Do You Turn Your Husband Down?

If you can't last with having sex once or twice a week, you've got problems. Humans weren't designed to have daily sex. It is only since the dawn of the Pill that we think sex should be a daily event.

I never expected him to go through the motions if he wasn't in the mood, nor was I willing to. Neither of us ever wanted the other to pretend about something that important.

We have 4 kids, the days of daily are LONG gone. We are lucky to find the time AND the energy at the same time for both us more than twice a week.

My husband is 45 and his sex drive started to slip (A LOT), so our natural doctor gave him AndroXY from Biospec. OMG. He takes 2 in the morning to balance out his hormones and we are back in business. He's calmer, more emotionally attentive, and chasing after M. again. We literally went from maybe once a month before he started taking these supplements, to 2-3x week now. Before these supplements, I was threatening him that I was going to drive past high schools and pick up the senior guys....over 18 of course! (It was a joke, for those of you with NO senses of humor.)

If he wanted it every day I would but as it is we seem to be on the same page.

We also have the one week rule, I don't care what is going on in our lives we must never go more than a week! Swear to god, every bitchy person around us has gone more than a week, I will not be that person. :)

Yup, I turn my husband down. He turns M. down too.
It's not that I don't love him or want him. It's that I am T.I.R.E.D. You are wrong. There ARE times when I J. give in and think "Can he hurry it up please, I have things to do" I can't help it.
BUT...
When we turn each other down we make a date. So, I will say, "I am so tired. Can we make a date for tomorrow where I can do dirty things to you?" He says the same to M..
It is working for us.
L.

Talk to him. He could be having some issues that he's embarrassed to tell you about, or ashamed to talk about. He needs to know that you're not going to be judgmental or accusatory. He could have erectile dysfunction or he could have chronic pain issues that he's not telling you about. He could be having some sort of medical concern that he needs to talk to a doctor about. Any changes in your sex life need to addressed as something serious and not as a fault in the other person and not viewed as suspicious until you know for a fact that all other reasons have been eliminated.

Take it from someone with a chronic pain disease. And not for nothing, but once or twice a week is still healthy.

Whenever there is a big change like this, my first thought is that there can be a medical issue going on which is affecting his energy level, or libido. It can be something benign, a tumor, or something as major as his heart or even cancer.

So... rather than taking this personally, he really needs to go to a doctor and SAY what is going on so he can be checked for multiple things!

Single Mom currently. Ex never had turn down as an option(not going there to save your respective sanities).

Communicate, Darnit! Talk to him. If he's exhausted, give him back massages(even if it ends up making him fall asleep), try to help him destress.

Make a date night once a week, several hours even if it's J. the two of you watching the game with a beer and brats. No kids. Find out if grandparents will help watch kids for a bit. When he's more up and alert, flirt, wear something that he likes, a bit of perfume, fave movies and music, or wear your hair in a certain way.

One of my friends has gorgeous honey brown hair, and found out her hubby was fond of redheads. She called M. up and asked M. to help her surprise her overworked hubby. We spent several hours(strand testing the colour to make sure it didn't go orange) on this. When he got to see her, he couldn't stop staring. He was floored that she'd do something like that for him, and well, I heard they J. more than talked...:p Sometimes it's the little things.

But I reiterate, Communicate darnit! Always ask him how he's feeling, and let him know how you are feeling. Three very powerful and beautiful words, "I Love You".

Hugs to you Mama!

Lol... Keep that sense of humor going!!! And look into hitachi & their magic wands. It plugs in. So when you're shaking hands with the president, you don't have to worry about hand damage or batteries :)

Like you... *I* only turned my ex down when there were major problems in my marriage. As in heading for divorce (I can have most 'kinds' of sex. Including angry, best cure for a headache, etc. But I can't have sad sex, or sleep with someone I don't respect.

That isn't true for most people. Dry spells for most people are innocuous. They're tired/ stressed/ etc. Sex is NOT an indicator of anything wrong for most people (it totally is for M., but not for most people). For most people, sex is unrelated (I don't get that, but I can respect it intellectually), except as a sign of something else entirely (tired, depressed, antidepressants are the big 3 libido killers.... But dry spells come from a lot of different places).

Time to do the 80's Song and

Lets talk about sex, baby
Lets talk about you and M.
Lets talk about all the good things
And the bad things
Lets talk about... Sex!

"Hey Mr. Man!! You're starting to give M. a complex!!! Time to level with M.. Completely. Before I hire a private investigator and spend the Xmas money on therapy. Because I will, and you'll come if I have to duct tape you and roll you on a dolly. Level. Right now. Including affairs, divorce plans after the holidays, etc. Because right now, that's what Im thinking."

Could he be depressed?

I turn down and have been turned down and it is part of life. I do suggest you talk about it with him and make sure no one is to blame. He could simply have ED and not want to talk about it.

Maybe he is J. tired. When my husband gets into a slump... like working a lot and having a lot of college courses weighing him down, we tend to have less sex. But we are very sexual, so it doesn't last long. Sometimes we are once a day and sometimes we are once or twice a week. J. depends on the mood and what we have been up to.

I've turned down my husband. He's opted out as well. I guess since the *rejection* doesn't happen very often we don't think much about it. Sometimes people J. are not in the mood to have sex. Not a big deal. Now, if it was happening often or without a legitimate reason/concern then I could see hurt feelings. I can also understand how one could become annoyed when someone is needy all the time. I guess a healthy balance must be found in relationships. Luckily, my husband and I have that balance.

