!? Do I Need a Reality Check ?!

You're right, what's the point? It was a good idea before, but now it changed. Isolated with grandparents that long seems a bit much without all the other people around. Maybe you could shorten it to half the time or something.

Maybe cut the amount of time he will be spending with them. I totally understand where you're coming from, but if they had to move, they had to.

I think I would feel the same way and be annoyed. It sucks when plans change that affect you, unfortunately that is life and is not for you to decide if they move or not.

Wow there are actually grandparents that want to spend time seeing their grandhcildren. Well my MIL & FIL never got that memo. They see our kids about every 2 months & think spending quality time with the kids is sitting on my couch.

Your son will have fun no matter where your parents live. He will get to see all his family for 7 weeks. You will be homebound with the 8 month old & have to worry about naps. Whereas your 4 yr old will be able to do all kinds of things & not have to worry about sharing time with your 8 mo old or have to be quiet when she's napping.

I can understand your frustration about their move but I doubt it will have any impact on your sons fun for the summer, at that age they are pretty easy to entertain. It probably would be a problem if he was a teen.

Sometimes we feel what we feel. And then we think after we're done with that. ;-)

I think it is so cool that your folks are willing to care for your son for 7 weeks! Wow! If I was moving, though, and I knew someone was staying with me for that long, I probably would have told them.

That being said, your parents need to do what's best for them, and if that's moving, then there's really nothing to be done. They aren't required to consult you. It just would've been nice.

If I was you, I'd ask your mom what she's planning. She may have already thought about it and come up with some good solutions, or at least compromises. She's your mom. Be honest, air your concerns (nicely), and brainstorm together to come up with what needs to happen. Maybe she didn't even think about it. Who really knows? LOL

Good luck!

I didn't read the other comments, but I just wanted to say that I would feel the exact same way that you do. I think if you're comfortable sending him to his grandparents and they're comfortable having him, it's a wonderful tradition. And I would be annoyed about the move right before he came.

Still, as you know, you can't put your life on hold for a 5 year old. You had to move, they probably feel the same pull. It seems like you have a good relationship with your parents. Can you talk to your mom about how often she'll be taking him out to do stuff? See other family? An hour isn't right next door, but it's not impossibly far either. Certainly close enough for a lot of day trips, especially because your son doesn't nap anymore. The other thing is, can she get outside more than you can? Because that's another huge part of why you want your son to go.

Anyway, I totally get where you're coming from, but I think that there are a lot of ways to salvage the summer anyway.

Good luck.

I don't want to sound mean, but your son's place is with you to begin with. I don't care how close he is with the all the extended family. His Mom and Dad are first and leaving a little fella for that long is going to be hard on him. Maybe your parents have done you a favor.

I can tell you are upset. This si not what you planned but...

Wow, how can you be mad at them doing what is best for them, for a job?

How annoyed or disappointed was the family when you guys left all of them behind.. for a job?

Give them some credit. They did not do this to screw with you and your sons summer plans.

Anyway,. here is the deal, Your mother does not work, so she and your son could spend 3 days a week in town with some of the other relatives. Maybe Mon - wed or thursdays.

They could schedule it with movies, swimming, museums.Library to check out books. And time with the different families each week. They could stay over with even some of these other relatives. I bet they will miss grandma too.

The drives could be fun, because your son could read to his grandmother, we used to listen to books on CD all through the summer. Harry Potter is awesome on CD. They could pack fun travel snacks. Give your son a digital camera so he can make up a blog with photos about his adventures.

Then on the weekends, maybe the "in town families" could come out for some visits. Have everybody bring tents and sleep like a giant family camp out! Grill outside..Churn homemade ice cream! Let the kids all set up some sort of festival. Horseshoes, a washer toss, soda toss, Horse races on stick horses ..

Maybe some of the cousins can join your son and grandma for a few days.

Maybe they could show old family slideshows on the side of the new house. serve popcorn..

Then another time, grandma and your son could drive in the opposite direction and explore that town or wait for a weekend so grandad can go along and explore a brand new place just the 3 of them. Maybe if there are weekend festivals they can plan on attending those too. 7 weeks is going to go fast with all of the adventures they can have.

It can and will be fine. I think it is a wonderful way for your son to REALLY get to know that part of the family. So many young families live far away from the extended family and miss out on so much. We knew and know all of our family, we try to get together even now with all of our kids growing up and it is like we have not missed a day together.

Try to dump your preconceived ideas of what you thought it would be like.. As moms, we are so used to making all of the decisions and planning, we forget, that even without, us, everybody will be ok.

Your parents have graciously offered to care for your son, to ultimately make your life easier. They are spending seven weeks with him. Wow. I can't even imagine my parents doing this for my son. (My son's grandmother doesn't work outside the home, but I know it would be lots of work to have a 5 year old for nearly two months!) What a lovely thing for your parents to do. They obviously want to spend time with their grandson, and you will have an easier summer in many ways.

