Do We Want to Expand Our Family to Include Baby #3?

D.,

I have three kiddies and my husband and I want to have another one. He is going to have a reverse vascetomy next yr. I feel like something is missing from the family. If
we don't have another one, I don't want to go through life with regrets. So we are going to do it. I am so excited that I wish it could happen right now. You don't want to go through life with regrets. Children are amazing! Go for it!

D., If you are not absolutely opposed to another baby, then I would say "yes" you should have another -- or 2:)
I've never heard anyone say they regret having their child, only regrets that they wished they'd had more.

I say if you think you might want to, even a little bit, go for it. You will never regret having another child but you will regret not having another. I am in the same place - I am 38 and have 2 children( although mine are girls ) 3.5 and almost 2. I feel like we might have one more in another year or so.

Good luck!

Hi D.,

I often wonder myself if I will have 3 children (i'm due with number 2 in March) ....how will i find the room, how will we pay for college...then i remind myself....my parents had 3 kids, making less money and their house was just about the same size...they put 3 kids in college....you just find a way...i know in my heart i always wanted 3 children...maybe your heart...will show you the way...best of luck

M.

Consider that your body starts dropping more eggs as you get older. I went for number 3 when I was 39 and wound up with twins! They are fabulous, but it certainly was a surprise and more of a major life adjustment than we had thought. It turns out that this is somewhat common, I have met a number of women (at least 10 in passing) that went for 3 and got 4. Not statistically probable, but worth factoring in...

Also, the closer your little one is to 3 yrs when you have number 3, the easier it will be. My 2d had an extremely hard time adjusting to siblings - she was not yet 2 when they were born.

Good luck!

Hi D., I have 3 great boys, it is really busy with 3, especially boys, and we are experiencing middle child syndrome, big time. I feel bad because I see it happening all the time with him, and alot of times it is just natural circumstances that he feels left out. He's not the oldest and not the youngest, so its like, "where do I fit in?" My sister is a middle kid and just recently said she felt it too, she is 37yrs old. Well, good luck, hope that helped alittle.

I would definitely say go for it.
I come from a very large family and while it was a bit difficult sharing my parents and physical things while growing up, I am so so grateful now for having all of my siblings. It is truely the best gift you can give your children.
Now considering your age, I would say since you and your spouse are older it would be so nice for your children to have a few siblings when you are both gone. Imagine you and your husband being gone and each child having only one sibling in the world?

It's not how old he will be when your children are born. It's how good his mental and physical health will be as they grow. Is his job one that requires a young person's drive? Been there, done that. I love my daughter and happy to have her (present age 40)but it wasn't always good for her.

I always thought I wanted 3 kids! I now have two girls, 3 and 10 months old. I am SO done. I'm exhausted. My hubby and I work full time, I have a stressful job. Thankfully, my kids are watched by our parents. So, I don't want to stress them out with a 3rd kid...
On the other hand, I've been told baby #3 is easiest because the first two keep each other busy...
If you do want #3, you'll be outnumbered - 3 kids versus 2 parents! :)
If I had more, it'd be a blessing, but I am not planning on more. What about adoption instead?
Best wishes!

That's a really tough decision. As a mom of 4, I can tell you that it truly is child number 3 that puts you over the edge. After that, it doesn't really matter how many you have. Think about the things that you want to do with the boys in a few years...family vacations, going to amusement parks, etc. It was so easy when it was just the two older kids.

I was right where you are a few months ago, with 2 boys myself and not caring if the 3rd was a girl, plus I'm 39 (my husband is a bit younger though). I finally decided a few months ago that 2 was it for me for a few reasons--first, you just get more tired with age; I didn't want to think that I"d be way into my 40's before my youngest would even go to school.
My mother said to me once, wouldn't you like some time alone with your husband (when the boys are older) while you still have your health and you're not too old? Also, I strongly feel that each child requires so much attention and that having a 3rd would spread the attention and time for each child too thin. It's a lot of work, as you know, and each child deserves a lot of time and attention.
I feel so much relief now that I've decided to stop at 2 kids--the decision is over! Good luck to you

