Establishing a Chore Chart

Hi T.,

By any chance do you belong to any Blended Family Forums or Step Mom forums? I was a SM for over 5 years and I joined several boards because it wasn't easy for me and I needed that interaction with other Step Moms for advice, support and ideas. Let me know if you'd like me to refer you to a few good sites.

D.

I am currently trying to establish the same in my family. I have a 7 year old daughter and he has a 10 year old son. So far we've decided over the past year or so that he does the "yucky" stuff such as taking out the trash, cleaning the bathroom, and general cleanup of his things whenever it's needed, when he's here. She does more "simple" stuff like cleaning windows, dusting and general clean up of her things (she's a MESS!). Then they both have to do their own laundry and help out in yard-work.

We don't pay them their allowances based on the chores they do, as that would be unfair to him who is only here half time. They receive their privileges such as t.v., video game, & computer time, along with treats and extended bedtimes based on whether or not their chores have been maintained.

They receive a weekly allowance based on their grade in school (he gets $4 a week, she gets $2) whether or not they've completed their chores. The catch to this plan is that at 6pm, whatever chore was not completed they have to pay us to do it for them.

Hopefully this gives you something to base a chore system on, tailored for your mixed family! Good Luck!

-A. A.

there is a website called handipoints.com we use it and love it. I have 3 kids, and have them 4 days a week and can mark days I have them and then reward them, they like the animations and you can even have thier other parent login as well. :) good luck!

Hi T.,

Like anything with a blended family this may be a bit trying at first. It is hard to adjust to everyone and everything new. It gets harder the older the children are when you blend. I was very blessed to blend my family when they were all young and so it was not quite as difficult. What I have found is that the children are very smart and they will use any thing they can to their advantage, including your feeling of did I do the right thing by my child by putting them through this. You should sit down with the whole family and discuss the chore situation. Explain to the kids that it is only fair to expect the boys that are there part time to clean up messes made while they are there. That the messes made while they are not there should not be left to them to clean. Ask them if they feel it would be fair if they went to someones house and as soon as they walk through the door they say hey my living room is a mess, go clean it. Teach the children to clean as they go, I told my children only one toy, game or movie, etc out at a time. They must put it away before another was taken out. I also taught them early on that they were to eat at the table only and that their dishes were to be rinsed and put in the dish rack for me to load later after all was finished with dinner. If they clean as they go there won't be as much mess to have to clean later. Eliminating the battle over who is going to do the chore. If everyone cleans up after themselves as they go, that leaves the basic chores of kitchen, vacuuming, dusting, bathroom fixtures,trash detail and yard work. I think that covers most of it. Those chores can easily be divided fairly. Oh and about the laundry, the boys are old enough to teach them how to do their own laundry. You can make a certain day or time for each of them to do their laundry and you can do this with them to make sure it gets done right, but also just some special bonding time one on one with each child. I did this with my children and it worked wonders. My children now range in age from 21 to 11 and we have very close bonds. Even my step children have very close bonds with me. They call me mom and they like spending time with me even if their Dad is not in town. As with any thing else in life, it will take time and patience to establish this order you are seeking. Good luck and God bless.

Hi T.,
I applaud your courage taking on 5 Y chromosomes in one family! I do not envy your food budget in the upcoming years. As it is, my 14-year old son gets excited when I allow purchase of THREE gallons of milk on a single grocery trip. And I am only outnumbered 3:1!

I wrote a perl script some time ago that reads in "the complete chore list" and spews out individualized assignments. Chores can be weighted, and different "total chore loads" can be assigned to different members of the family. I'll take a poke at it to see how easy it would be to incorporate other constraints, such as day-of-the-week availability. If you're on a Macintosh, I can send it to you and it will run automatically. If you're not, I can help you set it up to run, but it might be more work than you wish.

In any case, I think the ALGORITHM and RULES are reasonable.

1) Anyone can trade anything to anyone else as long as both parties agree (documentation/communication left to personal choice). [BTW, negotiation skills are something WELL worth teaching... feel free to ask me more on this topic]

2) Chores need to be adjusted based on ability. In your case, "higher difficulty chores" can be assigned to "his" kids, but the "total points" should be reduced on the assumption that they're also carrying a chore workload at their mother's house.

3) Randomness... list changes week to week.

4) Kids can step up and ask for more. I have a hard time thinking that "half time kids" MUST perform "full time chores". In your situation, I would ASK HIS kids what they want. HALF expectations both ways or to double up. I'm assuming that they want the double-up option, based on your question.

I would make sure that DAILY chores are assigned to his kids whenever they are in residence. And, make them all aware that that you acknowledge this "favoritism".... put it out there, with a reminder of "partial residence". When the part-time interlopers fulfill full-time chores, I suspect all will bond.

--S.

Hi there - check out my blog where I wrote about The Reward Game - http://mommymeryl.blogspot.com/2008/04/allie-loves-playin...

It has been a huge hit in our family!! They give you a free 2 week trial!

I also am part of a blended family. He had two, a boy and girl, and we had two together, a boy and a girl. So we have 12, 7, almost 3, and 5 mos. I have two suggestions:
1) allow them to choose 1-2 chores, have each child choose a chore they would like to help with for the week/month etc. The boys that are not there all the time can pick a chore that maybe needs to only be done once or twice a week depending on their schedule with you. As to how to hold them accountable, maybe you could reward them with an activity of their choice (alone with parent of their choice, if they want) or provide an allowance that is equal for all no matter the chore.
2) Create a chore chart and list all the chores that need completed and a $ amount earned for completing the chore. Then on each Thursday (when all 4 are present) everyone gets to pick their chores for the week. Start over each Thursday and rotate the order of who gets to pick their chores first.
Hope this helps! Good luck!

congratulations! i was also a single mom of two and my now husband was a single dad of two...we have 3 boys and one girl, 9, 9, (everyone thinks are twins), 11, 12. our situation is a bit easier, neither of our ex-s are involved much, we have the kids 24-7.
each kid has morning chores, evening chores and weekend chores. we have a list on the fridge of who does what and we do give allowance each weekend, if you miss a chore you loose some allowance and get an "extra chore"
can you give certain jobs to certain kids depending on when they're around?
for example, if you have pets- obviously being fed needs to go to someone who's around almost every day. or maybe you could say "joe" feeds the dog monday and tuesday while "jack" feeds the dog wednesday and thursday?
it's definitely a lot of work for us parents in keeping the chores straight and following through on checking that four kids have done their chores and done them well.
all i can say is good luck. and you can possibly throw some ideas my way!

The star chart or the bean jar were both successful.