Do You Say "I Love You" to Your Husband When You're Mad?

Love is a choice, not a feeling... I tell my hubby I love him even when mad because you never know the last time you will be able to tell them. I may not always sound happy when I say it, but I still say it. He knows when I'm still angry. Sometimes I say, "I love you, but things are not okay."

I say it.

My best friend had a fight with her husband and wouldn't say it. He walked out the door and drove to his night job, and got hit by and drunk driver and died before emergency made it to the scene. She thinks about not saying I love you every day. I can't imagine living with that regret.

I don't think that my husband or I have said I love you to each other in a long time because I don't know that either one of us can say it and mean it right now. We're going through a rough patch (feels like I've been saying that for years...). It is important to say it often if you feel it, but I don't think you should have to spit the words out if you're angry.

I'm a big supporter of, "I love you always, I just don't like you very much right now." It works with your husband & children alike in all kinds of situations. It's not hateful, it's truthful.

You need to swallow your pride and say it. What if something happened and he didn't come home? You would have wished you told him you love him, mad or not!

I just swallow my feelings usually, because once he walks out the door, who knows what could happen you know? God forbid something bad happened and then how would I feel?... I always say I love you, and if I am mad I still say it, I just go: I love you, I really do mean it, I'm just still upset with you. You should always still say it just in case.

I say it even when I am mad. I have lost people unexpectedly, so I remind myself..it could always be the last exchange.
I still remember my dad telling me not to hug and kiss him on my way out the door because he was sick (and I was pregnant). I paid no attention and gave him a big hug and a kiss and told him I loved him. He died the next day while I was out of town.
I am grateful I got to hug and kiss him....he was gone before I knew it. I worry about my SO in paticular because he's a mechanic. There's always a chance of chemical burns, cars falling on him, etc. So yup, even when I am mad, I say I love you because it's the truth....even if I do want to wrap my hands around his neck (oh, and I tell him that too). ;)

Don't you think that when he is saying that to you, that is a diversionary tactic -- getting you off topic and shifting the blame from what you are mad about to you not saying "I love you," when you are mad? I'm not saying that he is doing that on purpose but that what seems to be happening.

But, to answer your question, I probably wouldn't feel like telling my husband, "I love you," when we are still in the throws of a full out argument. I also wouldn't tell him that I hate him either. The truth is that I might not like him very much at that moment or liked how he has behaved.

The last thing my friend said to her father was "I Hate You" when he went to work. He died that day in the Oklahoma City Bombing. I always think of that story when it comes to saying I Love You to someone before they leave.

My friends mom and dad had a fight one night and the dad slept in the couch. He had a heart attack in his sleep and died. Twenty years ago and she still feels guilty. If you don't love him when ur mad then it's conditional...

I amend the sentence to include all my feelings. Instead of saying, "I love you!" and leaving it at that. When I'm angry I'll usually say, "I love you but right now I don't like you very much." because I do love him, I just don't like him at the moment. Some times it's, "I love you but expletive expletive censored, and I'll be sleeping in the spare room dammit!" depending on the severity of the unresolved argument.

Well....you mean mad at him or MAD at him. There are different levels of "madness"!
My husband KNOWS I love him...always. Just because we disagree doesn't mean we don't love each other.

I always feel how much I love my husband no matter how upset I might be. We have almost never fought and I'm more likely to simmer (like after a long Saturday morning up with crazy kids, housework, dishes, when we both work full-time) and I just grumble or make sarcastic remarks. It never comes up whether or not I've said "I love you" mid-grumble, but I would not avoid saying it, either. He's left to go for a short drive to cool off when he was upset with me, but he still says "I love you" and gives me a quick kiss before leaving. We ALWAYS kiss before leaving. I couldn't live with myself if we didn't see each other again and hadn't at least done or said that much.

Well, when I am mad at him I don't tell him "I love you" just because, but if he ask me then I do say "yes, BUT blah, blah, blah how could you, blah blah, are you kidding me, blah, blah, blah, you better blah, blah.
However I do understand what you mean, and I think you could say how you feel or just say, "I don't want to talk right now because I am mad".
I think is understandable to feel the way you feel, just be careful to also don't say bad things that you don't also feel and you are just saying them because you are mad.

I remind him that I love him and that right now I do not like him very much.

Yes I do tell my hubby I love him even when we are fighting because no matter how mad I may get I still love him

I say i love you even when i am mad.

If we are having an argument or I am ticked off at him for some reason, I won't just randomly say "I love you" but I don't say "I hate you" or anything else really mean or spiteful either. I will say "I love you" AFTER we have gotten over the argument and kissed and made up. And I say "I love you" to him all the time, throughout the course of a normal day (including leaving the house, getting off the phone, etc.) so it's not like he has to hear from me in the middle of an heated moment to know that it is true. He already knows. Now leaving out the door in the middle of something is a different matter - I will still tell him I love him no matter what, because like others have said, you never know what might happen.

