A group of us moms got together last night. One mom, who is in her mid-fifties and has three grown kids, was telling the rest of us how she and her youngest daughter are not close. They have never been able to bond mainly because their personalities are so different. Once this mom shared her experience with the rest us, many more moms opened up to similar tales with their kids and also siblings. I'm interested to hear from this forum your stories.
Me & My mom... we have never ever had that mother/daughter bond. She always acted like I was more of an obligation than anything else, and now we are cordial towards each other but we will never have a close relationship
I have had trouble bonding with my oldest child all of her life. When she was born, I worked full-time and only had an hour in the evenings to spend with her. She was with my husband all morning, then spent the rest of her day with my mother until I picked her up. I always felt like she was much more bonded with my husband and my mom than me. I quit my job to be a SAHM mom when she was 3.5. She was immediately resentful that she was no longer going to her grandmother's house every day. She had a lot of anger towards me and her new baby brother. That was 6 years ago and she still says she wishes she could go to her grandma's like she used to. So needless to say, my first few years as a SAHM were not the joyful experience I'd hoped for. My daughter is 9 yrs old now, and we have a difficult relationship. We are both stubborn and strong-willed and clash on just about every issue. I try to anticipate how she's going to react to any given situation and plan accordingly and choose my battles etc..., but oh, that girl just tries my patience to the core every day. I love her so much, and I wish more than anything that we could get along better and have the strong bond that I share with my two boys.
TwinMama took the words right out of my mouth about my mom and I. I have great bonds with other mother figures in my life but have never had a great bond with my own mom and I don't know why.
i think even though people will say its because they're too diferent its ussually because they're to similar
When my wife and I got married, her dad and my dad refused to come to the wedding. Her mom and my mom did and are in a lot of wedding pictures. My MIL and FIL didn't like me and probably hated me.
I worked all my married life to get on their good side. My FIL was still cussiing me on his death bed. But his sons come up to me individually afterward and apologized for their father's words and behavior. (major triumph!!)
My MIL didn't like me for the first 15 years or so of our marriage. I did what ever I could to get on her good side. It worked. Now I'm her favorite SIL.
If you don't "bond" and get along, keep trying. You'll get further ahead with honey than vinegar. It all depends on how much you want to have a good relationship.
Good luck to you and yours.
I also have an older brother, very close in age. We have never been close, we played together minimally as children and it was mainly because I sought him out, he really wanted nothing to do with me. By the time we hit high school we had nothing in common and still don't to this day. If he wasn't my brother he would not be a person I would choose to associate with, I just really don't care for his personality or life choices. We can't really even talk generically because many of our views are very different and he isn't open to any views but his own. It troubled me for a while, but I've come to terms with it recently. He lives several states away and can't afford to visit so we see him and his family when we visit my mom which is once every couple years.
ETA: we didn't fight as kids, only occasionally, we just didn't really awknowledge each other. So I guess not much has changed over the years, lol.
Well... Silly T.... You're not supposed to talk about the "bad" parts of parenting! LOL!
My mother and I lack that "mom/daughter" bond. She wanted a Princess and got a Tomboy. My grandmother and I had more of the "mom/daughter" bond. The one where one sticks up for the other... Love unconditionally... Talk to each other about everything... Cuddles on the couch and takes a nap... Hugs often... Type of stuff.
I had trouble bonding with my daughter in the beginning. I tried. It just didn't feel "right"... But now we do. Come to think of it... Maybe it was her dad that put that riff there. Because since she was about 3.5ish is when we started a good bond. That was about the time we separated.
I have a relationship with my mom, but not exactly a mother/daughter if that makes sense. I call her, but usually for a reason. I let her watch my kids, but only in my home. I have so much built up resentment against her that I have confronted her on many times, but it hasn't done any good. Nothing is was or ever will be her fault.
My siblings....well my oldest sister and I at one point were like best friends. Then she got into a long relationship with a guy who cheated many times, was disrespectful etc. He found ways to keep us from being close because he hated me for the fact that I tried to get her to leave him. So that relationship's kind of a wash. My other sister's we just don't talk much. I attribute it to our upbringing. My moms been married multiple times, played favorites with us girls (it was never me) And we kind of ended up being played against one another. I have a hard time being truly bonded with anyone other then my kids, and my husband. Sadly for me a long term friendship can fizzle out or abruptly end for me, and it really doesn't bother me. Kind of sad I guess!
I have a sister that it's always seemed like we'll never really bond. We 'butted heads' a few years ago and I had to get in her face and shove some uncomfortable truths down her throat. And since then, we can only be civil and maintain a connection, but there's really no closeness. I honestly don't know why. I'm not super close with my other two sisters either, but get along a whole lot better with them. There's just an invisible barrier between my one sis and myself.
I'm wondering these days if there isn't a barrier between my middle son and myself. He just seems so distant. Sure he has a lot on his plate, but he's way closer with his inlaws. And frankly I think he tends to adopt their opinions instead of formulate his own. Something's been off since like '06. And he won't discuss it.
my MIL don't bond really. Ever since me & my ex separated, we haven't communicated much. Shed always get on me for having another kid being single, saying that I couldn't ever do it. It always makes me feel down when I think of it, And I'm already pregnant,and I haven t told her. 8 more week and this baby will be out. I will be sure to send her a birth announcement when everyone else gets one. Sure, she will be mad, Hutu don't care. I know she would love being around the kids like she always is.I barely take my daughter to go see her,and that's once a year.
My older brother and I don't seem to bond. While growing up I can say we practically hated each other and fought all the time. I can't think of any good, close moments that we had. When he turned 18 he moved away b/c he joined the military. I see him once a year or less when he comes to visit. We don't really chat much outside of that. We are able to talk to each other generically about things, but overall I think we missed that bonding time growing up. We are just 2 different people and have never really cared to get to know one another. I doubt that will change despite that we are now adults.
