them not to insist on paying for those extra kids.

I agree that those other moms are just plain rude. They knew about it beforehand, but clearly they're opportunists. I think the hostess probably did the right thing, but she learned her lesson on those two. I don't think it's worth $14 to make a big fuss, but those two will learn that their actions have negative consequences....eventually.

Unless the family with multiple kids are close friends, than the invitation is only for the child invited. I don't mind other kids coming, but I do mind having to pay to entertain kids that are not my directly my child's friend, kids that neither my daughter nor I even know.

Unfortunately, a lot of people just assume & have no manners & just bring all their kids & their cousins & half of the family & expect the party host to pay for everyone.

DD is starting Kindergarten in August & I am sure we will run into this problem for her next party. I have no qualms about writing VERY specific invitations if we choose to hold the party at a venue that charges per head.

I think people have just lost all sense of etiquette & manners anymore. It's really unfortunate.

And what the heck is wrong with those 2 moms? What nerve. I couldn't imagine conducting myself in such a manner.

This is my pet peeve.
It is HIGHLY RUDE and obnoxious, to "assume" that bringing additional kids to a party... without asking, is going to be paid for by the Host and they take it for granted.

EVERYONE is on a budget nowadays.
It is highly.... lowly of them, to have left and not paid for their ADDITIONAL kids and whole family, they brought to the party.
It is not, a soup kitchen.

I can't stand, when people do that.

I, politely tell the people, that "I cannot pay extra for additional head counts, because, this is a party for a set amount of kids.
If you want to eat, you can order something yourself. I cannot pay for you, per my budget."

Personally and per my friends, when a KIDS party is held at a venue.... This is what we do: there is an RSVP... and it states the party is for the invited child and ONE additional parent. That is stated on the invitation. The child, can bring ONE parent. AND that, a headcount is needed, per meals for the child at the party.
If anyone brings additional kids/family... then they are welcomed but will need to pay for their own meal.

You said that there were "so many extras" at the party. Not only those 2 kids... that were invited out of courtesy.

Mind you: I am not talking about, Moms who have NO one not even a Spouse home to help with the other kids. I am talking about just plain rude people, who go around bringing ALL their kids/Husband to the party too.... and don't even bother asking the Host first. Regardless, as an invited Guest.. it is always, just plain common sense to ask the Host first.

I think your friend (the hostess) took the high road and just ate the cost. But I wouldn't invite those ladies or their kids to a "per head" affair.

If my oldest son is invited to a party then he is the only one who goes. Same with my middle. Too bad if they are sad they can't go it's not their friends party. I find it rude to bring an unwanted guest. Now that it's over I wouldn't ask for the money but at the time I probably would have. You should just put the childs name on the invite and if a parent is rude enough to ask for their other kid(s) to come just say no we can't afford more. Don't tell them they can pay for extra kids say no. I am sure your child doesn't want Suzy or Joey's little sibling at their party.

My daughter was just invited to a party and I have three children. My husband is on the other side of the country for 7 weeks so I'm doing everything myself. Many other military spouses are in the same shoes as I am and when we are faced with this dilemma it is heartbreaking. Do I take my daughter to the party and have to ask if I can bring her siblings? Of course I would pay for them - but asking is still a burden to me. Or do I tell my daughter "sorry, you can't go because I can't take brother and sister too"? Please don't tell me that I should get a babysitter for the other two - that's rediculous to get a babysitter so I can go to a birthday party for a 5 year old. And please don't ask me to burden my girlfriends with another "can you please watch my kids while I go .....?" while they have their own kids and lives to deal with and they've already helped when I have dentist or doctor appointments.
Military spouses are often faced with their other half gone and no family nearby for support.
Before anyone can be critical of people asking to bring siblings, walk a day in our shoes.
(please remember that I said that I ALWAYS offer to pay if appropriate for the venue)

Yikes. I had to reread your post several times to understand what was going on.

It is rude to bring extra children to a party to which they are not invited. Obviously, these two families "should" pay, but I understand your friend taking the high road. I wouldn't want to humiliate myself and ask them to reimburse me the money.

I read and then reread your note. If I am reading it correctly. The two moms in question brought 2 kids each. 1 kid each was invited. they each brought another kid and were told it would be $7 for that extra kid to be there. then at the end the M. paid with a check to make it easier but then did not go person to person collecting the money. Yes it was tacky of those two moms especially if they were sitting around talking about it. The host of the party should have asked for the $7 right then and not waited until later to complain about it.

I would have asked for it right away. Not let it go. Or I would have said up front please don't bring extra kids and then offered to pick up the kid who was invited. it is just rude for parents to assume other kids are invited along.

yes that is the right thing to do. you shouldnt have to pay for extra kids. i usually base my parties around how many kids are in the family invited. i always try to accomidate moms with more then one child since i know that you cant always get a sitter.

Ugh, how awful!

Why do people even ask about bringing extra children? I do not understand why people cannot just send the child that is invited..

If they do need to bring the children, they should not make it any of the hostesses responsibility and should entertain that child on their own. That means paying and keeping that child entertained.

IF the hostess offers for the siblings to attend, then the parent should offer to pay for their extra child and be willing to actually pay the hostess. IF the hostess also offers to pay for the extra children that is a grand gesture..

Who are these people? If I was unsure at that moment about paying, I would have called and left her a message saying I would be mailing her a check. The hostess now knows these parents are not people she will want to invite again.. what a poor example and representation of their families.

Yes, I think you should say that if the family wants to bring anyone extra that they will have to pay for them. I'm not sure how to do that gracefully but it's a reasonable thing to do especially in light of your recent experience. Perhaps say that since it's a destination that requires an entrance fee that you've only arranged to pay for the specific number you've invited although other siblings are welcome at their own cost.

