I'm trying to get our house ready to go on the market. There are a bunch of small things we need to do, things hubby has been saying he is going to do for months, or in the case of this one thing, for over a year! So a good neighbor friend is retired and has become a handyman of sorts around the neighborhood. I thought I'd ask him to repair this one thing. It's a small job, but hubby just hasn't been able to get to it. I asked hubby about calling the neighbor, he said no, I brought it up again, and he said nothing. I then brought it up last night in terms of cost, why we should do it, and he got mad at me.
Here's the thing: this job will take hubby a full morning to do. It will cost us about 30 bucks to have the neighbor do it. I have a few bigger projects I need hubby for, and these would be way more expensive jobs to hire out. I even had to convince him of doing this stuff, he says we don't need to do it.
So question: Do I hire the neighbor and have him do it anyway, and be totally disrespectful to hubby? Or do I just forget about it and let hubby worry about it.
Complicating matters, hubby is traveling internationally in a few weeks, so he is going to be totally out of commission the weekend he returns (since he is flying around the world). I have less than a month to get this house totally in order, and I cannot do it all by myself. His list is rather long, and I just don't see how we can get it all done, especially allowing for some down-time on weekends --last weekend he worked late every night for work! Also, another weekend we will be moving some furniture and boxes to a friend's house and staying that Saturday night with her.
I'm feeling stressed out by all that needs to get done (oh my, I had thought I had decluttered the house last year, but it's amazing how much **** we have!) I truly feel like he can't help, but he won't let me hire someone to help me. What would you do?
Thanks everyone!
It involves using a table saw. I avoid large sharp objects :-) otherwise, I'd do it.
We have the list from a home inspector, and our realtors thoughts. Hubby just doesn't have time, and he doesn't want to spend a lot of money getting things ready. We are already paying someone to do a floor. He usually does that. I also need him to paint a ceiling. I do walls, patch jobs, étc. No large power tools :-)
I say give him a timeframe. If it isn't done by the time he leaves, then you're going to have the neighbor do it for you.
Don't stress about this, J.. CALL THE NEIGHBOR YOURSELF!!! For crying out loud, stop letting your husband act like a butt. He's being pennywise and pound foolish and being mean to you at the same time. His time is worth SO much more than what you're going to pay the handyman.
It's stupid to be arguing over this. Stop asking him to take care of things in your house. What is this about him not "letting" you do something. He's not your father. You don't ask him if you can buy groceries. Don't ask him if you can get something in the house fixed.
ETA: J., one way to think about this is that your husband is disrespecting YOU for keeping you hanging over and over about this kind of stuff. YOU are the house manager. NOT him. Stop letting him micromanage your job. He isn't your boss. He has his own job at work, plus all the traveling. You are getting a house together to move. Stop asking him IF you can do your job. Just hire out the help. It is NOT disrespecting him to do your job.
J.,
You have a lot on your plate right now. Just getting ready to move (especially with kids) is a huge deal, let alone worrying about the repairs that need to be done in order to sell your home. You have a time frame, and each day that this task doesn't get done is simply wasted time you can't get back and ultimately, more pressure on you.
Your husband is busy working and traveling. Most of the household stuff is left to you. As the adult in charge of this aspect of your lives, you are perfectly entitled to make an executive decision to hire someone to do this job. You aren't disrespecting your husband. You are being responsible and doing what needs to be done to get your home sold.
Really, I can't believe you can even get a handyman to come to the house for $30! (esp.in Chicago)! If he's doing an entire morning's worth of work, hauling his own power tools to complete the job, it's more than worth it.
Call the handyman. Get this job done, and tick it off your list. You'll feel so much better (and your husband will get over it). Then you are free to move on to the next thing that needs to be done.
Good luck and may your house sell quickly!
J. F.
Is there a reason you can't do it yourself? If it only costs 30 dollars to pay someone it can't be all that complicated.
I'd just say, okay, if you could get this done before you leave, great, if not I'm going to hire Bob to do it.
I've been married over twenty years and one (of many) things I have learned is that you're not always going to agree on how to handle every little thing that comes up, and when you DON'T agree, sometimes it's okay for you to make the call.
Sure he may get pissed in the short term, but long term he'll move quicker next time, especially if he's like my husband and hates spending money on something he could do himself!
Your husband is not your father, he does not get to say no, you are partners and a compromise is needed. Frankly, if my husband said no then I would say "fine, I will wait and see if you find time to get to it, but if it is not done by X date then I am hiring the handy man".
J.,
Do you have a real estate agent at this time? I found it extremely helpful to have our agent walk around our house and make a list of the things that should be taken care of before listing the house. I think others also suggested in your earlier posts to get a home inspection. So, I would take the lists you get from the home inspection and the real estate agent, and show them to your husband, so he is aware of what needs to be done, and I think it will help to have it coming from professional third parties. Then, do what Marie said. Tell him you are posting the list on the fridge and anything he cannot finish by x date, you will hire out for and you will take responsibility for finding a good rate. Then follow through with that.
I think some men feel almost insulted or "not man enough" when someone else has to come fix things in their house, and that is my guess as to what is going on. Of course, in my experience, sometimes that is the only way to get something done! ("Honey, my Dad is coming to till our garden since you have been too busy to do it this last 4 years..." suddenly husband is immediately out doing yardwork! sigh...)
