Expectations for 2 Yr Old

I personally think it is a bit young to expect that. I'm the momther of a 3 yr old and 15 month old. I think he can participate in clean up but can not do it alone. He also does not understand 10 minutes. Maybe you could say when the timer goes off we'll be doing clean up. He needs a specific task, like putting the legos away in the box while you are cleaning up the rest. But to expect him to just clean up and know how is a bit young. I would still ask him to help but just be more specific in the task. It is good though that you are making it part of his routine. Eventually he can do more and it also sets the stage for what is expected each night before bed.

Sometimes the job just seems too big. I use a timer a lot. "Let's see if you can pick up 10 toys in 1 minute" Or "can you do it before the timer goes" Or "do you think you can do it faster than last night?" Avoid the power struggle when you can. Good luck!

I dont think it is unreasonable for a 2 yr old to have tp pick up his toys. Tell him if he doesn't pick them up then he cant take them out to play with. I did that with my kids and it worked great until they became preteens and went into sloppy mode. I didn't allow them to take outr more than a couple toys at a time because they only have two hands so they don't need the entire toy box emptied.

Hi V.!

Hang in there! 24 to 36 months can be a really tough age!

Developmentally, each year sort of has a focus. For example, the first year (0 to 12 months) is all about mobility. Reaching, rolling over, crawling, and walking.

The second year (12 to 24 months) is about language aquisition. Not only do they take pride in understanding you, but being understood is hugely motivating!

The third year of a child's life (24 to 36 months) is about cognitive development. They've mastered moving, they feel pretty good about talking and understanding you... they are developing a longer memory and an individual identity. They begin to plan and to have purpose.

About this time, the world as they know it changes too. They have gotten positive attention for standing and climbing and jumping.... we have coaxed them and coddled them and made everyone in a 5 mile radius listen to the cute way they say "turtle". Now, we start expecting that they will use their skills "at appropriate times." They do not understand why we tell them they "can't do that", when they know that they can! They are very literal, have low frustration tolerances, and no delayed gratification skills or impulse control!

Telling him he has 10 minutes until pick up time is a good way to get him ready for transitions, but it doesn't really mean too much to him except that you want him to do it and it means he can't do what he wants to do.

Getting a spanking or a time out at this point is counterproductive to what you want at this point, because he doesn't really care about making you happy. He is initating a power struggle, and everytime it comes down to time out or spanking, he wins.

Use the things that he gets excited about to motivate him. Give him a five minute warning, then a three minute warning, then a one minute warning. If his bath is that exciting for him, take him in the bathroom and let him watch you turn on the tub. Have a "race" to see who can clean up the toys and get in the tub first! Have him pick a few toys to go in the tub with him and put the other toys to bed. Make this a positive transition that he has control over.... get a timer he can set! instead of a power struggle that he wins and you can't tolerate.

Good luck to you and let us know how it goes!

I cannot recommend enough the series of child development books by the Gisell Institute. They are older, but you should be able to find used copies or at the library. There is one for each year, and they explain what your child can handle & not handle for each developmental stage. Some are frustrated because they don't provide any "parenting tools", but I find knowing just want to expect to be immensely helpful.

Good Luck!

The pick up race, probably won't be much fun for a single child.One night I played a game with my son who is three. I layed on his bed and gave him clues for things to pick up. (find the red item that pounds nails). Then told him where to put it. (in the largest square you can find).
Starting at around 2 I got really tired of the toys scattered throughout the house and developed a policy that if Mommy picks the toy up she gets to keep it. The house is much cleaner, but he still drops his toys right inside his bedroom door.
You may still need to find creative ways to get him to clean his room, but by the end of the year, I would suggest giving him 15 minutes to put all of his toys away. Don't make a big deal about it, just show him on the clock when 15 minutes is over (a clock with hands in his room is a valuable tool) Tell him he only has to pick up the toys he wants to keep. Give him the 15 minutes, then continue on with bed time ritual. After he is asleep go in and pick up any remaining toy. Those toys are yours now and he may not play with them for at least a day, or however long you determine.
With my son, I have a big toybox in my closet for his toys that I collect. If he really wants a toy back he as to do one of my jobs to earn it back (nothing too difficult or boring at this point, usually clean the sliding door, water plants, take small garbage can out, etc.) I also use this box as rewards for when he is really good boy while out shopping or if he has been particularly helpful, especially when I haven't asked him to help. Getting to play with a toy that he hasn't seen is a treat for him and doesn't cost me anything. why should I buy more toys for rewards, if he can't take care of the ones he has.

