Flower Girl - New Britain,CT

Let it go and suck it up...How nice that she asked you. Perhaps she wants to have a closer relationship with you. Yes it could be costly depending on what she wants you to wear. But how cute to see your little darling all dressed up looking like a sweet angel. How flattering that she would ask you. Also, after pictures are done and dinner is well underway, there is no reason you couldn't have a babysitter take her home and put her to bed. :)

A casual friend asked you to be in her wedding? Kind of strange, but not unheard of I guess. Just a thought... is it possible that she doesn't have a lot of girlfriends and needs more ladies on her side? It's also possible that she admires your commitment to your marriage and family and would like someone who understands the whole thing standing up with her.

Regardless... did you already say yes? If so, you are kind of stuck. I was in a wedding in June for a childhood friend and her FG was 4. It was a LONG day and she was an angel... right until we got to the alter. She had a complete meltdown. Her mother was the MOH and couldn't just swoop her up, so I did. I literally held her through the whole ceremony and she fell asleep on my shoulder. Evening weddings and young children don't mix!

IF she wants your daughter in the wedding, make arrangements for someone to drop your little one off at the ceremony site just before it starts. She should be fine for the ceremony, pictures and an intro at the reception but a sitter should be ready to take her back to the house for dinner and bedtime!

Ask her if YOU can choose the flower girl dress... I found my daughters flower girl dresses at Burlington for $30 EACH, had a coupon and only paid $40 TOTAL, and they were originally $80 a piece!! This way, if whatever YOU have to wear is pricier, you can save a lot by picking out the flower girl dress by bargain hunting, just ask her which colors she's chosen for the wedding.

I think you need to consider both the question about you being in the wedding as well as your daughter. Do you not want to be in the wedding yourself? If so, (as long as you haven't already agreed) then simply tell her that you are grateful and honoured, but you really can't afford the expense. As a casual friend, you are under no obligation to fulfil any role. As for your daughter - which seems to be the main issue - if you don't want her to be the flower girl, simply say thank you, but no. If you tell her that you think that your daughter is really too young to be the flower girl and you don't want to have to worry that there might be some issue that might mar the bride's special day, there should be no issue. It would also be perfectly acceptable, if you are going to be in the wedding, to explain that as a participant, it would be too stressful for you to fulfill your duties as bridesmaid while you are handling your 3 year old in a formal environment. Both of my children, who were 7 and 5 at the time, were invited to play a part in the wedding of one of my best friends. I thanked her, but told her I wasn't even bringing the kids to the wedding since I wouldn't be able to concentrate on my role if they were there, and it would stress me out, so I also wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy myself. She absolutely understood....as anyone should. Being a bride doesn't mean you get to be unreasonable - as long as you are polite and apologetic, there should be no tension. Best of luck!

Under those circumstances, I would say no thanks.

Talking with your casual friend may be in order here. My question for you would be do you know this friend well enough to know that she WON'T turn into a bridezilla on you and your child?

It is an honor and an expense to be in a wedding. I've only ever been in one and that bride kept things simple and affordable but she was quite the bridezilla. I have known her for a long time and knew what I was getting myself into so I wasn't surprized.

The choice is yours but choose wisely. You should want to be happy and possibly keep the casual friendship going and growing. Tough call but again the choice is yours. Good luck.

My DD was just in a wedding,and I was the Maid of Honor. She will be three in a few weeks, and did great! I was afraid she wouldn't do it but she did and everyone just adored her. It was stressful for me doing both and I was lucky that it was a family wedding and everyone could help me out. Why don't you decline being in the bridal party, but agree to DD being the flower girl? Say that you don't feel like you could be a dutiful bridesmaid while having to also make sure the flower girl was being taken care of.

Also- Feel the bride out about the dress for her... I was able to find an adorable dress at the GAP for $40 but some at the bridal store were like $400!!! So that is a fair and worthwhile question to ask.

It's clear you are not thrilled with being part of this wedding. It will be most likely stressful And expensive plus you are under no obligations. It was lovely for your friend to ask though so bow out gracefully. As women we often do things we dont want to do to please others. Ask your self honestly if you WANT to participate and don't feel guilty if the answer is no.

Maybe she thinks you are better friends than you think you are or maybe she doesnt' have girlfriends. Ask around, she might be very upset if you turn her down and she might not show it. Talk to her about the risks of having a 3 year old flower girl. I picked 2 flower girls - a 5 year old who was very dear to me and my 3 yearl old neice. The 5 year old was spectacular. My nieced slept through the whole wedding - it was very cute but I was glad I wasn't depending on her. I had all the dresses made and paid for the fabric. I think I spent $200 on all 5 dresses - some people paid me, others didn't.

Hmmmm...tough call.
When my son was 4, he & I (MOH) were in my best friends wedding. It was a super-long day for him (and me!)

You've gotta ask yourself a few things:
1. Is she asking you, but really wants the FG?
2. Are you able to pay for what needs to be purchased?
3. Can you abide by the "pay up and shut up" rule for bridesmaids?
4. If you both are in the wedding is there someone else that can watch her at the reception (and possibly for off-site pix, as the wedding party off-site pix often do not include the children) as well as get her home, settled & to bed if you are still at the reception?

As far as worrying if your daughter will "comply" to flower girl "rules" -- I wouldn't worry too much. She can always walk with the MOH, if need be, or an aunt, friend, etc.

Three is really young to be a flower girl. My niece was 5 at my wedding, and she did great at the rehearsal, and then refused to walk down the isle at the wedding. My brother/her uncle who was an usher ended up walking her down the isle. Then she hid her face in my sister's (maid of honor) skirt most of the time! Sure, it was cute, but my wedding was mostly my close family, so she knew everyone involved. Here your daughter won't.

Maybe I'm being too suspicious, but I wonder if you were the only person she could think of that had a young daughter?? She doesn't have any family the right age??