Ex-husbands Wife

I know this has to be very frustrating for you. When I was 10 years old, my dad remarried and my step mom would tell me I had to call her mom if I wanted something. She tried so hard to be my best friend and introduced me to her friends as her daughter. I just want you to know that kids are not dumb at all and I guarantee you your son knows what she is doing and he knows who his mom is. Let her play her games because there is really nothing you can do about it. Don't let your son see that it bothers you. Just be there for your son, and there will more than likely come a time when he wants to share his frustration with you concerning her. I did with my mom.

First of all, bless your heart! I do not know anything about you just from your post and feel you are a very understanding woman, what a blessing! Honestly the only thing you (do not know if you are religious or not) can do is forgive and do not be hostile or angry at this woman, we go through life and sometimes do not understand WHY? but it is not for us to question, only God knows why we go through these trials and tribulations, something good will come from this, I have faith and will be praying for you & your family. Actions speak louder than words and it is wise to control your tounge. Wishing you well and many blessings!

Wow your bestfriend married your husband. THAT is beyond wrong. The milk has already been spilled and it's time to deal with the situation at hand. The stepmom saying that she birthed your son is not nice to say & it's wrong, BUT it's obvious that she loves your son to a point to want to claim him as her own child. That is a big deal.I would put more focus into being grateful that another woman is caring for your child as if he's her own child. Your son is safe and being loved. That's the most important thing. The step mom can label it any way she likes, as long as you & your son know the truth, it shouldn't matter what other people think.

I know it's hard Ma, but try with all your heart to be thankful that your son is being loved in your absence.Try to let go of the anger in your heart, bcs it will eat U alive.

For example, I blamed someone for my mom's death for years and I was angry with that person for years.I had to learn to 4give that person & let go of the anger & pain.I am now much happier & no longer harbor anger & pain in my heart.

This woman sounds like a nut. I do not get the part about why he did not move with you. Anyway, like I said before she is a flake and I am sure people know the truth. As long as your son knows you should be fine.

Momtothree R. is a very smart woman. My first instinct was to tell you to keep your mouth shut, but then realized that you should talk perhaps with your son reminding him that you are and always will be his mother, that you will love him unconditionally his whole life. Focus on your love for HIM instead of your 'hate' for HER. And don't bad-mouth about her in front of your son. That will not be teaching your son good values. I know it's not easy, but I'd just try to ignore her 'craziness.' Sounds like she's trying to push your buttons or push you out. Don't let her win.

I have step kids and don't expect them to call me mom. They are not mine by birth but still mine and I don't tell people I'm thier mom by birth because I'm not. And to tatoo thier name on my arm not. Sounds to me like she wants to be you since shes jealous of you. And the funny thing will be when they break up and I can almost garantee this one won't last how is she going to explain the tatoo??? I say ignore it explain to son that she is not right mentally.
and she will be out of the picture within 2 yrs. Sounds like the ho that broke me and my husband up. wierdo. She went away within 2 yrs this one probably will too. Don't let her get to you. If she gets to son tell him shes just a fruitcake.

um, yah that is beyond bad manners.
She seems to be off center. Like, maybe she has mental issues?
What does your Ex, tell her... since he is her husband, now?
And in the same vein... what does your Ex tell your son? I mean... your son is 11... and he KNOWS she is NOT his biological Mom... and is "lying" about it, right?
Your son, must have some feelings about it too.

Going as far as tattooing his name on her arm... hmmmm, that is real attention seeking at the least.

I would talk to your son.. you don't want him to have issues about it either. I would be concerned about him... his home life, atmosphere, the ROLE of his Dad in all this... can you talk to your Ex about it?
That is not appropriate for her to be telling people she gave BIRTH to him!

All the best,
Susan

This is beyond weird. Is there any way you can have your son come live with you? Is there a reason you moved? If its to get away from the crazy people I can understand but you need to get your son. I have read several of the responses. Here is my take. YOU ARE THE MOM! End of story. You need to explain that to the ex and the new Mrs. I don't think that its a matter of that "she loves" him. I think it is a matter of control and eliminating you from existance. Get your son!

Wow! You need to have a little Pow Wow with your ex-husband.

Sorry for the late answering but this is more than bad manners, it's downright lying. I would instruct your son to correct her when she says things like that...'you' are his mother, not her. Maybe doing that enough will finally make her quit acting like 'she' is his mom. Good luck!!

was marrying your ex not enough for her....is she so insecure that now she wants your son too!!! I say creepy....make sure you document things because she does sound a little off.

Good luck,
DH

You can let her know that the hospitals and Doctor's all know that you are the mother and that they will need your permission for any treatment of your son. That telling other people that he is hers she is stating a falsehood and could be held responsible for that, in court if it got to that point. You have the birth certificate to prove your case.

That sounds odd to me. Do you think she is maybe a lady that is infertile and so desperatedly wanted children that she is now lying about it. Talk to your ex-husband about it. I would worry that she is trying to get your child to forget who his mommy really is (although at 11 years he is not going to forget). I would actually be furious if it was me. Has she been ok mentally in the past? I have never heard of a lady claiming to be the birth mother when the child was that age. Is she good with the boy? I hope you can get this sorted out. Sorry I am not really much help.

