Empathy

Empathy is natural in children, but not consistent. They are too tangled up in all their own needs and wishes, and developing an ability to delay gratification eventually lets the empathy emerge more frequently. The best way to teach empathy AND impulse control are to model them consistently.

If a child still isn't showing any ability to empathize by 4 years, I would be concerned.

Children, like adults, have moments of deep empathy and moments of deep selfishness. A child around age 3-4 should be able to develop empathy when you talk through how the other animal/person feels. By 5 or 6, I would expect most children to be able to do this on their own. If you see no evidence of empathy in a child by age 4, I would talk to your pediatrician.

Good luck!

Once when I was with my son when I took him to day care, another mother was running late and had to leave quickly, and her little girl cried. My son was about 2.5 years old and he went and patted her back and told her 'It's ok. Your Mommy loves you'. It was just the sweetest thing. Kids can get these flashes of empathy so early sometimes. But it totally depends on how wrapped up they are in their own emotions at the time, and if they are having a melt down, then they can't see anyone else has problems bigger than their own.

I used to talk to my baby like he knew what I was saying. EX: Isaac i ased you not to pull my hair, please let go. Thank you! (baby's 2months)

People would ask me why do I talk to him that way, he can't understand. I would say I know, but when will I get a letter in the mail telling me when he will?

What I think is say it in words they understand but don't assume they wont. My son is 4 and has always been very empathetic. But I also always expected him to be. Im not saying he wouldn't hurt animals or be mean to others but I always made him say sorry and have consequences for what he did. If he hurt the cat he couldn't touch him any more for a while (time limit per age) if the cat scratched him then I would say ya it hurts. Kittys mad at you because you were mean. I would still kiss it but I let him understand why kitty did it.

Somtimes teaching empathy means letting them hurt too. My son was breaking puzzles at the daycare and wouldn't stop. After two week of this I realised that talking wasn't working. I got an old puzzle of his sat in front of him and broke it. He was flaber-gasted
Son: "Mommy, why would you break my puzzle?"
Me: "because i wanted to see if it would."
Son: "Oh, Thats what I said to the daycare. Well don't break any more."
I broke another, he cried
Son: "Mommy, I asked you not to break any more!"
Me: "well didn't we ask you to stop breaking the daycares puzzles?"
Son: "ya."
Me: "And did you?"
Son: "No. I wont do it any more. I will tell them sorry tomorrow."
Me: We need to replace the ones you broke with one of yours."
Son: "I know! We can give them my dinosaur puzzle!"

Talk to them about their feelings and other peoples feelings. let them see you cry if they hurt your feelings, they love you so much it works fast. They are so smart. There is never a too early to start.

Sorry it's so long. I find stories are the best way to explain.

good luck

I'd worry if a child gets to 5-6 and, when prompted can't seem to think about others feelings. Also if the child is engaging in deliberate harm towards animals that sends up a red flag that anger issues are present, If you want more specifics feel free to email me at ____@____.com
this website is good to help teach empathy
http://interchildrelationships.suite101.com/article.cfm/t...

It takes a long time for children to do that on their own. In theory by the time they are 5 they should be able to, but I think most people don't learn it until they see that they are not the center of the universe and that doesn't happen to lots of us until we are in college and for some it never happens. I wrote this book Fun For You But Not For the Cat- to help deal with the issue of having empathy for cats, but also to help people see that the golden rule is not that simple. It isn't just about doing for others what you would want, but being aware of what you would want if you were actually the other person. What's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander. Here's a link to the book if you want to check it out. Best of luck! http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/fun-for-you-but-not...

Pam,

Not knowing why you are asking, but having this feeling from what you say that your child hurt an anmimal, I am going to suggest to you that your quesion should be directed to a pychological professional who can hear the entire situation and give you some direction that is specific to what happend. If you are worried about your child, animals, and empathy enought to write this question, it is probably nothing to mess around with, and this issue is a huge predictor of other issues that need your imeadiate attention and treatment. Please see out professional advice for the detalis you have left out.

M.