Hi V.,

We used to play a game called the "pick-up" game. I would tell the kids that it was time to play a little game called the "pick-up" game. Then I would say "on your marks, get set.... GO!!!!" and they would run all over laughing and picking up the toys and putting them away as fast as they could!!! It was really funny and the kids had fun and we would clap and cheer when it was all over!!! and best of all, the toys got picked up. Maybe this would work for you too! Have fun and enjoy them while they are small... :)

While I appreciate you wanting to teach responsibility to a 2 year old, you are unrealistic in your expectations. It is a battle every night because YOU make it a battle. Part of parenting is "picking your battles" and frankly time outs for 26 months olds is unrealistic. They have little to no impulse control until nearly 4 years old. If I where you, I would take a positive parenting approach by congratulating him for his actions that you want to see continue rather than taking a punitive approach by only recognizing his faults. In time, he will learn.

I think Adrian had the best advice. I constantly have to remind myself that my son isn't even 3 yet (turns in Nov). The concepts he seems to understand and the words he uses seem so old, I think he can do things he's just not able to do yet. And then I get really angry or frustrated at him when it's really me that needs to change my expectations. So, having the same toy/mess battle that I think every mom has, I have started to consistently have my son help me clean up. He needs a lot of help to remain focused and direction on what to pick up but he's getting it (we race and play games). I just have to be consistent (which is hard for me). And be creative to get him involved. Boys like physical activity so try to make it exciting for him. Good luck and take care!

he is absoulutely old enough to pick up his toys. no question about it. at this point children are capable of sooooooo much more than you think. they can dress themselves and clean up a spill or mess they make with a small broom and sponge. you can set boundries with expectations and have consequences if they are not met. i worked in a montessori classroom for a few years and was BLOWN AWAY at how capable children are. most parents still put clothes on their kids and pull there pants up and down before the bathroom etc...only because it is faster and they don't know their kids CAN do it. this gives children self worth and confidence. taking the time to teach a child these things is well worth it in the long run. yes at first it may take more time but once they learn it they can and will do it. parents at our school were always shocked to see their child clean up a spill or mess with a broom and throw it in the garbage...or zip up their jacket or put their socks on. 26months is old enough for all of this...good luck! oh and giving him the time check is a great idea. "in 5 minutes it will be time to clean up" children respond much better when you warn them rather then ending their playtime abruptly. also singing a clean up song is great too...you are on the right track, don't give up! stick to it and come up with some consequences that work for your family. email me if you want chat more...

First, I think it it definitely "fair" to expect him to help clean up his mess. This is exactly the right time to start teaching him to clean up after himself. And as is typical, when he first started doing it, it was a fun game but now he's realized that it's not a game, it's a chore and like most children, he doesn't want to do a chore. I think you just have to continue trying to make it fun but insist that he participate in the clean-up. I know I've actually had to take my child's hand and "help" her to pick up toys and put them in the toy box because she was trying to refuse to pick up. You can tell him that you can do this in a fun way, or you can do it so it's not so fun but either way, it's going to be done. Hang in there and stick to your guns, mom!

Can you make it fun? Tone of voice here is key. Also, expect that you are going to have to help for quite a long time. My eldest son, 7, is just now able to clean and do chores on his own. Up until now we've said things like "clean up all the books" then "clean up all the blocks" or etc until the mess is cleaned up. I agree with the other responses here, your tone of voice and expectations will set up the situation. 2 is either really lovely or really trying!