Hi D.
No one can really tell you this. No one can really tell you if you will get pg again. I am of the opinion that God gives us babies when He wants and they are a gift from Him.
Here is our story.
We were married and had our first 10 months later, when I was 21. OK we decided we should not have babies every 10 months so tried to use the pill. That was horrible!! and GYN finally took me off saying I was not a candidate. OK our second baby was not born til our oldest was 4 1/2. So without protect we had no more til yup there is a til in the sentence. We thought we were simply through having kids after all I was 39 and my hubby was 43 by then, and no hint of a baby in between. I find myself sending our oldest off to college, we were moving, hubby changed jobs. Did anyone ever tell you stress keeps you from getting pregnant? Well, since I was not feeling well, and my periods had changed etc. I was simply having some light discharge. I went to OB/Gyn office, naturally they did tests, and I was pg, and as it turned out delivered 6'8" Sarah and 5'11" Rachel about 7 months after that positive test. They are great girls and this fall they are headed off to college. I am 58, and hubby will be 62 soon. We would certainly be with older people if we had not had the girls, and that does make us seem younger. Since the boys don't live near, many people think I am about 45 or 50 today.
The only difference I can see is that my pregnancy albeit twin pregnancy kept my boys from thinking that they should fool around and therefore we just became grandparents for the first time. Our younger son had a 9'5" baby boy, Jay Wesley, a week ago Tuesday.
By the way, we decided to homeschool the girls and it was the best decision we could have made.
God bless you
K. SAHM for 38 years who could not have asked for a better life.
They do miss out on some grandparenting things that happen when you have your kids younger, but that isn't an option for you anyway.
God bless

"You never regeret the children you have..only the ones you didn't."
If you don't feel done and are really wanting another than I'd say if you don't you'll regret it and always wonder what it would've been like having another. As long as you and your husband are on the same page I think you really consider it.
Coming from someone who just had #5 (my oldest being 6yrs) I'd say do it!!!! :) Good luck

S.

Well, first off, you're certainly not too old to have another baby. But this is just SUCH a personal decision. Have you always wanted 3 kids? If you don't try to have another, will you always regret it? The fact that you're posting in the first place makes it evident that some part of you really wants a third child.
I am blessed to have a single child and twins (after a stillborn and miscarriage). As I turned 40 this year, I thought to myself "hmm... this is my last chance if I want another." But I am SO done with having kids. And I guess the biggest fear for me is what if I'm pushing it and something is wrong with the baby.
The other thing is that I feel three kids is so much harder than 2. Having 3 car seats meant us getting a minivan (which I actually love), the twins share a room, and just generally, a lot more chaos. Also, with three, you are juggling a lot more schedules to get your kids to activities. It's different for me b/c at least for now, the twins do the same activities.
Good luck with your decision, but it's such a personal one - - and important one - - that you really need to sit down and think about what is best for you, your husband, and your two kids....

Hi D., I have 3 girls and before we had the third, we also have a 3 bedroom house and drove a sedan. We doubled up the girls & traded in for a minivan. I too, didn't feel like I was "done" & was in no hurry to give away my baby/maternity stuff either. But also was on the fence to go for the third and like you it had nothing to do with going for the boy. However, it is true what they say you know when you are done. I can absolutely say that now that we have the third I am officially done. If you don't feel that way, it sounds like you just need to adjust to the ideas of some of the changes that come with the third. I can honestly say I can't imagine life w/o the third. Good luck with your decision.

