My husband has this aunt. We have had our issues in the past. She basically didn't want my husband to marry me because 1. she thought that we were too young 2. I am not catholic and 3. different social status. What is driving me crazy is she just can't seem to decide whether she likes me or not. After we did get married she seemed to be fine and I thought that she had gotten over herself. Then, all of the sudden, she went back to her old spiteful self. A couple years ago we were talking and she just got up and walked off, right in the middle of my sentence and ignored me the rest of the time. We were talking about my dogs surgery, so I didn't say anything offensive or anything. When we are together now she basically ignores me, which is alright with me! She used to make underhanded comments but I am quick witted enough to throw them back at her, so that stopped. Now all of the sudden I start getting these texts saying we are so lucky to have you in the family, you're such a special person...etc. In the back of my very shrewd mind, I am thinking this might be coinciding with the possible publication of my first book. That now she wants to be friendly in case it becomes a success. I talked to my husband about it and all I get are shrugs. What do you guys think? Am I being a negative nelly? Have any of you ever dealt with this? Since she has kinda already done this once, it's really hard to let my guard down and, if she turns nasty again, will be harder to keep my temper in check.
I know I shouldn't let it get to me, I just hate the flip flopping. I did send back an Thanks text. I guess it just irks me, that she is so wish washy. I could be completely wrong about the timing of this but somehow I don't think so. I wonder if this deal doesn't go through, if she will still be sending me these texts? :)
Send her a text back that says "Aw, thank you" and be done with it.
It is not like you have to take her with you when you go on your first book tour.
You know what she is like so just be polite and don't worry about her motives.
Congrats on the book - how cool!!!
God Bless
It's really her problem. Don't trust her. Be polite but keep your emotional distance. I'm not surprised at your husband's response since he can't do anything about her and doesn't understand her motives.
I would really try not to take her attitude personally. She probably treats anyone who marries into the family that's not "just like her" like this. And the fact is that you could change things about yourself... become Catholic even... but it wouldn't make her happy or nicer because you don't let her cow you down. She doesn't scare you and you don't bend over backwards to make her happy. Of course she's hot and cold with you.
My best advice with this snooty self-involved "lady" would be to limit your interactions with her and ignore her texts unless there's an emergency. Instead of letting her anger you, look for the humor in how insecure you must make her feel. Look at the effort she goes to in order to make you trust and like her and then once that trap is set she "puts you in your place."
So yes, I've been through this with some of my husband's aunts. I get along with them much better since I stopped playing their games on their terms. :-)
I have no patience for people like that. Trust your instinct and keep your distance. Unless she seems to really undergo a change in attitude, she is just being fake and superficial and not worth your time or worry. Congrats on publishing your first book!
Don't play her game. Do not let yourself get dragged in. Say thank you and do not expect anything from her. Your hubby you need to keep out of this he is stuck in the middle. Put a fake polictical smile when you see her say hi and walk away and go talk to someone else. If she wants to talk let her talk but do not make any comments
She sounds like she's got some mental health issues. There are a lot of people out there who live a "normal" life but have lots of problems with interpersonal relationships. She definitely sounds like one of them. I jsut odn't undrstand people like that.
Be pleasant, cordial but don't assume that there will be any underlying change in her general nature. Don't take it personally - she's nuts. Don't make it bigger than it is. It's you DH's aunt - thankfully not his mother!!!
Congrats on your new book! Good for you.
What;s that saying, You can tell what a person will do in the future by what he has done in the past.
I would just ignore her.
Just be polite but distant to her. She sounds untrustworthy and not worth your time. I would not waste time thinking about her any more.
Congratulations on the book! The ladies here have given great advice. Keep your interactions light and don't read too much into it.
I would imagine that once you are successful, you'll have more of these instances. Great to practice being gracious without over committing to any one.
She is covert- so ignore her. Delate her email, texts. Ignore ignore, ignore.
best, k
It does sound petty. Why "buy into it"? I know it's easier said than done; but we all have to deal with family, friends and neighbors who want to suck us in to their negative energy. I am living in a negative house. I get up and walk away, then burn Sage; and keep praying, searching for a more positive living arrangement. I feel you must take the high road and find your strength, keep your kindness and be aware of peoples' intentions.
But honor yours
Meanwhile, tell me how to publish my book.
She doesn't sound trustworthy to me. Keep up your guard. I would just avoid her the best you can, and at family functions, treat her with the polite regard that you would a stranger. You don't have to be rude, but you don't have to be her best friend, either.
Sounds like my husbands grandma. Right now she is on a "nice" kick, but who knows when she will get her next dig in. Shes the same way, we were together too young, she didnt want him to settle down with the only girl hes dated, blah, blah, blah.
When shes nice, Im nice back, when shes not nice, I avoid her and she misses out on my family. It used to really upset me when I would put my all into making a relationship with her and then have her shoot me down for no reason. Now I dont let it bother me. Maybe she has realized just giving me a little respect will get her further, maybe not, but its her loss if shes going to be miserable, not mine.
