Now I don't have a problem with airsoft guns if you are playing a game w/ them or bb guns they have older boys using them at cub scouts but I really think its inappropriate for Aaron's Dad to be shooting at him while he is trying to play and ride a bike outside. He came home very upset and crying this weekend because of it. Aaron is neglected all the time over there. His dad smokes pot and drinks while he has him, fails to give him his asthma meds, allows his girlfriend's son to bully and beat him and I am just so fed up with everything. DSS has been involved several times because Aaron often comes home unfed, dirty, w/o meds, bruises caused by his dad but by the time they come to question Aaron the bruises are healed and he has completely forgotten how they happened. Last time they told me don't bother calling unless he comes home w/ a broken bone....really it should have to get that bad before they will step in and help. I have tried multiple times to get supervised visits but no luck. Not even after Christmas when his dad refused to return him and I had to call the police that right there I would have thought would be enough for supervised visits but nope. Any advice or wisdom would be appreciated.
Edited:
Just got off the phone w/ DSS the first lady I talked to was really nice and was disgusted and recommended we file a police report which we will but the lady I filed a report w/ at DSS is just like someone said they treat you like you are just angry at your ex and trying to start trouble. I also should add that dss has been involved several times once they actually removed his girlfriend's kids from the home but for some reason still felt it was okay that my child go to that house, the pediatrician has filed reports w/ them, school teachers, police, police reports have been filed, court several times and everytime the judge tosses out the case and keeps visits the same. The most recent time was because of his meds he was hospitalized because his asthma flared badly after a weekend at his dad's w/o meds I had a report from the hospital dr, the er, his pediatrician and the judge dismissed the case.
You need to talk to a lawyer! There is NO WAY I would send my son over to a house like that, and you shouldn't have to either! He is a completely unfit father.
Hey Rachel,
Oh Lord. Props to you for not going to his home and beating him with a wooden baseball bat.
I'd file all the proper paperwork to have visitation rights revoked and a possible restraining order placed until further notice. That behavior is neglectful and abusive and I would NOT send my son back over there if I were you. He clearly could care less about him.
You have plenty of reasons to state why you are no longer allowing his visitation to continue and legally speaking you have a much better foothold.
"Unless he comes home with a broken bone, don't bother calling," ...well thats all well and good. He can receive his notice of your intentions in the mail, notarized and signed on the doted lines.
Maybe that will wise him up real quick.
Whatever you do in the meantime, do not let that baby spend one more minute with that man. If he gets concerned about visits, he'll call. If he doesn't call - better for you. If he calls or comes over, explain that you have legal matters you are attending to and he will be notified eventually. From now on, they spend time together WITH you present at all times. You can't necessarily keep him from seeing his biological son without legal aid, but you can certainly keep him from seeing him alone.
And boy if you think you're going to treat one of my kids like that without me around you've got another thing coming.
You know.... they do make metal bats too.. come to think of it.
Best of luck, stay strong.
Call the local police or sheriff! If your ex were shooting at someone's else's kid they would certainly get involved!
I would be contacting my lawyer or getting one thru a legal aid type system, I would be taking pictures, documenting everything that happens-date, time, etc. When you take a pic the camera has a time stamp that you can't see but it's there. Go above the person that told you only to call if there was a broken bone. Ask to speak to a supervisor. But the first thing I would do is get a family law specialist to look at everything you have told us.
You have received excellent advice from all who responded to you problem. The key word here is...document, document and document! I like Amathelia's solution. I would add on to her advice. After you leave the police station, take your son to the ER (same day), so they can document these episodes. I'll ask around for a good lawyer to help you deal with this. I live in MA, we are practically neighbors. I'll get back to you soon.
the singer Ray Charles said it best in his song Hit the Road Jack . the way the system works today is that if you as the primary single parent fails to take action against the father`s abusive ways (leaving your child AT RISK ) the DSS favorite term , and a case is filed against you by ANYONE , you will loose your child Hands down until you can prove yourself as a fit parent to the system (they will require a lot of proof) right now in your life all that should matter to you is keeping you child safe and secure , out of harms way. or if push comes to shove hire some one to beat some sence into that no good for nothing Ex of yours .
You wouldn't believe some of the stuff my daughter's father did when she was with him. I don't want to get into specifics, but it was BAD. Child Protective Services literally told me that none of the things that were going on were reason enough to remove a child from the home. We're talking drugs, him beating his girlfriend up in front of her and much, much worse.
I was shocked, disappointed, angry...
But, let me tell you.....
They basically look at it as you just having animosity and complaining and trying to cause trouble because you're bitter.
And that's how they treat you. At least they did me.
