Do You Monitor Technology for Pre-teen, Teens?

i don't really get why you're thinking of monitoring LESS because of online ugliness.
i don't get how any parent in today's online world would honestly consider 'staying out of it.'
khairete
S.

How old is she? There's a HUGE difference between an 12 year old and a 16 year old so without an age it's hard to give advice.

We monitor the heck out of our 12 year olds accounts. She has a FB (that she has only for dance and is connected only to immediate family), a Twitter (that she only uses for school announcements), and an Instagram (that she posts to maybe once a month). However, she has me follow all of her friends on my account so she can use my iPad and it will be like she's on her phone. I ask her quite often about what kids are doing, how she is connected to them, and why they post the things they do. We use a lot of open communication and talk about why things are good/bad/right/wrong, etc.

And a 13 year old was just killed because of her lack of monitoring on social media. I certainly hope everyone would monitor their kids on it.

Yes, you monitor everything. You can't respond and react to everything your kids' friends post or say, but you can use that content to reinforce standards of behavior for your own kids, and you kids should let friends know that their accounts are monitored so if they don't want anything to get back to their parents, they should post judiciously. For me, yes it's about ensuring that they are using media safely and aren't talking to predators or sharing pics or info that they shouldn't, but it's also about reinforcing the belief and habit that everything shared electronically, be it e-mail, voicemail, text, shapchat, instagram, a post here, FB, a comment on a newspaper website, anything - is not anonymous, is not private, and can be captured, stolen, or shared even if they didn't intend it to be. So truly private information is shared in person.

My oldest son (17) didn't have FB until he was 13 and I logged into his account regularly to track activity, etc. I also used to take his phone unannounced and read text messages, go through pictures, etc. Now that he's older, I haven't gone through his devices in a while but if something seems suspicious, I still do the "turn in all of your devices now" move and I still have parental controls on his computer.

My 10 and 11 year olds share an iPad an use my apple ID to text their friends, so I can see all of their activity on my phone. My 10 year old likes to e-mail so I check his account once a week or so just to make sure he's not getting spam or talking to someone I don't know (the computer is in a playroom in full view anyway). Neither of them have any social media accounts and won't until they're 13. I may allow them accounts on PS4 soon but am actually taking a parent class on online gaming networks in March and will decide after that.

Now and then. Part of the deal for our kids was teaching responsibility. They pay for their phones and bought them outright. They lose them if they use them inappropriately. They still are expected to pay the monthly bill if they lose them.

I make my kids accountable. Some parents will say teenagers aren't responsible or to be trusted by default. As they are kids. I get that. Mine have screwed up. Personally I give them enough freedom to make a mistake or two so we can learn by example, but not so much they'd get into bad situations or be unsafe.

Not sure if that makes sense. I check periodically. I just say "Hand it over". I've caught a few things but nothing major. They know it will be gone. And I don't take for one day. We take for a month and they pay the bill.

I find respectful kids tend to be respectful on phones. And vice versa. It's just another communication tool. We say "If you wouldn't say it to them in person, don't text it" and "If you wouldn't want their parents seeing it, or us, don't put it out there".

My younger kids, I monitor them more on the computer etc. They chat with friends playing games and I'm just more up on it because they wouldn't know necessarily that things weren't safe.

Teach your kids that sharing the road (once they learn to drive), or sharing a dorm room (once they get to college), or sharing work space (when they get a job at a pizza place and there's another employee who's also chopping vegetables, or when they're in a cubicle in tight quarters with many other cubicles and employees around them), or sharing the internet (on social media) is fraught with conflicts, distractions, annoyances, and problems. Of course, all of those situations can also be life-enriching, positive and enjoyable, too. But the problems will crop up. Teach them how to face conflicts, how to ignore the nasty stuff, how to defend themselves and others. Teach them how to discern between deciding whether to block someone, or whether to just let them be. Teach them to monitor themselves and make sure their tweets and posts are kind and helpful and funny and nice. Going on social media means that we'll encounter everyone else who's on social media. It doesn't only go one way.

It's not just about monitoring. If we only monitored our babies, but never taught them to look twice before crossing the street, or to put on a helmet, or to check the homework assignment to make sure they understand what's required, or even to feed themselves, they would remain babies. It's important to monitor AND actively teach. For example, teach each the kid who's getting a learner's permit not to respond in kind when another driver cuts them off or gestures rudely, and monitor their driving practices. If you notice that they always forget to adjust their mirror, or buckle their seatbelt, pull back a little, practice those habits, and then proceed with the driving lesson once they've mastered the good safety habits that must be in place before you even back out of the driveway Teach. Model. Demonstrate. Practice. And monitor.

Yes of course. My daughters have parental control on computer accounts and phone. I've all theit passwords and they know I check their online activities.
In my opinion internet and social media potentially are a totally hidden world where nobody can check someone else activities. It's without limits and some part could be very dangerous. So not having possibility to control my daughters online activities could be like letting them take a walk in a big place with danger, where I cannot enter, know when they go and see what they make. I trust them but I prefer to have proofs they are fine and not hiding something bad, dangerous or that they are victim of attack or fraud.
I don't think at all you should stay out of it. I monitor few but I've full possibility to control all the technology stuff.

You have to. My older girls are teens. I have always checked out their pages on FB--which they don't use very often. They do not use Twitter but use snap chat. I talk to them about what their friends post and what they get tagged in, especially if I think it is rude, obnoxious or just plain mean.

And I totally disagree with the response that there is a huge difference between 12 and 16. 16 is still learning how to handle life and cope with other people, whether in person or media. I have 3 kids at 16 and, sorry to say especially girls, these kids can be down right mean to each other and then expect things to be like nothing happened.

I have her instagram on my cell and she can't access it otherwise. SO I have free reign of it.

I choose to not look. The few times I did I saw kid stuff. Truly, if the kids need someplace that's parent free to act big and sassy and use foul language then I'm going to let them have that space. If my girl doesn't want to see it then she can block them for herself.

I do not begrudge you the right to monitor your girl though. That is up to you entirely.

What if we all said you shouldn't so you stopped then you found out she was being bullied or harassed or threatened and you just didn't look. SO if you want to monitor it I think that is perfectly fine.

I went back in your profile to see what grade your daughter was in. She is in 7th, right? Middle School?
Yeah, i have a 7th grader. He doesn't get social media. Or snapchat, or instagram. none of it. There is no reason for him to have it and I am not going to let them start.
I monitor their phone usage, check their history, browser. They know that if I find anythign questionable the phone is mine. For a VERY long time.
Multiple times now in my son's jr. high they have talked with the parents about how AWFUL the phone is for the students. Bullying is now more on social media then in the classrooms!
For me...there will be no social media in my house. They can do that when they move out.
L.