Not sure how old your hubby is but mine is 10 yrs older than M.. He has low testosterone and it greatly impacts out sex life. He is depressed, over weight and I can't seem to do anything to help him. I had to really nag him J. so he would go and get a physical. He hasn't done much of anything to improve himself. He isn't interested in taking meds the doctor prescribed. Makes it difficult to remain supportive.

Makes my mind wonder as well, but I am commited and will do everything I can before I throw my hands up. I did say in sickness and in health. Not so sure he would do the same if the shoe was on the other foot though.

Good luck!

I'm in the same boat right now. Hubby turns M. down frequently. I hate feeling rejected. :(

Is your husband experiencing any medical issues? My husband gained a bunch of weight. It has really changed our sex life.

I recently bought the Modern Kama Sutra. I told him I am taking charge of our sex life. We both want things to improve. He J. feels depressed about his body right now and doesn't know how to change things between us. So I'm doing it.

He's not in the mood for sex? Offer him a wonderful blowjob on the couch. ;-) Shower him with the attention you want him to give you. Good luck.

And to answer your question, no I do not turn him down. Ever. I used to, especially during pregnancy. Sex was painful and annoying then. But now that I'm on the other end of it, I don't want him to feel rejected.

I never turn him down unless I am in the hospital--that was the only time. I also have a hard time when he says no---but I J. keep trying and usually the next night or day after he is ready to go again. Hang in there. Its not you--its him.

I only turn him down when I'm sick or on my period. Occasionally when I'm really tired, but that doesn't happen often.
He turns M. down occasionally for the same reasons.

We usually have sex 3 times a week. We never go more than a week without. We'd both be cranky, lol!

almost never. even if i'm not in the mood, sometimes i'll take one for the team, knowing it will surely be reciprocated. anyway, once we get going it's always worth it.
:) khairete
S.

I am in the boat with the rejected women... It hurts and makes M. feel unattractive. And J. to think he is only 22. He says it is the way he was raised but I seriously have my doubts sometimes. I am lucky for once every two weeks. :'(

I really try not to turn my husband down because he would never turn M. down & I would wonder why, if I did get turned down. There are times , I J. don't have the energy or in the mental state to perform.

If this is a somwhat sudden and major change, I would look first toward a medical issue. As we know, a lot of things affect our libido - stress, tiredness, etc. This problem really hits a man hard, and I think they go into a negative spiral - if it didn't work out once, they worry about the next time which makes it more difficult the next time, which makes them worry about... etc. And a libido shift in a guy may mean something bio-chemical or hormonal as well. General health can affect the body in many ways.

If he hasn't had a physical recently, suggest that. Get that possibility out of the way. Try not to take it personally, especially if you are still communicating and other aspects of the relationship are healthy. When "mr happy" isn't working right, it really freaks a guy out.

ADD: Our average is 2-3 times per week, which is considered the "average" in general I believe. But if you've gone from REALLY frequently, to "average", that's a change and needs to be looked into. Good luck!

Yes I have. Our sex drives have always been different. I'm lower than hubby. I do try not to as much because it makes him feel like I don't want him or think he is sexy. Which by the way, he is VERY sexy! But he made a comment the other day and I realized it had been a couple of weeks. So.... =) Now if he turned M. down, I would immediately think he was messing around.

I know I don't initiate as much as I should, but that has more to do with the moments when I get the urge to initiate are usually moments when the kids are awake and running around! As for turning him down, I don't think I ever have unless I was sick or on my period (neither of us is interested in having fun during that time). My husband MAY have turned M. down once or twice, but only ever when he's completely exhausted (like running on 6-8 hours of sleep over a 2 day period). I hope you guys get it worked out! :( That can't be a fun feeling.

I have never turned my husband down, but he knows when I'm J. not feeling it. If he still wants/needs it, then I let him go for it. Maybe I'll come around and maybe I won't. All that matters in that moment is that his physical need is met and our psychological needs are met.

It's rare that two people are always in the same state of mind at the same time, so many people aren't in the mood at the same time as their partner. I think lots of couples know each other well enough to read the signals, so there isn't a blatant hurtful rejection.

In your case, you are experiencing a big change from what is normal for you. This warrants a discussion. Most likely, he is J. more tired than normal or going through age related changes, or perhaps something medical (minor, I'm sure). If the rest of your relationship is still good, then try not to take it personally. I can tell from your post that you feel very rejected and hurt, but I am sure that is not his intention. You mention that you associate the physical intimacy with his love for you, make sure to keep those separate. He can love you as much as the day you were married AND not want to have sex.

Make sure to speak openly with him, and make sure to try and keep your feelings in check. I'm sure he's still crazy about you. Good luck.

My ex turned M. down all the darn time. I know your feeling of anxiety about it. Turns out he was having an affair, but not till later. In the beginning it was because he ED so bad and it was very embarrassing for him. He also had other medical problems and taking many different medications that killed his libido, and made him so tired and zoned. He J. couldnt concentrate on performance, and then mix that with ED wow it was probably the most frustrating thing for him in his life, EVER. It was for M., thats for sure. So when we fixed all that, and got his plumbing working again he still didnt want to do it that much with M.. Come to find out he was having an affair. I guess he J. couldnt perform with 2. So that's what I got for getting him help with his problems.
Maybe, Mr. Man has something on his mind, stress and J. plain tiredness can be an issue. I dont like to be turned down ever, and now with my issues in the bedroom performance area, I would def be devastated if I was turned down with out a damn good explanation.