Extremely Miserable Baby

Two things you mention ring a bell with me- one is that he is unhappy a lot, and two, he's a picky eater. Have you considered food allergies? My son has them, and his first year of life was full of crying. He was very colicky at 3 weeks and it just seemed to never end. We finally had him allergy tested after a bad reaction to egg, and found that he had a severe allergy to egg, peanut, and some other foods. We eliminated those foods completely, and he was a completely different baby. Those foods were completely upsetting his stomach. I felt horrible about it too! I felt like I should have picked up on it way before I did. He still remains a picky eater at 5 years old, but he's getting better. Hope this helps.

I agree with MJ. Read up on Silent Reflux. My youngest had it and I didn't figure it out until he was 4 months old. Babies with it will suck down milk/formula because it's a base and neutralizes the acid. It makes their tums feel better. Some signs to look for are drinking tons of milk, waking up screaming from a deep sleep, unconsolable crying for hours on end, crankiness, little to no spit up when you try to burp them. Silent acid reflux is horrible for them because the spit up only goes half way up the esophagus, and then goes back down, burning both ways. Once we had our son diagnosed (usually done by a Q&A with your ped about what symptoms you notice) we put him on meds. The first didn't work well, but the second was fantastic. He was a new baby within a few days and has been happy ever since (he's about to turn 2). He was on the meds until he was about a year old, which is when the reflux usually corrects itself.

After update.. Does he use a pacifier?

Reminds me of when my sister was an infant. She cried all of the time. Not a " want attention" but a "I am just not feeling good cry".

It was awful. My mom took her to the pedi a lot, come to find out she had a constant drainage issue, due to allergies and her ears were full of fluid. They would finally clear it up and it would start again.

We live in a very green city, with lots of things always blooming, people mowing and then the dust. Back then we did not have electric air filters and did not realize how much junk carpets collect, that really can never be vacuumed enough.

Consider changing out the filters I your heater/ air system more often, consider purchasing an electric air filter for your child's room, and pull out any carpet in his room.

If it is colic or reflux, consider raising one end of his crib or allowing him to sleep in his swing. Make sure he is also burped really well. Start from his lower back and pat all the way up.

So sorry this is so hard. Hang in there.

I thought "sensory issues" when I read this a couple of hours ago and after reading your "What happened?", I agree with B.B. It's worth asking your new pedi for an OT referral. The OT may think he's just fine, but s/he might also have a workable solution. Don't let him cry it out - he's trying to tell you he needs help. I hope you find an answer soon.

I don't have any advise for you, just wanted to let you know your not alone! My oldest was the easiest baby ever, never really cried, always happy about anything. People would comment on how great he was all the time and that it must be because "I'm a great Mom." Well, I had my next son just 15 months later and boy was he different as different can be! He cried ALL the time. I'm not exaggerating at all. Nothing made him happy. We would take turns with him because it was soooo exhausting. I kept thinking those people who would tell me "I'm a great Mom", what am I doing wrong now?! Does it make me bad now??! Any way, at about 8 months he just stopped, stopped crying about everything. He is the easiest kid now- always goes with the flow. I've had teachers stop me to tell me how wonderful and caring he is. We never figured out what his crying was all about, or why he was SO colicy but our story is, he is a fantastic 7 year old now--so there is hope :)

Sounds to me like he's either allergic to something in the formula (making his stomach hurt and maybe even digesting it more quickly than you'd expect), or he's out of alignment and it's causing him some pain. If I were you, I'd try a chiropractor who specializes in children. And I'd talk to the pedi about switching to soy formula or hypoallergenic formula (Nutramigen or Alimentum) to see if it helps.

Are you sure he isn't have digestive issues?? 8 months is pretty old to be wanting a bottle every 3 hours at night... at least in my experience. My 12 week old is sleeping 8-10 hours every night and takes a bottle during the day every 4-5 hours... he may have colic, have you spoken with you ped about it? That's totally not normal, I've known people with "cranky" babies and even they have long periods of the day where they are happy.. a baby that age doesn't choose to be unhappy, something has to be going on to be making him so upset... and it's been going on for 8 months? I'd get to a doctor asap.

Have you checked into acid reflux?

Look into silent reflux. Maybe try baby wearing? I just got a beco carrier and really like it.