Hi V.,

I think it's great that you've established this routine with your son. I don't know that a two-year old is going to follow it or want to follow it consistently. You are doing great by introducing him to structure and rules but try to be somewhat flexible. When you started the new rule it was fun. Now it's not so fun anymore. I think you should be consistent in what you are doing with the understanding and expectation that he won't like it all the time. This will be a constant theme throughout his childhood (and adulthood). Eventually, he'll understand.

Don't worry, in the end, you will win the war!

Wow - lots of mixed responses to this one!

We started having our son help out really early, at 18 months, but he really loved to help, so it made it easy. Now, at 2 years old (this Friday!), he knows he needs to clean up his own toys, and even surprises us sometimes by cleaning up without us asking!

They way I handled it was this: I told him he needed to be helping to clean up, so I would hold his and and walk him to each toy, he would pick it up, and we would walk together to his toy box and put it away. Then we would have a big celebration, clapping and saying "great job!" and the like. Eventually, he would clean up some on his own while I cleaned up some, but he didn't need me to walk him through it, just verbally encourage him, and still celebrate at the end. Only recently has it been more like his responsibility from start to finish, and I'll still say things like "Please help mama by putting away your toys while I do dishes (or some other chore that needs to be done)." I think it's really important for him to see that I'm not sitting on my rear while he does all the work.

Hope that helps! I personally think it is never too young to begin to teach them this kind of responsibility, as long as you aren't expecting them to get it overnight. Also, each child is different, so while what we've done worked for our son, it won't necessarily work for you - just keep trying different things!

He is way too young to grasp why he needs to clean up. you will be beating a dead horse for a long time if you keep it up everyday. parenting will get old. I have a 3 year old son and it gets old with him just doing it part time. The key for me is that we do it together. Still he is painfully slow! Pick your battles. He's still just a baby.

Cleaning up is certainly important, and when my kids would fuss about it, I would assign each of us a color. "Mommy will pick up the yellow and green toys, you pick up the red and blue toys, Daddy will pick up the rest." Be sure to be excited over every toy he picks up. Overact when he picks up a toy and puts it away, no matter what color it is and be sure to offer lots of praise. My kids were much happier if they were searching for specific colors than looking at the whole mess.

Hi V.,

I used a reward board for my step-daughter who was 3 at the time. I would list things such as pick up toys, brush teeth, read a book, wash hands, etc. Each time she would pick up her toys at night she got to put a sticker on her reward board. She loved it. We would count up the stickers at the end of the week and if she got 20 out of 28 stickers then I would take her to the library or the Thinker Toy Store. I would increase the amount of stickers she needed to earn as she got older. You can puchase the boards or you can make your own with a large sheet of craft paper and markers. My daughter liked to draw the things she needed to do on the board and that made it even more exciting for her. Hope this helps.

He's way to young. Pick up the toys with him. That will fix the ritual of picking up toys before bed. Later you can take your cues from him as you slowly shift the picking up more and more from parents to child. Even when he's doing it all himself, stay with him for a while and cheer him on or sing with him, then be there at the beginning for a quick song and have him come get you when he's done so he can show you what a great job he did and get a contratulatory hug & kiss.

Good luck!
K.

I have always thought that spanking should be reserved for times when he has done something dangerous, like run into the street, and you need to get his attention. Spanking for rather trivial reasons teaches him that striking someone is the way to get what he wants. IMHO.

I agree to make it fun as you can, like racing to the tub but I disagree with the other person- my son seems to understands that he needs to do something in a time frame. Kids are smarter than we take them for.
Just today, when I told my son that he was going to take a 30 min nap until his gym class, and let me tell you- he woke up exactly in time for his class. I was amazed.
So it depends on the kid, but I think telling them what time they have left regardless is a good routine. Just dont depend on them picking up their stuff without some reassurance.

Hi V.,

I too struggle with this all the time! My expectations used to be totally unrealistic and it's been brought to my attention that I tend to treat my 2 and 3 year olds like mini adults instead of children. That's fine...but I was confused as to what to do about it.

