Father-in-law Problem - He Smokes Pot

Hello EM. I don't really have any advice, per se, but I wanted to let you know that I thought you might be talking about my father, although I'm the only child of his with children, so I knew you weren't. My dad has been a pot smoker all of my life, and for some years before that. It's just a part of dad that we all accept. My dad does not get "high" so to speak, because he has been doing it for so long that his tolerance has declined, if not reached a plateau, but he will take a couple of "tokes" and mellow out. I'm not sure if this is what your father in law is doing or if he is absolutely smoking until he gets high (I know some might say high is high). I say trust your judgement (instincts), because if it makes you uncomfortable, then you will worry about your son the entire time he is gone, should you decide to let him go. I agree that I don't think he would be so callous as to do it in front of him, most are private about it, so that's probably not the issue, just his impaired senses, I'm guessing. I know a lot of moms will hate me for saying this, but my brothers and I turned out fine, my father never had any accidents or any other things going on, and we took many family trips together. Because of the fact that he is not YOUR father, this obviously is a hard call for you to make, because you have not been around him all of your life and may not have been in a situation where you can clock his motor skills nor reaction time. Like I said before, because of your qualms, I think it best not to let him at this time. Best of luck to you :)

It sounds like you should follow your instincts, and not allow himto take your son with him. If it were me, I would take a firm line there, but be kind and calm in delivering the news to my husband or father in law. I would mention the things I enjoy about my father in law, and that I truly appreciate his presence in the grandchildren’s lives, and his desire to have special moments. Then I would add that regrettably, his life choices mean that he can't take the grandchildren out alone. Then I would suggest a family fishing excursion. If any objections would arise, I would be empathetic but firm. No alone time.
Don't feel bad in any way. You have to be responsible for your son. Good luck!

I think you should be truth to your in law and also to your husband. You should talk to your husband first that you don't want your kid to have "alone" time w/ anyone that smoke, so forget about pot smoker. If your father in law wanna be alone w/ your kid, he need to quit first. If he can't or won't, then too bad, it's his pot or his grandson that he has to choose. Kids learn from adult, your father in law can't guaranty that he won't smoke or talk about smoking in front of your son for a whole day, that's why you always have to be there and supervised. You would look like the bad guy here to stand between grandfather and grandson, but just know that you do this for the sake of your son. My mother in law smokes (just cigarette), and I never ever let her babysit my son. We visit her, she can play w/ my son, holding him...but absolutely not right after she smoke, I just don't want my son to get use to the yacky smelling after she smokes. I just hate that smell, and actually, that's what the nurse told us before we left the hospital after delivering our son. She told us though the smell is not as dangerous as the smoke, it still could cause resperatory problem such as asthma, cough.... So, just keep kids away from smokers as much as you can, and if you can smell smoke from that person, your kids can sniff that to their tiny lungs too.

Sorry for all smoker parents out there, but I am a true anti-smoking mom that have read and learned about the dangerous of smoking.

It only takes one time to screw up a kid, be honest I am not against pot smoking, and if he has done it for all these years he knows how to handle him self, but but he is breaking the law, and if he smokes everyday he does it to cope, his body needs it everyday, either your husband goes with them, or he doesn't go.. he is still to small to know what to do if grand pa passes out or something.. I guess once a pot head always a pot head huh, thats the 60's for you !!

My brother smoke pot and has for over ten years. He won't even think of driving with the kids in the car. I have no problem letting him watch them because he doesn't get the typical high most of the time and he would never smoke around them. If he does get stoned he won't even have me bring the kids around him.

My advice is find your comfort zone and make it very clear how you feel. Mothers instinct is always worth trusting so if you are evening questioning it say no. Though when you say know mention a fun idea that would fit in your comfort zone.

What if you go too and play with your other little one at a nearby playground?

I will say that I wouldn't feel 100% comfortable either but after 45 years of smoking pot, I am sure he has developed quite a tolerance and his version of "high" is not the same as your or my version of "high". You know?

Figure out what the concern is - driving? If that's it then meet him at the park. Is it being near the water? If that's it, make your son wear a life-vest.

I would imagine there is a compromise whether it's doing something to ensure safety or going with.

Good luck to you!

All I can say is, what are you smoking if you even consider this. Sorry. He can do what he wants but not with your children. Is it any different than if he were drinking? It impairs the thinking, response, and judgement, long term and you want your children around water with him?!.

You are wise to question this.

Personally as long as you drive your son to the fishing event, I would let the father in law take him. Lots of prescription drugs are way stronger and more dangerous than pot and your father in law may be self medicating due to some problems that you may not know about. Such as he may have adhd and pot calms him down. You can get a prescription for the stuff.

I have a sister with mental health challenges who yells a lot and sometimes seems confused when she takes too much of her sleeping aides. She also pressured me repeatedly to babysit my kids, and my mother's intuition said no way! My mom put it perfectly: You are the momma tiger, they are your tiger cubs. It's your job to protect them -- from everybody.

Personally, I would draw the line with your father-in-law. Try to put it to him in the most objective manner possibly. "I don't feel comfortable having you watch my son due to your habit of smoking pot." Enough said. Maybe it will cause an uproar, but isn't that easier than something happening to your son? That's the alternative you need to consider.

By the way, where is your husband in all of this? Does he support you in your decision here? Since it's his dad, seems like he might be the better person to have the conversation.

This would be a good time to lay down the law with your father in-law. Your children are small and don't understand, but if you wait until they are older then they will learn to tolerate his behavior and think it's OK. If you don't want to confront him then just never give him an answer, and never let him take your child anywhere.

As with any drugs, no children allowed.
Enough said.