This is VERY personal but I need advice and I need to explain the situation to get the full picture out there...I was not going to divulge this much information but I figure the more the better at this point.
My ex-husband wants to terminate his rights and has not made an attempt to be a part of my 7 year olds life for over two months now. He was a part of her life the first 2 years. We separated then and he hardly saw her for about 3 years (due to drug use).He started seeing her again when he got clean and in a stable relationship when she was about 5. He and his fiancé saw her every other weekend for the past 2 years. He just recently stopped seeing her AGAIN due to the fact that he broke off is engagement with an amazing person. I felt blessed to have her in my daughter’s life. He is now living with a 23 year old at her parent’s house and the 1 year old son he fathered with her from an affair he had on his fiancé! He signed the rights over to his son with her to save his relationship with his former fiancé but is now living with her and his son. I truly believe that the new girlfriend/fiancé is behind this and he is allowing it. He is calling me and emailing me threatening that if I don't agree to let him sign over his rights he will come and get my daughter...! Fortunately my daughter and I have been VERY busy and not home when he has threatened to come take her. I am in talks with an attorney to ensure that I am doing everything the law allows to protect us.
My daughter does not know the details of what is going on, but knows that she is not seeing Daddy anymore. It is obviously too much for a small child to deal with so I have whole-heartedly kept her protected.
I need to find a good therapist for her to talk with. I am in the Justin, TX area now and need to find someone quick so she can get it all out.
My daughter recently said she hated herself and that broke my heart...
Terminate his rights. You will be able to keep her out of harmful situations. You would be able to have him visit under supervised situations if he ever wants to visit again. Protect your daughter.......No father is better than a bad one.
Sometimes you have to get toxic people out of your life because they're more dangerous for you when they're in it. Definitely get the counseling, be as honest with your daughter as you can - you may need to give her some details about the situation: her father has had a history of making bad choices, and he keeps making them, but it isn't her fault. I don't know if it would make sense to keep his ex in her life, but if she's a great person and a stabilizing influence, why not keep her around? If there are grandparents that can be a part of her life, get them more involved. They may not fill the hole completely, but the more good, solid family she has around, the better. Good luck!
L.,
I am so sorry to hear about this. I am a child of a father that terminated his rights to me when I was a baby. I grew up with just my mom, and though it was a struggle, we made it. I am 30 now, and a mother of 2 beautiful girls that their fathers are not to involved. I see now how much my mom actually did now that I understand.
While I was growing up I constantly asked to see and meet my father, she may do this later. It will be up to you if you try to contact him and tell him that. Just prepare her that if she does this it could lead to rejection that is NOT her fault.
When I turned 15, my mom finally got in touch with my father and he at that time decided he wanted to meet me. I still hold some resentment, however, it has filled the void in my heart that I had for so long.
Counselors that I spoke with said that I always sought male attention and acceptance that came from not having a positive male role model. Like my friends fathers, I tried to make my own in some way. So like the post before me where she said that people around her, a grandfather, an uncle..having a good positive make role model is important in a young girls life. Counseling will help a bit but she is still so young that the future hurt will still be there. Just be there and keep the lines of communication open about this. You will make it and be a hero to her. God bless you both!
L.,
You need to re-assure your daughter of your love every day. Let her know that God has a purpose for her life and tell her how much you believe in her. For what ever reason your ex wants to terminate his rights, let her know how much YOU love her, as you cared for her when she was in your womb and will always... If it's because your ex doesn't want to pay child support, well, if this state is anything like others, he'll still have to pay whether or not he wants to see her.
On another note, I babysat for this little boy, who is now grown and married. His mother was married to his father for 15 years before he was born, he never wanted kids, she got pregnant and he left her, his mother was always involved with her grandson, my uncle stepped in taught him about being a boy to a man, there are lots of people around you, that will show her love and no matter what it won't leave.
I don't know of any counseling places, however, go to one of the churches in the area. I'm sure they will counsel her with God's loving grace and let her know how special she is.
God Bless YOU and YOUR DAUGHTER!!!