Your son is probably a very smart, overly aware baby. He probably also has a more high strung personality. It sounds like he has trouble self-soothing and he may have some sensory issues. I say this because of the pickiness with the food and also that the world sounds like an overwhelming (or perhaps it might be the opposite, that he needs stimulation to feel good) place for him. Do not let him cry it out. He is not doing this to be manipulative. Look into what you can do sensory wise for your son. It will certainly get better with time. Often, this type of behavior goes along with anxiety, so you don't want to do anything that would make him feel abandoned or anxious. Follow your heart!

How about his ears? Is he pulling at his ears at all?

sounds like my daughter! take him to a really good osteopath, and try to stay away from gluten or dairy... what is he eating?

Yep...at 7.5 months we finally took our son into the chiropractor. After three adjustments he slept over 15 hours straight and was so smily! We never looked back!!

I would definitely talked to a ped about it. I would think something is up. I do think babies go through stages where they are just cranky, but not from birth to 8 months. I am so sorry for you, I am sure that is really frustrating! Good luck!

I would have him checked by the doctor just to rule out anything going on with his digestion, ears, etc. I do not think the CIO method is meant for babies this young (I personally do not agree with it). When they cry there is usually something going on.

My mom has always said that I cried a lot when I was a baby. I was her third child also. I am not sure if that would have anything to do with it other than maybe he needs more attention (bonding) from you.

I would also check with your doctor and find out if he is just a cranky baby or if he is having some sort of issue. it sounds more like he is wanting attention or perhaps a little hungery? i would try feeding him more often, larger quantities, and filling foods. Like adding cereal to his bottle. at this age i believe he can handle it. I would do this with his last feeding before bed. Also at the age of one they start sleeping through the night. Which means you have to help them learn how. If your running running around stressed out trying to keep him happy and its not working. Why dont you try a different approach.

Example. With our son I rocked him gentley to sleep and quietly put him to bed rocking the bed till I was sure he was sound asleep. With our daughter I tried to be so gentle with her doing the same process. But my son would scream or drop a toy and she would jolt wide awake again. Seeing this process was not going to work and she was in tears being so tired, falling to sleep just to be woken moments later was driving us all crazy. From the time she was six months old I would put her in her crib and she would fall asleep. The CIO method we used was if she dosent fall asleep in 10 min we go get her and sooth her. or if the crying got crazy bad and it was not calming down we would go get her. Almost every time after five mins she would go to sleep. I think its more about what the child needs vs. what the parent feels is the right method. Helping your child now to deal with this crazy moodyness will help the entire family.

Do you have stations like play pen with toys, jonny jump up, entertainment jungle gym thing for babies, walker, bouncer, swing. We rotated the kids and did not pay much for these things. Most were second hand and washable.

My first child was much like yours. I called her the "velcro baby" because until she was past 2 she was never happy unless she was in my arms. I wore her in a Baby Bjorn till she was 1 yr and then a hip hammock after that. I feel your pain and frustration. Good news is that she grew out of this tempermental, inflexible, unhappy stage and now is a well adjusted 7 yr old. I highly recommend you DO NOT let him cry it out. Babies that are sensative/high need do not do well with this method. Please pick up a copy of the Fussy Baby Book by Dr Sears. If nothing else, you will not feel so alone knowing that others have experienced what you are currently experiencing....and they made it through with sanity. Nurse Midwife Mom of 3

do you think he may be allergic to the formula?
try lavender in his room. my friends little girl was like this until 3 months because she was allergic to the formula and needed to switch to soy. the cio way will not work on a baby like him. he needs to feel secure. maybe bathe him before bed or when hes really fussy let him play in the bath tub.

I would definitely have him allergy tested as well. My daughter had similar problems and we found out she was allergic to milk (also later found out she's allergic to eggs, peanuts and treenuts as well). Your pedicatrian can do a blood test and send it off to a lab if you're not comfortable going to an allergist, or a visit to an allergist would be even better so they can test for other things.
In addition to that - we did have issues with her crying at night as well. And, I know it's heartbreaking, but letting them cry it out is something you'll need to do at some point, or he won't stop it. He now has you guys "trained" to bring him a bottle and won't break himself of that. One thing you can try is to make sure he's in a safe place in his crib - go somewhere where you either can't hear him at all or it's very faint and give it 15 minutes. It will seem like an eternity, but he will be fine. Then go in, pat him on the back, tell him it's ok and to go to sleep and give it another 15 minutes (repeat for as long as it takes). You'll have to fight it out for several nights, but eventually he'll realize he's not getting the bottle and he'll give up. But, you can't give in or it'll start all over. We had to do the same thing!! It's tough, but it's completely worth it in the long run. After we found that fight, she started sleeping through the night with no issues. And she was in a better mood during the day because she got a good night's sleep. Good luck!!