I would sit down with him when you are both in a good mood, get out the calendar and the list. Ask him to plug into the calendar all the days he will be gone. Then, ask him which tasks he most wants to do himself, and see how they plug into the available days on the calendar. Then, look at the tasks which remain and offer "we can pay someone to do this or we could pay for me to get a sitter while I do it".
You may have to let go of the weekend down-time for the short term. We have had seasons of work being done on the house and while it's stressful, it's only a (relatively short) season, one month is a cake-walk. We had work done on our house last year which included a three-week bathroom revamp (which meant using a bucket of cat-litter with a toilet seat as the john) and a whole summer worth of work with guys tromping in and out of the house all day. Some days, we couldn't use the kitchen sink and I had to make dinner in the morning before they arrived. All that to say, try to put it in perspective-- it may be a stretch, but it's a short-term stretch. So, try to talk to him about it as constructively as possible and see what sort of ideas you can come up with. Start the conversation with " could you please help me figure out how..." instead of "I need you to..."
I would not call the neighbor. If your husbands wants this work done, then he will do it in time. If he doesn't get everything done, then that's his own natural consequence. Why stress about it if it's his problem, not yours? Let him deal with it and in time, he will see that you were right and he should have called the neighbor. I would not go behind his back and cause problems in your marriage.
If it's not done by hubs before he leaves? Hire the neighbor.
What did your husband say when you brought the issue to the table to discuss, with all of your concerns, the way you have here?
I'm with J. S. Learn to use the table saw. It's really not that scary once you get the hang of it.
Okay.
So what hubby gets his manhood feelings hurt. You need your house on the market right? Prices are still going down sometimes.
I would make a list of every single thing that needs to be done, everything from washing a wall to cleaning the carpets or waxing the wood floors....you might make an appointment with a couple of Realtors to come in to view your home and tell you what has to be done so you can have a more accurate complete list. Just don't, please don't, paint the inside of your house burnt orange or bright green because the Realtor says it's the hottest color going. It's not, well maybe it is but some coming in will discount your home based on they don't like that color and will have to pay someone to paint it over. Off white is not a bad color scheme.
Then ask hubby if he can make time, about half an hour, to visit with you about the house at...7pm or 8pm that evening. Making an "appointment" with him about a specific topic can set the stage so to speak. It prepares him for the idea and gets his in the mind set. It could also piss him off where he's loaded for bear if you present the idea wrong such as " I have to make an appointment with you for 7pm tonight to talk about the house "AGAIN"....he'd be set up to be mad and ready to fight you on any suggestions.
Saying "Honey, I'd like to sit down around 7pm/8pm when we don't have anything else on our minds and visit a few minutes about an idea I had to fix/repair/get the house ready to sell can you do that then?" and make is as easy going as possible. He gets one whiff he's in the dog house he's going to be defensive coming in.
So now that you have a commitment from him to be there and you're set him up to be positive about it you can have this enormous list.
If it's his ego then make it all about you...that YOU can't get all of this done, that YOU'RE working on this and this and this and this but you can't do that one until this one over here gets done. Be overwhelmed.
Ask hubby if you can hire the guy next door to help YOU get some of the things YOU'RE doing done so you can move on the some of the other jobs.
Make it all about YOU needing help and NOT him not doing anything so you want to hire someone to do HIS work for HIM...see, presenting it is all about turning the tables on him, confuse the poor guy so he's seeing WOW, she's working hard....I'm gonna go hire that guy next door so MY wife doesn't have to work so hard...
It can be done if he's not on the defensive...just a thought.
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Then if that fails I'd come out loaded for bear and lay down the line in the sand..
"Honey, here's the thing. The house is going on the market on XXX 15, 2014 like it is or ready to go. You're going out of town and leaving it all for me.
What ever is not fixed that is on this list by the day you leave will be done by the time you get back. So the amount of money I'll be paying a repair guy is up to you. What you do, and do correctly, will come off that list, otherwise it's going to cost you because it's getting done."
"Hubby, either do this on Saturday morning, or I'm calling Handy Andy next door. Do you want to get our house on the market, or not?" That's how I have to phrase things to get them accomplished.
ETA: Yes, by all means, have a home inspector or realtor come through to give an opinion of value. We're currently looking to rent out a house we bought in Naperville and you wouldn't believe how picky even renters can be. Buyers will be MUCH more nit-picky, so you can either pay a little now to have it done, or get less $ for your house or end up offering credits at closing.
I agree with QueenoftheCastle - give him a "do by" date and if it's not done, call the handyman.
I think your problem is that he doesn't think these things need to be done. Perhaps having an agent give you a value on the house without those things being done and a value with those things being done may make him realize that they DO need to be done in order to get as much money out of the house as possible.
I would just tell him, "I know you don't want me to hire this out, but it really needs to get done sooner rather than later. If you don't want me to pay neighbor to do it, I need you to have it done by _______."
Then call the neighbor if he doesn't get it done in time.
Updated
I would just tell him, "I know you don't want me to hire this out, but it really needs to get done sooner rather than later. If you don't want me to pay neighbor to do it, I need you to have it done by _______."
Then call the neighbor if he doesn't get it done in time.