That said, they aren't obligated to live where you want them to. It's odd that they didn't mention this sooner, but they have the right to live where they choose. I personally think that it's perfectly reasonable for your parents not to put off a move which will improve their life.

I'd focus on what a great gift you are getting, and don't get too caught up on the other stuff. You asked "what's the point?" The point is giving your son and parents the time to get to know each other better.

Please consider yourself lucky to have such caring, giving parents.

Well the main point is for your son to be with the parents no matter where they are and other family can drive and pick him up and have him for a day or two if they want him on weekends and such. Does not seem complicated. If they want to move...& they still are willing to entertain the child I would think all is good. Even if that is agreeing they will drive into town to where all the fun is and the family.

Well, your parents are free to do whatever they wish...and live wherever they choose. Either send him or not.

Blunt and honest...yes you're thinking about this in the wrong way :)
Let him go and have a good time. I'm sure his other grandparents and other family will find a way to spend time with him and take him to activities. Maybe he can do some overnights with him and make other adjustments. Have a good talk with your mom and your in-laws and make sure they're all communicating about this and that he has plenty of stuff to do and sees everyone. Just breathe. He'll have a great summer, although I bet you'll miss him like crazy. Maybe you could make it 3 or 4 weeks instead of 7. I live in Texas too, but in Austin, and our kids got out in the heat part of the day. Check out a pool in your area with maybe a splash area for your little one. Good luck!

it is okay to be disappointed! it has altered your vision of how the summer will go. a little time to readjust that vision is understandable.
but once you have recovered, look at it sensibly. your parents are MOVING. that's a big deal for them. they can't make a big decision like that (especially one that will put your dad closer to his job) with your summer vacation plans as the deciding factor.
of COURSE your son should still go! your mom doesn't work and will have a glorious time having adventures with him! trust that your wonderful close supportive family (how blessed are you?????) can figure out how to get around and see each other and have your little boy get to have fun with all of them.
hot summers aren't the end of the world. there are indoor things to during the worst of the day, and glorious long early mornings, dusks and magical star-filled nighttimes in which to bask and play.
best of all, he will get a lovely long sojourn with grandparents who adore him, and will form an even tighter and more loving bond with them than he already has. and you will come back all glowy from all that one-on-one with your dh and be an even more amazing mom for it all.
this doesn't substantially alter your plans at all.
a little tweak of your vision, and off you go!
:) khairete
S.

I can understand why you are a little perplexed...personally I am a little perplexed that a move would be planned so quickly and without any mention of it to family members ahead of time ( Not that they needed anyone's permission but it would just be something that would come up in conversation...lol). Your son is still going to adore spending time with his grandparents and I can't imagine that the rest of the family won't make the effort to go and see him while he is there.
I would just look at this a "Plan B" and go with it....he is going to have a wonderful summer!!!

I can understand your disappointment as you had a plan that you thought was the best for your son and now it isn't going to be exactly as you had planned.

If you are really concerned, maybe you can just tell them that you are concerned about their distance to the rest of the family and what activities he will have. Obviously they have given this some thought so find out what those thoughts are. I am assuming that they don't see it as an issue if they haven't brought it up to you. Just don't let them know that they have upset you as it will come across that they have to get your permission anytime they make a change in their lives.

You can always keep it open for change. If you or they or your son find that after a couple weeks, it isn't fun for him then you can bring him home. I would have done that anyway because not all 5-year-olds like to be away from their parents that long while some would love it.

I am not sure either way is bad. I could not personally be without my child for that long, I miss them after 24 hours! :o) Kids are fine with nothing to do, they can play playdough, color, do puzzles, you can get a plastic pool, slip and slide, etc and he will be just as happy to be with you everyday. Or, your mom can get those things and he can get some grandma time. What did she plan to take him to do anyway that she cannot do in her new home? movie theater? bowling? I wouldn't worry, just talk to your mom and ask how she plans to entertain him all summer. Maybe he just goes for 3-4 weeks....???

I would be annoyed as well. Why don't you suggest that he spend a week or two with them and the rest of the time with a relative that is closer to everyone else. Of course that means that you would have to trust them and are they working, so that complicates it. Either way, I would still have him go for some of the time. Some of my best memories as a child is spending the summers on my grandma's farm. We didn't go anywhere really, but I value those memories very much.

If your parents move an hour away from where they currently are, they can still arrange visits with your relatives and there are plenty of things to do in a more rural area. My main concern would be that you moved away when he was two so has there been that much visiting or interaction with your parents? Seven weeks is a long time to be away (especially for me). My daughter (who is 17) has been visiting her friend across the country in RI for two weeks at a time for several years and she is almost an adult. Have you had test runs? Will he be comfortable for that long? My parents (crappy ones) have never planned their life around my daughter.

I cannot imagine sending my child with anyone else for 7 weeks...It would be too hard for me!

Could he stay with your Mom during the week so they can do the planned activities and spend Friday Saturday and Sunday with the other side of the family? That way he can visit with both and your Mom can still have a little time to herself.