As I write I realize how complicated this is. Do you really want extra children? If not say the party is for a limited number of kids. If you don't mind extra children but can't afford to pay more perhaps say something about having a budget.

And then there's how to make the payment happen. That scene is awkward.

I don't understand anyone bringing uninvited sibs to a birthday party. We haven't had that problem. But then the parties that we had when the kids were younger were very informal and everyone was invited. When they were older and went to a venue the parent left the child and returned later to pick them up. When we went to a skating rink we had the kids come to the house first and we transported them to the rink. And we knew the parents of all the children and so talked with them about logistics ahead of time.

However, you word it, some will take it in a negative way. Based only on your description here I would find a way to limit attendees.

The hostess at the party you attended handled it with class, though it cost her.

Your plan to be clear with guests is a good one, but be sure this is all clearly on the WRITTEN invitation, well in advance; don't do it by word of mouth. I've seen things along the line of "Party includes the invited child and one parent; additional parents or siblings will need to pay $7.00 each" etc. And yes, you are right to not invite the kids whose parents flat-out refused to pay for their own children. It's sad to cut out the kids because the parents were rude, but that's the whole family's lot in life: Rude parents, and the kids suffer. You may find these parents contact you and say "Why wasn't Johnny invited when everyone else was?" but I'd be calm and frank: "At X's party, which also was at place that required payment, you openly refused to pay when you brought extra siblings. I can't afford to pay for entire families though I am delighted to pay for the invited child and one parent. Because you refused at the last party, I felt I could not risk having to pay for extra people if you came with siblings."

As for the parent who said, I can't take my kid to a party without taking the younger siblings because it's just me at home: For a party big enough to be at a paid-for venue, I think the children invited should be old enough they can be dropped off -- so a parent shouldn't have to be there at all, with or without siblings. I understand it's tough for parents who have younger siblings to deal with when the older child is invited somewhere. But if the older child isn't old enough to be dropped off at a party, well, the family should turn down the invitation. It's not up to party hosts to host the guest child plus parent and two siblings if it's a paid-for event.

I think she took the high road, but you see how their behavior left a sour taste to everyone else. The other parent's behavior spoke loudly, too.

I'm in a similar situation. My DD's birthday party is at a place where there is a flat fee for a certain number of kids, and $9 per kid thereafter. I put the child who is invited on the invitation and I'm holding my breath. The thing is, these are 3 and 4 year olds and many of them have siblings and the parents want to accompany the child to the party. Fine...but I just HOPE they'll ask first. I have already gone over the # by 2 kids, and I don't mind paying for one here or there that are in a difficult situation, but I can't have an extra 10 kids! When I asked a friend about this exact situation, because she has 2 children very close togther, she told me that she always assumed the other was invited too. I was kind of surprised, but I guess it's not so unusual after all.
I always ask if I can bring my son (1 1/2) with me because my husband is deployed and my son has severe separation anxiety right now and cannot stay with a sitter. I always offer to pay or to keep him out of the activity and just on my hip. If they still ask that I not bring him, we decline the invitation all together graciously.
The party is in 2 weeks and I'm keeping my fingers crossed! I'll be interested in reading the other responses.

Yes that is a good plan of action will the company allow this as your invites come in with extras or is it at the end we will bill you type of event.That is a hard one I know as a M. of 3 kids I would certianly pay for the kids that weren't invited & myself if needed plus any food/beverages.I know there aren't going to be times where I can go to all the parties my chidren get invited to & a sitter for the others so we may just have to skip but send the gift at a latter date.
Make it perfectly clear on the invite that all "extras are $7.00 at the door" even if you have to write it in pen then highlight it just so for they don't look past it but some still do.

Until my daughter's last birthday party, I would never have thought this was an issue! I had 2 mother's show up with all their children and they did not offer to pay for the extra children. What in the world is going on? Apparently this is something we all have to do now, write on the invitation that 'Jane' is invited and if any additional children attend, they must be paid for by the adult bringing them to the party. The ironic thing is, most of us have no problem giving extra cake or goodie bags to siblings that show up at the end of the party...ah well, those of us with manners and social sensibility need to stick to our principles and hope the world comes back in line!

I think you are absolutly ok with your plans to tell everyone that extra guests will be out of their own pockets and to expect to pay at the door. And I definitely would not include the mothers who did not pay previously. I'll bet the get the hint quickly when they are no longer included.

I think you are on the right track - I agree, that was VERY RUDE of the other mothers!

It is not appropriate to ask to be reimbursed -even if you are entitled. It is shocking that anyone would take advantage of someone in this way-Had they even said they would get the money to her at a later date-that would have been okay. You want to be the bigger person, not yet knowing how everything will scroll down? Invite the "two families".

The moms who do that aren't stupid, just rude and cheap. On the invitation to a public location that is a "pay per child" for general events, make a note on the bottom on the invitation to the effect ... Guests of "john doe" will receive a wrist band for all activities. All other children will be charged $?? at the door. If the facility doesn't use wrist bands, ask if you can bring some and do yarn bracelets if you have too. Keep track as to how many invited/attended and how many bracelets were used for your total. The manager/workers are responsible for collecting for anyone else. Highlight the note at the bottom so the moocher moms will see the note.

Yes I ask for money for extra kids!!! Man, I'm starting to feel like a bouncer is needed at kid parties lol. The rude entitled behavior of some people has me floored.

I think she shouldn't have INVITED them, if she didn't want to pay. She invited them out of "courtesy," then she should be courteous and treat them like every other person attending the party. If you don't want to pay, don't invite.

If they weren't invited, that would another situation. However, she invited them.