D., it's really up to you and your husband....I have three and I am considering have another one sometime soon. Not right at this moment. The last two weren't planned but they were wlecomed and all three are GIFTS from Father God!! I am pleased to hear you say that your husband and you are not opposing the idea of having another one. Some people feel that they are done with two and we weren't and I still don't feel that I am done yet either. Please be careful what you hear and people's opinions differ and sometimes they are negative in what they say when it comes down to having children and it can affect your opinions and desires negatively too. They have their own opinions and you have your own. Yes, major changes does occur and in fact unexpectedly, we got the Grand Caravan, used, of course. About a few weeks after our baby was born, sometime in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping in the house, our four door car was totalled by a drunk driver right in front of our house and thankfully we weren't in the vehicle, but in our own beds upstairs. Then we ended up with the van and we have been blessed. My two older boys (they are 1 year and 3 weeks apart) share the one room together and they can't seem to sleep in the room without the other one there at night. It's amazing. They are 3 1/2 yo, a 2 1/2 yo and my last one is 10 mos.
So, we are waiting a little longer. Have them 21 mos apart is a whole lot better than a year apart and that is my opinion...Pray on it D. and see what is God's Will for your family and talk about it continuously with your husband and discuss when you want to try.
Congrats on your other two and if you decide to have more great, if not great too. God bless.

I say if there is any chance of ever wanting another child, which sounds like there is, then go for it. You won't regret having another child, but may regret not having had one later on. I am 37, and have a 2.5 year old. We concieved through IVF, and have been trying for that 2nd one for a while now. Count your blessings for being able to start your family, and sounds like you're already half way there with the 3rd one. Go for it, and good luck.

I think you should go for it! Being a mom is the most rewarding thing in the world and if you and your husband are considering it, then you should try. It may happen, it may not but you never have another chance once it's too late.
We have one baby- 11 weeks old and my husband is 38 and I'm 34 and he doesn't want to have any more because he says we will be too old. I'm hoping eventually he will change his mind, but, doubt it. We are also not in a situation right now financially to have another. But, if I could do it again, I would!

I think you should start considering what will happen when your sons are 10 and 15. Will your 54 and 59 year old husband be able to play ball with them, take them hiking, fishing, skiing and do other strenuous activities with them? Perhaps he will be able to and if he cant it really isnt a big deal unless your husband thinks it is. Lots of kids grow up without dads that can do these activities, but I get the impression that your husband is thinking of when the boys are older and his limitations.

Hi D.,
I'm in the same boat you are in, however my husband is 4 years younger than me and I stay at home with the boys, a 4 yr old & a 15mos old. My 4 year old goes to preschool 2 days a week.
I would love to have a 3rd child, however right now I am on the fence. I just don't know if I can manage it (even with the ablility to be at home with them). Sometimes I am so overwhelmed.
I know age seems to be an important issue here, as it is for me too, however I do know and I'm sure you can attest to this as well, that having the children so close in age is not easy. My son's are almost 3 years apart and I found it most difficult to potty train my 3 yr old right after giving birth to the younger one. And one always seems to require so much more attention even though he is older (however the younger one really needs the attention more). It' a balancing act I suppose.
It seems to me one has to be organized and being on the same page with your spouse is paramount. I won't deny it has been a tough year for us-- getting adjusted, being exhausted from no sleep and making sure we take care of ourselves and make time for each other. Our relationship definitely took a nose dive for a little bit however it's back on track (and may I say not without working on it).
In my opinion, it's really about what you guys can handle. It's a lot of work right? but well worth it, however not necessarily at the cost of your relationship with your hubby-at least that what I think right now. For my own future with wanting to have a 3rd--I'm leaving it in God's hands right now. Best wishes to you.

Seems like most people are saying "go for it". I have one child and although he is young, I know that he is enough for us. I am not getting my tubes tied or giving away my maternity clothes though. The finality of that is a little sad. Your youngest is still very young. I know that you and your husband are a bit older and this is an important consideration. Does he really want another child? You really need to take some time for yourself also time with your husband and 2 boys and think about what your motivation would be to both expand your family as well as being content with things as they are. You are working on a very logical level now, which is important but also keep in mind that at your age the risk of birth defects increases and you also must consider how you would react to a child with special needs. Good luck, I am sure you will make the right decision!

Don't let your age be a discouragement unless you "feel old."
I had my son at 45 and I look and feel younger than most of his 30 something mothers of kids in his class. Base the decision on whether you want another little soul under your wing-- you are a loving giving present Mom and the baby will be fine and your family will flourish as long as it is your decision that you WANT IT. There are always pros and cons, but I believe that those things are just a distraction from the most important quesion--DO YOU WANT ANOTHER CHILD IN YOUR LIFE? Period, end of discussion.
Good luck!!!!