Well, her dad really blew it when he sent her home one day with bruises on her neck and shoulders. I didn't bother with CPS. I took her to the doctor to have it documented and the doctor is the one who filed the report. I was at work one day and guess who showed up at my mother's to check things out. After speaking privately with my daughter, I was advised to file a police report and also file for immediate sole custody with only supervised visitation pending the investigation.
I will say that my daughter's maternal grandfather hired a very high powered attorney immediately to have me proved unfit and my daughter taken away from me. It didn't work, but it was a long and ugly battle.
As far as the gun thing, next time your son comes home with bruises or marks from it, take him to the doctor immediately. The doctor will document what your son has to say about it. They will also be able to tell if you are prompting the child or if the child flat refuses to discuss the bruises. (Many little kids will try to protect their abusive parent).
My son's father bought him an air-soft gun and let him have "wars" with other kids, with no padding or protection, and my son was coming home with bruises all over him. I had a fit. I told my son that his dad might not be smart enough to tell him getting shot at is against the rules, but I am, and he didn't want to find out what was going to happen if he came home bruised up like that again.
That was the end of the air soft wars. My son knew I was serious even though his dad was oblivious.
Shooting anything at anybody is dangerous and improper and water guns can be fun, but if somebody doesn't want to get sprayed, they shouldn't get sprayed.
We shouldn't be using our kids for target practice for heaven's sake.
CPS doesn't get too worked up over a lot of things. You might try talking to the pediatrician, especially if there are bruises involved. Don't take him for falling off his bike and scraping his knee kind of thing.
Be sure to document everything.
You'll need it if you move forward with changing custody and visitation. You need dates and times and things to back up your reasoning.
I wish you the best.
Hit this with everything suggested below. As stated, document everything with pictures, recordings pediatrician visits. Get a Notebook and record every visit with your Ex and what took place, Write down Every related phone call, with details of Who what when and why the call was made. Have an entry in this notebook for everything related to this situation. I don't care if someone tells you don't bother calling, start call them EVERYDAY until it's resolved. You don't have to be rude but you must be firm and not worry about irritating them. Just calmly tell them your sons welfare is at stake and you are going to call them regularly until this is resolved. If any neighbors, teachers, mention something related to this situation, write it down and ask if they will briefly talk to authorities if asked. If you have to ask the same questions over and over to the same people and new people do it and record what they tell you.
It is irritating to say the least that you have to do this but you do. I can tell you I've done something like this for lesser things. DON"T back down and keep hammering at this.
Children's services told you don't bother calling unless he comes home with a broken bone?? WHAT?? Are you serious?? Who told you that? You need to call again and talk to a supervisor! Take pictures of the bruises! Call right now and tell them that your ex SHOT at your son while he was playing! Your ex does illegal drugs while he has your son? Call a good lawyer today and get back into family court. Have your son testify as to what goes on there. This is ridiculous! This is a ticking time bomb that could end with your son being seruously harmed while in his care. You need to protect your child and keep him out of harms way. Get a good lawyer. Stomp down to that DSS office and raise hell until someone takes you seriously! Keep us posted and good luck.
I think Ina has really hit on what to do. Take him to the doc when he comes home with bruises. One thing to watch though is instead of you telling him what to write, either have someone else do it or use a video camera to record it so that they cannot come back and say you are being vidictive or anything like that. I think based on your request you know what you need to do but not sure how to go about it.
You could call the police and file a report. The situation sounds unacceptable from every angle. Pot? Drinking? Girlfriend? Bullying? Bruises? Beating? Unfed? No medicine?
Whoever told you to only call if there was a broken bone was wrong. Talk to a supervisor. Call the police. Document everything. I doubt I would let my son go into a situation like that whether it was court ordered or not. This is exactly why women disappear with their kids.
Do not give up. Go to legal aid if you cannot afford an attorney. Please continue everything in your power to keep your son away from that environment.
You have received some good advice. I just wanted to let you know I hear you about child protective services. They are a joke here in Illinois too. What they consider basic care I consider criminal. It amazes me how hard it is to get a proper advocate for a child who is clearly being abused and neglected. I know first hand with my stepkids, and even info from counselors, teachers, and doctors is not good enough. I really wish you and your little guy luck with this!
I would think you could get them to visit the dad's house while your son is there. If they stop by for a surprise visit, they may catch some of this behavior themselves!
That is awful & I hope you can get them to realize what's going on & help your son!
Is your son old enough to call you when his dad is smoking? If he did that, you could call the cops on him then & there...
Take pictures adn call an attorny! Make him take a drug test and do whatever you can to make sure your baby is ok! I really suggest you call an attorney and find out what you can do! I KNOW there is a way to get help! Good luck Ash
Didn't read through... but photograph your kiddo every time he comes home to add to the documentation (be documenting EVERYTHING)... and then have your lawyer sue for full custody or supervised visitation.
