Four Year Old Driving Me Crazy

Sign that boy up for karate!
I used to get down to their eye level, have them look me in the eye while I told them what I needed them to do, and then they would have to repeat back to me what I had said.
I also made them run around the outside of the house 10 times after school before homework. :)

When my 3.5 gets this way, I take her outside and tell her to run to the end of the yard and back as fast as she can. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat....

YAY FOR BOYS! Mine are 18 months apart in age....and BOY do I remember the rocket-kid stage (which really doesn't end, it just becomes easier to control).

1. Get him outside to play. He needs to run, run, run all that energy out.

2. Whining: Say nothing. Calmly look him in the eyes and say, "I can't understand you unless you speak to me in a big kid voice. You're using a baby voice and it hurts my ears. Try again."

3. Bossy attitude: Simply say "no" and nothing else. Do not respond to whining or rudeness. As if you're talking to yourself, say, "Man, I really like it when people are kind and polite to me." Don't engage or argue back with him.

4. Repeating directions: Say what you need him to do once, and then say, "Okay, what did I say I needed you to do?" Make him say it back to you so you know, and then say, "Okay, go do it."

5. Interrupting: "Son, Mommy is speaking right now. Please wait until I am finished. If you can't wait until I tell you that you can talk, you'll go to your room and wait." I always told my boys that if it's not on fire or bleeding it can wait until I'm finished. Send him to his room if he continues.

This is ALL very normal behavior. You just have to approach it calmly and methodically. And....if he's driving you nuts and you just need a break (or YOU'RE going to break!), don't feel guilty about saying, "Son, mommy needs a break. Please go play with your legos in your room."

You're in charge and you're the parent. You make the rules. It will be okay. ♥

I highly recommend that you have him run around the outside of the house outside when he gets bossy. Take your watch off and time him. Write his times. When he is tired of doing laps around the house, THEN ask him if he is ready to TALK to you, instead of being bossy. Getting him a lot of physical exertion is really important right now. It will help him listen better too.

My son's 3rd grade teacher took her kids outside when they got really antsy in class and had them run circles. She'd have them do it for 5 minutes and then go back in the class. They could settle down. His 7th grade science teacher used to have them do jumping jacks in the class to help them focus sometimes.

So if a 3rd grade teacher and a 7th grade teacher use this trick, you should too. Plus, your son will learn that if he doesn't listen to you, he'll have to run, and even if he likes running, it means that he has to drop what he's doing to run. As he gets older, he'll be able to think through this better.

Be sure he gets lots of sleep and lots of exercise and very little extra sugary food.

For the times he needs to be calm and respectful, use discipline. Whining is VERY hard to nip. If you don't act firmly up front while he's forming the habit, you'll find yourself begging kids to stop or ignoring it for YEEEEEARS while your eardrums suffer. Let him know he's not allowed to whine and that the next time he does there will be a consequence. Follow through. You can be a bit more lenient when he's sick or extremely tired. I have a spirited boy too and he's almost 6. You do have to up the discipline as they grow more difficult, but you can get him to behave appropriately when he needs to with enough diligence! Make sure you increase the positive fun times and responsibilities as well. Little men love boundaries and the freedom to grow and take on responsibilities too.

Ha! Ha! Sounds just like my four year old son! I'll get so mad at him, and then I'll feel so bad later! I think the "other" side of four is that they can be so sweet and loving at this age too! I think it's a "four year old" thing. Wouldn't worrying about "treating" it! I try to be patient and give my son lots of love and positive reinforcement! This is my motto: "The days are long . . . the years are short!"

This is SO my son (turns 4 on Saturday). I find that being outside helps so he can run around, get dirty, etc. Also he goes to 1/2 day preschool starting next week and that is really great for him because he gets out of the house and to interact with others and takes a short nap on the way home!! I don't have any suggestions - just that I am in the same boat :)

oh, to have such energy!
parenting young cannonballs is even hard on energetic young moms, isn't it?
in addition to all the great advice below about turning him out in a paddock and letting him buck and run and snort, take a gander at his diet. as kids grow their needs, and their reactions to certain things, change. make sure he's not getting too much sugar, or preservatives, or additives.
beyond that, apply Patience, Parenting and Prozac (for you, that is.....j/k!!!!)
;) khairete
S.

