Do You Feel You've Changed After Having Kids?

i know I have changed since becoming a mom - but that isn't a bad thing - i want the best for my kids and my family. i dont feel that my husband gives me the time i want from him - we dont do date nights or even just a walk around the block - i feel like my kids are growing and i dont know who i am anymore ... i could go on and on on this but i wanted to add that it is so normal to change after getting married and having kids - i hope people change - it's what evolving into parents and being a family is about ..... and communication is HUGE!!!

No, I can't say that my husband has complained about having to share my attention, and he hasn't accused me of changing in any negative way.

Of course, I *have* changed, however, I think we've both changed in some good ways. We've become closer as a couple and drawn together as a family. We don't have as much time to be frivolous and loose with our time; we are better at planning and using our time with intention. And we've both grown in love for each other and for our son. We've grown as people.

Growth=good. Changing=not stagnating, but rising to life's new occasions. :) It's not just about us, now...it's about ALL of us!

I read a lot of "I think"s in your post about what your husband is thinking. I would wait until a time when he isn't "yelling" and ask him exactly what he means. Often when we think we know what someone means, we are off. This sounds like an issue that could grow and be really damaging to a marriage.

Counseling.

Because you two have diametrically opposing wants.

I say "wants" because it's totally possible to do 2 things at once.

Meaning either bring the baby along (there's no need to spend all your time caring for an infant to the EXCLUSION of other things... They're really portable), or be okay that they baby is there / not feeling neglects because the baby is there.

Since both of you are so firm in the belief that neither is possible, you need an impartial 3rd party to work on what IS possible.

Everyone changes, all the time, especially after having kids.

Your husband's comment is very vague. If he's feeling neglected, which he probably is, it would be a good idea for you to work out some husband and wife time, because it's not healthy to put the kids first, to the detriment of the original couple.

We put the kids first -- I know I did -- but that's not always such a good idea. The order of importance, for women, tends to be kids, chores, husband (maybe), other stuff, and somewhere way down the line, yourself; but the real order should be yourself, husband, kids, and then all the other chores.

The latter is really hard to accomplish, but is healthiest. Even though your husband is asking for attention in a really rude way, I think you should kindly ask him what he wants, and carve out time for him, or your marriage will be harmed in the long run.

Good luck.

Everyone changes after having kids. The whole focus of your life shifts from me and us, to the kids. And it's all about the kids. Or at least it ought to be. My husband and I have very little time in our daily lives to nurture our relationship. We can't have a five minute conversation without one, or all of our kids interrupting us. We try to plan date nights once a month so we can spend time alone. It seems like this is totally the norm amongst my friends.

Of course everyone changes.
But - couples also still need to make couple time to stay connected. I think you can nurture your relationship with a weekly date night, without neglecting your kids.

Everyone changes - it's called life. You aren't the same person you were when you graduated high school nor are you the same person you were when you married your husband....life happens, events happen that change us, mold us....make us who we are...

No, my husband doesn't say that. My husband knows our kids are my priority....he gets his attention - every day - so he knows that I love him. I make him a lunch for work every day...sometimes I stick notes in them telling him thank you for something he did...or just that I love him...I make his coffee for him...so it's ready before he wakes up....no one else would do that for him. He knows that I take time out of my day to do that. I do NOT have to do it. I CHOOSE to do it.

Tell your husband to get in the game. It's NOT all about him! Tell him to come to you for attention and GIVE YOU attention...he might be surprised and happy with what happens!! :)

Good luck!

Just don't "lose" yourself in your kids. Don't forget underneath it all you are still you! And you have your own needs too. And don't forget to make it a priority to put time into your relationship with your husband. It's a balancing act, for sure. Does your husband tend to your child as well? Make sure you both take turns so that it's fair. No, my husband does not say things like this. We do tag team parenting though...helping each other as a team. He does almost as much parenting as I do...even when our kids were babies. We also will hire a babysitter every week...so we can go for a bike ride together, go get a coffee, go hike a mountain, see a movie. We also put the kids to bed a little early so we can have time for just the two of us every night.