I've got two sisters who do not want to be around each other but I get along with them both. My daughter's 3rd b-day party is coming up and I want to have a family party. Any suggestions on how to tread this water?
Invite them both, let both of them know that the other is invited, and that if they both come, they are both expected to act like adults and not bratty toddlers.
I have dear friends who don't care for each other. I invite them both to parties, they both come, they both act like adults, and are polite to one another. They leave their personal issues outside my house.
I don't play that kind of ball.
Invite them both and let THEM take responsibility for the choices they make regarding this, and ANY future events.
Pretty sad if two adults can't play nice for a few hours and don't ruin a child's birthday party. Shame on them for putting you in this position.
You don't need to buy into the drama. They need to own it.
My parents had a very acrimonious divorce. And that continued for the next 30 years. When I was planning my wedding, I basically told them (separately) that they needed to figure out how to get along, or at least how not to be nasty to each other. For me. That they needed to think about me on my day instead of themselves. And, if they couldn't do that and did anything to ruin my day, I'd never speak to them again. They were on perfect behavior. They pretty much just ignored each other, which was just fine. And that went on for the next 10 years until my mother's passing. My dad even attended the funeral.
I would just tell them that you want the family together, you love them both, and you ask them as a favor to you, just either get along or ignore each other, to forget about their issues so your daughter can have a fun day with both her aunties that she loves.
They confirm to you they will play nice, or they are not invited or welcome to show up. Period.
Easier said than done, surely, but I would just invite them both and let them sort it out. You do not need to put yourself in the middle of their drama (not that you are, but you really can't invite one and not the other). Let their differences be theirs. This happens in my family (my dad and his siblings)--everyone is always invited, and if my dad doesn't feel like being around his siblings, he doesn't go (but that's rare, and only when he won't be missed). Hopefully, they can be cordial for your daughter's sake, if for no one else's. If you send invites to each of them, however, I would maybe let them know (when you see them or are on the phone) that both are being invited so at least neither is surprised. If either of them causes a scene at the party (if they are both adult enough to put aside their differences for the afternoon and attend), you can ask them to leave at that point. So, I'd give them the benefit of the doubt (for now) and invite both--this is your daughter's day, not theirs. Sorry if this won't work for your situation, but I like to imagine that adults can behave themselves for short durations for the well-being of other members of their families...
Good luck!
Just invite them both. Let them know, Sally's party is on Friday at 3, hope to see you there. You have no obligation to let them know that they're both invited--they should assume that they are since you are on good terms with both. They need to put on their big girl panties and swallow their pride and anger for a few hours to make their niece happy.
Amen to Fuzzy. I would tell them both that if they start up in front of the children, they had better leave. Ruining a 3rd grader's party because they can't act like adults is beyond the pale.
Invite them both. Their feud is just that - theirs. It has nothing to do with your or your DD.
There have been many feuds in my family, but when it comes to the kids, I am a big enough person to go to a b-day party and simply not speak to those I don't care for. It's not that hard to be civil.