Yes, it's normal.

I love Jill D's answer below, and now that I'm experiencing the empty nest, I cannot emphasize enough to parents of little ones to relax and enjoy it.

"The days are long...the years are short!" Wonderfully put, and so true.

Doris' advice to have him run is great too. And soon you can put him in a sport, to release some of that energy!

Great advice from Christy Lee. Oh, where was Mamapedia when my kids were little?

Yes it's normal. My DD is 6 and still does all of the above so I can't tell you when it will end. Good luck and stay sane.

My son was like that.
He was so quiet and calm as a clam until he hit about 4.
Boys.
But you still have to teach them about manners and how to behave.
That does not change.
And when he is "bossy" TELL HIM, and that it is rude.
You have to be blunt. Bluntly honest.
I do that with my kids.
They learn.

My son is also VERY talkative. So, I tell him "raise your hand, when you want to say something..." especially when I am doing like 10 other things at the same time. Everything, has a turn.
Unless it is an immediate need or danger.

My son is now 7. And he is so full of activity. Typical boy. I work at my kids' school, and MOST all boys, are this way.
Main thing is, they behave in school.
Surprisingly, my son is Mr. Calm and mellow, at school. Listens real well and behaves. At home after school, he lets it all hang out as he deflates.
I also give my kids a HEAD's UP, on things and what I expect, BEFOREhand.

Yeah mine did the same thing. He turned 4 in June and it finally calmed down a teeny bit. Just a teeny bit though lol. He starts school in a couple of weeks so I hope that burns off some energy.

Mom of 3 boys here (ages 9, 7, 4), adding my 2 cents.

This behavior is totally normal. I've been through it with my older 2 and now with my youngest. I agree with all the moms here; have him release that energy through movement. My favorite activities to ensure a wiped out kid: swimming; soccer; tag; sprints; kickball; anything at the park. Try your local city sports programs for kids; your son may be ready to do a low-key sport.

I also agree with other moms who urge you to take some time for yourself. I get up an hour earlier than my kids and walk my dog- I hate getting up early, but the hour of fresh air and exercise does wonders for my sanity.

Hang in there and let us know how it goes.

Get a small trampoline and have him jump, to much energy can be exhausting to us moms. It does get better

Yes, they crash into walls all day long and don't stop. And they whine, and whine, and whine.

I did full-day preschool to survive. School is the only thing that seems to get the energy out! It's all play, outside time, art, music, etc. Lots of fun!

Pre-K???

It's a mixed blessing to send them off but the do need that focus as they get to be this age. I'd suggest he find some challenging activities for both his mind and his body so he can be calmer at home.

Ah yes I remember those days very well. Normal. Is he going to preschool? That will help!

I could have writeen this myself.
My sweet, docile toddler turned into a 4 yr old bit of a crazy maniac.
He has a LOT of energy.
Here's what I have tried to do:
-get him exercise outdoors, parks, playing, running, walking, bike riding
-try to curb SOME of the outlandish, wall-bouncing behavior while still
letting him have fun, try new things, exert energy etc.
- take him to parks ALL the time
-we walk around outdoor malls in nice weather & indoor malls in rainy
weather
-we play games together like mini races, obstacle courses (I get my
exercise too. Oh my!).
-we bike together as a family.
-he's exerting his new found "voice & independence". I teach him when
it's right to use it.
-they have a lot of energy & their focus is all over the place. When they
are doing something they are so focused they often don't hear you. Have you met a grown man? Every single man I know (with the exception of about 3 males) has this issue/enigma. What do I do? I make sure to get down on his level & speak making sure he can hear me & has
registered what I need him to do.
-they are excitable at this age learning all their is about the world around them. Will it pass? Yes. Is it maddening? YES!
-take deep breaths, get breaks when you can have someone watch him & get at least 30 mins alone!!. Try to go for 30 min walks to exert energy, get exercise, cool your jets, get peace & quiet etc when you have someone to watch them!! Can't tell you how this has helped me!!
Hang in there. Be consistent