I recently began reading several books that help. The first is called Kid Cooperation - How to Stop Yelling, Nagging & Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate. This is a good, hands on, realistic look at how we parent and how that affect our children and our family unit. Simple suggestions are given to tweak things to gain more cooperation from you kids. I like it.

The second book that I'm reading is called You Child's Growing Mind - Brain Development and Learning from Birth to Adolescence. This is a good educational view of the ages and stages of your child's brain development and how they think about things. It was eye opening to me, and also made me feel ok with expecting a little less from my babies. It's helped a lot.

Hope this helps! Good luck...

S.

V. ~ With all due respect ~ he is only 2 years old!

Adrain gave you some really good adivce and i agree with her 100% It is all about control at this age. If let him not pick up his toys one night he is going to see how many night he can not pick up his toys instead of just doing it.

I think it's not about what you expect from him. I doubt you expect a child that young to actually be responsible. It's more about teaching him what to expect from you. When you say "pick up your toys now" does he know you mean it? or does he know that if he throws a tantrum or just refuses, you will pick them up for him? You can be firm and serious and still have a fun life for him. The fun can be when he actually does the chore and sees your VERY excited VERy proud reation, and he will want more of that. If you back down, you will always be backing down.

I think he is plenty old enough to be picking up his toys consistantly. My daughter is the same age and has no problem (usually) with this. It is a battle sometimes, but I would say 98% of the time she gets it done. I usually help her, so you may try that. I will say this though, my mom told me that three out of the 4 of us kids would clean up just fine, but my youngest brother would do the same thing you are describing. It might just be a personality thing. If getting him excited with the song and warnings aren't working, I would suggest going to a time out. Or you may start having him clean up his toys more times through the day (before nap, before you leave somewhere, etc.). That way if he acts up you can do the time out thing then and hopefully he will get that if he doesn't do what he is told there are consequences (an important concept for children, cause if there are no consequences for not listening and doing what they are told what is the motivation to do what they are told?).

PS - I agree with what someone else said. I was much more succesful in getting my daughter to clean up when I gave her a specific task (first clean up the blocks, ok now clean up the tea cups, etc.). It's too overwhelming for them when you just say "clean up your toys". And again, helping him at this age is usually necessary, although on occassion if the mess isn't too bad my daughter can do it herself.

hope this helps.

how many toys are we talking about? i've determined that if cleaning up the toys is overwhelming, we probably have too many. i put the bulk of my son's toys AWAY and he mainly plays with blocks and cars. so i got two canvas totes and we clean up by putting all the cars in one box and all the cars in another box so it's like a game to seperate them. it doesn't always work but it's better than gobs of mismatched toys all over. all over = overwhelming. and keeping it simple has helped us out. he still doesn't always want to do it but it's helped.

Hi. I'd say for now make it fun and not an absolute obligation. When he's older (like for his third birthday), start a responsibility chart with rewards. I haven't yet met a kid (even the toughest little nuts!) who doesn't respond to those. But for now, just take a deep breath and ask yourself what's really important -- we can't control everything, no matter how much we'd like to. Good luck.
K. in EC

I agree with Nora.
Don't stress yourself out. He is a toddler.
Do the picking up with him so he learns routine. Then when he is mature enough to understand it is already an established expectation for your family.
I agree with the positive reinforcement, he will like that better and with time maybe he will do it for the positive attention.

If he was doing this before and now doesn't, it isn't can't but won't.
The problem is that he's tired of it as a game.
But it's not a game, it's something he needs to do, and you need for him to do.
Explain that you need this done.
It isn't about making him play a game that bores him now; it's about him being a helpful boy and part of the family.
And make a new rule: When you pick up a toy, he picks up a toy.
That's you working together.
But if he doesn't pick up a toy too, your toy retires for a whole day - no toy tomorrow.
And stick to it, it is only one day.
You may have a fuss, but basically you are offering him a choice: he can have his toys if he picks them up, or he can not clean up and have nothing to play with.
Don't get mad about it, just be businesslike.
When Mom has to clean up by herself, things have to stay away a while.
When Mom has a good helper, things can come out to play again tomorrow.