Etiquette When People Invite Themselves

Just say No.
Not a good time.
Does not work for us.
Can't make it.
We are busy.
We have other plans.
We are too busy.
No.

It is not rude.
But it is rude to self-invite.

I think your suggested language is just perfect: "No, that won't work for us." Period. I've learned to do this, and while it doesn't come "naturally" for someone like me who has a very hard time asserting myself, I've learned it really is easier, "cleaner," and clearer in the long run. I wouldn't even say anything like "maybe next time," because you're opening yourself up for future problems with this person.

You are right, once you start giving reasons, a person like this won't have any problem trying to argue his/her way past your objections.

I would never explain further than - oh, I'm so sorry, we just can't. You don't need to offer anything else. I think I remember reading advice from Emily Post that said something like - a simple "I'm sorry, we just can't" is a sufficient response. Don't open the can of worms.

One other thought - if someone tells you that they won't be able to come because so-and-so isn't invited, simply say - oh, we'll really miss you. Don't be bullied into extra company when it doesn't suit your life.

Peg m hit it on the head.

Short, sweet and NO room for rebuttal!! Put a smile on your face when you say it ... and then switch the subject. If they say "Well then we might not be able to go" or some other type of 'emotional blackmail' (kind of strong words I know!!) Do the same thing. Short, sweet and to the point "I'm sorry to hear that, we'll miss you being there!". End of discussion.

Once you do this once or twice they probably won't try it with you again. Practice saying it to yourself a few times if you're the type of person who gets nervous about this type of confrontation... it will make it sound more natural. Good luck!

No explanation needed, your wording sounds great. I've often tried things like "we were thinking...." or "we were planning on...", and it doesn't seem to work. Next time in that situation I'll try "No, that will not work for us".

I don't think it's rude, it's the truth.

no more rude than what they are doing and you are doing it diplomatically which is more than i would be able to do. :)

Etiquette states one need only say what you said. I love this! It applies to other situations, too. Like when a child answers the phone - she can say, "I am sorry, my mother is not available. May I take a message?" Maybe you are in the shower, maybe you are not at home, etc. One answer suffices. Same for when you are invited over somewhere - maybe you don't want to go, or maybe you are doing something else - one need only say, "Thank you for the invitation. We are unable to attend." No lying, no explaining. Hurrah!

Plain and simple, I can't. If they have the gutts to do the invite themselves to your place, then you should definitely speak up with a quick no. They'll get the picture.
Good luck

"Sorry, maybe next time tho....."
Definitely not rude to answer a rude person with a no.

I think the proper way is to just say that it was planned with a certain group or number of people and maybe next time. I mean I think it's rude for people to just invite themselves, an explanation is not necessary.

I agree with you, it sure does open it up for discussion because I use every closing tactic on my sisters when they tell me why they can make it to something lol So I think that is short, sweet and to the point.

I guess I'm not sure what it means to self invite as I've never had anyone do that to me. I agree that while they may wish to share your special event or whatever with another person, it's not polite to bring someone unless the invitation specifically states " So & So and guest".

Do people REALLY invite themselves and how do they do it? I've never heard of such a thing! I wouldn't have the slightest clue as to preventing this so the other tips have been great!

Do you mean a friend or relative inviting themselves for dinner, or to visit for a week? Why would a stranger be coming? If a friend or relative is inviting themselves for dinner, the weekend, a visit, you can simply say, "Sorry, I'm busy then." You are not required to give any explanation. Even if someone was inviting YOU somewhere. you don't need to give an explanation when turning down an invitation.It's rude to invite yourself someplace, but if someone does, it may mean that they want to spend time with you

I can answer from the other side of the coin. My mom recently moved here to OK from FL and doesn't know anyone yet. I know she tries to not be a burden on my hubby and me by always being around, but I worry about her being home alone all the time and getting depressed. She works as a home care nurse, which is an autonomous job (other than her housebound patients), so she's not had the chance to make many friends at work either.

So occasionally if our friends or hubby's family invite us to do something, I might ask if my mom can come along. Not to anything formal--for instance, I didn't ask if my mom could come to the wedding when my SIL got married. But we do a lot of potluck dinners, or movie nights, or get together to watch a game, etc. Typically the answer is a happy, "Sure!" No one has said no yet. But if they did, I would respect that, and I wouldn't expect a long explanation. In other words, if someone said "No, sorry," I wouldn't ask why. And I wouldn't invite my mom before I knew it was okay.

Your response is fine. You could explain if you feel like it but don't feel obligated.

Ditto everything Peg M. said!