I would agree with Laurie D., though, that it sounds like he is trying to get you off-topic and divert your attention from the subject at hand. I would try calling him out on this and tell him that of course you do but that's not the issue right now. Or say something like, "Well, of course I love you but I'm still really upset with you about this and still need to talk about it."

Think of it this way if something happend to either of you and he walked out the door and you didnt say I love you that would be in your last memory of each other. Life is too short to be mad at the one you love. I got mad at my brother and he left and I never saw him or said I loved him. Dont waste that time being angry when you look at it this way you love each other... My husband is a goofball and its hard to stay mad cuz he wont let me cuz I will just laugh at his silliness.

TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM <3 YOU KNOW YOU DO LOL

I always tell hubby I love him, even if we're arguing. If one of us dies while we're apart, I don't want my last words to him being "You're a selfish jerk!" (That's just an example...you get my point, lol!)

Sure you might not be doing your feelings justice, but he knows that you love him, and he wants it to be the last thing he hears from you...even if it's said through squinted eyes and clenched teeth.

Yes, because I could not handle it if my husband got into an accident and the last words I said to him were bad. I will not leave or let him leave until we have made up, granted that is not easy but I figure anything we are fighting about wouldn't matter if something happened to one of us anyway.

I just say it...I always worry about the worst case scenerio if I didn't.

In your situation, I would call shinaigans on him before he says that to you and say "John I am super pissed at you right now but I do love you, now get out of my face" LOL Ok maybe not the last part.
When I am made I DONT say it...when he busts me I just tell him "im pissed and right now and saying it is only to pacify you....and why would I pacify someone I am pissed at"
we have always been "say it if you mean it"...but thats our story

I do...

I am not saying that I say it sweetly... or that I say it on demand (the comment your husband made would probably make me spit fire- not say "I love you")

But i get around to it, and I say i love you before we go to bed at night. We don't go to bed angry, even if we have to fight 'till morning! (one of our "rules") and we always love eachother, because once that is gone, really- there is nothing left to fight about.

Sometimes saying "I love you!" takes a deep breath... sometimes it takes 10 minutes alone to cool down... but it is worth it. It should be true when you say it though! It won't be "honest" if you have to be coaxed into it!

And honestly, if my husband it heading out the door and I am fuming... there have been times I let him leave without an "i love you"- but I call him in 10-15 minutes... after I have had time to settle a bit and I tell him "I love you- but we need to talk more later.

Just remember- marriage is all about love, trust, and forgiveness. If those are gone, there is no marriage... and those things take a LOT of "upkeep"- and a little humility.

On a side note.... If my husband said what yours said to you, to me, in a fight... I would have said "I love you, but you are a freakin' jerk!" (or maybe worse if my daughter was out of earshot)

Sigh... but I am not always the most ladylike person around! haha!

Good Luck!
-M.

Ummm that would be no.

After an argument i don't feel like saying I LOVE YOU to my husband for quite a some time. I know its very childish, but what to do, i just can't say it even though i love him a lot. In fact my ego don't allow it.

"I love you" just is saying the words has healing power. If you hold onto the anger, if you refuse to say those three words that should just flow off you tongue as air flows between your lips, you are not allowing the healing process. Life is too short and time to precious to waste on anger. Say I love you give a hug while saying it let them know you still love them all while constructively letting them know you are upset hurt or angry. After all if you are married love should come without condition. The same goes with forgiveness.

Yeah.... But it's so not meaningful, so it's pretty pointless.... LOL, ugh. I totally feel you on this one.

For me, even if I say it through griitting teeth, I do say it. Usually I am the one who has to otherwise my hubby won't. I know that he is my soul mate but, no one is perfect and talking about things isn't always easy when you don't agree with one another. He can say I'm sorry from time to time so I guess we both have both our moments. I don't want to come off cheesy but, sometimes it actually takes me down a peg after I say I love you when I am angry. I hate going to bed angry or leaving the house. It happens, but in the back of my mind I think "what if that was the last time we will see eachother" and I end up feeling aweful. I do understand what you mean though. Sometimes "I Love you" is the last thing you want to say when your upset.

OMG!!! He sounds like mine, lmao!! Yea, that was when he didn't get it (I still love you)!

First of all, we may argue or disagree on a topic and yes I love you still but don't taunt me to make me say it bc you already know it bc it makes me think that you will keep up fights just to be an A**hole. Secondly, that's putting fuel on the fire and makes things even worse.

It maybe childish depending on how you say it but I quit talking after I get the last smart remark or insult off and he have no comeback line lol...then the arguement is over then the apology & make up but explanation comes afterwards "I STILL DONT AGREE W/YOU BUT YES I STILL LOVE YOU" lmao!!

I have a hard time also. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. My husband will say I could die at work today and you would feel pretty bad if you don't tell me you love me too. He is right but sometimes it's so hard to say it because I just want to rip his face off.

