Ok part l was Monday night with him telling me again that he does everything and I need to help out. Gimme a break. I am up at 6:30 am with my oldest making sure he gets up,making breakfast,checking his homework again to make sure everything is in the backpack.then drive him to bus stop then come home and wake up my two other kids. Make sure they make beds,make breakfast,give him an oral spelling test ( his spelling test is on fri..I like to review spelling at night and morn.drive kids to school(we are walkers but are usually to poky to actually walk plus have to take daughter to nursery school) then I come home clean part of the house,then its time to pick up my daughter at nursery school. Come home or she takes some classes. If we come we eat lunch then I put her down for a nap. Then do laundry. Then I have to wake up daughter then get one son. Then pick up oldrest son at school he has after school activties mon,tue,wed. Mon and wed all three kids have karate.
Anyhow we have really spoken since Tuesday morning. I told Him I was not mad at him but I don't deserve to be treated like that. I told him I am just as valuable as him in our relationship. The first thig he said to me when he came home tonight was " are you going to stop being mean to me" I am always the one to apolize plus I honestly think he never thinks he is wrong. I said " you said he does everything and I need to help more" so I guess I am again sleeping on the sofa. He would rather be right than be loving.
I am tired of my husband losing his temper with me never apolizing thinking is is right all the time. The sofa is comfortable but I prefer to be in my bed and my husband snuggling me. I am trying to stick up for myself and have a little backbone.
Honestly, my O. child keeps my mind so boggled with trying to remember everything, I can't imagine the whole shebang times 3. Sounds like you do plenty.
Why does he have such a "you vs. me" attitude? I think that's the basis of the bad feelings.
Good luck. Everyone forgets things. You do plenty.
Family counseling, plus leave him with the kids for a day to see what it's all about.
C.,
You are NOT a slacker, but you are sounding like a MARTYR! You've been given some very good advice. Now the only other suggestions I have is to let your husband read the posts and if anyone needs to sleep on the couch, let it me him and take it from there.
Blessings......
girl, stand up to that man. doesn't sound like you were being mean to him at all. get back in your bed, too! you paid for the bed too, and if you didn't, you helped pick it out! even if it's uncomfortable to sleep by him when y'all are mad, you don't need to give in by leaving your bed. :)
(my little two cents...can't help ya' w/the rest of it!)
No, you're not a slacker. Your husband, however, needs to man up and learn to acknowledge all you do contribute to the well-being of the family. Learning to apologize would be nice, too, but some GUYS (not men) have trouble with this concept.
I'd go back to your bed, though. It might be easier for him to make up if he's hidden by the darkness and cuddled up next to you.
Good luck.
You are sticking up for yourself by sleeping on the sofa? Your husband is the one who needs consequences not you.
Um, a husband who makes or even allows his wife to sleep on the couch is a crappy husband and not much of a man! That will stop immediately.
Sounds like he's being childish. "Are you going to stop being mean to me?" Sounds like something my children would say to me. He wants control, and I'd be the one NOT to give it to him.
Write down a list of everything you do in a day and have him do the same. Let's see whose list stacks up when it comes to the home life. How many nights a week does he cook? Does the dishes after dinner? Bathes the children? Start quizzing him about what the kids do in school and see how much he really knows. Does he even know the names of the kids teachers? How about activities? Ask him what he knows about that. Who sits down and pays the bills? (not who earns the money) If he thinks you do so little it may be time to stop doing things around the house and let things go so he can see just what gets done by you! (cook only for you and the children, make only your side of the bed, etc) I've done it and have known a hundred other wives who have done it too! Stop doing his laundry and when he complains just say, "Oh, that's right. I don't do enough around here. Sorry." and walk away.
If he wants to play games, play it to the hilt! When it finally sinks in maybe then he'll be willing to sit down and have an adult conversation. Sometimes you have to lower yourself to his childish level for him to realize he's a moronic boob.
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
It sounds like you do your fair share. Why does he feel like he does more? I would without screaming,ask him what is it that you feel that I do not do my fair share. He sounds like a little kid when he says,stop being mean to me. May be you should stop doing the laundry,cleaning the house and making the beds. That may come across stronger than words. If he complains then tell him,well I want you to know that you are not doing everything and this is what I do to help out. If sounds like he has some self esteem issues and he needs to stop critizing everyone else and look at himself. Stop apologizing. It is better to be loving and not always right. Good luck
Why are you sleeping on the sofa? Don't you have a side of the bed that is yours, or is the sofa more comfy?
You are in your situation so may be you can't see clearly, but not one woman on this board agrees with his treatment of you. You are asking the questions though, so you must know something is not right. I'm going to tell you something that may come across as harsh, but I only mean to be blunt:
You teach other people how to treat you.
It seem like what your husband was asking when he came home tonight was really "Are you still mad at me" but he is too proud to apologize.
Reverse it and say "Are you apologizing to me for always criticizing me? Then apology accepted, kiss and make up.
He doesn't get all the stuff moms have to do and he is probably the manly man who thinks it's too touchy feel-y to apologize so he shows a tough front and blames you instead...ego..
After you get done showing him the list, really show him the list, by not doing ANYTHING for an entire day. Let him know HE can return to the bed when he apologizes.
Hi, C.:
First of all, Get over the victime mentality.
Second of all, I am not hearing loving kindness
coming from the words I hear expressed to him.
I suggest a support group for you to get face to
face help.
You have to change, not your husband.
Hope this helps.
Good luck.
D.
i aggree you r not a slacker if the roles were switched ask him if he could handle all the responsiblities ! and yes why are u sleeping on the sofa? u should b right there next to him on ur side of the bed! Be strong! your a stay at home mom that is a job in its self :) hang in there im sure it will get better
Like I said before he's abusive. Soooo...
Make a list of everything that you do in typical week Day by day --hour by hour. Then go online book an airline ticket, hotel, rental car ect to a place you have always wanted to go for ONE--pack your suitcase -- when he gets home hand him the list and tell him you'll be back in a week -- have fun sweetie-- I need a vacation, bye.
Don't let him talk you out of going.
http://www.turningpointservices.org/Domestic%20Violence%2...