If you and your hubby want another, go for it!!! Why not? People look at me nuts when i say i want 4(currently 31 and have a one year old). I'm playing it by ear and seeing how each baby goes. To each their own.
Oh and.. children can defititly share space especially since the older two are both the same sex it makes it easier.Good luck with whatever you decide.

My friend is going through the same debate right now so I will tell you what I told her and her husband. You will never regret having a third child, but you might regret NOT having the third child. I also have a friend who has two boys and they wanted to try for a girl. Now she is expecting twin boys. The same things happened to my cousin. I know you aren't "trying for a girl," just be prepared for whatever may come should you decide to try one more time. Ultimately the decision is your's and your husband's. Talk to him to see if he has strong feelings either way. Good luck and keep us posted.

You really do know when your last baby is your last baby. I'd say to hold onto those maternity clothes a little longer until you make a firm decission. My #3 turned out to be twins and my hubby was 49 when they were born. Tell your hubby that he won't be the oldest dad there at graduation.

Sounds like you want baby #3 to me! All those reasons you gave for not having one - new car, sharing a room, being "old" - do you really think any of that will matter when you're holding your new baby in your arms?!

Perhaps you can just leave it up to God. Don't try but don't not try for a 3rd. I didn't marry till I was 38, had my first at 39 and my second at 41. I get little help from my husband (for a number of reasons) and just don't think I could care for or have the energy for a 3rd. However, if I do get pregnant that child would be a welcomed blessing too. My husband was 44 and 46 when the kids were born.

You sound like you're leaning towards #3! Good luck and God bless.

C.

Hi D.

If it's any help at all, we had #3 when I was 40 and #4 when I was 42 and a half. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

So I'll be over 60 when my youngest graduates from high school. (Age doesn't bother me since many of my family members have lived well into their 90's and stay able-bodied.) I was 35 when we finally had our first child and we knew we wanted more than one. I can honestly say that my fourth child is fairly easy. Maybe that's because I had more experience by the time she arrived? At any rate, it sounds like you can handle the next baby both financially and emotionally, so see what happens. If you get pregnant, fine. If not, then it wasn't meant to be.

R.

The only advice I can give to you is that you need to think about it more and talk to your husband.

God gives us these little blessings. And a lot of times I think it's just out of our control anyway (unless there's tube-tying or vasectomy!).

I think that you will absolutely know when you are done. But, I know some women who said they were done, and had another little 'surprise blessing'. So, like I said, it's sometimes out of our control.

Good luck, don't stress over it. And don't give away the baby stuff or maternity clothes just yet! :)

~J.

Hi D.!
It looks like you got tons of advice and my story is not much different, but I thought I would put my two cents in anyway!
My husband and I had one beatiful baby girl and went for #2-well, we got 2 & 3. So we had to do the minivan thing and now our 3 bedroom house is getting small, but the crazy thing is I feel the same as you-should we go for #4? Crazy, I know. (my husband may feel differently, but for me it's not about the boy, I actually would love another girl!) I don't feel like I'm done, but I also don't have that strong, strong urge I did before. So I think we are just going to "wing it" and leave the decision up to God. If it happens, great and if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. Either way, I can't be disappointed with what we already have-3 beautiful girls!
And age is just a state of mind, right? If you feel young enough to have another one-go for it!
~M.

I am the mother of two boys and 39 as well (soon to be 6 and 4). When I pregnant with my first I went from wanting 5 kids to knowing I wanted more than two. When I was pregnant with my second I knew I wanted one more. I waited 4 years kind of hoping that maybe I'd get over it but could not shake the baby bug. Like you it was never about the girl/boy. In fact if any thing I wanted another boy just because I have loved being the mother to boys so far. I am currently pregnant with number three due in December. It is in fact a boy. I am over the moon, and I can honestly say I have absolutely no desire to ever have another baby again. I feel like I suddenly understand what women who stop and one or two mean when they say they are done. I am done. So my advice is really that you will know when you are done. And my guess is that you aren't.