Eggs... to Donate or Not to Donate???

I'm not an egg donor but your post prompted me to respond.
My husband & I used an egg donor when we went through the fertility route, and I can tell you --even though she didn't know who I was, she would forever be someone I would never forget.
There was a very special place in my heart for this young lady. I wrote her a letter before the 'egg retrieval' day, and I poured my heart out to her. I wanted her to feel who I was, I wanted her to know the mom that was going to raise that child.
I didn't want her to question how that child would be raised, loved, or cared for. I needed her to feel peace for the decision she had made - to help me have my second child.
Donating your eggs is a huge decision to make, and one that you shouldn't have doults about. You are extraordinary just wanting to help a couple conceive.
Sorry I couldn't help with advice on being the donor, but I was once an egg recipient, and I can tell you-- without you ladies, alot of women wouldn't have their dreams fulfilled of having a baby.

Wow, this is such a personal decision, I'm not sure that anyone can really help you make it. I am also a what if person, and know so many IVF couples. I know that when they are done with IVF, they have to make a decision as to what to do with their embryos. I know some that donate, some that give to science, some that donate with the specification that they not be used in their "area", etc. I have no idea what my decision would be. I would talk to someone about donation. I believe that they have counselors, similar to adoptions to see if you could handle it or not. They can also give you all your options. Do you want to donate to a friend, or have it be anonymous? Do you want to select a couple, like a surrogate would, etc.

Good luck on your decision.

We also used an egg donor before and although it wasn't successful for us, we are grateful to the woman who was willing to go to that lengths for someone she didn't know.

One more thing I would urge you to consider in the whole picture is your son. One day he might have a 'half'sibling(s)' come looking for him. He may have other genetic siblings that he knew nothing about. It isn't only your what if, it is his too.

I would also encourage you not to donate until you were done having children of your own. We had trouble with secondary infertility. We had no problems getting pregnant the first time but the second time was completly different. What if you donated and then tried to get pregnant again to grow your own family and couldn't? Would you be okay with that?

This is a big decision. Usually in the process you have to go through extensive genetic testing as well as psychological testing to see if you qualify. People make their decision on what donor to use based on their health history and their family's health history as well as all the other things of hair color, eyes, education etc. I am not trying to discourage you, just trying to paint the real picture that the "advertisement" doesn't cover. Good Luck!

Well, we did have to go through fertility treatments, but did not have to use an egg donor. But I wanted to agree with a few of the other moms who said the retrieval process is not fun, so that is something to think about...also you don't just donate one egg. You usually donate several (or as many as you mature), so depending on how successful they are and how many viable embryos grow, they could potentially do several rounds and you would have multiple children from one donation. And another mom touched on the fact that the recipient couple has to decide what to do with "left over" embryos if they did not want to do another round. And that is a huge moral question. For me, I know I couldn't handle a biological child of mine running around somewhere, or the idea that maybe an embryo of mine would be destroyed. But if you are ok with it, then it is a wonderful gift for a couple who are having problems conceiving. As someone who went through it, it is a hopeless, empty feeling and to help them is amazingly generous. And that child would be probably so cherished. Anyone going to such great lengths to be a parent would certainly not be neglectful of the child, so I wouldn't worry about that. I can definitely see it like, "well I'm not using them this month...why not give that potential child a chance and make a couple's dreams come true?" but I'm a "what if" person too, and know my own emotional limitations. Good luck in your decision!

Interesting since they tackled this question on Desperate Housewives last night, too.....

I'd personally have a hard time donating eggs for the reasons you and your husband mention.

However, despite being an organ donor since receiving my driver's license, I've never donated anything. When I was staged after being diagnosed with cancer and had to do a bone marrow extract, I mentioned something about donating bone marrow after treatments and learned I'll never be able to donate anything again because of the cancer/chemo.

So, if it's something you want to do, I'd say do it and try your best to realize you made a selfless donation to someone who needed the eggs. You may have a child come looking for you one day to learn more about themselves, their DNA, etc. Will you be prepared if that day comes?

Good luck!

It depends. Some people would feel uncomfortable if the child could be going to a same sex couple, single parent, or may have worries if the child is going to be in a neglectful home, other people don't mind those things or worry as much and think more along the positive route that you are providing a family with a child. Or you may be able to do it adoption style and pick the family, not sure. It depends on your deep rooted feelings really and if you would be okay knowing you have a biological child out there somewhere, wondering if he/she is okay, if he/she looks like you/ has your traits/ is healthy or happy...

I have considered it because it is a good financial payoff, but I'm such a worry wort I think it would stress me out and I would have this feeling of emptiness, so I wouldn't be able to go through with it, but that's just me.