Well of course, like usual I had to say the first comment. He never apolized. He acctually had the nerve to ask what I do all day. We have three kids. He normally gets home around 11 pm most nights. Keeping the house clean,making dinner,helping with homework,
When he says that to me.Lately its becoming a regular comment from him. I don't feel entiteled to spend any time on myself because I think he thinks I don't deserve it.
Wondering how you're typing this, because if my husband said that to me, I'd have a fist stuck down his throat--and I don't type well with only O. hand.
Have him watch the kids and make dinner and keep the house clean for just one weekend (or at least one full long day) and he'll have the answer for himself. My husband was a stay at home for a few months (not by choice) and he has the highest, HIGHEST level of respect for stay at home moms now. And we only have ONE child. Good luck.
Not too long ago you posted a quote to someone else that no one can make you feel bad unless you let them. I find that a little ironic.
Please seek counseling for yourself even if he will not go.
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You deserve it and don't your kids deserve a happy healthy mother??
you CAN NOT let him tell you how to feel
Have you ever heard of the book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs? I first heard about it in my MOPS group. The activity for the day was a "man panel" -a group of husbands that volunteered to basically sit in the hot seat and let us women have a Q&A session. Several of the men mentioned this book as an awesome tool that made their marriages stronger. The whole concept of the book is that women need love and men need respect. As women we are just hard-wired to respond to gestures and communication in a loving way. For men it is respect that really makes them respond to us more readily. It is fascinating and there are even workshops and conferences you can attend to help with issues within your marriage. Go to www.loveandrespect.com. It just might bring you and your husband some much needed help in your relationship. Good luck!
A.
Tell him you lie around all day and devise ways to spend all the money he earns.
My husband started asking what I did that day and I found myself being annoyed by the question as well so I talked to him about it. Turns out, he genuinely just wanted to know what went on that day. He knows I take care of the kids, keep up the house, cook meals, etc just like I know he works all day to provide financially for our family. It's basically his way of starting an evening conversation about how my day was. Maybe that's also a way for your hubby to open lines of communication with you.
Hmmmm....First off, you deserve the best, what? Is it not enough that you take care of the children and fufill your motherly-wife duties? My husband will ask me that too every once in awhile and I would just respond,"nothing, I just sat around all day watching soap opra's while enjoying a box of bon bon's!" Maybe thats their way of trying to start a conversation or something, but I did let my husband know that I did'nt appreciate him starting a convo like that and so he stopped.
C., i'm in the same boat as you, I also have 3 children and my husband also come's home late. But you ARE entitled to take time for yourself and forget what HE has to say, just ignore him.
What time does your husband go to work?
YES YOU DO deserve time to yourself, don't let anyone tell you different.
What's up with your man?
Blessings....
I have a schedule on my wall of each and every thing I do and at what time. In fact it is on his palm too because it is on my google account and I share that calender with him. He has been known to call me during the day asking what I am doing and I say "following my schedule". The kids are getting old enough for them to have one too.
Make a list from the time you get up until the time you go to bed of exactly what you do. Literally 6am got in the shower 6:15 am made coffee, etc
made kids lunch, made kids breakfast, got kids dressed, brushed their teeth, phone rang...15 mins later, did load of laundry, paid bills, read paper while emptying dishwasher, get kids a snack, went through the mail, called cable comp b/c the bill was wrong AGAIN, get kids a drink, went to the bank, returned shirt that didn't fit, go through backpack from the day, help with homework, give kids bath, feed kids, put kids to bed....
you get my point, this is how my days are and it seems that before I know it has been 5 hours and if you look around, I have done nothing! We do laundry and dry it and fold it and put it away so there are no signs that we did it. We do dishes and load the dishwasher and unload it, no signs of that either! I would make this list not only for him but for yourself so you feel better about how much you really do in a day. then, when he asks, simply walk over to the counter and get your paper and let him read it, walk away. What a horrible question for a man to ask anyway. They would not survive a week as a stay at home dad if they only knew what was involved. Then, thte minute you have some time, or even make time by having your husband watch the kids...go shopping, get a pedi, read a book outside in the sun without interruption. :o) You DO deserve it!
Can you give us the back story?
You and your hunny have some serious issues that could be helped by counseling. If he won't go, you can still make some great progress on your own. You will gain clarity about your issues, learn some new communication skills, and understand better what works and what doesn't in a relationship. You'll learn to better recognize your legitimate needs, and how to make them known to your husband. You'll learn what his legitimate needs are so you aren't always at odds about who deserves what.
If your guy cares about you, he will like the changes, and will probably change accordingly. At least a bit. If he's already written you off as childish or selfish or whatever, he may not respond, or be very slow to respond.
Don't wait. You have work to do. Do it for yourself, and for your kids.
Hi, C.:
Your comment is: "I think he thinks I don't deserve it."
What are one of the "Four Agreements?"
Yes, You are right: "Don't assume, ask questions."
C., what are you doing to help yourself learn to cope with and learn communications skills to improve your relationship?
You have the answers within yourself. D.
I usually just list the ton of things I did starting with his laundry feeding his kids ect, ect, After abouth the 5th item he just kind of stops listening and then says he sorry he asked.