I'm late chiming in, but here's what I think. Your feelings are yours and you have a right to feel any way you like, however the fact that you posed the question the way you did shows that you recognize there might be another point of view. I'm a person that thrives off of order and anything that deviates from that plan is sometimes unsettling. However, when I breathe and think about it, I realize that people can do things that differ from my plan and it is still O.K. You were not in the loop about y our parents plans to move, but you are definitely in the loop as far as the love and connection goes. I would still let my son go and spend the time. As a grandmother, I love the "face" time that I spend with all my grands and just talking to them is an adventure. Children don't always require 24/7 entertainment and scheduling. Some of the best times are times that they can just do "nothing" and enjoy someone for whom they are the center of attention. I live in blistering West Texas and when we are indoors, we find lots of things to do and all of it as an adventure for everyone involved. There are no electronic games at my house and we do puzzles and color and make a mess that I don't mind cleaning up and ask any of the 15 grandchildren if they want to come to my house and you'll get a resounding YES!!! Cause I have time and so does your family. Enjoy the summer.

Go ahead as planned. Your parents aren't doing anything wrong, not even with their timing. Everything will work out just fine.

You are right in thinking "what's the point?"...because what is the point? Does a 5 yr old really understand what leaving his home for 2 months entails? Let alone that it will be in total isolation save for his grandparents. He will also be in a house, room, town he has never seen before and will be getting used to all this by himself. At 5 they have zero comprehension of time frames. I bet he makes it a week and is calling you begging to come home. IMO, don't send him. Or wait until they are settled and let him go for a week, or go with him. You have lots of options that don't include sending a 4/5yo off by himself for 2months. Think it through mama and you will know what the right answer is.

Did they know of your 'plan' to leave your 4 year old son with them for 7 weeks?

Okay - since they DID know and agreed to it, they should have at least given you a heads up to say "I know you're planning on bringing Bobby but you should know that Dad and I are going to be looking for a new house in Thistown, so the plan may change." The should have at least given you that courtesy.

I think you just need to talk to your parents and find out how they are going to handle visiting and other activities with your son. After all 1 hour isn't really that big of a deal I'm sure they can visit with other family on the weekends. Maybe after talking with them you will feel more at ease. Or maybe 7 weeks is too long and you should consider shortening his stay.

Event hough you are in the middle of nowhere you should see if there are any mommy groups or any other groups that you can participate in that may have activities for you and your children. Local libraries may have story time, there may be mommy and me/gymboree classes if there is a local YMCA etc.

Good luck!

I think if the purpose of leaving your 4 year old to be cared for by others for the summer is so he "won't be bored" then the changes mean the plan changes. Because now, he will be doing at their house, away from his parents and sister, what he could be doing at home. I think you could still send him for a week or two, but the entire summer might be a bit much.

Plans change and you might just have to modify your original plans.

No you don't need a reality check, your parents do. After-all, they new they were going to have your son visit, but also in part so your son can spend time with the rest of family. If this is it typical behavior of your parents, I would ask another family member back in the old town if they'll host your son. If not, cut your losses and keep him home for the summer. Good luck

that is a looong stay for someone else to be watching your son and for him to be away. but my kids are still little bitty. i would however change my plans about letting him stay there. i cannot imagine that they would be settled in after only one week of moving. hope you find some nice adventures for him. perhaps waking up and going to bed early so you can enjoy a more cooler part of the day. let us know what you end up doing and how you keept him entertained.

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I think I would be disapointed too BUT this not being situation I see it as your parents can't plan their life around your son. Can your son go to a day camp or something in the summer so he can interact with other kids and get out of the house? Do you work? Could you go and take your kids and stay with family for a few weeks to visit I'm sure your husband would be fine without you. Did your parents tell you their plans to move when you set this up? Pretty rude though if they didn't. I would probably feel the same as you upset that your son won't get to see his family but aren't you kinda glad he won't be gone for 2 months?

I would definitely talk to your parents and see how they plan on handling the visiting with the other family. Your mom may have already thought it through. Plus I agree with the frustration bc you want your DS to have fun and if he's still going to be in the middle of nowhere then his surrounding really haven't changed. I would definitely talk with your mom about this as well. If another family member would also be at home to watch him you may want to change his stay location. I agree with you on it not scarring your DS. My DH and I have been trying to figure out if we could drop our two sons off with a family member as well. Unfortunately we don't have many options. Good Luck with your decision.

I just can't imagine leaving my son for 7 weeks straight, even if it was with family...

First let me say, your Mom and Dad have a life and a right to do what
makes it easier for them. They do not have to ans. to anyone. An hour
away from family is not that far. Your son will still be having time with
his grandparents. He will see other family members, just maybe not
daily. If you feel he will be bored in the "Middle of nowhere" do not leave him
for 7 weeks, cut it to 4 weeks.

No, its understandable. I would probably keep him home then. I dont know if I could take 7 weeks away from my booger. But if you decide to let him stay home are your parents going to freak out?
You could, still make plans for him to stay some weekends at your inlaws too while hes there?
You will work it out.