You make a very good point and from now on when I'm in this situation, I'm going to try to remember to say, "I'm still mad (furious, livid, annoyed, whatever), but I still love you."
Thanks!

Im with you. When we fight i dont say i love you. And we say i love you when we leave the house or every time we get off the phone together we always say i love you. So if we get in an arguement on the phone and i dont say i love you then he know im mad.

I say it, because saying not only reminds him that I love him, it reminds me as well. Sometimes in heat of the argument taking a second to remember that you love the person even though they are being a huge pill can turn that heat down a little.

Yep, I am guilty too. When we are mad at each other, the words just don't come naturally. You're not alone.

I tell my Husband I love you but you are a pain in the butt and don't ever take me for granted.

My Husband, even if he is mad, loves me because, he knows I am there for him through thick or thin.
In other words, he can count on me.
Which to him is important.

He does not demand that I tell him "I love you" when I am mad however, nor does he get snide about it.

Its a 2-way street.

The NEXT thing is: does your HUSBAND tell you he loves YOU.... when mad or at any other time?
Or does he just expect 'you' to say it?
If so, then well, he seems to have a superiority complex.
Or is just arrogant.

I will tell my husband, "I love you." even when we are fighting. I still do love him and it is important to me and him that he knows that. It usually makes the agruement less defensive.

I try to. "I'm pissed off right now, but I still love you." It's easier if I apologize for shouting first, and then he apologizes, and then I can say it more easily.

My other half says it even if it's begrudgingly and sometimes under his breath. LOL

I say it cause it's true and just because I'm mad or don't agree doesn't negate that.

You have to choose to love him more than you hate what ever it is that was done. It gets easier with practice.

Sending good thoughts your way.

Yes! I do this and I am trying to stop that. When I am upset, it is hard for me to say nice things when I am upset. I convince myself, but then it doesn't happen. I need to work on me some more like pray and meditate. I hope you can try to not do that the next time you guys have a spat.

uh oh....I hardly EVER tell my husband I love him. Seriously, I think I have said it a handful of times in the 8 years we have been married.
I DO love him and I show him by my actions.
L.

I do. I hate going to bed without saying it. I could be fuming and be so mad at him! But I still have to say it, because when it comes down to it, I love him with all of my heart. And I want him to know that even when he drives me crazy, I'll always love him.

If the fight is during the day and I wasn't woman enough to tell him before we parted, I would end up calling him or texting him and telling him, haha. Just the way I am.
I know that anything could happen, any time, any day. And I know I would hate myself forever if I was too stubborn to just tell him I love him and then something bad happened to him :( (Morbid thinking - I know. But it also helps me live more in the moment).

Sorry - I agree with your husband.

If you are upset with each other - mad - whatever you want to call it and one of you has to leave - life is waaaaaayyyyy to short to know the last thing the one you loved heard on the way out the door was something nasty....especially if something happened to them on their way to work, school, or where ever they are going.

My parents started doing this after one of their good friends was killed in a car accident when we were living in Hawaii. He and his wife were fighting - he walked out to go to work - she called him something nasty and I mean hateful nasty not just jerk, a**hole - THOSE WERE THE LAST WORDS HE EVER HEARD HER SAY....the guilt that she felt was enough to drive her to suicide (no kidding) about six months later.

So even when I'm mad at my husband - if I walk away, I say "I'm really not liking you right now - but I do love you" - yeah there are times when it comes out sarcastically or with the sound of "f**k you undertones - but at least I said it. He does too.

Haha, nope. He knows I love him, but if he makes me angry it's the last thing I want to say! I don't even want him touching my foot if he makes me angry. Luckily I don't stay angry for long ;) But yeah, he knows I love him. I doubt I'd have survivors guilt of "I didn't say I loved him before he left!" if he were to die suddenly. He should know that without me saying it, and vice versa. I wouldn't be dying after a fight and wondering if he really truly loved me - people are people and we all have our moments. Now, I never ever say that I hate him. I don't, and that's mean and untrue. So I don't say it. But I express my anger and feelings. I don't let anyone use love as a control issue over me. My own brother tried to accuse me of not loving him because we don't share the same philosophical beliefs. That was not cool, and he knows it now. The people I love know that I love them, a fight or difference in opinion is not going to change that.

Oh, and I think it's wrong of him to say that during a fight. To me it would be implying that because we're fighting, I don't love him. That would make it all worse for himself, in my house.

I agree with your hubby too. Mine makes me so freaking mad sometimes but that doesn't mean I don't love him. Like other people have said- I don't want the last thing I said to be something said in anger. Plus, I think it shows a healthy relationship to my daughter. We can argue but we still love each other.

I still say I love you. I may not say it quite as lovingly, but I do say it. BTW saying that to one another can completely change the atmosphere. I would be crushed if he didn't tell me when he was angry. That has to hurt deeply.