I had one like that... my last one! He didn't just cry, he screamed day and night, starting in the hospital when he was born. Although I did set him down sometimes, and he cried of couse, I did not just leave him for long periods of time to cry it out. I had no idea what was wrong with him but he got better when he learned to talk. Yeah, that's a long time to wait. Even after that, he was high strung and screamed about every little thing. I figured he'd grow up to be crazy or a criminal or something. So it's a real surprise to see what he's like now at 15 years old. He's wonderful, high spirited, talkative, funny, intense, smart and creative. His mind is always going. He can still yell, but can calm himself down. I don't have any advice to help you stop the crying and misery. All I can tell you is that in my case, there was a terrific person in there waiting to grow out of the screaming baby stage. By the way, I have some screaming sessions on video and we laugh about it now.

He sounds exactly like my now 2 year old son, who is still a handful. Is your son teething? My son teethed early, so he had six teeth come in at once, so he was miserable for what seemed like an eternity. But, after that, he was still miserale. At 18 mos., I made an appointment with the early intervention department at my school district. They evaluate toddlers to find out developmental disabilities or delays. My son is speech delayed and they are helping me with this issue at this time. My son is a very active boy and when he doesn't have something to do, he's still miserable. So, what has worked for us is taking him rollerblading to the local skating rink...it has done wonders for his temperment...not to mention he rollerblades pretty darn well for a tot in diapers!

Does he seem like he's in pain? Have you talked to the doctor? My baby used to scream nonstop too and I took her in and they said it was acid reflux. We put her on medication and within a few days, she was like a new person. She stayed on for a few months and then was able to stop using it completely. I could tell she was in pain because she was bright red in the face and it just sounded like a painful kind of cry. I would definitely go talk to the doc and make sure that everything is ok medically. So sorry you are having such a rough time. Motherhood is hard enough without adding a super cranky baby to the mix.

My daughter was like this. She was diagnosed with ADHD at age 7.
Letting a baby that is behaving like this cry it out would only make it worse.
I would and did wear my daughter.
My daughter did all of her milestones early. Crawled by the time she was 5 months old, Walked 2 days before she turned 9 months old.
She was and still is very high maintenance. She was eating table food by the time she was this age. All I can really tell you is that it will pass but CIO is NOT going to work with a child like this. Eventually they all sleep through the night. Music in his room goign all night might help. Using night time diapers will help with the soaking through, when ever mine did this I knew it was time to go up a diaper size. Put him on the floor with a few toys and the TV on Playhouse Disney ,he might get distracted enough by it so you can do something. Yes , yes I know not supposed to do TV until 2 yrs old , but you do what you can with what you have. And at this point you need 5 mins to yourself and if Mickey Mouse clubhouse does that AWESOME. Seriously, the only thing that got my daughter calmed down was 101 Dalmations. It's black and white and movement and puppies. What's not to like? And no TV does not cause ADHD, its genetic. Just addressing these things now before I get jumpped on for allowing my infant to watch TV.

Some babies are just not happy. I think and hope that once he can
crawl, pull himself up, and walk, he will change. I get the feeling he will be
your "high maintenance kid." even when he is toddling around and happy.
Just think what this world would be like if we were all the same. I do feel for
you but I do not think it is anything you are doing or not doing. Good luck.
P.S. My son for the first year drank 32 oz. of formula between 11PM and
7AM. He was not heavy at all, just active and hungry. At 35 yo today, he
is still a huge eater and not heavy!!!!!

I didnt read all the resonses just the first few and i agree with the ladies get him tested asap for food allergies and also with the chiropractor my baby girl is bow legged and also had what the docs call a tramatic birth, basically she got stuck and had the vaccume on her head and a whole host of other problems that kept her in the NICU for two weeks after birth but the thing is i read up and she was adjusted by the chiro. and after her first hip adjustment she slept through the night for the first time ever and she took a two hour nap right after leaving, she had several other adjustments and she got up and started walking which she was showing no signs of doing before the chiro. but really get the food allergy test my baby was really cranky too till i found out what to not feed her!