A co-worker of mine who I have known for about one year now just delivered her first child very prematurely, at 25 weeks. He is obviously not out of the woods and she is dealing with having had an emergency c-section and a preemie at the same time. I'd like to send her a card but I am wondering about what type of card. Should I do a "congrats on the baby" card and write that I'm thinking of her in it? Or just a blank card with those sentiments? I don't want to just ignore that she has, in fact, had the baby, but I don't want to just gloss over the fact that she and her husband are dealing with the baby's serious health issues right now. I believe that congratulations are in order, but I know the situation is not a typical birth situation. I am a teacher and she is a guidance counselor at my school, so I don't know what will happen when school starts in a month in terms of her returning or not, and when, etc.
Thanks for any help you can give me!
Thanks everyone, this really helped. I'm going to get a new baby card that is just simple and tasteful, and if I can't find that, I'll go with the blank card and write in it, congrats on the baby and I'm thinking of you, etc. I was going to do that originally but I couldn't stop thinking that it would be horrible to just say I was thinking of them but not congratulations in any way. There is a lot of hope for his future due to the technology they have today, in fact, I had a student last year who was born around the same weeks' gestation and had issues, but nothing that prevented him from being in the mainstream classroom, doing gym class, joking with friends, and just being a normal kid. I hope this is the same for my friend. Thanks again!
Treat this birth just like any other child, with lots of celebration and the offer of a meal or help with whatever they need. Let them know you are sending all of them good thoughts.
I would buy a blank baby card, as the provided sentiments may not be appropriate. I would write "congratulations on the miracle of your baby," & also include something like "you will be in my thoughts & prayers." You cannot ignore the miracle of this new life, but you also cannot ignore the seriousness of the early delivery. A co-worker of my husband gave birth to twins at 24 weeks. Congratulations isn't appropriate alone b/c obviously the parents didn't want the baby to arrive this early. This woman has 1 healthy boy & 1 boy who cannot walk, eat, talk or function "normally." Her life is forever changed. This sort of possibility makes me say stay away from cards that are overly "happy happy joy joy," but again you need to recognize the miracle of this baby being born in the first place.
I am by far not anyone with known advice on etiquette....just speaking from if I were in your coworkers shoes.
I would want the congrats card and then your kind sentiments about thinking about you. Because, I think no matter what the outcome is you can't ignore the fact that she brought a baby into this world and that child will always be her child.
I would go with a "Welcome New Baby" card and express your wishes for a quick recovery for her and strength, health and growth for the baby so he can come home soon. You definitely don't want to focus on the baby's poor healthy or, to be frank, poor chances, so I would focus on the wonderful news of the new baby and just let her know that you're thinking of them.
I would go with a blank card and write a nice note in it saying that you are thinking of her and her baby and wish her well. I don't think that Hallmark makes anything that would fit as well as a couple of handwritten sentences.
I think you're being very kind for being so thoughtful.
I may say something like "I'm holding my breath along with you that everything turns out well." as well as offering congratulations and any offers to help that would be appropriate. I probably would also donate in the new baby's honor to a preemie charity of some sort (march of dimes??) and mention that, because this is now part of their lives regardless of the outcome.
"Dear Friend,
My heart and thoughts are always with you!
I'm here if you ever need me.
Love to you and your precious family......"
As a mom of twin boys who were born at 30 weeks (3 lbs each), spent 6 weeks in the NICU, and witnessed ALOT of preemies that were born earlier, I think a blank card with a Congrats, word from the heart, and thinking of you is GREAT!!
I ditto Shane!! That is the best way to go!
My oldest son was born at 28 weeks after 8 weeks of bedrest (3 of which were in the hospital).
Either card would be wonderful. Preemie parents need to get 'congrats on the new baby' cards & definitly let her know you are thinking/praying for her & the baby (which ever is appropriate).
God bless!
Whenever I'm in a sticky situation & don't know what to do or send or write, I put myself in the other persons shoes and think about what I would like to hear. So put yourself in her shoes. She just had a new baby!
Ok--this baby has serious health concerns but it IS a new baby! What if the baby had another type of issue? Downs? Cleft palate? What better time to reach out with love and prayer and celebration and support?
Definitely send a new baby card with a personal note of congratulations on their new little bundle! Add that you are willing to help out with making a dinner for them and set the date so she can mark it on the calendar to expect it.
I would certainly acknowledge the fact she's had a baby with a congratulatory card, but I would probably handwrite something in to the effect of you know she's got a lot on her mind and that things are likely diffficult and offer whatever kind of support you're willing to give. Be specific in what you can offer her. Those types of offers of support usually mean more than just "let me know if I can do anything."
I had an emergency c-section and delivered my daughter at 30 weeks. For sure acknowledge the joy of her child! She is going through a lot...and with all those hormones on top...but I know how grateful I was for all the Congrats and happy thoughts to remind me that I had a beautiful daughter!
My daughter is 2 1/2 now and just great! I know your friends child will have a harder time, but I hope it all turns out good....
How about a short-but-sweet personal visit instead ? That way you can say whatever the situation seems to call for at the moment, or just not say anything at all, but lend your ear (and shoulder if necessary). It is much easier to judge how she is handling it in person, and your physical presence lends a ton of emotional support.
Bring a small balloon or candy arrangement with you to add a touch of cheeriness.
Don't say "If there is anything I can do for you ...."
Instead say "What can I do to help you ? How about I bring you some dinner tonight ? What are you craving ? .....or..... What errands can I do for you today ?" etc. The keys words being not "if" but "what".
