First Time Mom Exhaustion...

After I had my second child, my hubby's job took him on the travels, A LOT!! We are talking, being away for up to 3 weeks at a time followed by two days home and then gone again. I was a wreck! I cried all the time, I ended up being so exhausted that my body couldn't sleep and the fact that my newborn had to sleep in my room at night with me pushed me over the edge. Long story short, my hubby agreed to give me a budget to hire a babysitter. I ended up having a high school girl I knew through a family at church come in every other day right after school to help me for one hour. I either cleaned up a little bit, ran an errand, cooked dinner, whatever. It really helped me just to get that small break every other day.

I responded earlier but I don't see my answer. SO! If he's going to be just a drop in 'guest', I wouldn't wash his clothes until he starts helping. If his clothes get smelly, offer to wash them IF HE'LL TAKE CARE OF THE BABY while you do. He is being selfish acting like king of the castle and you're his minion. It took two to make that baby. She needs two parents.

And I would absolutely get in his face. Have that serious talk with him that either he forks over some cash to hire help, help himself, or he cannot expect you to be at his beck and call. If you're going to live like a single parent and he does nothing to change that, then continue on as a single parent. Only you can answer whether or not he's worth hanging on to. He sounds like he needs a wake up call. Because he's missing out on his daughter's growing up, missing out on you as a wife. I would lay down the law to him. Realize too that hormones may kick in and he might use that condescending remark to calm you down. Stick to your guns. How would he explain sheer exhaustion? If the place doesn't get cleaned, darn. Maybe it's clean when he's away. But I would stop doing his share and making it easy for him to continue in his lazy way. Get his expectations out of you, voice yours, and come up with a solution that works for both of you.

Do u have grandparents? They r good relief helpers. Also there's friends that ur close with if no family. Don't get too over indulged but u have to realize he drives from mom your fri so he is tired Saturday he should rest Sunday should be ur day he should get up with the kid n he needs to let u get hat. Need done. Unfortunately dads don't know how to be dads u need to sculp them unfortunately most common men don't know how to. There's very few that do . Why don't you try on Sunday or even Saturday night have him start feeding her or changing her diaper just because u ask him to do it does not mean he'll jump to do it. Asking nicely hey hon can u please change livi or listen I need to do this and that can I please do it without livi n u don't sleep? If he's not willing than u may need to have other ? For him n find out why. If he's scared or doesn't know how show him. Put ur foot down he's not hearing u I don't think. Make him hear good luck but also take in consideration hs situation n urs both though! Consider asking friends n family for help too I know it's hard but. Have too before u hate your child n it's not there fault

This is a brutal intro into parenting. Do you have family or friends to swap babysitting with? Have you tried MeetUp.com for other mama's in your area to meet? You both are working to the bone, and with him not eager to help you is very big problem. Let the house get messy honey, use paper plates for a week, and when that darling babe is asleep, you sleep too..do not clean up. It will get easier as she gets older and easier to interact with her papa. Hang in there!

B.,

I completely understand. First, sit down and talk with your husband when he is fresh and you have his full attention. Tell him honestly what is going on for you, what you feel, and what you need and expect from him. Ask him what he is willing to do and don't leave the conversation until you feel like you both have a schedule of what could work for you. Here is an ex.

Sat: you with baby til 10am then dad takes over til 12. You get a break during this time. Then dad takes a nap 12-2 and you have baby until then. 2-4, dad has baby and takes baby out for a bit so you can do what you need to do around the house and get dinner started. Then you go from there....basically take turns for a few hours at a time on the weekends will be much more managable for you. Also, you can hand him the baby and say i am going out for the next couple of hours. I need you to feed X at X time and give her a bath while I am gone. If you need me, call but I am taking a break. Then, don't give him any chance to back out or give excuses. You have to recharge your batteries before you can keep giving and giving. Best wishes and hang in there!!!

In addition to the other responses, I would be asking hubby to find a job that is more local, and gets him home every night (or at least, more often than not). And have another serious sit-down talk with him about what you need from him when he is home - sure, he is tired and wiped out, but so are you. He may need to be reminded again and again exactly what you expect from him when he is home. Men usually need things specifically spelled out for them - he can do his own laundry and grocery shopping for the things he needs. He also cannot be sleeping if he is on "baby duty" if you have to run out for errands, take a nap, or just try to have some "me time". I would also see about getting a reliable baby sitter to give you a break here and there during the week as well.

I would hire a baby sitter a few hours a week. I would also get your baby on a sleep schedule if you have not done this. if she has regular naps and a regular bedtime you will know when you will get a break. I could always get though a rough day knowing my baby would be asleep for the night by 8. You are probably still getting up at night but it seems more bearable to me if it is on somewhat regular schedule.

No one tells you that the first 9 months of having a baby is hell, and a real strain on a marriage. Everything changes, you have no idea what you are doing, but you are doing it, alone. And you do in fact become the maid, the everything to everyone, and no one helps you. It sucks. You are in the thick of it.

Have a serious discussion with him. Tell him that you are tired, exhausted, and need help. If he won't provide it, then he needs to come up with the money to let you hire a babysitter for a few hours a week.

My hubby, btw, was terrible at taking care of our first daughter. I rarely ran errands. When my second came alone, my first destroyed my glasses in the first week. So I had to go. It was great for both of us.

I'm hoping with my third he helps out more in the middle of the night, but his life is hell too.