FaceLift ... Oh No

Why bother, LeeLee? She knows she doesn't look good. It's too late for her to change anything - it's done.

All you would do is hurt her feelings. She would probably avoid you if you do.

I know it's important to you to tell her how you feel, but sometimes we have to just bottle it up. She evidently has a thing for cosmetic surgery since she has done it so much. Saying anything won't do any good. It will just marginalize you in her mind.

So sorry!
Dawn

I would be honest but in a gentle way . . . "I'm attached to the face I knew and loved for 20 years - it's going to take some time to adjust. I *am* glad you came through the procedure safely." And just leave it at that.

I don't like when people manipulate you into being dishonest. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your truth, though not every truth need be spoken.

Tough question.
If they keep asking for validation, if they keep going back for more, there clearly is a level of personal dissatisfaction with their own appearance or there is something amiss in another part of their life. Telling someone after the fact that irreversible work looks bad won't help their self esteem. But perhaps asking why they keep doing surgery, whether there's something they need help with, and reassuring them they are perfect without any further work, may be the best thing you can offer.

I would avoid making any comments if you can. If they press you for a comment you can say that you can see a difference in their appearace post-surgery.

It doesn't sound like saying something would be good. This person is altering his/her appearance a LOT. Something deeper is afoot. I'd only offer thoughts if asked. Maybe something like, "I always thought you looked beautiful - I loved your face as it was" - but nothing to suggest MORE works should be done! Ow...and ow.

Personally, when we go to see family in So Cal, I notice that a LOT of women have had face lifts. How can I tell? Well, some of them I know for a fact. But they all tend to look like they smell something nasty. I'll just go ahead and age, thanks. I am so sorry that the face you loved is gone. : (

Its always a hard situation when it come to peoples feelings. However you and others gave your opinions and advice and they didn't listen. They did it anyways so telling them how you feel now isn't going to do anything.

My advice is when they ask or fish for compliments or comments just say "its very nice, but I always thought you were beautiful before" and see what they say. If they ask why, then you might be able to continue on with wishing they wouldn't get anymore etc in a gentler way.

Best wishes.

I would continue dodging until absolutely forced to comment - I would then say that I loved how she looked before and you still getting used to the change.

What is important is that your friend is happy with how she looks.

i dont think your comments will change whether they do it again in the future or not. I wouldn't encourage it and say they looked more beautiful then before But i sure as heck wouldn't say they looked worse...they must be incredibly insecure already! I would tell them they looked wonderful and that I love them and leave the comments about the face lift out
ex
I wish I didnt get it done and would have save money
oh stop dwelling you were and are beautiful and always will be

This may be a place for "I love you, but.............."
If she pressed me about it and said she didn't see a differance, I would tell her you can see a noticable differance and it will take some time to get used to it. Then maybe transition into - why do you feel you need to take these drastic measures?

From what I understand, cosmetic surgery can be like tatoos, addictive. People get one done and immediately start planning the next. There is a disorder that can occur. SHe may need to talk to somebody about that.

I agree with Dawn that she keeps fishing b/c she knows it did not turn out well, and no good will come of it. The next time she probes simply say I am still on the fence, it is such a change - not like dying your hair! I think maybe the way you are doing your make up is not highlighting the changes properly lets go get a fun consultation a the Nordstroms counter. It is true that make up can help change the shape of a face when done properly - maybe it will/can help. Really - I am one for the truth, and sometimes I agree that the truth hurts, and if you simply can not skirt around it any longer then have an honest heart to heart with her about how dissapointed you are with her recent choices. Explain to her that you love her enough to love who and what she is and it makes you sad to see that she does not love herself like that. At some point the truth will show.

Oh wow...that would really be difficult. If they are having all these cosmetic procedures, then obviously they already feel bad about their appearance, and don't accept themselves...you don't want to pile on, but at the same time, you don't want to encourage further 'work', or make them feel like they need to 'fix' what's already been done.

If I was in your situation, I think I would make sure I was alone with the person when I talked with them, so that there wouldn't be any fear of being overheard. I would emphasize your love and care for them, and how you've always loved their face. Let them know that the signs of aging didn't bother you. And then gently say that they look 'different' now. Not better, not worse. Not freakish (I hope). That anybody that didn't know them would not be surprised at their appearance, but that for you, and for other people in your circle, this is a big change, and it will take a while to get used to it.

Then let them know that you still love them, and that you know that you will soon be able to reconcile the change in appearance. Perhaps, you can ask to watch them while they sleep or nap...spending 30-45 minutes studying their face can really help your brain to 'catch up' to the new face. Try to emphasize that the most important part of their beauty comes from within.

I hope that a heartfelt conversation like this is enough to dissuade them from undergoing any further cosmetic procedures. You're right that lying to them would be wrong, and possibly have worse consequences down the road.

I knew several people who have had nose jobs and their beautiful wonderful noses, which made them uniquely them are gone, kaput. I guess I just steer them away from conversations about their looks. So sad that we live in a society where we cannot celebrate our unique differences and instead feel we have to alter it. Well, not me, but a lot of people. I wouldn't mind having my stomach altered though, but well, the rest, who cares? But look at all the people in Hollywood who changed their appearances. Their results are not always good. What a shame. If you feel you would risk your relationship then I guess continue to deter the conversation.; so sad.

I have only one family member who had a face lift and she looks great.
She'd been over weight most of her youth, lost the weight and had a lot of loose skin around her neck.
It made her look years younger.
Saying something won't change anything except to let her know you hate her new look.
She can't change it back.
If they are fishing for comments, just say it looks natural and they don't need to do a thing more.
Some people do turn into 'lift-o-holics'.
If that's the case, say nothing because nothing you say will make a difference.