T., I havn't read all of the responses & know that this response is coming kinda late but just catching up. I have been on both sides of the fence. I was a stepmom for 15 years & now I'm the exwife dealing with the new girlfriends trying to play mom. As a stepmom I never tried to fill their mothers shoes. My step daughter lived with us & I insisted that she call her mother every week and go and see her mom no less than once a month. It came up early in our marriage by my now ex that the kids would call me mom & this really bothered the kids. I took the oldest 2 aside and told them that they did NOT have to call me mom unless they chose to do so and if they did make that decision they would have to discuss it with their real mom. The kids did talk to their mom and decided to just call me by my first name, which was ok with me. I always tried to keep their mom in the loop on everything. As far as where I am now, I see your frustration. Just make sure your son knows you love him and you were his mom from the day he was born and will be forever. Let her (stepmom) make the fool of herself. Best of luck and take a deep breath.

This is a very touchy subject for me due that I am a stepmom myself. I do agree that she should not tell people she gave birth to your son. I have 3 wonderful kids, of course not by birth but I do feel that they are mine also. My husband and I have been married for 10 yrs, and the kids where very young when we got together, so we have been in each others lives for a long time. Just 2 yrs ago I got all of their names tattooed on my ankle. I did not do this to hurt anyone or to get attention, but because I love my children wether or not they are mine the conventional way or that I was lucky enough to have them brought into my life.

Okay, I haven't read any other responses yet because I hate this new format and it's not so easy on my eyes.

As a stepmother, I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it does sound like she is going overboard. From her perspective, since she has been around you guys for a considerable amount of time (I assume that because you say that you were best friends.), maybe she feels particularly close to your son. I mean, her role is different in his life, but they did not recently meet, right? When I married my husband, his son was 12. That age is a funky one. Maybe she is feeling his anxiety and uncertainty and is just trying too hard to be his friend.

What is your relationship like with your ex? If it's good enough for you to express your concerns (calmly and rationally) to him, then maybe you should do so. Otherwise, just be who you are. Your annoyance with this woman will not end here. You know who your son's mother is. He knows it, too. Everyone who matters knows who your son's biological and--I assume--very active mother is. You can't control what she says or does. As long as she doesn't ink up your son's body, let her act a fool for whoever her audience is. I know that it's hard not to pee on him, but you already have marked him as your territory. Now, you've just gotta trust that it took.

Well kind of a sticky situation. I would talk to your ex and explain to him how you are greatful that his wife loves your son but you don't like that she claims she gave birth to him and ask him if he would talk to her. I'm sure there is bad blood between the 3 of you at this point but for your son's sake try to be peaceful about it. As long as she isn't putting you down to your son I would not raise too much heck about it except to ask your husband to ask her to stop. It's rare to find someone to love their stepchildren as there own. Most stepparents feel threatened by the children or don't like them very much at all. Please don't let this fester inside of you. If nothing changes no one else will be mad except you and its not worth it for you to feel angry and upset all the time. And when their names are brought up around your son he will sense the tension in you.

I have to say "ditto" to the other mom who responded so far. To say that he is hers by birth, that is just nutty and to get a tattoo... Any way, I don't know what advice to give accept to watch out and document the behavior so you can present it in court later. Wooohhoo this is a doozy. Good luck.

You aren't going to be able to stop her or your ex from what they are doing. What they are doing sounds crazy. Don't react to what they are doing. Things in life that are true and meaningful don't have to be proven and they happen without thinking or saying anything. Your love as a mother has nothing to do with his step-mom. Continue to talk and see him when you can as if the step-mom never came in the picture. As he grows older he will know and be able to distinguish real relationships. He will see his friends' moms and see that they are not acting like his step-mom. The step-moms actions will catch up with her.
ADVICE: You can't change her. Accept that you can't change them. Move on and continue your relationship with your son.

You should definitely talk to her or your ex about her claiming she gave birth to your son, that is not right!! Especially if you are an active role in his life! But you should also be grateful that your son has a step mom that loves him that much! Don't assume that she does all of this to get back at you! It probably is that she just loves your son that much! If she was your bestfriend then its safe to assume that she has been in his life from day one. I am a stepmother and love my daughter like my own, she calls me mom (because she wants to!!) and I have her name tattooed on my back. So talk to them before you assume anything.

OK I read the other responses. Natalie, lighten up, she is just looking for advice. And,T., you have gotten it from both sides of the coin. I am a stepmom too, and in fact their Dad and I are no longer together. They are grown but I was definitely a part of the preteen and teenage lives. In many ways I do feel like their Mom TOO! Now, for me, the tattoo is a bit extreme and not something I would do. Is she just trying too hard? Has your son said anything about her that would raise concern? Is he OK with it all? If your son is upset by it, then that is the time to step in and say wait a minute, this is too much. Otherwise, keep as close as possible with your son and be thankful for the blessings he gets in this situation. That's my advice.